A/N: Drug use? Check. Meaningless sex talk? Check. Useless information? Check. Random much? Check, check, check.

"And they locked me in a closet," hop, "and I had to wear my pig of a cousin's clothes," hop, "which completely destroyed my dreams," hop, "of being England's hippest young fashion designer and. . . ." Hop. "And I can so jump higher than you, Malfoy!"

"No you damn well can't! Look it! I'm jumping higher, and I'm not even trying!" The blond Slytherin jumped up and down off of his toes, clenching his jaw as he strained his neck to gain height over the other wizard.

"You're about to pass out, you bloody idiot! Give it up."

"No, I'm not, stupid scarhead. You and your bloody hero complex—you'd think you'd let me win. . . ."

Draco most likely had more of a retort on its way. However, he'd just attempted to jump over Luna Lovegood's still and rather stoned form (much like her normal self), tripped and found himself having a very intimate relationship with the rooftop. "Stupid girl!" he snapped looking over his shoulder at Luna. "Always in the bloody way. . . ." Suddenly his eye caught a glance of another feminine figure sitting by a fidgeting Ron Weasley.

A moment of silence passed.

"Granger? Weren't you wearing a blouse a moment ago?" Malfoy asked, brow raised.

Gryffindor's favorite know-it-all looked up from the notes she was quickly scribbling down. "What? Oh, yes, I suppose I was. It got hot, quite suddenly. I believe that was when I went from phase one to phase two." She shrugged, noticing her satin undershirt was receiving a rather large amount of attention. "Not that the absence of a button-up gives you permission to look, Malfoy."

Draco wiped off a bit of drool, "Like I'd look!" He glanced around, eyes finally traveling heavenward. "I think I need another puff—my head's clearing a bit. . . . Unless I'm the only one seeing the quidditch match, in which case I might be progressing rather quickly."

"Nope." Harry smirked, looking up into the sky—a very clear, blue sky. "The drugs must be wearing off because I see it, too. We're winning."

"The hell you are! My team is winning."

"Bollocks!"

Hermione looked up. "Harry! Stop cursing." She raised a brow. "And, by the way, I don't see anyone playing quidditch. I think you're both hallucinating. Sad, really that you're both so unimaginative that you see something so common as a game of quidditch." The young witch blinked at the scowling expressions Ginny and Ron were giving her. "Did I say that out loud?"

"So, Granger, what, in all your intellectual glory, will your hallucinations look like?" Zabini asked, arms around a disappointed Pansy.

The Slytherin princess glared over her shoulder at Blaise. "Excuse me? Can we not concentrate on her? Why can't we discuss our own fantasies?"

"Because, I am so cool and collected that I am presently in phase two and no one has even noticed, and you, little flower, are barely stoned at all."

Pansy squinted her eyes, pushing away from him. "That is not my fault—how was I supposed to know that the muggle weed I smoked this morning would cancel out the Dragon's Breath? And never use my nickname in public again, or I swear to Salazar that you'll never get any from me."

"You haven't gotten any yet?" Draco asked looking away from his 'quidditch game'.

"Will you get your minds out of the restricted section, please?" Ginny groaned, taking the bong away from her lips. "There are minors reading this, you know."

"Gin, I have no idea what you're talking about," Ron said, suddenly pacing, "but don't interrupt them—it's a very rude habit, plus this is rather interesting to us virgins. So shut it, sis. Parkinson, Zabini, go on."

Pansy raised a brow, muttering to the other Slytherins. "What the hell were we talking about?"

"Getting it on," cheered a voice.

The students turned, noticing that the jeer had come from the strange Hufflepuff. Joster, nodded, looking much like a bobble head puppy with dreadlocks.

"Some sick freaks in that house," Draco commented. "Anyhow. . . .Who else is in phase three?" His eyes widened. "Did anyone just see that Dark Mark in the sky? It had butterfly wings. Purple ones. Oh, giant mushrooms, lookit!"

Harry raised a brow. "Well, obviously you're further along than me, but I'm definitely there and. . . ."

Hermione's laughter interrupted him. She let out another string of giggles, obviously seeing something very funny on Ron Weasley's stomach. "I've progressed to that level," she smiled vacantly. "I've got to write this down."

Draco nodded, reaching out to grab something that was apparently running into his face. He dodged the invisible assailant, addressing the group. "Well, the last phase should be approaching momentarily. From what I've read, it's the longest, and apparently the most pleasurable."

"What do we do when it's over? Go to class?" Harry asked. "I think we've smoked all of the Dragon's Breath."

Draco smirked. "Actually, I'm planning to do it all over again. I've got more of the plant arriving shortly. I have another bag coming in; hopefully my new supplier is more reliable than the last one."

"You have a supplier?" Joster asked, still nodding, eyes glazed. "Dude, that must be so cool."

"Well, I am Draco Malfoy," the Slytherin shrugged.

"Oh, Malfoy," Hermione called, looking up suddenly. "There were a few questions I wanted to ask you about the euphoric phase. Funny, I didn't think to ask before I smoked the drug. Anyhow, I recall a story I read about the origin of Dragon's Breath."

"Granger, does anyone really care about that?" Draco sneered.

"Then, you've never read anything about the true purpose of the Dragon's Breath flower?" she asked, looking alarmed. "From what I've read, the name comes from its use by dragons. Apparently, the smoke has drug like qualities in order to insure proper mating. See, the male dragons are known to perform elaborate dances, drawing the attention of the females. When the female lands in a clearing, the male will breath fire over the small red flowers. The smoke insures that both dragons will become intoxicated and ready for mating."

Now showing: Return of the Silence.

The students looked around at each other.

"That's just for big stupid dragons," Ron stated, shaking his head. "I mean, it doesn't cause any stimulation in humans? Right?" He looked around. "Right?"

"Well. . . ." Draco raised a brow. "I've never gotten to fourth phase."

"Or to four base, you prat!" Harry snapped. "Why didn't you tell us about the dragons?"

"Like I knew? What? Did you see a warning label on the package: "may be used for mating rituals"?" Malfoy shouted. "Oh damn. . . ."

"What?" Hermione asked.

"The mushrooms just disappeared—I think I'm going into the four phase."

End Notes: For a second it felt like I was writing 'what insert-name-here would never say'. . Feedback is very appreciated J