(I wrote this with MiniorSmile10! Go check out his stuff!)
Hello everyone! I'm Harry Potter, the 32-year-old Wizard of Hogwarts! I love using magic, and eating Tendies with Grandpa Dumbledore! I have a super wizard story for you!
It was just another day in the life of a Big Boy Wizard-like me! Grandpa Dumbledore had sent me on a Wizard quest to retrieve my neighbor Hermoine's magical panties! Panty and Jayjay magic makes the babies come out, and Grandpa Dumbledore loves to put the panties in his mouth!
But we have to watch out for the evil bald wizard Voldemort, Grandpa Dumbledore says he's on something called the 'national sex offender registry'! Grandpa Dumbledore hates competition, and people that are offensive unless it's against dark-skinned people!
Grandpa Dumbledore says if I can find some recently used panties, then he will reward me with a Tendie Feast! I can't get caught though, otherwise, Hermoine's parents will think he and I are Evil Wizards! I know he isn't, Evil Wizards hate Tendies!
I had to wait till nighty nighttime to strike! In the meantime, I had sexy sex time with my XJ-9 body pillow! All while singing "MY LIFE AS A TEENAGE ROBOT!" as loud as I could! Grandpa Dumbledore couldn't hear me, because of the super loud videos of people having something called 'non-consensual sex' with real-life lolis!
So as soon as it was nighttime, I sneaky-sneak-sneakered to Hermoine's house! On my way there, I ran into a bald guy wearing slippers, a white t-shirt, and a bathrobe with the bottom cut off! He had so much drip!
"Hey kid, wanna buy some drugs?" The bald guy asked me!
"Ooooohhh, are drugs potions?" I asked!
"Uhh, sure kid, whatever." He replied!
"Oh boy!" I shouted! I was so excited I could just spray my fireman! "I wanna see all the pretty colors, like polka dots and the parts of a rainbow!"
The bald guy looked pretty confused, so I explained more.
"I love colors! Will 'drugs' help me look at all the colors in my crayon box at once?!"
"...You know, that's a good way of putting it."
He looked down to think about my genius way with words! I know Wizard stuff better than anyone else! Except for Grandpa Dumbledore.
"So uhh, what type of 'potion' are you looking for?" He asked!
As much as I wanted to see the pretty colors, I knew I had to focus on my Wizard Quest!
"I need something that will help me break into Hermoine's house, and steal her magical used panties!"
He smiled!
"Ohhhh, you mean that 12 year old? Tell you what, how about I tag along?"
"Really?! You mean it?!" I was so pumped! What a lucky break!
"Yes… All I want in return are a few of those 'magical panties'. Along with, uhh, I'll tell you when we get that far."
I didn't realize so many Wizards wanted to be able to do white wizard spells with the fireman in their pants! Maybe I should have told them white spells could also be done on XJ-9 body pillows. Then again, old Wizards know best!
"You have a dealy deal, Wizard friend!"
"Sure whatever. Let me go grab my, uh, 'Magic Cutters Spell' to take away their electricity."
Magic Cutters Spell?! I was learning so many new things! A wizard has to be resourceful.
So the guy grabbed a really weird-looking wand. He also grabbed some magic cutters, and used them to cut a big cord! Suddenly I heard a strange sparky noise, then the lights in Hermoine's house went out!
"Move, quick!" The potion vendor ordered! And I followed as a good Wizard would!
We snuck around to the back entrance, being all sneaky sneak-like! We crept inside like ninjas in the night, or like all those brown people you see taking people's stuff on the news! Grandpa Dumbledore warned me about them. He's going to be so proud of me. Me and this bald man were being Ninja Wizards!
We snuck around, until noticing Hermoine's parents in the living room. Her dad was angrily talking with someone on his cell phone!
"We need to be quiet, and quick." The Potion Vendor whispered.
"Yes, soon the magic cutter spell will wear off." I smartly replied! I was learning so much!
We snuck around for a bit until finally finding Hermoine's room! She was laying on her bed, watching videos on her cell phone! Wow, cell phones really do rule people's lives! Grandpa Dumbledore warned me they would make me like brown women! EWWW! Wizards can't marry those shadowy Death Eaters!
"What do we do? Wizards can't get caught."
He thinks for a moment. "Ok, here's the plan. Let's run in there, and gag her before she can cry for help. Then, we can take turns with her."
"Turns? Turns to grab magical panties?"
He chuckled a little. "No, turns with her. They don't call me 'Tight Fit' Darrick Voldemort for nothing."
I gasped…. All that time, I was working with the Evil Wizard himself!
I screamed at the TIPPY TOP of my lungs! "YOU'RE THE EVIL BALD BAD TOUCH WIZARD! AAAAAHHH!"
I knew I had to defeat him! I punched and tackled him like a Football Boxer Wizard! We fell into Hermione's room with a loud thud, she looked over from her phone and screamed louder than the lolis in Grandpa Dumbledore's "Real Life Lolis" videos!
"DAD! HELP!"
While I was squeezing the Evil Wizards' penis bags really hard, her dad came in! He had a flashy light in one hand, and Magic Baseball Staff in the other!
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!?" He shouted!
We both stood up, panicking! "Don't worry, he's the Bad Wizard! I'm just here to get some of your daughter's panties!"
He became an angry daddy! He went into a pose and prepared to use his Baseball Magic on me! I ducked out of the way, and he hit the Evil Wizard right in the head! I quickly grabbed a few pairs of Hermoine's panties and ran out as fast as I could! I hope Grandpa Dumbledore is ok with me bringing him not recently used panties.
I barrelled out the door and Hermoine's dad followed me! He must have been such a powerful wizard, I knew I would need Grandpa Dumbledores help!
"GRANDPA DUMBLEDORE!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, and ran for my house!
Grandpa Dumbledore must have heard me! Our front door swung open, and he ran outside! He was in his Wizard Boxers and tank-top! And of course, armed with his Wizard Staff of Mopping, and Jar of Mighty Yellow Magic!
"Fear not young Wizard! Your Grandfather Dumbledore will vanquish the Oppressor of Magical Panties!"
Her dad started yelling at grandpa, and the two met in the road! "YOUR BASTARD RETARD GRANDSON BROKE INTO OUR HOUSE WITH THAT PEDOPHILE! THEY WERE IN MY DAUGHTER'S ROOM!"
"I needed your daughter's used panties! I was on a wizard quest!" I yelled, safely behind Grandpa Dumbledore.
"Whether they be stained with red or yellow, my fine Wizard Grandson Harry's crayon box matches them perfectly!" Grandpa Dumbledore said!
Hermoine's dad looked more pissed off than anyone I had ever seen!
"I ALREADY KILLED ONE SICK FUCK! IT DOESN'T MATTER IF I KILL ANOTHER!"
Grandpa Dumbledore unscrewed his Jar of Mighty Magic Urine, and splashed his yellow Pee Pee Magic all over Hermoine's daddy's face!"
"AHHHH! WHAT THE FUCK?!"
"Quiet! Oppressor of the Magical Panties, I will defeat you!"
Grandpa Dumbledore started whacking him across the face with his staff! The Oppressor of the Magical Panties' nose and mouth were red and broken looking! After one last big whack, The Oppressor went down! All that was left were us, the Great Guardian Wizards!
"YAY! WE DID IT! WE-"
In the distance, we could hear a police car approaching! They're Evil Wizards that try and take Grandpa Dumbledore away for owning Real Life Loli videos!
"More challengers approach, Young Wizard Harry! We must defend these panties at all costs!" Grandpa Dumbledore shouted to me!
I knew I had to defend our home from the dreaded Dark Magic users! I knew Grandpa Dumbledore was right! We were ready for anything! No mean old Evil Police Wizards are going to stop the Great Guardian Wizards! I took my pants and diaper off, just to show how ready I was for a fight!
The police car pulled up, and I couldn't believe my eyes! It was a dark-skinned guy!
"DEATH EATERS!" I yelled! It looked like there were shadows on his skin, the Evil Police Wizards must have used Dark Magic to make a corrupted army!
"Quick, Young Wizard Harry, we must strike! Strike him against his skull with the empty Jar of Mighty Magic Urine!"
He handed me the empty jar! It felt so heavy and powerful like I had the weight of the world in the palms of my hands!
"Take this, YOU DEATH EATER!"
I threw the jar at the Death Eater, but he ducked out of the way! To make things worse, he pointed his weird-looking metal wand at Grandpa Dumbledore!
"Quick Harry, you must-" The Death Eater shot him with magic in the arm! "AHHHH! WIZARD DOWN!"
Grandpa Dumbledore fell to the ground! It was all my fault!
"Noooo!" I looked at the dark Death Eater and grabbed Grandpa Dumbledore's Staff! "Wizard Throw!"
I chucked the staff at the Death Eater, giving him a bloody nose! I then tackled him like a Football Boxer Wizard! But way harder this time! I then Suplexed him like a Wrestler Wizard!
"How's it feel now jerk?!"
He cried a little, and couldn't move! So I decided to finish him off! "FACE MY ULTIMATE SPELL! ORDER OF THE BURNING PENIS PHOENIX! IT HURTS WHEN I PEE-PEE FROM MY FIREMAN!"
I pee-peed all over his face! He cried out in pain, so it was clearly working! Soon, he would be banished!
"PEE-PEE! PEEEE-PEEEEE! PEEEEEEEEEE-PEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Soon, my fireman ran out of yellow magic! I quickly learned why Grandpa Dumbledore collected jars of it!
"Young Harry the Wizard! My arm is bleeding Red Magic! Would you transport me in my magical van to Sir Johnny the Back Alley Wizard Doctor?" Grandpa Dumbledore asked calmly!
If Grandpa Dumbledore lost too much Red Magic, he would disappear from the human world and go back to the Wizarding World! Now was my time to shine! I could show him I was a true Wizard! He gave me his Magic Keys, and we were off! I made sure to run over that dumb dark-skinned Death Eater first before leaving!
And now, I'm driving at high speeds to save Grandpa Dumbledore! All these dumb drivers are going too slow though, so I keep running them off the road! All their yelling and cursing is getting on Grandpa Dumbledore's nerves! Grandpa Dumbledore's magical van was reinforced with magical upgrades to fight off any Evil Wizards! Those Magical back ally mechanics work wonders!
"We are close, Young Harry the Wizard! Soon, the Medical Alley Wizard will use his magical devices to restore my powers!"
I am so happy right now! I-
"WAIT! BURGER KING! I WANT TENDIES!" I YELL! BECAUSE I WANT TENDIES!
"ARE YOU MAD, YOUNG WIZARD HARRY?! YOU ARE DRIVING FULL SPEED TOWARDS THAT KING OF BURGERS!"
TENDIES! TENDIES! TEN-