Authors note: Just a couple things. I might decide to discontinue this story, it depends on the reviews I get. Also, just so no one throws a fit. I always capitolize the word Idea. I don't know why. Sorry. Anywho, enjoy the story, it's a short one. I wrote it at 2am and haven't had a chance to re-read it yet.

Tobias.

I flew. I blew through the night like a missile. I wanted to get away from it. Some irrational part of me, bird or human I dont know. hoped that I could fly away from what had happened. That if I flew fast enough I could escape the truth of what I'd done. I don't even know why I did it. I had meant to say no. I'd meant to turn him down. But before I had known what I was doing I was reaching for it.

I dove and pulled up at the last second. Trying to stop my mind from thinking about it over and over again. What it had felt like. How...simple everyhting had been. I wanted to deny it. I wanted to push it all away. But you can't run from the truth. And the truth is that I had enjoyed it. I...don't really get to hang out with Jake alot. I mean, he's so much different now than he was when this all started. I felt sorry for him.

And I felt guilty too. We had done this to him. I couldn't blame him for smoking. In a way it was our fault. We had elected him leader. He hadn't wanted the job. Jake wasn't a "look-at-me" kind of guy. We'd chosen well. Jake was a good leader. He made the tough choices, he kept us on track, kept us from paniking, from losing hope. But the truth is that he'd done all this at the price of his humanity.

I realized I was dwelling on it again and screamed as I wove through the trees.

TSEEEER!!!

Finally I made it to Rachels and flew in through the window. The room was dark, but I could make out the her face, asleep, the moonlight streamign through the window and softly illuminating her. She took my breath away and for a few minutes I simply perched on her desk and watched her sleep. Finally, tentatively, almost not WANTING to wake her up, I called out.

(Rachel...?)

I had to call her name a few more times before she finally sat up, rubbing her eyes and brushing her golden hair out of her eyes. God she looked so beautiful in the moonlight. Her hair like a glowing halo around her head. She adjusted the skimpy nightgown she was wearign and pulled the covers up a bit, to my embarassed disappointment.

"Hey Tobias. What time is it?"

(I dont know. two, three in the morning. I'm sorry Rachel but...I...I didnt know who else to talk to...)

I saw the concern on her face as she sat up more. "What's wrong?" She asked.

(It's Jake. I...He...went by his house...When I got there he was...well he'd...)

I could see worry creeping inot her face. "Tobias...what happned?"

(He was..high. He was smoking weed.) I couldnt think of any other way to say it.

"He WHAT?!" she exploded.

(Rachel! Sh! your family! They'll hear!)

She started cursing under her breath and I slowly started to wonder if maybe this hadn't been such a good idea. Besides, I kind of felt like a little kid telling on one of my friends. I felt the sudden need to defend what he'd done.

(Look...Rachel...I mean, he's got a really hard job. I mean we put a lot of pressure on hte guy. And it's not like he was doing a lot of it...Besides,) I continued (It wasnt really that bad...)

She froze and slowly turned to stare at me, her eyes wide. If I'd had the proper mouth parts right then I would have gulped.

(Well...I mean...just...tried it...) I mumbled lamely.

She closed her eyes and started rubbing her temples. Even in the darkness I could see she was really really angry. "Get out Tobias. Just...go away. I can't talk to you right now."

I felt crushed. Rachel had always...ALWAYS been there for me. No matter what. Even when she saw me eatign roadkill. She had never turned me away. If I was human I would have cried. But hawks can't cry. I slowly trned and hopped out the window, gliding out into the night without a word. I couldnt speak anyway. I was crushed, confused, hurt. What had I done? Why had I done that? Why had I told her?

Oh god...Jake. He would be livid that I told someone without even consulting him. I felt worse than I had at the beginning of the night. Me and Jake arent exactly as "close" as we used to be. But I still considered him a real friend. He and Rachel were the only two people I felt I could really trust. Now one of them was too pissed to talk to me, and the other was probably passed out.

Suddenly, and Idea! Ax! I could talk to Ax! But no...he wouldnt understand. This was a purely human matter. I fluttered back to my branch and slumped down, tryign to shut the buzzing out of my head as my thought whirled round and round.

We had a meeting in cassies barn in a few hours. The knowledge filled me with dread. I could just imagine rachel, coldly ignoring me, and everyone yelling at Jake. And at me. His position as the leader would be compromised. No leader was allowed to show weakness. But Jake had given in. He'd collapsed from the pressure. I coulndt stand it.

If Jake was out then that was it. The Animorphs couldnt survive without our fearless leader. We'd go our seperate ways. But what about me? I was a hawk with a boys mind. I was a telepathic bird. The Animorphs were my life. They were my only connction to the real world. Without them I was truly just a freak of nature. I finally fell asleep, with visions of me wandering, alone in the forrest, alone forever, slowly going insane, playing through my mind. Tomorrow would see the answers to the horrible questions that had been raised that night