Shaggy's Birthday Bash
By Richie Wraggs
Author's notes
Oi don't 'ave much to say about this 'ere story, except it be about a cartoon that be starring a dog who be scared of everthin' and anythin'. Tell me that oi be roight.
One night in a parking lot at KFC there parked the mystery machine rocking back and forth. Inside Fred and Daphine were fucking like crazy, Velma was crying in the corner because she couldn't knock boots with the red haired skank, Shaggy was in the corner fucked on chinese white rocks having explicit thoughts about Velma and would fuck her if he wasn't too high to get it up and Scooby was sitting down and shaking. Fred notices this and stops rodding Daphine's twat to say to him; "There's nothing to be afraid of out here Scooby! Man, I thought we had a dog not a pussy!"
"Ruh uh!" said Scooby, shaking his head for he wasn't shaking because he was scared but actually because he was taking a shit. He strained hard until he squeezed out a big brown dallop the size of a newborn baby.
"Scooby, I warned you about getting fucking shit on my new carpet for the last fucking time!" Shouted Fred as he pulled out a big knife. "I'm gonna gut you like a fucking fish and do it slowly so you feel it, shitface!"
Now Scooby was scared, Fred ran for Scooby as he tried to claw through the wall at the back of the van or something. Fred then slips on Scooby's faeces sending some flying into Shaggy's mouth, Fred falls over and accidently slices his cock off and stabs one of his balls with the knife.
"Argh! My cock! My ribbed with a knee joint in the middle, hand-primed, teary-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, zipper-splitin' monster custard chucker! Ohh and my bulging gonad as well!" Fred writhed on the floor in intense pain! "Call the fuckin' hospital you douchebags! Don't just stand there like retards!"
As all this was going on Shaggy was like "Hey man like what just flew into my mouth just then?"
"Forget that you paralysed streak of piss! I cut off my big buddy and now I'm bleeding to death!" Replied Fred in anger.
"What you just ate was some of Scooby's excrement." Said Velma.
"Mmm, that like had some pretty grovy flavour." Replies Shaggy. "Tastes way better than scoobie snax!"
"Really? You like the flavour of dog shit?" Said Daphine in shock.
"Hel-lo! I'm fucking bleeding to death over here I may need some help!" Shouted Fred.
"Shut the fuck up Fred! You wern't even a good fuck!" said Daphine.
"So you're gonna leaving dyin' here?" Asked Fred.
"No I've got a better Idea!" Velma said. And so she drove the Mystery Machine next to a car crusher. Scooby, Shaggy, Daphine and Velma exited the vehicle leaving Fred inside.
"Aw come on, gang!" Fred cried "I was only joking whenever I was abusive, seriously!" The magnet grappled the van and was carrying it over the crusher. "Jesus fuck! Stop the machine! I was an abused child, my father was a violent alcoholic and I was molested by five different people!" Yet the rest of the gang just stood there as the van was over the dropping point "Fuck all of you! I couldn't stand another day with you pansy-ass retards anyway!" The van drops into the crusher, the door shuts and sounds of crushing metal with Fred screaming like a little bitch following it were heard. The noise stops and and a metal cube with blood oozing out of it's cracks was rolled out on a conveyor belt and droped into a pile of other crushed vehicles. The gang cheered in celebration of Fred's death.
"Now that that jerkoff is dead how about making sweet girl on girl chemistry, Daphine?" Suggested Velma.
"I'd rather suck Scooby's spermy nutsack then make out with a putrid mat munching hermephodite!" Answered Daphine.
Velma's heart was broken and she ran off crying, got a ladder and mounted it up on the crusher before climbing it and jumping into the crusher. The machine closed the big door on top closed then made some noise accompanied by Velma's annoying death scream and rolled out the bloody, bruised flesh cube that was Velma on the convyor belt.
Shaggy notices that Velma's crotch area was fully exposed showing her bare vagina and anus. "Like wow! I found myself a far-out new sex toy!" Said Shaggy in amazement. He ran to the end of the conveyor belt and grabbed the flesh cube and started fucking the daylights out of it. The sight of this made Scooby really horny. He then jumped at daphine, bit her head and snapped her neck as he landed then he dragged her corpse into the bushes. The bushes rustled, woofing and panting noises were heard as well. "Ree, hee hee hee Rooby dooby doo!" Orgasamed Scooby.
The following day keeping in the context of the story's title it was Shaggy's Birthday. But there was no one there to party with because all of his friends were dead. Shaggy became really depressed and contemplated suicide but then he was asked by a neibour to empty their septic tank and then Shaggy remembered the bliss of the taste of the shit he eaten last night so he happily agreed and emptied the whole tank by slurping all the chum from it. Later that day he got a job at the sewage treatment facillity where his job consisted of sitting on a chair with his lips wrapped around a pipe guzzling the liquidized ass mush. This was his best birthday ever until he died of chronic food poisoning and salmonella from consuming five hundred gallons of brown mustard.
Epilouge
As for Scoobie, he was captured by pest control for murder and rape and was sent to a farm where he was sent into a field labelled "Cash Cows." Although some creepy old men wanked on his floppy doggie dick and made money come out but Scooby didn't mind for he was fed all the scooby snax he could eat and play with the other cash cows like SpongeBob Squarepants. That is until they shifted Scooby into a factory trapped him inside a claustrophobic cage where he has to spend the rest of his life living on just putrid waste water and a handful of antibiotics a day just to keep the poor pathetic creature alive. He was only let out of the cage to get extracted for all the money made inside. A week later he he grabbed weedkiller when his oppressors wern't looking and downeyed the entire bottle then after a few minutes scooby died in his cage with his face in the shit bucket they call a feeding bowl.
Meanwhile at the dump the pile of crushed cars was struck by lightning and an arm rise out of it from the top.
The end?