Court Ordered Diet

by Surplus Imagination

Disclaimer: Harry Potter, Dudley Dursley and the other characters of the Harry Potter Universe belong to J.K. Rowlings. This writing is for pleasure only, no profit is intended.

A/N This is based on a Reuters news story from Rome on 5/31/05. An Italian judge ordered an overweight teenage 'bully' to slim down as a part of punishment for vandalism, slander and disturbing the peace. The judge decided that the extra weight made the teen 'naughty'. Let's see how this situation can affect Harry Potter and Dudley Dursley.

Diet Honeymoon

Harry woke to the sounds of Hedwig flying into his room. The predawn gloom oozed into every corner of the small, shabby space from the open window. Harry groaned as he turned over wanting to doze a few more minutes. He had slept nightmare free for the first time since the disaster in the Department of Mysteries. He wasn't ready to give up the rare peaceful slumber.

Yesterday had been strange. After the kitchen declaration, Aunt Petunia had escaped with Dudley to shop for exercise clothes and equipment. They were gone the entire afternoon and hadn't posed Harry any problem. Uncle Vernon, however, spent the rest of the day following Harry around barking orders and hounding him with questions.

Under his Vernon's watchful eye, Harry emptied the kitchen pantry of all fattening foods, cleared out a huge space in the garage for weight equipment and fielded a thousand questions about his weight loss plans. Of course, Harry hadn't a clue on how to get Dudley to lose two stone. That was 28 pounds, wasn't it? Harry hedged his answers in vague Quidditch terms that showed that his uncle wasn't really paying attention to the responses. Either that, or Vernon was as clueless as Harry on these issues but didn't want that ignorance to show.

Frustrated at his own lack of knowledge, Harry decided that he needed expert help. He wrote to Hermione.

Dear Hermione,

I hope you are enjoying your summer. I have a strange request. Can you tell me how to lose weight? I've been put in charge of Dudley losing two stone before the end of August. Uncle Vernon is holding my school books hostage in exchange for the weight loss. The whole thing is a long story. I'll fill you in later. Can you send me an answer quickly?"

Thanks Loads,

Harry

After a heated debate with himself, Harry had written a second letter.

Dear Professor Snape,

I am sorry to bother you during the holidays. Could you please tell me if there is a potion effective for quick weight loss? If there is one, could you please send the recipe as my Uncle has confiscated my truck with the books inside.

Respectfully,

Harry Potter

Aunt Petunia and Dudley came home with the car groaning with exercise aids. Harry was certainly groaning from the effort to unload everything and organize the free weights in the garage. That night, dinner was a simple salad with low fat dressing. Judging from the chocolate stains on Dudley's shirt, his cousin had started his diet with a last binge before coming home. It must have been a satisfying indulgence because he didn't complain at the leafy dinner.

Hedwig stood on his pillow pulling out single strands of hair until Harry finally relieved her of the attached letters. Harry supposed that he might as well get all the way up. He could check his garden for magical creatures in the breaking dawn while reading his responses.

Harry pulled on the best of Dudley's old, ragged jeans. The knees were so holey that the pant legs were held together by a only few threads. Harry looked at his knobby knees poking through the holes. These pants were embarrassing, his knees only slightly less so. With one swift motion he ripped off the lower part of one pant leg. That felt good! He repeated the movement with the other leg. It would be cooler this way and would surely annoy his uncle, which was an added benefit. After all, Aunt Petunia hadn't bought him any new exercise clothes, so he'd just claim he had to make some.

Outside, the air was heavy with dew and chilly enough to draw a shiver from partly bared legs. The flower beds were stunningly beautiful even with most of the blooms closed in the dim light. Harry sat on the back step and stared intently at the Fairy Lure. No, there was no movement but over by the garage there was definitely a pair of pixies. Maybe they'd get into the kitchen and mess with his Aunt Petunia! Harry grinned at the thought of pixies stealing silverware and breaking glasses.

The sky grew lighter as the sun made an appearance. Harry turned his attention to the letters. Hermione's was very thick, no surprise there.

Dear Harry,

My summer is going very well, thank you for asking. Next week my parents are taking me on an expedition to Australia for the rest of the summer. I've been reading up on the Aborigines and their tribal magic. It's fascinating!

I've enclosed information on dieting as you requested. As you can see there are many popular diets: Atkins, Weight Watchers, the cabbage diet, the banana diet, Slim Fast...

Hermione's letter went on listing fad diets for three more paragraphs. Harry had no idea there was so many kinds! Some of the diets were named after famous people.Just who was Dolly Parton anyway? Harry didn't know but she sure must love watermelon because that's all you ate. Others he just couldn't pronounce or understand. Was 'high colonic' a food or a procedure?. Each of the diets had a full page explaining the particulars in the following sheets. Hermione must have stayed up half the night preparing this for him. Harry was touched at the thoughtfulness and more than a little disgusted that he's have to read it all.

The letter closed with a statement that all diets worked on the same underlying principle; the dieter had to burn more calories than they ate. In short, eat less and exercise more. There was also an admonishment that Harry should not follow any of these diet plans himself because he was much too skinny already. If he got any thinner, Hermione threatened to pin up the baggy parts in the seat of his trousers! Harry wasn't sure what bothered him the most, Hermione's threat or the fact that she had been staring at his bum.

The last page was a clipping of Dudley's trial from the London Times. Harry read in fascination of Dudley's crimes, the trial itself and the subsequent judgement. Trust Hermione to figure out why Harry needed this information on her own. In the article, Dudley was portrayed as a hardened hooligan terrorizing the local children. It was easy to see that Dudley's case was going to attract a lot of attention. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were going to be mortified at the bad press. Harry took a moment to bask in the heady thoughts of his relative's embarrassment.

Time for the second letter. It was from Professor Snape, of course.

Mr. Potter,

If your uncle has confiscated your trunk, how do you propose to brew a weight loss potion? Assuming you manage to reclaim your possessions, this recipe should prove efficacious. Pay close attention to the dosing instructions or you may find yourself intestinally indisposed for the remainder of the summer, although that would be amusing. In the event that this potion is not for your scrawny frame, you should be aware that it changes in potency when used on muggles. Now go and do your summer homework, not that I'm planning of letting you into my class.

SS

Everyone, it seemed, had a comment about his body. At least Snape wasn't looking at his bum. Harry read through the recipe noting that he should have all required ingredients. The brew only took a few hours to complete. If Harry could get his trunk out of the cupboard, he could have the potion completed by dinner time tomorrow. The only questions were how to get Uncle Vernon to agree to a magical potion and how to get Dudley to drink it.

Breakfast was a tense affair. Harry fried eggs, bacon, sausages and tomatoes for Uncle Vernon who ate them while teasing Dudley with the greasy bites. He poured bran cereal with skim milk for Dudley who sulked at his father's teasing. He toasted scones with jam for Aunt Petunia who moaned the lack of harmony in her household. And Harry ate what ever was left over while grumbling at being forced into the job of short order cook. Yesterday's cake had awakened Harry's appetite. He couldn't seem to get enough food. He hoped that his uncle would leave some of the bacon. Luck didn't seem to be on his side that day.

The bacon completely consumed, Uncle Vernon beat a hasty exit for the office. Aunt Petunia headed for her garden club meeting thankful to escape the house. That left Harry and Dudley staring at each other. No doubt they were both wishing for bacon while giving each other the evil eye.

After five minutes or so, Dudley broke the silence. "So what's the plan, freak?"

"I think you need to be nicer to me than that. I'm in charge of your potential freedom after all." Harry smirked. This was pretty fun.

"Sod off!"

"Tisk tisk, Remember that I get to decide what you eat the rest of the summer. Try again."

Dudley's face grew bright purple. It was easy to see the resemblance to Uncle Vernon as one vein throbbed on his cousin's forehead. Purple, huh? He's have to get those violets into the ground before the afternoon rain.

"I'm going to pound you into pulp, Potter. You are going to beg for mercy." Dudley shook a fat fist inches from Harry's nose.

"That's Warden Potter to you, Dud. Pound me and you'll break your house arrest!" Harry fired back.

Dudley dropped his clenched hand, startled. "How do you know that? You weren't at court yesterday."

Harry whipped out the newspaper clipping. "Have you seen the write up on your trial, Dudley? Made the national news! It's all there, what you did and the terms for your house arrest. I know all about it. Everybody knows, well everybody who can read. At least that leaves your friends in the dark."

Dudley just scowled. He snatched the clipping and read it with tightly squinted eyes. As he finished Dudley seemed to deflate. With a thud he laid his meaty head down on the table, the clipping fluttered to the floor. "I'm doomed."

"Not as doomed as you will be if you don't change your ways." Harry felt anger building behind his scorn. "Do you have any idea just how much damage you did to that little Evans boy?"

"I have an idea." came the whispered reply.

Harry was shocked. Was Dudley...sorry? Nah, it couldn't be.

"Then answer me one question. Really answer it. Why?" Harry asked in a tight voice.

"Dunno, because I can I guess." Dudley looked Harry right in the eye. "Could. I mean could. I won't do that anymore." Unhealthy fat crowded his eyelids nearly shut. "Are you gonna help me beat this thing? You have a deal with my dad."

"Yeah, I made a deal with him. Now I need a deal with you." Harry offered, an idea forming in his head.

"I'll help you with your diet." Harry stated, "I'll be your exercise coach. Heck, I'll even tutor you for those exams. But in return I want you to make it up to those people you hurt. What ever it takes. Every last one."

"You're crazy!"

"Crazy or no, those are my terms. You will fix this mess you got yourself into or I will turn my back on you. You have an opportunity to make amends and get a fresh start. Not everyone is so lucky." Harry emphasized his words by physically turning away from Dudley. He had another reason to turn away, his emotions were getting the better of him. Unlike his delinquent cousin, Harry knew that there was no redemption for what he had done to Sirius.

"You won't get your books back." came the sly reply.

Harry spun and attacked, "Do you think it will matter that I don't get into Potions to that little boy?" Harry was dismayed at how good it felt to rub all this into Dudley's face. It would be so easy to forget his own crimes by harping on Dudley's. Maybe that's why Snape was so critical in the classroom, he was hiding from his self-recrimination.

Dudley was clearly without words. He half shrugged and half nodded his head, confused.

"You will fix things and you will thank me by the end!" Harry spat. "Now, read these diets and pick one. You don't have all day!" Harry threw Hermione's diet summaries at Dudley and stalked from the room. He hadn't meant to say all that. He didn't want to think about these things either. This was about Dudley, not his own failings. Harry paced about the room ranting silently at himself. Bad memories flooded his senses and he feelings rubbed themself raw. Harry longed for the simplicity of his garden. He was sure the front beds needed weeding. It was important to maintain clean flower beds!

On the thirteen's lap around the livingroom Dudley called from the kitchen "Picked one."

The 'one' happened to be the Atkins diet. Harry wondered if Dudley had picked it because it was first on the list and saved him from reading the rest of the choices. No matter, Atkins it was, the no carbohydrate diet. Lovely.

Harry then sent Dudley off to his room to retrieve the exam requirements. A tutoring schedule would have to be designed for this evening. In the meantime, Harry boiled two eggs for Dudley to take with him for lunch along with a piece of cheese. At least this diet was easy to follow, all meat and fat.

Brown bag in hand, Harry ushered Dudley out the door with instructions on how to catch the bus to the Royal Humane Society. Then Harry rushed to call the named place informing them of Dudley's desire to volunteer. Unfortunately, the director there had also read the London Times article and had to be talked into accepting the help. The director eventually agreed to allow Dudley to clean cages from eleven until two-thirty with a break for lunch. He also promised to make sure Dudley got on the bus home.

After a quick weeding of the front flower beds, Harry ran to the market to shop for an all meat dinner. Then he ran back home to mow, water the lawn and plant those violets. At three o'clock he ran to meet the bus to make sure Dudley got off at the correct stop. One day into this deal and Harry was sick of the whole thing. They hadn't even gotten to the exercise part and Harry estimated he had already run ten kilometers. He was extremely tired, vastly hungry and not at all pleasant in the aroma department.

Dudley, on the other hand, was brimming with enthusiasm. He loved working at the shelter. Dudley talked extensively about how cute the kittens and puppies were and how he had been entrusted with a very important position. Harry bit back a snide comment that cleaning cages would certainly be useful on future job resumes.

Dudley didn't even complain when Harry took him on a five kilometer walk around the neighborhood instead of heading home to rest after his 'long day'. He chatted happily the entire distance treating Harry like an old friend. Harry pretty much ignored his chatter, his mind entrenched on the tiny pond he wanted to install in the backyard. He had read that fairies liked water.

Five official kilometers completed, a truly foul smelling Harry led this strange, new happy Dudley into the garage to work out with weights. Dudley assured him that he was quite versed in what to do. Dudley would do his strength routine from Smeltings while Harry went inside to clean his sweaty body up and rustle up a light snack.

A cold shower and a change of fresh clothes made a world of difference. Harry inhaled two massive sandwiches and a glass of cold tea while preparing Dudley's snack of two ounces of rolled ham and one teaspoon of peanut butter. Finally fed and feeling much better, Harry grabbed the snack tray and headed out to the garage.

Expecting the clang of weights and the odor of a sweaty body, Harry was totally unprepared to see Dudley sitting on the weight bench cuddling a tiny black and white kitten.

"What do you have there, Dud? Is it a stray?" Harry was irritated to see that Dudley was far from sweaty.

"Like it? I thought about what you said, you know, about making it up to all those people. I brought this little guy home for that lady with the cats." The tiny feline swatted at Dudley's wagging fingers with kitten sized pounces.

"You brought him home with you?" Harry wracked his brain trying to remember seeing the kitten on their walk. How could he miss such a thing? Then again, Harry couldn't remember most of what Dudley had talked about, his mind had been on the garden.

"I had him inside my shirt. Can't take pets on the bus you know." The kitten seized Dudley's hand bitting furiously. "Ouch! He has really sharp teeth. Anyway, the shelter was gonna gas him today if no one took him home. So here he is. Did I do good?" Dudley turned watery blue eyes his direction looking for approval. Harry nodded trying to wrap his thoughts around the fact that Dudley had kept a kitten in his shirt all this time unnoticed. Then again, Dudley's shirt was massive. You could probably hide a full grown cat in there with none the wiser.

"Yeah, I think she'll like him. Good job Dudley. That's a good start." Harry took the kitten out of Dudley's thick paws. "We'll take him over after you do your routine." Dudley sighed but got to work while Harry played with the cat and thought about adding cattails to the pond.

Mrs. Figg was delighted with her new addition. She named the little kitten Domino after his black and white pattern. She even forgave Dudley after he stumbled through an apology. Harry was starting to feel good about his involvement.

For dinner, Harry was too tired to do more than wave a steak under the broiler and throw together a salad. He warmed bread for Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia but abstained himself to show support for Dudley's diet. His new charge, amazingly, didn't complain about three ounces of steak and salad without dressing for dinner. He also didn't ask for any bread or desert maintaining that the meal was plenty and very satisfying. He even completed the lesson plan set out by Harry afterwards. Dudley was acting like a new man. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia just stared, afraid to break the spell of Dudley's contentment with any verbal comment.

Hermione's letter had explained that dieting could be like a marriage. The dieter would have a initial period of intense infatuation. If things went well, the routine would become familiar leveling into wedded bless. If things didn't go well, then the diet usually ended in violent divorce. If that happened, she explained, Harry would have to try a different diet and start the whole process again.

Things were going so well that Harry might not have to risk Snape's weight loss potion. Dudley was definitely on his diet honeymoon. Maybe this would all work out.

A/N Thanks everyone for the great reviews! Chapter 3 The Potion, coming soon!