Chapter 34: "Midget Mercenary or Deceased Detective?"
Welcome back! Ladies and Gentlemen! Readers of all ages. We've got ourselves a show here for the investigative purposes of Trial Number Five. So how was Dangan Ronpa 3? Yeah, I hope to treat those characters better than what we got in canon. So, for something to watch while I write the next chapter, try Faulerro's DR3 abridged videos. You'll find my comments below about my thoughts. I thought I was the only one mixing Sonic jokes with Dangan Ronpa.

. They were back in the garden with the smoldering corpse.
. "Maybe if I check the body more thoroughly, I'll be able to tell if it's Kyoko or not." Naegi muttered to himself. "Monokuma's up to something."
. "What is it?" Maizono said.
. "Nothing."
. "He's not telling me something. What is it?"
. "Here, Maizono, take this."
. "What is it?"
. "It's a wireless reciever. You can't talk into it. I got it from the Monomono machine."
. "Is it hooked up to anything?"
. Naegi didn't answer.
. "Yes?" Maizono was unsure. Ever since he had witnessed the body exploded, Naegi had seemed off. Why?
. Naegi checked the corpse's right hand.
. "These are fake nails. Seems like they'd get in the way of normal activity. Wait? Have I seen these red nails before? Where? Perhaps the mastermind put them on in order to confuse us?" He made a mental note of the fake nails. The tattoo on the top of the right hand was something else to note. It was a wolf.
. Only the upper half of the corpse was still burnt to a crisp. It was still wet from the buckets of water, and not from the sprinklers.
. "Listen, Naegi." Maizono started. "Do you remember the body prior to explosion?"
. "Yeah, it was wearing the mask. And a big white coat. The knife was stabbed through the jacket. And even though there was blood on the jacket. There wasn't a drop of blood on the ground around it."
. Naegi next caught the appearance of certain fragments.
. "No way. I'll need to go to the gymnasium later."
. The knife, Naegi was too familiar with. It was what the masked figure had attacked him with.
. "Too many strange coincidences. But whoever the person was in the mask had the knife. And now they're dead."
. Naegi next paid attention to the chicken coop.
. "Weren't there five chickens?"
. "Yeah." Maizono said.
. Naegi was pensive as he checked the sprinklers and discovered that they turned on every morning at 7:30 AM. It seemed important to note. He decided to check out the tool shed next. Maizono chose not to follow him.
. "This room is disorganized and dusty. Nothing seems out of the ordinary here."
. He chose to look around.
. "Is this... a tarp?"
. Upon closer inspection, Naegi discovered that the top was wet. It had specks of mud and grime. That being said, the underside was completely clean.
. Dismissing the lawnmower, the flower pots, and the fertilizers, Naegi focused on the pickaxe. It had 'Crazy Diamond' written on it just like Oowada's jacket.
. "I don't have time to worry about it." Naegi noted as he left the shed.
. "Good timing, Makoto. I want to talk to you." Togami said.
. "What do you want to talk about...?"
. "I'd like to hear your alibi."
. "Alibi?"
. "I want to hear where you were after nighttime began last night."
. "I was asleep. And what does nighttime have to with it?"
. "The murder took place after nighttime. Because when I went to find everyone, there was no body in the garden. Leon can attest to that. Everybody else gathered afterwards. We even went to the bathroom together. All of us have airtight alibis except for you. And if Kyoko's the victim."
. "Naegi isn't the culprit." Maizono interjected.
. "No, it's alright. I can see his reasoning." Naegi said, as he turned to leave. "Hey, Togami, could I borrow Kirigiri's key?"
. "I can't let you do that. You're our prime suspect. But if I were to go with you."
. "Will you go with me?" Naegi sighed. He knew that Togami was never going to let Kirigiri's key out of his grasp.
. "Maybe later. Or maybe not. I have my own agenda."
. Naegi sighed, and left. Togami's response could have been predicted. He would have to investigate the gymnasium on his own, but along the way he felt this sudden compulsion to check everywhere.
. "Nothing in here appears to be directly related to incident." He remarked of 5-C and of the dojo. As he went down through the fourth floor, there was nothing there. When he got to the third floor, he had the presence of mind to check the Physics Prep Room about the tarp.
. "These tarps are blue. The only tarp involved is white. But why? Guess that means this case deals with tarps from somewhere other than the Physics Lab. But where else in this school has tarps?"
. As Naegi left the Physics lab to head down to the gymnasium, he noticed something on a column on the second floor.
. "Why is there a gaping contusion in one of the columns?" It looked to be the size of a wrench. He put it out of his mind.
. "Really, Monokuma? 'Black or White' by Michael Jackson. That's one of your school-wide songs this investigation?"
. Naegi finally reached the gymnasium. It still amazed him how Monokuma managed to clean up the corpses and store them somewhere. They hadn't been able to see any of the corpses post-trial completion. No funerals or even some way to say goodbye.
. "Called it. I figured it wouldn't be here." The bomb was gone. With that, Naegi headed back to the garden.
. Fujisaki was doing his own examination of the corpse.
. "Alright, I'm done." Togami told Naegi, and the two headed off to Kirigiri's room.
. Entering Kirigiri's room, Naegi was surprised. Unlike the rooms of some of his classmates, Kirigiri's was plain.
. "That's strange." Naegi said.
. "What is?"
. "Most of our rooms tend to have items that make the room distinctly ours." Naegi said. "I know why mine doesn't. And yet Kirigiri contains no additional information, nothing about who she was, or her hobbies, or anything like that which could give an idea about the personality of the owner of the room."
. "So you're saying..."
. "I'm saying the mastermind might have given Kyoko's amnesia during the game like she claimed." Naegi said.
. "What?"
. "Of course we wouldn't know. You'd never bother to open her room without probably cause." Naegi said. "And I didn't even have her key, so I couldn't open it."
. "What's that?"
. "On the floor?"
. "It looks like a key to a dojo locker."
. "So that's where we go next."
. "Hang on, there's one more thing I need to do here."
. "And that is?"
. "An envelope she gave me after Alter Ego's execution. If something happens to me, she said to open it."
. "Well, it's certainly time."
. Check under the sheets.
. Naegi checked the sheets just as the note commanded him to do, and he found Mukuro Ikusaba's student profile. There was an accompanying photo. The freckled girl was listed as 169 centimeters, and weighing about 44 kilograms. Her face seemed familiar to Naegi, but he could not figure out why.
. "So that answers what else Kirigiri stole." Togami said.
. Naegi began reading the profile.

. "Name: Mukuro Ikusaba
Sex: Female
. Talent: Ultimate Soldier
. 'Although small for her age..."

. "She's a teenager at 169 cm!" Naegi commented. "She's not a midget!"
. "She's taller than you." Togami couldn't resist snarking.

. "She was a military specialist trained in every weapon type imaginable. She showed an interest in the military from childhood and soon found herself completely absorbed by it. In elementary school, she won a survival game tournament and began writing for military magazines. Just before entering middle school, while she and her family were on vacation in Europe... she disappeared. The story of a young Japanese girl being kidnapped quickly took over Japanese media outlets. An intense international investigation turned up no information, and she was never found. However, she reappeared in Japan three years later alone and completely unannounced. She revealed that she had joined a mercenary group known as Fenrir for those three years. She insisted that she hadn't been kidnapped, that she received battle training of her own voilition. However, she never revealed why she decided to return home when she did."

. "That's insane. It's like one's nonfiction and the other's sci-fi." Naegi thought as he finished reading the profile. Mukuro Ikusaba could have killed any of them at any point. So why was she suddenly a victim? It didn't sit right with him.
. "So she's goes ghost. Shows up again." Togami said. "I'm not surprised, I'm sure her talent as the Ultimate Soldier meant she could sneak around the rest of us this whole time without being seen. But I never imagined I would hear the name Fenrir in a place like this."
. "Huh? You recognize it?"
. "Naturally. The Fenrir Mercenary Corps is a collection of battle-crazed war mongers. But they do have their uses, and they always get the job done. That's worth remembering. But I have to say I'm intrigued. Every rumor I remember hearing about Fenrir..."
. And then Monokuma showed up.
. "Slow down there. Our hero is being shoved to the sidelines, and our side character is taking over."
. "What are you talking about?" Naegi said. "The way things have gone, this has been an ensemble show."
. "Not according to our viewers. No matter how much footage I show of the other people, for some reason, you're the most popular character. I guess it's because everybody likes to be able to connect to the ordinary guy." Monokuma said. "It's not like either of you or even Kyoko did anything wrong. Maybe I'll make Alter Ego from scratch and delete him again."
. "Are rule violations really so unforgivable? You're quite adamant about those regulations of yours."
. "Of course I am! A proper school life is built on the dedication to organization and order. Which is why even I, as the school headmaster, have to follow the regulations myself."
. "You're just saying that because your viewers wouldn't be satisfied." Naegi said. "After all, you can't say you made us feel despair if you literally cheat us the whole way."
. "Precisely. I can't have you complaining about how unfair it is, now can I? So here's something interesting. The one writing the rules is actually a participant of the Mutual Killing game. I should probably add this. There have been sixteen students from the start."
. "That explains the trial room. Now we're getting somewhere." Togami muttered."But why?"
. "Hm? Did you say something?"
. "Why are you telling us this?"
. "Oh, well because... like I told you, this killing game is desperately popular! You wouldn't believe the ratings! And since we've got so many viewers now, I wanted to make sure everyone was on the same page. I don't want to wake up a hurricane of complaints and hate mail, ya know?"
. "So you say." Naegi muttered.
. "Okay, that's all you get for now!" Monokuma replied. "Oh, actually! I do have some revenge to get, so I have an extra bonus for you!"
. "Revenge?"
. "I want to get back at that sneaky Miss Kirigiri, so I'm goinna share a little secret with you."
. "Seriously?"
. "You know how she wears those gloves day in, day out, all the time? Well, don't tell anyone I told you, but... she wears them to cover a bunch of hideous scars that she doesn't want anyone to see."
. Naegi's eye widened. "But the hands on the corpses had no scars!.. meaning!"
. "Are you thinking about Kirigiri again? Forget about her. What matters right now is uncovering Monokuma's trap."
. "Huh?"
. "Don't you remember what Monokuma **just** told us?"
. "He said there were sixteen students, right? Which means Mukuro was a student here..."
. "Obviously, Monokuma was trying to tell us that Mukuro is the one creating the rules to the game. But why would he tell us that? And why now?"
. "So that we had a fair investigation."
. "Exactly. The mere fact that he said that proves that Mukuro is connected to this case. If your information from Kirigiri is correct, that's why Monokuma officially revealed the existence of the sixteenth student. He needs to make the investigation fair."
. "Mukuro is related to the case. Perhaps she's the culprit. It would explain why we have a class trial. . However, after listening to what Monokuma said, I've come to the conclusion that Mukuro is not the culprit. Listen, we thought Mukuro was the mastermind's true identity. But if that's true, Monokuma's behavior makes no sense."
. "Are you still going on with your Kyoko-is-the-mastermind theory?" Naegi asked.
. "Why not? It would explain a lot of things like why you encountered that masked assailent. Monokuma means to frame you." Togami argued. ."Giving us information on Mukuro is too risky. Monokuma always leaves himself with an out. The question is whether or not we'll see it."
. "Unless..." Naegi said. The silent reciever he had pressed a little while ago, might never reach the intended recipient. But if Mukuro was the victim, then it could arrive.
. The two guys headed to the dojo.
. "Check Locker Five. That's the only one without a key at the moment." Togami noted.
. Inside, they found a bunch of titanium arrows and a bloody piece of tape.
. "Well, that settles it. They are definitely connected." Togami said. "But how did the key of the locker end up in the victim's room. Wait, that definitely seals it."
. "Togami?"
. "Come on, we have to do more research on Fenrir."
. Naegi found himself in the room of secret documents where the Genocider Shou case file had resided. Togami already had the file.
. "Take a look at this."
. "You're going to have to translate this."
. "How did you make it to high school without knowledge of a foreign language?"
. "Just read it, Glasses McDorkFace."
. "Fine. Fenrir is an elite fighting unit based out of the Middle East. Unlike military contractors, they are a fierce group of soldiers who engage in direct combat. They claim that a single member is equivalent to an entire company of regular soldiers."
. "Company?"
. "A company is composed of somewhere between 80-250 soldiers."
. "That many?"
. "Yeah."
. "Just like Fenrir, the wolf of Raganrok, their mere presence is enough to strike fear into any enemy. They have been involved in countless military battles and operations, most of which are highly classfied. However, some time ago, they completely ceased all activity. At present, their continued existence cannot be confirmed. There are unconfirmed reports that the key members have all been neutralized..."
. "But some time ago...
. "I'm willing to bet that it was three years ago."
. "You think Mukuro Ikusaba wiped them all out?"
. "She wasn't called the Ultimate Soldier for nothing."
. "Then who could have killed the Ultmate Soldier?"
. "I can't think of any of us still alive who could have killed her in direct confrontation. But Oogami, the martial artist probably could have if she were still alive."
. "So you're saying that someone got the jump on her."
. "Most likely."
. "Rumors indicate they were killed to keep them from revealing the many state secrets they'd acquired. Some, however, believe there was mounting internal tension within the group, and they simply imploded."
. "This all sounds like some alternate reality."
. "Of course you would say that. Their battlefields aren't much different from our lives here. An unpredictable, unimaginable world... That's what makes it all so exciting. So did something jump out at you?"
. "Yeah, their mark."
. "Right in one. To show their membership, each member would get a tattoo somewhere on their body."
. "Easy Identification, I suppose?"
. "Yeah. Preferably somewhere that can be easily revealed."
. "Like say... a forearm."
. "Or a hand."
. "Figures."
. "But what I want to know is why...Fenrir is showing up now."
. "What do you mean?"
. "If it follows the theme of the other motives, what does a mercenary group have to do with us being trapped here?"
. "Motives?"
. "Yeah."
. "Wait a minute, something's not right. Monokuma didn't provide a motive for this murder."
. "Yeah, so. The belief that Mukuro Ikusaba was the mastermind, and that's the motive, if the mastermind dies, the game is over."
. "I suppose so. Except the mastermind didn't die."
. "Which means Mukuro Ikusaba isn't the mastermind."
. "He didn't even provide the identity of the corpse."
. "Well, it's not like we couldn't figure it out."
. DING DONG. BING BONG.
. "Time is utterly silent, and yet it constantly assaults us – organisms, the earth, natural phenomena." Monokuma made his announcement that the class trial was about to get underway.
. "It damages us little by little, until the end. You should really think about that."
. The two left the archive. It was time for trial number five.
. "Togami, do you think we're right in assuming that Mukuro Ikusaba is the victim."
. "Of course we are. The corpse has the mark of Fenrir."
. "And fake nails."
. "What?"
. "I don't think fake nails mix with mercenary groups."
. "Are you saying that Ikusaba could still be alive? And that corpse is actually Kirigiri's."
. "Fake nails don't add up for Kirigiri either. I'm saying that elements about the corpse don't add up."
. "Then who do fake nails add up for? Those two are the only possiblities. Unless you're saying Kirigiri or Mukuro disguised themself as another living female classmate."
. "Celeste? Maizono? Genocider? Really? None of them wear fake nails either."
. "Stop focusing on the fake nails."
headed down to the elevator.
. "Whoa, Byakuya and Naegi showed up together." Leon commented.
. "Where the heck have you two been?" Maizono said. "You disappeared without a word!"
. "Don't say you were being the main characters. Don't say you were being the main characters." Fujisaki said.
. "We were investigating. How could you not figure this out?" Togami said, arrogantly.
. Somewhat uncharacteristically, Celeste was standing quietly to the side.
. Five full minutes later, Monokuma still hadn't shown up. Naegi wondered if he was planning on making a super-dramatic entrance.
. "I mean, we know this is being broadcast live." Naegi thought. What was this feeling building up inside him? Anticipation? But looking back on it, Monokuma broadcasting this game make certain things fall into line. But it meant that there was a large audience who had saw Enoshima lay down her life for him. They had seen Yamada murder Hagakure and Hagakure murder Asahina. They knew the results. Or did they? Was the audience shown the murders themselves or just the corpses? Did they have to take Monokuma's word that the trial's result was correct?
. "Is he showing some promo?" Leon said. "I bet he is. Like everybody... drop your things and pull this game up on your television. I don't appreciate this School Life of Mutual Killing as he so wonderfully described it being made out like it's some sporting event."
. "Why not? Show or not. How is trial five different than any of the previous four that have come before it?"" Togami asked. "And the Mayans used to sacrifice the winners of their athletic competitors to the Gods."
. "You are just full of useless knowledge, aren't you Togami?" Leon replied.
. "And yet, I'm sure the viewers would be intrigued." Togami said.
. "Oh, so now you've got an air for theatrics?" Celeste said. "And here I thought you couldn't get any more arrogant."
. "You're one to talk." Leon said. "With your false persona, and all that."
. "Whoa, whoa. Whoa." Naegi said. "I just thought of something. How the hell did you pull that off?"
. "Excuse me?"
. "You didn't have to pay taxes on your gambling winnings?" Naegi said, thinking of a distraction to ease everybody's mind.
. "Yeah, now that think I about it, even Jeremy had to create papers for Aeilta in Code Lyoko." Fujisaki said."Great aversion of the undead tax exemption trope."
. "Huh. That's what you're worried about, right now." Maizono said in disbelief. "Her taxes." Naegi could be strange sometimes.
. "I mean, yeah. I can't believe I didn't think of this before, considering my father is a tax lawyer."
. "Your father is a lawyer?"
. "Not like the dramatic lawyers you see on television. Just like a tax lawyer that does people's taxes."
. "You're asking how I pay taxes?" Celeste asked.
. "Yes."
. "I filed them under Takao Yaushiro. How do you think?"
. "So how did nobody know your real identity?"
. "Excuse me?"
. "You're trying to tell me that none of the shady people you beat tried to find your real identity?"
. "Honestly, I won't be surprised if they were stupid enough to look under Celeste Ludenberg."
. "These elite gamblers you beat...were too stupid to think that Celeste Ludenberg might be a pseudonym. Well, then, how did you attend high school before Hope's Peak?"
"Are you really going to make me spell this out? I went to normal high school as Takeo Yaushiro, which is a really common name. Celeste Ludenberg is a permanently adopted alter ego. Hair drills, the outfits. It was all a double-edged ploy. If at any point, the gambling world got too dangerous for me, I could disappear, become Takeo Yaushiro again, and create a new gambling persona, and start from scratch."
. "So what if you lost your memory in amnesia and couldn't remember that you were Takao Yaushiro, and then the gambling world became too dangerous, and then you had to file taxes." Naegi said, deliberately pushing Celeste's buttons.
. "I have never lost my memory!" Celeste said, losing patience. "And by the way, who files taxes after having amnesia!"
. "Ah, there we go. Celeste is better at thinking when she's pissed off. After Kirigiri, Celeste is our best female mind. And with Kirigiri dead, we're going to need her at her most intelligent." Naegi thought to himself.
. "While we're on the subject,..." Leon started. "What about your parents?"
. "My parents?" Celeste asked.
. "Yeah." Maizono said. "Did your parents know about this?"
. "My parents don't give two shits about me. Ever since they divorced when I was eight years old, all they cared about was making sure the other one didn't have custody of me. Neither cared where I was or what I did, just so long as I wasn't at the other's residence, they didn't really give a rat's ass about me."
. "What about your motive video?"
. "Excuse me?"
. "You didn't see your parents or your friends in that motive video?"
. "I saw my cat, Grand Bois Cheri Ludenberg. And that tells you all you need to know what I thought about other people." Celeste sighed, as the conversation ended on a sour note.
. "What's going on?" Genocider said. "Why hasn't he shown up?"
. "Perhaps he chickened out." Celeste suggested.
. "Not likely." Monokuma said. "As a matter of fact, you guys are making me... wait!"
. "Are we, now?" Celeste replied.
. "But wait, we're all here." Leon said.
. "So whose missing?" Genocider said.
. "Me."
. "KIRIGIRI."
. "Yes. Here we are." Kirigiri said. "Trial five."
. "That's not necessarily a good thing for us." Togami said.
. "What do you mean?" Genocider said.
. "We were assuming that Kirigiri was the victim. Now Mukuro Ikusaba is most definitely the victim."
. "I suppose we'll figure it out at the trial." Celeste said.
. Naegi had to ask Kirigiri before the trial started.
. "Where have you been this whole time?"
. "I was on the second floor of the dormitory rooms."
. "So that's what that key unlocks."
. "Yeah, it's how I was able to avoid Monokuma entirely. Of course, the flip side is that I also missed his announcement."
. "Then when did you find out?"
. "When I realized you had buzzed me on the silent receiver. I thought something was up. I checked your room and everything. But I took some time to look at the crime scene first. I can't go a trial completely uninformed, can I? We can go over the details later, right now, I just want to focus on surviving our current situation."
. Naegi thought back to the masked figure, and his idea that Kirigiri had been the masked figure. It seemed like there was something Kirigiri had been the masked figure, why was Mukuro Ikusaba the corpse?
. There was no doubt in his mind that the masked figure that he had seen attacked him was the mastermind.
. "No, Ikusaba must have been the masked figure." Naegi thought. "But she can't be the mastermind, there's got the way around this. Unless, Ikusaba was a decoy."
. And with that, Kirigiri and Naegi walked into the elevator. As soon as they reached the trial room, the change in decor was immediately noticed.
. "You are seriously not a fashion designer, Monokuma." Celeste said.
. "This color scheme reminds me of the vomit paletted Special Stage from Sonic 3 & Knuckles." Fujisaki noted dryly.
. "Glad you like it!" Monokuma said, pretending to miss the disparaging comments. "I feel like it's been ages since we got together like this. Let's get on with the show."

AUTHOR'S NOTE: So in the meantime, I've made a really, long Dangan Ronpa crack video, and plan on releasing it soon. Please check it out. Yeah, Kirigiri's corpse hasn't shown up... yet. And the more I think about it, the more blanks I realize some of the DR1 cast have in their backstories. But in all seriousness, Trial 5 is turning out to be a difficult trial to write. However, I had to reach it eventually. Goodness knows, endless chapters of "And then Fujisaki checked something on the computer. And then Naegi pointed out something that DR1 canon regular Naegi would have never looked twice at. And then Togami compared such and such to a chess opening." would get old and boring. Yeah, but the logistics of Celeste's fake identity are never explained in Dangan Ronpa.

You know, I was originally okay with killing Asahina precisely BECAUSE she survived in canon, and then DR3 showed up, and made me regret that decision. And then Kodaka made me unregret that decision at the beginning of the next episode.

11/12/16:

CRACK VIDEO HAS BEEN RELEASED Available on my AnotherStatsGuy Youtube channel. JOKES ARE VARIED. Please watch and leave a review.