*Post 6x2*
Jordan- 16
Jay Halstead was at Chicago Med getting checked out after being shot. He was still very emotional after his father's death and after Voight went off on him the older Sergeant had put his detective on furlough.
He sat on the bed, his eyes wide as his eyes glossed with tears he didn't let them fall. He still remembers his last words to his father right before he died. He had called him an ungrateful prick and that burned into his head forever.
Jordan quickly walked through the hospital trying to find Jay. She had heard what happened to the detective; she was worried and furious. They had just buried Alvin and now they were almost close to burying Jay next. She found his room and went in.
The detective was broken from his thoughts as he looked up at the teen. He stayed silent not knowing what to say.
"Are you ok?" Jordan asked.
"I'm fine". Jay replied with no emotion.
" Good. What the hell were you thinking?"
"I wasn't".
"Clearly. Jay we just buried Uncle Alvin and now we were about to bury you too! You could have died!"
Jay sadly looked up at the teen. "You don't understand Jo".
The teen then shot him a look of anger. "Excuse me. I know you didn't just say that". Taking a deep breath she looked at him with the glare still on her face. "Let me ask you a question Jay, did you have both your parents growing up?"
The injured detective stayed quiet as he looked down, that only caused Jordan to get more angry.
"Answer the question dammit, did you have both your parents growing up?"
"Yes I had both my parents growing up".
"Good for you because I didn't. I had my mother for 5 months of my life before she was killed. Wanna know what it's like growing up without a mom? It sucks ass. Kids at school telling me my mom left because she couldn't stand me, she couldn't take how ugly I was, I know what it's like to lose a parent. Regardless of how old I was I know what it's like, don't you ever say I don't know what it's like because I do. I never got to know my mother, the only way I gotta know her is what my dad tells me, the pictures". The teen's voice began cracking. "I never got to grieve my mom because I was too young when she died. You got to have your mother, you did more with her than I got to do with my mom. All I had growing up was my dad and my brother, yeah I had Erin, Trudy, Alvin, Meredith, but in reality all I had was my dad and brother. Do you know what it was like every mother's Day and my mom's birthday for me? I had to go to a grave to see her. You didn't have to, you got to be there for her, you gotta hold her, hug her, you had everything I didn't".
The tears from Jay's eyes began to fall as he finally spoke. His voice cracked and filled with pain and sadness. "The last thing I told him was he was an ungrateful prick. Those were my last words to him".
Jordan felt tears fall from her eyes as she remembered something. "What I'm about to tell you I've never told anyone, the only people who knew were me, my dad, and Erin. It was a month to my seventh birthday, my dad and I went to Walmart to get some stuff when he wasn't looking. I snuck away to look at a bike. I was at the age where I wanted something new so I could fit in so I told my dad about the bike and he said no, I started acting like a total brat about it and I didn't even realize what I was saying. I told him that I hated him all over a bike. A couple days went by and I still didn't know what to say to him, I was at school and Erin came to get me. She told me something had happened to my dad". Her lip began wobbling. "The whole way to the hospital all I could think was, what if those were my last words to him? What if he died knowing I hated him over a bike? Nobody would tell me anything because I was too young and because of my dad, I thought I had lost my only parent I had. When we finally got to the hospital and I saw him, I had never been so relieved. All I kept telling him was I'm sorry. He knows I didn't mean it and I know you're dad knows you didn't mean it. Your dad knows you and Will love him no matter what you did, what you said, no matter what all you may have been too damn stubborn to admit it but he knows Jay". More tears began falling from her eyes as her voice was cracking more. "I told you before Jay, I already lost one brother don't make me lose another. I'm barely able to hold myself together right now as it is, I'm trying not to fall apart because I know my mom, Justin, Lexi, and Uncle Alvin wouldn't want me to do that. I've already lost enough people Jay, my mom, my brother, my sister in law and nephew, Erin, Lexi, and now Uncle Alvin. Meredith won't even talk to me anymore because she can't stand to look me in the eye, she doesn't even consider me or my dad family anymore. So you can say I lost her too. All I have left is my dad, you guys, everyone at 51, a few people here. You, Adam, Kevin, and the others guys are my brothers, the girls are like my sisters. If I lost my dad or one of you, I don't know what I'd do because all of you are all I have left. I told you before, I lost one brother please don't make me lose another".
Jay hadn't said anything but Jordan knew that look in his eyes all too well.
"I know what that feels like, the anger, the rage, all of it. You wanted revenge. I get it. When Justin died that's how I felt I wanted to be the one to kill the son of a bitch who took my big brother, my best friend from me. Not only did he take my brother he took my father's son, my nephew's father, my sister in law's husband. I know the feeling, I get it. But at what cost is it worth it? Is avenging your father's death worth your life? How would Will feel losing his father and brother in the same time period? How would everyone at the District feel? How would all your friends feel? How would I feel? How do you think Erin would feel if we told her? You weren't thinking at all and you almost died, all of us almost lost a brother, you're like a son to my dad and he almost lost another son. Jay I know that you got help before with your issues but this time and I'm only saying this because I care about you. You really need to get help after this because if you don't you're really gonna do something you may not come back from believe me I know, I've been there all of you know that. I let all that anger, grief, I let all of that consume me and after a while I didn't know who I was anymore, I turned into this completely different person I didn't know. Like I said I never got to grieve when my mom died and when Justin died, my whole world fell apart. The first time in years I was finally able to grieve my mom, I grieved her and Justin at the same time but after that I let everything consume me. You all know the rest, I drank, cut, used a little, after what happened with Damian it made me more depressed and when I finally had it when I couldn't take it anymore I slit my wrist deep. After that I knew that I needed help but I didn't know how to ask for it, I was afraid to ask, so when I finally got the help I needed I felt a hell of a lot better. I felt like me again, it doesn't happen overnight Jay it takes time. Use that time to get help, go to a therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, anyone just get help before you do something you can't come back from. Go to one of the guys on the team, hell go to 51, come here and talk to Dr. Charles. Come to my dad, come to me, we're family Jay were here for you through thick and thin. Through good times and bad. We're here for you no matter what, if you need to talk anytime day or night I'm here, my dad's here, we're all here for you Jay".
Jay had now completely broken down in tears which made Jordan more emotional and more tears fell from her eyes.
"I-I just…want..my dad…back". Jay sobbed.
The teen sat next to Jay and pulled him in for a side hug. The young detective had buried his face into Jordan's shoulder and sobbed.
"I know Jay, I know. It's gonna hurt for a while but you and Will are gonna come around and pull through this. I know you will". Jordan tries to calm him through her tears and sobs.
Jordan had brushed some of his hair back, it was as if the roles had been reversed for a moment. He was usually the one calming her down now she was calming him down. The teen had wrapped her arms around him burying her face into his neck. Jay had kept his face buried into the teen's shoulder.
Will had heard sobbing coming from his brother's room so he went to check. He was also still very upset about his father's death, his eyes filled with pain and sadness, they were a blood red color from crying. He peeked in to see his brother and Jordan sitting on the bed, both crying. He saw how his brother was clinging onto the teen for dear life.
Jordan looked through her blurry vision to see Will, she nodded for him to enter the room. After a couple of minutes Will had helped his brother to his feet, Jay's face was wet from tears, they heard his sobs and whimpers. This had broken the young detective more than anything.
"Let's go home man, you need to rest". Will told his brother.
Jay still hadn't said a word, he was still deeply upset and emotional. Just as the Halstead brothers began to walk away Jordan chased and called for Will.
"Will wait up". Jordan called, her voice raspy.
The older Halstead stopped and gently grabbed his brother's arm as they both turned to look at her.
"If you guys need anything, if you need help or someone to talk to, we're here for you. I'm here so is my dad, just call and we'll come. That's what family's for".
Will gave a sad smile and went over to hug the teen, Jordan flung her arms around the older Halstead. He gave her a brotherly kiss to the top of her head.
"Thanks Jo". Will told her.
"Anytime. You guys would do the same for me".
Jay went over and hugged the teen next, his face buried into her brown hair. Tears fell from his eyes into her hair, Jordan's cheek rested on his shoulder.
"Thank you Jo". Jay finally spoke, his voice raspy and cracking.
"No problem bro". Jordan whispered.
He then gave her a kiss to her forehead then left with his brother. Hank was walking in when he saw the brothers, he had finally calmed down after getting on Jay.
"Sarge I-" Jay was cut off by Hank.
"It's alright, take all the time you need. Don't rush coming back, the job will still be there. So will your desk. Take some time to be with your family". Hank told him.
"Thank you".
"You're welcome Jay, I'm here if either of you need anything and I mean that. Anything".
"Thanks Hank". Will spoke.
"Thank you". Jay says.
The brothers left the hospital, Jordan saw her father and without hesitation she ran tackling him into a hug holding onto him for dear life. She saw what the Halstead brothers we're going through after losing their father, it made the teen worry about her father.
She knew his job has been and always will be dangerous work. Every time they went into the field it terrified her she wondered if it was gonna be the last time she saw her father or one of the guys. The teen gripped tightly to her father, if Hank had to guess he knew why his little girl was like this.
"I love you daddy, I know I don't say it enough but it's true". Jordan says softly.
Hank had kissed his daughter's head. " I love you too sweet girl, more than my own life".
Jordan then had buried her face into his shirt, she couldn't imagine losing her father. Her only parent she has left. If she had ever lost her father she'd probably go back to rock bottom and this time she may not come back.
"I don't wanna lose you".
"You won't lose me. Not now. Not ever. I'm gonna be around for a long time, I'm not going anywhere sweetie".
Jordan had felt many things at that moment, anger, pain, sadness, and many more. She felt a little guilty because she was able to hold her father and be with him, Jay and Will have to bury their father.
Later that night Jay was at his apartment he had a six pack and a huge bottle of liquor on his table. He was going through old pictures he had found of his parents, him and his brother, but a few had stood out. His father had a picture of him the day he graduated from the Police Academy, he had a few articles of the cases that Intelligence had done.
The young detective had more tears pouring down his face, his body shook. He was on his fourth beer when there was a knock on his door. He wasn't in the mood to see anyone or talk, he figured it was probably one of the guys or maybe Kim or Hailey. The knocking had gotten louder, he tried to ignore it but it wouldn't stop. After chugging the last bit of his beer he opened another one.
The knocking on his door still wouldn't cease then a loud voice yelled through the door and it was one he was all too familiar with.
"Jay! I swear if you don't open this door I'll kick it in again!" Jordan called through.
Jay stumbled to get up and make his way to the door, he unlocked it to see the teen. Jordan was there holding a couple of bags.
"What do you want Jo?" Jay asked.
"I came to check on you. You weren't answering nobody's call and the last time you did that I found you after you OD'd. So I figured I'd check on you".
"I'm good. I'm fine".
"Yeah and I'm the Queen of England. Jay it's ok not to be ok there's no shame in it. You guys taught me that".
"Whatcha got there?"
"You're probably tired of take out so I'm gonna cook".
"You can cook?"
"I have many talents".
Jordan walked into the apartment and saw the bottles on the table she went over and picked them up.
" What are you doing?"
"You're not doing this, this ain't the way to cope. It starts out as this then it goes into bigger stuff to the point of no way out. Trust me it's best if I get rid of it".
He wanted to fight and keep it but he knew she was right, if he started that it would be no way out. He remembers very well how hard it took to get Erin and Jordan back from that kind of life. The teen dumped it all out while Jay went to sit on the couch, he picked up the picture from his graduation. His lip kept wobbling and Jordan came over.
"What's that?"
"This is a picture of my graduation. My dad didn't like when I enlisted or went to the Police Academy, he didn't approve of Will going to Medical school or becoming a doctor. He was against everything we did".
Gently taking the picture from his hand she looked at it and smiled then looked back at him. "If he was there that day at your graduation and probably at Will's he wasn't against either of you. He was proud of you, both of you he was probably too damn stubborn to show it. Just like two other people I know".
Jay chuckled a bit and just stared at the picture, he remembers his graduation very well. Nobody had been there for him, nobody was there to cheer him on, clap for him, tell him they're proud of him. He was all alone that day. To see this picture surprised him, he didn't know his father was there that day. It was a sign to show that their father cared and loved his boys he just never showed it.
Jordan brought Jay in for another side hug and he buried his face into her shoulder. The teen just let her surrogate brother cry into her shoulder, she didn't care how big of a stain she had on her shirt. They'd do the same thing for her. The young detective gripped her tightly in a hug as if she was gonna disappear.
Looking at him, Jordan just brushed his hair back with her hand. Her head leaned against his as silent tears ran down her face.
"It's alright Jay, it's all gonna be ok". Jordan tries to soothe him.
"I-I…ju-just want…my dad…back". Jay cried.
"I know, I know. Everything's gonna be just fine I promise. You're gonna be ok, you and Will both''.
She gave him a sisterly kiss on his head and held him as he cried. When Jay was crying for his father, she was crying for her mother and brother. The two understood some of each other's pain, they both felt the pain of losing a parent. Jordan had lost Anna, Jay had lost both his parents. They both went through PTSD at some points in their lives. Them two knew the other better than anyone, it could be the reason they confided in each other.
When Jordan was feeling some kind of way, she didn't want anyone to know and she wasn't one for talking about it. But after Erin had left both of them began struggling with everything so they confided in each other all the time. They were almost inseparable at times.
When Jay was hanging out with Camila Jordan had to do whatever it took to keep her surrogate brother away from that girl. All she did was drag him down a rabbit hole, she was nothing but bad news. After he finally came clean about being with Camila he got the help he needed and he felt like himself again. Now after losing his father he was gonna need all the help he could get and Jordan was gonna be with him every step of the way like he did for her. It was Jordan's turn to help take care of one of her brother's.