Whose Hero Is It Anyway?

by Shirley Ann Burton

This takes the new NBC series Heroes and sets it to the tone of Whose Line Is It Anyway? Have some laughs with some of the main characters of the new dramatic show...on the lighter side! It's a work in progress right now.

1. Weird Newscasters

Disclaimer: All the characters you'll see throughout this funny fanfic belong to NBC/Universal. This is by no means anything official, and Heroes doesn't start until next month!

Weird Newscasters

Niki: Good evening, welcome to the 7:22 News. I'm your anchor, Niki "Quickie" Sanders. Our top story this evening, a man in Los Angeles has been arrested for attempted robbery, but there's an unusual end to this story. Let's go now to Officer Matt Parkman, who's currently cleaning up in the case. Officer Parkman, what exactly happened?

Matt: Well, Niki, when fellow LAPD officers nabbed the suspect, we noticed he was wearing an outfit of all mirrors. After he was read his rights, he was given time to reflect. Afterward he was arraigned and placed in the local jail.

Niki: Thank you very much, Officer Parkman. And now for more stories, let's turn it over to my new co-anchor Mohinder Suresh. Mohinder?

Mohinder (Pretends he's drunk at a frat party): Thanks, Niki. A rather intresting story out of Germany today…all the beer taps have dried up, but that's cuz I drank 'em all! (Audience cheers loudly) I never had that kinda beer before…and believe me, I probably won't…ah, who cares? (Falls on the floor, causing the audience to laugh)

Niki (Looking strangely at the audience): Uh…thank you for that lively report, Mohinder. And now onto the sports with cheerleader Claire Bennet. Claire?

Claire (Acts like an 80s Valley Girl with a high-pitched voice): Like, thank you, Niki! In the sports, my beloved Union Wells High School, like, beat the crap out of our rivals at Odessa High, but that's not important. Is my hair, like, perfect? (Fluffs her hair) Because really, I'd rather be working on my hair than doing this boring sports stuff. Oh, well, like, anyway, the Cubs lost again, like they do, like, all the time. In the meantime, Zach and I plan to, like, go somewhere and just forget about this. Like, back to you, Niki. (Fluffs her hair again)

Niki: This just in: Give the sports reporter a year's supply of hair spray. Anyway, let's get ourselves to the weather report with our premonition painter Isaac Mendez. Isaac?

Isaac (Pretends to be the Wicked Witch of the West): Thank you, my pretty Niki. (Rubs hands together feverishly) The forecast for Kansas in three weeks includes showers, thunderstorms, and twisters, which is perfect to bring that pretty…and her little dog, too! I'll take the ruby slippers from her, and she'll be trapped in Oz forever. (Claire takes a glass of water and splashes it all over him; he pretends to melt away) No! I'm melting…melting…oh, you've ruined everything…ahhhh…. (Pretends to be a crumple on the floor, causing the audience to cheer)

Niki: Well, that's all the time we have. Stay tuned for The Hero That Goes Bump in the Night. Good night, and good news.