One of Us Had Been a Frog
Chapter Five: Chinese Food
Disclaimer: Duh..
Summary: Do you love me? Yes.
A/N: Hey guys, how's life? Right, so anyways… This is from Jews & Chinese Food. New episode tonight, can't wait… But well, here's something to read while you wait. Please review.
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What is your problem?
His problem was that for the past week, he had stood around backstage, listening to Bradley's asthma attacks, hearing all about Damon's lesbian mother, avoiding Crazy Carrie, and building stupid sets, just so he could see her. But he hadn't seen her yet.
His ass was killing him, his knees hurt, he had a horrible headache, and he had accidently hammered his thumbs twice. And it all would have been worth it, if she had just stopped by… even for a second. But she never did. Not even for a second.
What's his problem? She seriously didn't know? How could she not know? She was supposed to know...
His problem was that his bed was way too big. His problem was that he no longer had to worry about staying up late when he had early deliveries. His problem was he didn't have to worry about his REM sleep anymore. His problem was that he had too many pillows and she wasn't tangled up in his sheets. His problem was that he didn't have to worry about waking up her on those mornings with early deliveries. His problem was that his blue flannel shirt didn't smell like her anymore. His problem was that every time the bell over the door rang, he looked up, hoping it was her, and it never was. His problem was that he couldn't sleep without her beside him. His problem was he couldn't listen to any of his CDs without thinking about her. His problem was that his boat wasn't in her garage anymore. His problem was that her cinnamon toothpaste was still sitting on her shelf, and he actually tried it last night. His problem was that he never saw her. His problem was that he was her ex- boyfriend. His problem was that he missed her more than he thought he would.
She was the only damn reason he had done this. He only did this stupid thing because he wanted to see her. Because she had signed him up, and now they were broken up. But he wanted to see her. He wanted to see her, even if it meant getting pinched by Carrie, and building stupid wagons for Kirk. But she never came and he'd had that stupid song stuck in his head for days and it was her fault.
She couldn't go.
If she saw him, she'd remember that she hadn't slept at all last night. If she saw his baseball cap, she'd remember how she hasn't eaten in a while. If she got close enough to smell him, she'd remember that he hadn't been sleeping beside her last night. If she saw him with the kids, she'd remember that she wasn't getting her middle. If she smelled his coffee, she'd remember how she hasn't had any of it in a few days. If she saw his toolbox, she would talk to it, call it Bert, and remember how it wouldn't be sitting in her front hall any time soon. If she saw him fixing things around the set, she'd remember how he wouldn't be sticking his head in her oven and doing the skit, anymore. If she saw Carrie pinch his ass, she'd remember how she wouldn't be able to do that ever again. If she saw the giant "they broke up" billboard in front of his diner, she'd remember her empty garage, and her alone place.
She wasn't even positive he was going to be there. Why would he be? They broke up. He didn't have to go. She wouldn't make him.
She didn't know if he'd be there. The possibility that he might, kept her away, but also the possibility that he wouldn't be.
She had some crazy thought in her head, that if he was there, maybe she still had that power over him. Maybe he still couldn't say no to her. Maybe he still cared. Maybe he missed her. Maybe there was still a chance.
But, the thought of going down there, and not seeing him, was too much. If he wasn't there, maybe it was really over. And she couldn't handle that.
"Is it turning out how you imagined? That special, all you- alone place?"
"Yeah, it sure is."
Yep. Yep, it sure was. She glanced around the pink and blue garage, and closed her eyes to halt any tears that were thinking about falling down her face. She was alone. This was her alone place. The pink and blue garage, where a ton of random crap was once stored, and then a band, and then a boat, and now... nothing.
She walked back towards her big, empty house. She didn't really know why this was so different. She had been alone before, and it hadn't bothered her this much. When Rory left for Yale, things were different, they were quiet, they were lonely. But she had gotten over it. She had moved on. She had gotten used to it, and it had been OK. So why was it different now? Why did it hurt so much?
Because, when Rory left, she wasn't gone for good. She'd still visit. She'd still be around. She'd still call, and be in her life.
But Luke left, and now he was gone forever. He wouldn't call, or come over. He wouldn't be around. He wouldn't fix the window, or the faucet. He wouldn't bring her coffee. He wouldn't put a blanket over her when she fell asleep on the couch. He wouldn't fall asleep beside her. He wouldn't wake up with her in the morning. His tire tracks wouldn't be in the driveway. His boots wouldn't be by the door. His jacket wouldn't be hanging on the coat rack. His boat wouldn't be in the garage.
Luke had always been around. He'd always been fixing some back door lock, falling off the roof, or crawling under the porch, looking for termites. He'd always been around, and now that he wasn't, it all seemed so strange.
Why did it hurt so much?
Because when Rory left, she still had Luke. But Luke left, and now she didn't have him.
If you were where you were supposed to be. Lorelai bit her lip. She knew what Luke had really meant. He missed her. He missed her and she missed him. God, did she miss him. And they had stood in her blue and pink garage arguing about everything that didn't matter, instead of what was really wrong. Why couldn't they ever just say what they meant? Why couldn't they just work it out? Why couldn't they just be together?
She hadn't been lying to Rory when she said she was doing better, fine even, but this, right here, was why she wouldn't ever be fine.
She had busied herself with work and making costumes. She had even been able to forget about it for a few hours. But, then she'd get a headache and realize she needed coffee. His coffee. Or she'd go home after work and see that the lock was still broken. She'd see his toothbrush in her bathroom, or his socks in her drawer. She'd see an issue of Sports Illustrated buried between a Cosmo and a Rolling Stone. She'd see some balance bars in the cabinet. She'd pass by Luke's and see him in the window, taking Kirk's order. She'd see his father's green truck slowly driving down the street.
You have a whole house of special alone space
But everything in her house reminded her of him.
He was standing two feet away and wanted to look at her so badly. He didn't want to see her the same way he had been seeing her lately. He didn't want to see those sad expressions he had been seeing so much of. He hated when she was sad. He hated that he caused it. He hated that he was sad, too. He hated that they couldn't figure it out. But, he just didn't want to think of her like that... so sad. The way she looked at the movie theater, Doose's, in front of her house, that stupid fight in her garage.
Pink and blue. If she thought he wouldn't get the hint...well, maybe no else got but, how could he have not noticed? Pink and blue. They did go so much better together than apart, didn't they?
He had been coming to this stupid school all week so he could see her, and now she was here. So, he was going to see her.
He looked over, and caught her looking at him. They both turned away quickly
What's his problem?
His problem was that he missed her. His problem was that he was an idiot. His problem was that he was scared. His problem was that he didn't know what to say. His problem was that he wasn't sure how to fix this. His problem was he didn't know how she felt. His problem was he didn't ask. His problem was that he looked away.
He caught her staring. Damn it. But he had been looking at her, too, right? Yeah. Maybe he missed her. He was here, wasn't he? He didn't have to be. Maybe Bradley pulled the asthma bit. Maybe he didn't miss her. But he was looking at her. Why was he looking at her? Maybe he did miss her. Maybe he came for her. Maybe it wasn't over. Maybe he still cared.
Do you love me?
Yes.
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doo doo… Oh, if anyone, didn't get that. The girl is singing, and they both think yes. Just making sure everyone got it… Cuz yeah, it wasn't very clear.
Anyway, I have the mother of all headaches, so I'm going to go take some pills. Yeah. New episode, tonight. I'm excited, as always. Although I really can't wait for next weeks. Yes, anyway… pills, right.
Please review.