It was that time of year again, Christmas time. The city was covered in blankets of snow. The only problem was Jordan had become the Grinch, she hated it. She didn't wanna do anything. And if everyone took a guess why they'd be right, it is the first Christmas without Justin. The young teen was struggling hard with her sobriety and had been lashing out at everyone.
One afternoon Jordan was sitting in the Principal's office slouched in a chair, she didn't know why she was even here. She glanced over at the kid next to her and saw him holding his injured shoulder and wrist. A moment later Hank rushed into the office and saw his daughter there with an injured kid sitting next to her.
"Ah, Mr. Voight, I'm glad you here. Follow me please you to Jordan". The principal said.
The father and daughter followed her into the office and shut the door, Hank glanced over at his daughter he knew this was gonna be a hard time for her.
"So what happened". Hank started.
"We had to pull Jordan off of Andrew, she had dislocated his shoulder and probably broke his wrist".
"He started it". Jordan spat.
"Jordan". Hank warned his daughter.
"He did, he wouldn't stop messing with me and when he pushed me I got him back. I was defending myself".
"Regardless of what happened, that doesn't give you the right to injure him". The principal told her.
"He got what he deserved".
"Jordan". Hank warned his daughter again.
"Being that it close to winter break, Jordan will be suspended until school starts again".
"What?! Why do I get suspended but he doesn't?" Jordan demanded.
"We will deal with Andrew".
"Screw this I'm outta here".
Jordan grabbed her stuff and left the office, she headed out to her father's car once in she slammed the door and put her seat belt on. The fourteen-year-old was trying hard not to break. A second later Hank got in the driver seat and looked at his daughter.
"Jo-" Hank started but was cut off.
"Don't dad. Just don't". Jordan said, her voice of shaky and full of anger.
"I can't help you if you don't talk to me".
"I don't wanna talk about it".
"Sweetheart it's bad if you keep bottling that up, it's gonna make you break. Don't slip and fall".
"I just wanna go home".
"Alright, I can take you home".
As Hank drove he'd glance over at her, he knows deep down she's struggling hard as hell to not slip.
"When'd you wanna put up the tree?"
"Never. I don't wanna do Christmas this year dad".
"You loved putting on the star".
"That's when I was little, I don't wanna put up the stupid tree, I don't wanna decorate, I don't wanna do anything. If you wanna do it fine be my guest just don't involve me. Have the others over for all I care just don't involve me with any of it".
"Can we at least get you something?"
"What I want no one can get it for me, no matter how hard you try or the other try. I'll never get it".
Hank knew what she meant and she was right, she wanted her mother and brother back and there was no way of bringing them back. If he could he would.
"Sweetheart-" He was cut off again.
"If you can bring back mom and Justin, then we'll talk till then just drop it".
The rest of the drive was silent Jordan had a lot of pent up anger ready to release, normally she'd fall back into her old habits but she wasn't gonna do that again. Hank had pulled up to his house, the car hadn't stopped yet when Jordan just hopped out and stormed inside. He felt his daughter's pain, this was gonna be their first Christmas without Justin truly being around. The older father then headed inside and heard screaming and other noises coming from his daughter's room.
Jordan was screaming, all of her anger was starting to come out. She had taken a bat to her bookshelf and hit her wall a couple times with it. She then resorted to punching the wall with her fist repeatedly, her right hand and knuckles are all bloody and bruised. Hank rushed in to see his daughter punching the wall.
"Jordan! Jo honey you gotta stop, you're gonna hurt yourself". Hank says to his daughter.
"I don't care! Make it stop dad! Make it stop, it hurts please just make it stop!"
The older father held his little girl as she screamed and cried. "It's ok sweetheart, I got you. You're gonna be ok".
"It hurts dad, make it stop. Just make it stop!"
The teen fell to her knees and Hank pulled her close and rested his chin on the top of her head. "It's ok Jo Jo, you're ok. I got you, your ok baby".
He carefully lifted her and brought her to her bed and laid her down then covered her up, this time of year was gonna be hard for both of them. He was about to leave when she spoke up.
"Dad, can you stay? Please"
"Of course sweetheart".
Hank laid next to his daughter and she curled up next to him, her head on his chest.
"I really miss him, daddy, I really miss Justin". Jordan started crying.
The older father felt his daughter's pain, he missed his son terribly. It was different when he was in jail that was only temporary this is forever. A couple of tears had fallen from his eyes as he held his little girl.
"I know honey I miss him too".
"Olive won't talk to us or let us see Daniel. I miss him daddy".
Hank didn't know what to do or what to say to calm his daughter, he just held her while she cried. About twenty minutes later Jordan had fallen asleep on her father's chest, she gripped his shirt like she use to do. Hank looked down to see her little girl fast asleep, he then had an idea on what to get his daughter but he was gonna need help.
About an hour and a half later Hank finally dozed off he was in a light sleep, he heard whimpering and whining he opened his eyes to see his baby with a painful look on her face.
"Justin come back please….don't leave me you're promised! Come back please. Mommy! Please don't leave me! Mommy! Justie! Please don't leave me!"
"Jo wake up baby, it's a dream. You're dreaming, come on sweetie wake up". Hank gently shook her.
It took the teen a few minutes to wake up and she jumped out of her sleep, she was half awake and still in her dream state.
"Mom?! Mommy! Justin!"
This was breaking Hank's heart to the fullest. "They aren't here sweetheart it was a dream, I'm right here. I got you".
Hank gently rocked and soothed his little girl, he knew deep down she was struggling hard as hell to stay clean and sober. Jordan cried and cried as she held onto her father.
"I got you baby, you're ok. I'm here, daddy's here. Daddy's got you".
The next day Hank had taken Jordan to see her therapist, he figured she needed someone to talk to. The teen frankly hated it with a passion but it was one of her father's terms when she got clean and sober. Hank was texting Mouse he needed the tech's help, Jordan sat bored in the chair.
"I still can't believe you're making see a shrink". Jordan said.
"Jo you can't keep bottling up your emotions, it's not doing you any good you're just hurting yourself more. You need an outlet that's not drugs, booze, and a knife".
"Antonio taught me how to box, I could do that".
"Not until you're knuckles heal after what you did".
"Who are you texting?"
"The team, they're updating me on a case".
"It's almost Christmas and you're working?"
"This is our last case until after the holidays".
"If you say so".
Just then a door opened and a lady in her early 30s came out, she wore a purple dress with black heels, her long black hair was up in a high ponytail.
"Jordan". She said.
The teen groaned, she hated being called by her full name it made her seem like she was in trouble. Getting up she smiled.
"Hey, Dr. Johnson". The teen greeted her therapist.
"You ready?"
"Yup".
The two headed to her office and closed the door, Jordan sat in the chair while Johnson sat across from her.
"So what's been going on, you ready for the holidays?"
"Not really, I'm the Grinch this year".
"Why's that?"
"I'd rather not say".
"It's your first Christmas without your brother, isn't it?"
Jordan tensed up immediately and her eyes began to sting again, she managed to choke out her answer. "Yeah. My sister in law she doesn't talk to me or my dad anymore, she won't let us see Daniel and with it being Christmas soon. It's hard. There hasn't been on holiday or birthday he missed. Justin he actually went to jail on my 11th birthday but they let him stay with me till he had to go".
"The first holidays without our loved ones being here, they are the hardest".
"I told my dad I didn't wanna do anything this year, if he wanted to do it he could just don't involve me. If he wants to have the others over I don't care just don't involve me".
"Close your eyes".
"What?"
"Close your eyes, were gonna take a trip down memory lane".
Jordan closed her eyes. "Ok now what?"
"Tell me one of your happiest Christmas memories".
"I was 7, me, my dad and Justin were decorating the house like we do every year. He always let me put the ornaments on. Justin watched me to make sure I didn't break them, he'd pick me up so I can reach the higher. Once the tree was finished my dad picked me up so I can put the star on. Christmas eve came and dad told me to get ready for bed, I asked him to tell me a story. It was one of the greatest stories I ever heard".
"Why was that?"
"My dad told me that his and my mom's first Christmas they spent together she told him she was pregnant with me. Mom didn't know how to tell him so she surprised him and Justin at Christmas. She gave my brother a onesie and a shirt, she gave my dad a onesie, a shirt, and she showed him the test. Everyone tells me I look like my mom but act like my dad".
"I bet. But at that time you were happy?"
"I really was. Every year".
"Did you miss your mother during those times?"
"I missed her more than anything. I was more upset when her birthday and Mother's day came around".
"That's understanding".
"I was sorta use to it without my mom, but not Justin. He was there for everything him not being here. It's different".
"I think deep down Justin and you're mother would want you to be happy, that's what they want for you not be angry".
"How am I supposed to be happy when neither of them is here? The only family I have left is my dad".
"That's not true you have a family. You have you're dad's team, the people from Firehouse 51, and some people from Med. Family isn't based by blood or DNA, family is based on the people in your life. They care about you, love you, protect you. They're the ones who pick you up when you fall. I know that nobody can replace your brother and mother but sweetie you still have a family".
The teen wiped her eyes and cheeks. "I just want them back".
"I know, I know. Jo can you at least try and celebrate the holidays? If you feel like you don't want to you don't have to but at least try".
"I'll try. No promises".
"I'll see you next time".
"See you".
They walk out, Hank looked up from his phone and went over. "Hey how was it?"
"Good". Jordan replied.
"Mr. Voight you got a second". Johnson says.
"I'll go wait in the car".
Hank handed her the car keys once the teen was out of reach, Hank looked over at her.
"How has she been?" Hank asked.
"Jordan is a most definite work in progress, it's taking time". She replies.
"Is there anything I can do for her? To help her?"
"You already are helping her by being there for her, you there when she needs a shoulder to cry on. Right now you are her rock. Jordan has a wall up right now and it's gonna take a lot to break it down".
"I feel like she's gonna slip".
"And you'll be right there to catch her if she falls. I'm here if you need to talk".
"Thanks doc".
Hank then went down to the car, he saw Jordan wasn't there he started to panic. Fear then shot through his body, they were near a corner where people delt and sold drugs.
Jordan had went and scored she had just opened the bag when she heard someone calling her.
"Jordan!"
Her head shot up and she saw her father and when he saw the small plastic bags in her hand he reached out and grabbed them, the teen started fighting her father.
"No! Let go!"
Hank finally got them and dumped them onto the sidewalk. Jordan ran her hands through her hair and started freaking out.
"I didn't know dad, I swear".
"It's ok honey".
"They weren't mine I was…I"
"Its ok sweetie".
"I didn't know"
"Come here sweet girl".
Jordan flung herself at her father. "I just want the pain to stop, that's all I want".
"I know Jo Jo, but that isn't the way".
"Let's just go to the District".
Hank didn't argue or debate with her they headed off to the District, when they arrived they headed inside. Jordan had hid her knuckles, Trudy looked up and saw her goddaughter she then looked to Hank who shook his head.
The father and daughter headed up to the squad, the team was just wrapping up their case and discussing their holiday plans. They looked over to see Hank and Jordan coming up, just by judging the look on the teen's face it wasn't a good one.
"You ok kid?" Kevin asked.
"Just leave me alone". Jordan said sourly.
"Hey Jo, were thinking of doing a Christmas party. Wanna help?" Adam asked.
"Nope. If you guys wanna do the whole Christmas thing just don't involve me".
"I thought you were gonna try". Hank says.
"I lied. If you guys do it don't involve me".
"You don't want us to get you anything?" Jay asked.
"What I want no one can get me, just drop it. Please".
"Jordy-" Erin started but was cut off.
"I said drop it!"
Jordan stormed off to the lounge and slammed the door, she sat on the couch and slid up the sleeves on her shirt and looked at her scars. She knew it was too dangerous to cut with everyone here she just pulled her knees to her chest and laid her head on them.
Hank sighed sadly at this point he honestly didn't know what to do at this point, he's tried everything.
"There has to be a way to help Jo, there has to be". Antonio spoke.
The older man then looked over at Mouse. "I need a favor".
"Name it". Mouse replied.
Erin then tried to call Olive repeatedly till she finally answered, the detective explained how upset Jordan was and she was struggling. They managed to get Olive and Daniel tickets to get to Chicago. Mouse was working on something hopefully this would make Jordan feel better.
It was also Christmas Eve, Hank only put up a little bit of decorations and put the tree up. It hurt not having his children help him. He remembers how Justin would help Jordan put the ornaments on and he'd pick her up to put the star on top. Once it was finished he waited to the put the star on, he wanted his daughter to do it.
"Jo! Can you come down here please". Hank called up to his daughter.
Jordan groaned and left her brother's room and went down the steps, she saw the house slightly decorated and the tree was up except the star.
"What dad". Jordan spoke.
"Come put the star on".
"I said no dad".
"Please Jo Jo, the tree ain't complete till the star gets put on. You said that".
Sighing she went down the stairs and put the star on top. "There. Happy?"
The teen ran back up to her brother's room and shut the door, she laid in his bed and cuddled his blanket close as she sobbed.
It was finally Christmas morning Hank woke up first, he checked in to see his little girl fast asleep in Justin's room. There was a soft knock on the door and he went to check, it was Erin with Olive and Daniel.
"Hi Hank". Olive greeted her father in law.
"Olive". Hank says, as he hugged her.
Daniel cooed as he reached out for his grandfather, Hank gently took a hold of his grandson. "There's my little man".
"Where's Jordy?" Erin asked.
"Still asleep".
"I'll go get her".
Erin went up to get her sister, she checked the teen's room and saw it empty then checked Justin's room. She saw her sister curled up asleep and as quietly as she could she went over to her.
"Jordy, Jordy wake up sweetie". Erin said gently.
"Hmm". Jordan mumbled.
"Wake up honey".
The teen opened her eyes to see her sister there. "What do you want?" Her voice filled with sleep.
"Come downstairs, you're dad and I have a surprise for you".
"Erin, I said I didn't want anything".
"Trust me you'll love this surprise".
"Fine. Give me a couple minutes".
Erin headed back downstairs while Jordan quickly changed, she changed into grey skinny jeans and one of her brother's shirts. Jordan then walked down the steps.
"So what's the big surprise". Jordan says coming down.
"Hi Jo". Olive said.
The teen stopped dead in her tracks as she saw her sister in law and nephew.
"Olive".
Jordan ran down the steps and hugged Olive tightly. Olive had hugged the teen tightly, she missed this side of her family terribly.
"Someone wants to see you Jo".
The fourteen year old looked to see her father holding her nephew, when she looked at him he looked just like her brother. She gently took hold of the little boy.
"Hey buddy, I missed you so much. Did you miss Auntie Jo". Jordan says playfully to her nephew.
"J-J" Daniel sutters.
"What is it buddy".
Everyone gathered around as Daniel was about to say his first word.
"J-Jo. Jo Jo. Jo Jo".
Jordan's heart swelled, her nephew had said her nickname her brother had given her. She held him close and kissed his head.
"That's right bud, I'm Auntie Jo Jo".
Hank rubbed a gentle hand on his daughter's back. Jordan looked at her father with tears in her eyes.
"Thank you".
"You're welcome". He wiped away her tears.
He then walked over to the tree and picked up a couple of small packages. Erin took a hold of Daniel while she opened them, they were two dvds.
"Dad what are these?"
"Let's watch one".
He took one of them and played it, Anna had popped up on the screen. She was playing with a baby Jordan. Jordan had put her hand over her mouth to keep the sobs in.
"Look at the camera baby, look it's daddy. Say hi daddy". Anna says as she held Jordan.
Baby Jordan reached out for her father. "There's my girl". Hank says on the video.
The scene changed, Anna was at the park with Jordan, she was gently pushing baby Jordan on the swing.
"They're goes mommy's big girl, you're flying sweet girl". Anna cooed.
Baby jordan laughed and squealed with laughter, every time Jordan swung back to her mother she laughed and squealed.
"There's momma's big girl, there she is. You're a pretty little girl aren't you".
Jordan laughed and squealed as she clapped her little hands.
The scenes kept changing, the last one was of Anna rocking baby Jordan in the nursery.
Hank and Anna had just brought their little girl home and Anna was rocking her. She couldn't believe that she and Hank had a little angel of their own. Baby Jordan was fast asleep in her mother's arms.
"I love you so much Jordan, momma and daddy will do everything to protect you". She hand gently brushed some of her baby's hair back gently. "You'll always be our little girl, no matter what sweet girl. I'll always love you. Forever".
Jordan had complete tears running down her face, she couldn't remember her mother's voice and now to hear it, it was everything to her. Erin put in the next dvd.
It came on and it was Jordan's first Christmas, Justin held his sister in his lap.
"Which one you wanna open Jo Jo, huh". Justin says to his baby sister.
Jordan reached out for a red wrapped gift, he brought it over to them and let his sister open it, the baby had a bit of trouble so he helped her.
"What is that? It looks like a train". His voice filled with excitement.
"Choo choo".
"That's right Jo Jo, trains go choo coo".
Justin then got her stocking from the wall. "Look what I got for you kiddo".
Jordan saw the stocking and started jumping.
"Justin, don't give her any candy this early". Hank tells his son.
"I won't Pop".
He poured the stuff from the stocking and the little girl clapped. "Wook Dada".
"I see baby". Hank says happily.
Justin then scooped up his sister and tickled her then kissed her cheek.
The scene had changed, in this once Jordan was 8 and Justin was showing her how to ride a bike.
"You're not gonna let go right". Jordan says.
"I'm not gonna let go, just pedal I gotcha". Justin tells his sister.
Jordan starts pedaling as Justin helps her stay balanced.
"I'm doing it! I'm doing it!"
Justin slowly backed away and let his sister ride the bike.
"You're doing great kiddo!"
Jordan started to lose a bit of control and fell, Justin then ran over.
"You ok Jo Jo?"
"I wanna do that again".
The rest of the dvd played and Jordan was letting tears fall from her eyes, she may have not wanted anything but she got the best gifts ever.
"I'm sorry dad, for how I've been acting, for almost slipping For everything". Jordan says wiping her eyes.
"It's ok, I understand. You know that I'm here for you and so is everyone else". Hank replies hugging her.
"I love you daddy".
He had kissed her head and stroked her hair back. "I love you too sweet girl".
There was a knock at the door and Jordan went to answer it, it was everyone from the team and their families.
"What are you guys doing here?" Jordan asked.
"We wanted to celebrate Christmas with you guys. After all you guys are part of the family". Antonio spoke.
Everyone gathered in Hank's house and everyone hugged each other, Adam pulled Jordan into a side hug.
"I want you to know none of us may not be Justin and none of us can ever replace him but were your brothers to. Your stuck with us". Adam tells her.
"Thanks Adam". Jordan replies.
She then got an idea and headed to the kitchen where the food and drinks were, she made Adam some hot chocolate and poured some extra hot hot sauce in it along with some salt. She mixed it together and headed out of the kitchen and went to Adam with an innocent look.
"Made this for ya bro".
"Thanks kiddo".
A grin appeared on her face as he took a good swing, as soon as he drank it his mouth was on fire and tasted like salt. He screamed as everyone laughed, he then started to chase Jordan and she hid behind Jay.
"Hide me Jay!"
Jay blocked Adam's path to the teen. "I don't think so Adam".
"It's on kiddo". Adam playfully says to Jordan.
"Bring it". Jordan challenged.
The rest of the night was filled with laughter, Anna and Justin's spirits were watching over them. They watched as Jordan was laughing and enjoying herself. Jordan looked over and could have sworn she seen her mother and brother, they waved at her smiling. She smiled back and gave a small wave.
"Who ya waving Jordy?" Erin asked.
"I thought I saw someone I knew". Jordan says softly.
Later that night Jordan was in her room looking at pictures of her mother and brother, when she saw one of her mother she held onto her engagement ring that hung around her neck. The teen laid down in her bed cutting the light off and fell asleep.
"I love you mommy, I love you Justie". She mumbled.
Their spirits appeared again and sat on either side of her, Anna brushed her daughter's hair back and kissed her head.
"I love you too my sweet girl, I love you more than my own life". Anna whispered.
Justin sat next to his young sister and gently stroked her forehead like he done when she was a baby, it helped her sleep.
"I love you so much Jo Jo". Justin whispered.
He then kissed her head, Jordan woke up for a moment she could have sworn she felt someone touch her and she could have sworn she heard her mother and brother's voices. She turned and just as she closed her eyes she saw their spirits.
"Merry Christmas". She muttered, as she fell asleep.
"Merry Christmas". They said in union.
…..
Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays!