Warning: Very crude humor ahead. You may wish to abandon ship.

Harry Potter was no ordinary boy. He had faced many dangers, conquered evils and went through his own fair share of mood-swings, so one might expect that waking up naked would not shock Harry very much. One, whoever he or she might be, would be wrong.

Harry was, indeed, very shocked.

"Oh bloody hell!" he shrieked, holding up the cover of the purple sleeping bag with mouth agape. "Where did I put my pants?"

And then, in all his brilliance, he realized that there were far greater questions to be asked, such ask "where am I?" or "why did someone steal my clothes and deposit me in a class room?" Harry, to his credit, was planning on voicing said questions when he realized that he was not alone and that someone else was beating him to the punch.

"Where am I? What the hell's going on? Why can't I'm see!"

Harry raised a brow at the sleeping bag lying a few feet away that seemed to be rolling around of its own accord.

"Oh Merlin! I'm in a cocoon!" a voice screamed from within. "No. . . . OH NO! The spiders! They've got me!"

"Ron?" Harry rolled his eyes. "Ron! Quit shouting—you're in a sleeping bag, for Pete's sake."

A head of tussled red hair popped out of one end of the violet 'chrysalis'. "Oh. Thanks, Harry."

"No problem. Do you remember anything?"

Ron's face scrunched up as he obviously realized that he was missing a few articles of clothing. "Do I want to remember? Because, if this particular memory ends with me and you naked in an empty room, I honestly would like to keep my ignorance."

"You're not alone."

Harry frowned, seeing Neville sitting on a desk to his right. The young wizard gave his friends an abashed smile, arms crossed in front of him. He stood suddenly, picking up what appeared to be two sets of plain black robes and tossing one in Harry's direction, dropping the other in front of Ron.

"Neville? What are you. . . . ? Were you on the rooftop?" Harry asked the other Gryffindor.

"Sort of," Neville answered. "Well, eventually. It's complicated."

"I'm naked—I assumed that it would be before I asked," Harry snapped. "What happened to us, Neville?"

"Yeah, we didn't do anything embarrassing, did we?" Ron asked.

"Embarrassment is the least of our worries," came a cool reply. Blaise Zabini stepped out of the shadowed corner of the room, still adjusting his robe. "I woke up only minutes ago. However, I do remember a few events that took place upstairs—thanks to Pansy, I only got half as stoned as I'd wanted. . . .Anyhow, you should probably ask Longbottom how we got here. After all, it is entirely his fault."

Neville shook his head quickly. "Th-that is not true. I wasn't the one smoking DB in school."

Harry sat up, quickly slipping the robe around his shoulders before standing and taking a seat in one of the student desks. "What's Zabini talking about, Neville?"

But the boy had no time to reply.

"God, no. . . . Not this dream again!"

Draco Malfoy's head and bare chest appeared from behind the professor's desk at the front of the room. "Oh. . . . This isn't the dream where . . . .?" At the confused expressions on the faces of the room's other occupants, he shook his head. "Never mind. Wait, on second thought—what the hell am I doing here?"

"Good to see you up, sleeping beauty," Zabini said, smirking at his fellow Slytherin. "Longbottom here was about to fill the others in on his little screw-up."

Draco groaned, slapping his forehead. "Oh, for Salazar's sake, Longbottom, don't tell me the professor's caught you delivering my supply?"

Zabini shook his head. "Worse. . . The Mini. . ."

"Wait a second!" Harry interrupted, waving a hand in the air. "Malfoy, what did you just say about Neville?"

"It's true, Harry." Neville frowned, looking down at his feet. "I'm a drug dealer."

Harry laughed. "This must be a dream. You can't be a supplier. You're, well, you're in Gryffindor."

But it was Ron who stood up in outrage, so stunned that he forgot that he was still completely nude. "You backstabbing little ponce! You sold Slytherins dragon's breath, but you never offered me any! I'll throttle you!" And, at the sound of Draco retching, Ron picked up the robe, getting dressed quickly.

"Before we go any further, can I have some clothes?" Draco said.

Neville looked around nervously. "Sorry, but it seems they didn't leave enough robes for all of you."

The Slytherin Prince let out a low growl, disappearing beneath the professor's desk a moment before popping back up with the violet sleeping bag tightly wrapped around his waist. "Now, Longbottom, before I get even more pissed, or sober, explain how you were caught. Was it Snape again?"

"I only wish," Neville answered. "He's scary, but he just confiscates the stuff. . . No, there was a spy amongst you."

"THE GIRLS!" Ron shouted. "Those little cheats!"

"You idiot," Zabini snapped. "It wasn't one of the girls. I'm sure they were just put in a separate room because of our naked states. It was Joster."

"Who?" Harry and Ron asked as one.

"Of all the stupid." Draco buried his face in his hands, grumbling between his fingers. "Merlin! I can't believe I was so doped up that I didn't realize it earlier."

"You mean that Hufflepuff was a spy?" Harry asked.

"Not a Hufflepuff, Harry," Neville replied. "Actually, he was a twenty-seven-year-old undercover agent for the Ministry. Apparently, they received rumor that Dragon's Breath was spreading around the school, gaining popularity much as it had in the past. You were duped, mate."

Zabini gestured toward the wizard. "Longbottom here showed up while we were. . . .Well, some of us were partaking in rather mature acts. As soon as Draco stopped his fornications long enough to stumble over and make his trade with Longbottom, Joster jumped up, shouting at the top of his lungs, badge out. To my good fortune, I passed out about then."

"And you didn't miss much," Neville said. "I had quite a fright. That fake arrested me. You guys could have gotten away if you weren't so preoccupied."

Ron's face went sheet white. "Oh, Merlin, my sister was there. . . .I didn't. . . ."

Neville looked somewhat sick as well, as if the memories were more than he could bear. "No incest, from what I saw. She was on the other side of the roof with Malfoy."

"Malfoy? I think I'm going to throw up," Harry whispered, eyes wide. Then he turned toward Draco, shooting daggers with his gaze. "Did you snog? Did you make-out with my. . . .Ginny?"

Neville held his friend back, reassuringly patting his back. "Don't worry about it, Harry. What's done is done. . . .Plus you were over there. . . ." Feeling the other wizard tense, Longbottom coughed. "Uh, over there keeping an eye on them. Yeah. . . ."

"Oh god. . . ."

"When my head stops spending, I'm going to have to punch someone, for honor's sake," Ron said, leaning against a desk. "What happened afterward, Neville?"

"Well, more officials arrived at the school, and they got into a huge fight with Headmaster Dumbledore. They were arguing about what to do with us. Then they put the girls in one room and we guys in another while they went to battle it out more civilly."

"So, we might get into real trouble for this," Harry hissed. "I'm so hexing you into the next millennium, Malfoy!"

"Like it's my fault?" Draco's jaw dropped in outrage. "All of you are just as guilt as I am! Plus, I was under the influence when I invited you to join me—would I honestly do that if I wasn't stoned."

"Bollocks with your excuses—we're all equally screwed," Ron cried. "My mum's going to murder me before this can ever go to trial."

Before Harry could agree, there was a curt knock on the classroom door.

Neville glanced back at the exit fearfully. "I guess that means they're ready for us."