Jordan- 15

It has been a year since Justin had passed away, it's been a year since Jordan got the help she needed. Hank had made her go to rehab. The now fifteen year old was clean, sober, and she hadn't cut in a year. Jordan was now back to her normal self.

Late one afternoon Jordan was heading to the District after school, she was rushing in when she bumped into someone.

"Sorry". Jordan said.

"Well if it isn't little Jordan Voight". The man said.

Jordan froze in her spot, she was paralyzed in fear. She hadn't heard that voice in 5 long years. The last time she heard that voice she was being threatened and blackmailed. The teen looked up to see her father's former partner, Denny Woods.

Her breath got caught in her throat, she felt like she was gonna puke. Without knowing it her hands began to shake so she put her hands in her pocket. All of a sudden the teen wanted to drink, wanted to cut, a part of her wanted to use. She fought all those instincts, she worked too long and too damn hard to get out of that life. There was no way in hell she was gonna go back to that life.

Denny Woods smirked when he saw his former partner's daughter, the last time he seen Jordan was when she was ten and he told her it was too dangerous for him to be around her and after that he left never coming back.

"W-what are you doing here?" Jordan stammered.

"I came to see your father about something but he isn't in. How have you been".

"What do you want?"

"Straight to the point, just like your father".

The fifteen year old viciously glared at him. "What. Do. You. Want?"

"I heard about your brother, I'm very sorry to hear that".

Her brother was still a very touchy subject for her, that wound was still healing and he just added salt to the wound. Clenching her fist in her pocket it had taken all of her energy to not knock the hell out of Woods.

"Let me be very clear about one thing Woods, don't you ever mention my brother to me. You don't care you never have, the only thing you want is information on my father and guess what asshole. I'm not doing it, I won't do it. See I'm not that same naive little kid I use to be, yeah you blackmailed me you can't this time wanna know why? Because I won't fall for it because I'm too smart for that. There's absolutely nothing you can use against me to make me do your dirty work and you know damn well I'm right".

Right before walking in Denny then spoke. "I know Jordan, what you did last year. I know what you did after Justin died, you drank, cut, hell you used a little bit".

Jordan spun around quickly shoving Woods back with all her might. "Don't you bring that shit up ever again. I'm clean! I'm sober! I worked too damn hard to get sucked back down. So you can go to hell Woods, rot in hell for all I care!"

"I also know about the party, I know about what Damian did to you".

Once again Jordan froze, she remembered what Damian did to her. He drugged her and nearly raped her shaking all that from her head she glared at Denny again.

"What's your point?"

"Right after the party he was arrested by Intelligence but then he seemed to vanish, without a trace".

"Again you're point?"

"Do you know where you're father was that night?"

"He went with me to the hospital, I went home with Erin, he came back here to interrogate that son of a bitch".

Denny chuckled dryly. "And you say you're not naive? Jordan, I'm not stupid when you're father had his chance we both know he killed the guy that almost raped his daughter".

"My father didn't kill anyone, whoever did kill the son of a bitch let me know their name. I'd like to shake their hand personally".

"Let me make this clear. If you don't do what I say, I can easily make a case against your father about Damian then you're father will go to jail for murder".

"Let me ask you something Woods, you got a body? Evidence? Proof? I'm not very good with law work but last time I check you can't make a case without a body, evidence, and proof. You got motive yes, that bastard assaulted me and tried to rape me that's all you have. Who's to say he ain't get killed on his way to prison? Who's to say he ain't get killed in prison? You have nothing Woods. You can't scare or blackmail me because you have nothing and that's all you are and will ever be is nothing. You pick and bully on people who's weaker than you, you mess with me because of my dad. I won't let you do it again, so whatever plan, scheme, whatever it maybe I won't fall for it so you can go to hell and burn there".

Jordan then stormed inside the District, her breathing was now very heavy. Her chest was hurting. She felt as if the room was closing in on her. She went up to the squad and her breathing increased. Jay was at his desk when he saw the teen and he rushed over.

"Jo, sweetheart breath. Breath in and out, in and out". Jay instructed her.

"I...can't...breath...my...chest..hurts". Jordan gasped.

"What do you feel Jo?"

"I...can't...breath!"

Jay then gently took a hold of her hands. "What do you feel Jo?"

"W-what?"

"What do you feel?"

"You're hands".

"Good what else, reach out and tell me what you feel".

The teen then reached out grabbing random stuff. "A desk, lamp, computer".

"What do you smell?"

Jordan chuckled. "Gas a lot of it, I think Adam had onions for lunch".

That had caused Jay to chuckle. "Good, good girl. What do you see?"

"You, the squad room, the lounge, dad's office".

"What do you hear?"

"Us talking, other than that it's quiet".

"Good job. Very good. How do you feel?"

"Better. How'd you know how to do that?"

"When Mouse and I came home, we'd help the one another through the panic attacks".

The fifteen then shot out hugging him. "I need a drink Jay, I need to cut, I need something".

"No sweetheart, no you don't".

"Yes I do".

The detective pulled her away and looked into her brown eyes, he saw the pain and sadness in her eyes. "What happened".

"I saw Denny Woods".

"You know him?"

"I met him once when I was eight. Don't make me talk about the rest".

After that was said, Jay was sick to his stomach. What had Woods done to her when she was a child? Had he crossed a line he shouldn't have?

"Jo, did he do something to you?"

"Don't make me say. All I need is a drink and I wanna cut".

"Sweetie don't go back down that path, you worked so hard to come back. You don't wanna go back down that path". The detective then had an idea. "Come on".

"Where are we going?"

"I'm getting you to a meeting".

"Jay, I don't need a meeting".

Taking a deep breath the young detective looked at the young teen. "I don't talk about it a lot but after Mouse and I came home there was a lot I couldn't deal with. There's a lot I couldn't handle. Nightmares. PTSD. Till this day it's hard as hell to fight all that. After we came home, the nightmares and PTSD was really really bad, nobody taught me how to cope so I turned to the bottle for help. I drank a lot. What most people don't know is I also used".

Jordan looked in shock when Jay had told her that. He didn't seem like the type to use drugs. She occasionally seen him drink a beer or two but never once she could picture him using.

"You used?"

"Yeah. I used oxycontin, fentanyl, and some of the drugs you used".

"How'd you get all that?"

"I came home with injuries very bad, so bad it hurt to move. When the pain was gone I was already hooked to the drugs so I lied to my doctors and told them the pain was still very bad so they kept prescribing them to me. One night I OD'd because I took a lot of pills and I drank, I wouldn't be alive right now if it wasn't for Mouse".

"I know you have Will but have you ever lost anybody at all that was your best friend? That they were like you're brother or sister?"

"I have. A lot of them. I see them every night when I close my eyes. My last deployment, Mouse and I, we were in convoy vehicle. We were transporting someone and we hit landmine, the convoy explode". Jay's voice started to break as he remembered back. Taking a deep breath he continued. "Everyone on the truck died, except for Mouse and I. They said nobody was supposed to survive that explosion".

"What happened to you and Mouse?"

"For almost two months we were in comas, the doctors there thought we wouldn't have made it. They were ready to pull the plug on us because we didn't show signs of improving the only reason they never pulled the plug is they didn't have our families consent. Every night I see the faces that were supposed to come home, I see the faces of people who had families here waiting for them, I see the faces of my brothers and sisters who I lost. I don't know what it's like to lose my actual brother but I have lost people who were my brothers and sisters in arms. Sweetie, I know losing Justin was hard we all know he was your brother and you're best friend you don't need to go back to that life. You nearly died doing that, I nearly died. After I woke up in the hospital Mouse got me into a support group for PTSD, I got myself into AA meetings. It's still hard for me to this day, I drink every now and then but the cases we deal with it takes a toll. I'm afraid that one day I could relapse and lose everything, all I had was Mouse to help me. Will wasn't around. But Jo, you have you're dad, you have all of us, you have a family and support system, you have what I didn't have. I already have a brother, Jo you are my little sister every way possible I won't see you go down that path again. I worry about Erin relapsing all the time, now we all worry about you. That path it's nothing but trouble Jo, it can get you one of two ways. Dead or in jail. That's it. Don't put your dad or any of us through that pain again, we lost we almost lost you. I won't lose my sister again, I don't care if you hate me. Hate me, hate any of us all day long but we won't stop fighting for you or to help you. Don't ever be afraid to ask for help".

Jordan sat there in silence a couple tears ran down from her eyes as she looked at Jay. "Why does that happen?"

"Why does what happen kiddo?"

"When I feel like life keep kicking me in the gut the first thing I wanna do is drink, cut, maybe use. Why does that happen?"

"For some people that's a coping you did it before whenever you're down or whatever triggers it that's what you wanna turn to".

"The day that I was at Bunny's bar and I passed out, it was like I was I was sorta in the afterlife. I saw Justin, my mom, and I want them back Jay. I want my mom and brother back".

Jordan broke down crying again and Jay pulled her into his arms, he'd rather have her right there with him instead of buying stuff in the streets. He felt some of her pain, he knows what it's like to want his mother back.

"It's all ok sweetheart, I'm here. You're ok".

Jay was consoling the teen for a good five minutes, the teen had stopped crying and wiped her face. She then looked at Jay.

"Can you get me to a meeting? Because I know if I don't do something now, I may do something I'll regret".

"Let's go".

Grabbing his jacket and keys the two headed out, Jordan had texted her father saying she had to do something before going home. About fifteen minutes later they pulled up to a community center, the teen felt butterflies in her stomach as she looked over to Jay.

"Can you come with me?"

"Of course, I'll be here the whole time".

The two walked in, the meeting hadn't started yet. Teens were everywhere, talking, sipping on coffee and snacking on cookies. Jordan then turned to the door and Jay caught her.

"Where are you going?"

"This was a mistake, I can't".

"Yes you can. Jo you gotta stop hiding behind your emotions and let people in, it's ok to show your emotions. You're human, you're allowed. Don't be a robot and hide your feelings and emotions. It's ok to let people in".

"I don't know if I can Jay".

"I know you can".

"I'm scared".

"It's ok to be scared, I get scared all the time".

Jordan pulled her phone out calling someone. "Dad, how fast you can you get down to the community center?"

After that the meeting started, it was now or never. Jordan decided to go first to get everything off her chest. Standing in front of all the teens she felt incredibly nervous and out of place. She was a cop's kid at a teen AA meeting.

The fifteen year old opened her mouth but nothing came out. Jordan looked over to Jay who gave her a nod. Taking a deep breath she then started.

"I'm Jordan Voight, I've been sober for a year now. I started drinking, cutting and using a little right after my brother died. His death hit me, my dad, and my sister hard. It hit me hard because not only had I lost my brother but I lost my best friend. Instead of honoring my brother's memory, I turned to the bottle. I chose alcohol, a knife, and a few pills over those I call my family. I was so blind by grief I didn't know how to cope, no one taught me how to. I was at a party one night with someone who I thought I could trust but apparently that trust was misplaced because she ratted me out and I was sexually assaulted and almost raped. That made me even more depressed, one night I got drunk and slit my wrist so deep I lost a lot of blood. I almost died. Right after that my dad made me go to rehab and after I got out, I felt like my old self again but the first few months we're hard but I got through it. Today someone from my past saw me and it brought up old memories, he brought up my brother and what I did. My first thought was I wanted to drink, to cut, maybe even use but I didn't". This next part she smiled at Jay. "I talked to one of my dad's colleagues and he convinced me to come here now. I was about to back out but he told me to stay, in his words it's ok to feel, to show your emotions. Don't be afraid to ask for help".

Jay smiled when the teen repeated his words, a moment later Hank rushed in. He made it there in record time, the older man looked to see his detective and looked to the stand to see his daughter.

"What's going on?" Hank asked.

"Jo saw someone and it triggered her wanting to drink and cut. I convinced her to come here, I hope that was alright". Jay replied.

The older man turned to face his detective. "Thank you Jay, for being here".

"Anytime".

Hank looked to the stand to see his little girl, he then looked down? Was he a bad father? Why would Jordan confide in other people and not him? Jay saw the look on his face.

"Everything ok?"

"Am I a bad father?"

"Sarge, you're a damn good father. Jordan knows that, we all know that. There isn't anything you wouldn't do for her, you always put her first".

"Why won't she talk to me? She turns to everyone and everything else but not me".

" There are some things a kid can't tell their parents".

Before Hank could reply, Jordan ran from the stand over to her father hugging him. All the thoughts he had disappeared from his mind as he held his little girl. He was glad that she was back to her normal self. Pulling away from her father Jordan then hugged Jay.

"Thanks for bringing me here". Jordan said.

"Anytime. If you ever feel like you need to go to a meeting tell me". Jay replied.

"I will. I'm glad I told someone before I did something I would have regretted".

" We are to sweet girl". Hank said, smoothing her hair back.

They all had left, Hank and Jordan went home. Once there the older father gave his daughter a gentle look.

"Jo Jo, you know you can always come to me about anything. I mean that baby, whatever you need to talk about or get off you're chest I'm here. That's my job as you're dad, my job is to help you sweetie. You gotta talk to me, I can't help you if you don't talk to me. I lost you once I can't lose you again. I won't".

Jordan knew her father was right, he lost her to Bunny once. He couldn't lose her again. How could she tell him that she saw his former partner? If she told him then it would bring up what Denny did to her as a kid.

Why was this happening to her? What had she done to deserve this? So many questions roamed her mind. She then shot out hugging her father.

"I don't wanna go back down that road dad, I can't. Mom and Justin wouldn't want me to do that".

"I'm here for you sweet girl. Always".

" Dad, what happened to Damian?"

Hank just held her tighter. "Just know he can't ever hurt you again. I made sure of it".

" I love you daddy".

The older father kissed her head and wouldn't let go of her. "I love you too baby. I love you more than my own life".

A couple of days have passed Denny had convinced Jordan to meet with him. She was at a diner sipping on coffee as she waited on her father's former partner.

A few minutes later Denny walked in carrying a bag and went over to the teen. He sat down, Jordan saw that he was sitting down.

"Wow just look at you, the last time I saw you. You were just a little girl now you're a young lady, I'll say this you still have your father's temper and attitude alright so you must get you're beautiful looks from your mother". Denny said

Jordan scowled. "Don't talk about my mom. What do you want? The last thing I remember hearing you tell me is that it's too dangerous for you to be around me".

"It was, I didn't know if you're father had people watching".

"You don't know if he does know".

" Look I brought a peace offering more so gift if you do this thing for me".

He slid the bag over and Jordan saw the big bottle of whiskey followed by a six pack of beer, a new pocket knife and two bottles of pills. Jordan chucked dryly as she pushed the bag back near him.

"You're sick. You know I'm still in recovery and you wanna give me that".

"Unlike you're father and the others I won't judge you, I can get you whatever you want whenever you want as long as you get me the information I want. Otherwise I'd have to open up a investigation".

The teen held the coffee mug in her hand as she looked down in the mug and viciously glared at Woods. An evil smirk appeared on her face.

"Anyone tell you that you have a giant stain on your shirt?"

Looking down confused he didn't see anything on his dress shirt. "What are you talking about?"

Jordan then threw the hot coffee on him, Denny screamed in pain as the hot liquid burned him. Looking at him with a fake concern she moved a bit closer to him.

"Damn that looked like it burned, I think you need to cool off".

She then picked up a milkshake and poured it on his head. She watched as the chocolate went everywhere on him. The fifteen year old then leaned in his ear.

" If you ever pull that shit again, I'll rat you out to my dad and tell him everything. Don't screw with me Woods, I'm the wrong person to mess with".

Walking out Denny stood up yelling at her. "You just made a big mistake!"

Jordan turned with an emotionless look on her face. "I've made them before".

The teen walked down the street, she reached into her pocket and pulled out her sobriety chip. Smiling down at it, she couldn't believe she had been clean and sober for a year. It was a everyday reminder that she changed her life around.

Twirling the chip around in her fingers, Jordan was glad she got clean and sober. She got her life back before she threw it away. The fifteen year old wasn't going back down that road. She worked too hard and too damn long to be dragged down again, nobody not even the likes of Denny Woods will bring her down.