Disclaimer: Yeah...do I look or sound like J.K. Rowling to you? lol

A/N: Hey! Thanks for the reviews! Here's chapter two!

Happy reading!

Chapter 2: It's Not a Bloody Diary!

"Prongs, mate, I still don't understand why you're writing in that diary," Sirius stated while lying on his four poster bed up in the Gryffindor seventh year boys' dorm.

James ran a hand through his jet-black hair, making it stand up in all directions. "It's not a bloody diary, Padfoot," James hissed annoyed. "It's a journal…a very manly journal where I discuss…manly stuff. And besides, it was your idea."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, but I wanted it to become a memoir to our great achievements as the Marauders. All you do is talk about Lily."

James puffed out his chest indignantly. "I do not. For your information I talk about hexing Slytherins…and our Marauder midnight escapades…and—"

James stopped short and watched as his 'manly journal' flew out of his hands and into Sirius' outstretched ones. James stared, wide eyed. "But how—what?"

Sirius waved his wand up in the air triumphantly. "Nonverbal spells, Prongs."

James growled under his breath and immediately shot out of bed, diving onto Sirius who moved quickly out of the way. "Padfoot, give it here!"

Sirius danced out of James' way, while holding the small, leather-bound book out of James' reach. "Today, Lily actually sat beside me during breakfast…Okay, so maybe it was the only spot available, but she still sat there and I could smell her melon flavored shampoo," Sirius read, jumping backwards as James made another futile attempt at seizing the book.

Sirius flipped a couple of pages, still holding the book high above his head as he began reading James' innermost thoughts again. "I, James Potter, am in love with Lily Evans. Even though she just went from loathing me to actually being friendly towards me to hating me again, I know it's just a cover up for her true, deep feelings for me…" Sirius broke off and stared at James whose face was steadily turning redder and redder. If it was out of embarrassment or rage, Sirius wasn't sure, but it didn't help the matter when Sirius began chuckling.

"You've had this for three days and you've already written this much? Oh and look, you've even spelled out her name multiple times. Lily Potter, Mrs. Lily Potter, Lily Evans-Pot—humph!" James head collided with Sirius' stomach and the two were sent tumbling to the ground in a jumble of arms and legs, the journal lying forgotten a few feet away as James and Sirius began wrestling on the ground.

Because of the struggle, neither James nor Sirius heard their dormitory door creak open as Remus walked into the room, his arms laden with a variety of study books because of his absence from classes while in the hospital wing.

Remus watched amusedly for a couple minutes, unnoticed, as his two best friends continued to struggle with each other on the floor. "Padfoot, you bloody, nosey—"

Sirius reached into his robes and pulled out his wand, pointing it at James who immediately sprouted long strands of grey ear hair. "What in the world were we doing? We're wizards for Merlin's sake." Sirius exclaimed, as James fingered his new ear hair growth disgustedly. "Now, if I may continue my reading in peace, that would be greatly—"

Sirius started fumbling on his words as his tongue began expanding in his mouth. He looked up and saw James' satisfied grin plastered across his face. James made his way over to his journal, and that's when he noticed Remus. "Hey, Moony! Good to see you alive and walking!" exclaimed James.

"What, may I ask, is going on?" he asked, his light blue eyes sparkling in enjoyment.

James shook his head, picking up his book and holding it tight to his chest in order to protect it from any more prying eyes. "Nothing, Moony."

"Jaemds yaez vritingz fren nis djounezl."

James and Remus both stared down at Sirius, who was attempting to speak with his now three foot long tongue. They shot each other confused looks as the monster tongue lolled around on the floor, growing at an alarming rate.

"Alright, that's getting disgusting now," Remus said, eyeing the fat pink wet thing that was making a trail of drool along the wooden floor. He pulled out his wand and with a flash Sirius' tongue was back to normal. "Jeez, I'm gone for three days and already you two are in a duel."

"I'm starting to question your masculinity, mate," Sirius stated as if nothing had happened, eyeing the diary. "I mean honestly, Mrs. Lily Evans-Potter?"

"Shut it, Pads," James said, placing the journal inside of his trunk and locking it. "If the girl of your dreams gave you a journal, you would protect it too."

"There's a difference between protecting it and using it. You are definitely doing the latter. But then again, I wouldn't be sappy enough to label a girl 'the girl of my dreams'."

"That's because you change girls more than you change your underwear," retorted James, readjusting his glasses on his nose.

"I do not wear underwear, thank you very much," Sirius said. The two other boys shot confused, disgusted looks at the friend, who quickly amended his mistake. "Ew, you sickos, I meant to point out that I wear boxers. The kind of undergarments that real men wear."

Remus shook his head in amazement at his two best friends and dropped his heavy library books onto his bed. "Thanks for that information, Sirius. I couldn't have survived a minute longer without knowing what kind of underwear you wear. Anyways, were you fighting about the diary Lily gave you, Prongs?"

Sirius coughed discretely. "You mean the diary Lily threw at him," he corrected.

James sighed exasperatedly. "Merlin, for the last time it's not a bloody diary! And it was your idea in the first place to use it!"

"Yeah! For D.H.G.T.S. Not for a diary," Sirius pointed out, hitting his chest with his hand in an attempt to show his manliness.

Remus looked between the two confusedly. "Did I miss something? D.H.G.T.S.?"

James stood up and stalked over to the door, throwing it open. "Don't ask. Now, I'm going to go find somebody who appreciates me," James exclaimed dramatically.

"Hate to break it to you, but Lily's in the library tutoring that second year again. And, in case you didn't notice, she doesn't appreciate you at the moment," Sirius said easily.

"Who said I was going to go find Lily?" James said coolly, leaning against the doorway.

"Nobody said anything, but you were thinking it," Remus stated, sharing an amused look with Sirius.

James huffed and walked out of the dormitory. A ringing silence followed his departure as the two other boys stared at the door. "He does realize he still has hair sprouting from his ears like a troll, doesn't he?" Sirius said to Remus.

The two friends sat and stared at the door. "Three…two…one," Remus counted down, and right on cue James re-entered the room, his face a light tint of pink.

"I hate you both," he stated as he grabbed his wand off of his bed and muttered the counter-jinx.

"You love us, really," Sirius said, batting his eye lashes. "Make sure to come back later so we can give each other manicures and share our feelings."

Remus and Sirius burst into laughter as James glared at them both, before exiting the room once again, his ears free of hair.

"So," started Remus, "what exactly is D.H.G.T.S.?"

OOO

James descended down the stairs and into the Gryffindor common room which was packed with students of all ages. His angry mutterings about friends who didn't respect personal property ceased immediately as a familiar mane of red hair caught his attention.

Lily seemed to be searching for something, looking under couches, throwing cushions off of the comfy furniture, and even looking under the rug in front of the fire place. The area looked like a high category tornado had torn the place apart.

"Trying to destroy the common room, Evans?" James called out, walking casually up to her despite the fight they had gotten in the other day.

Lily immediately straightened up tensely, and without even turning around, she retorted, "Shove off, Potter."

James crossed his arms as he rested against the arm of the Gryffindor couch. He never quite understood why they called each other by their last names, but it had been that way since their first year, it was practically their own little tradition. It had only stopped for a couple of months since he had gotten onto her good graces. Now, it seemed that he had been wiped out of her good graces handbook again. "Easy, Evans, there's no need to get all feisty."

Lily spun around to face him, her face red with annoyance as she looked upon the bespectacled guy in front of her. "I'm not afraid to throw something else at you," she said, glaring. "If you keep pestering me this chair will most likely collide with your head."

James laughed, which only seemed to anger Lily more. "Threatening the head boy now, are we? Just a few days ago we were getting along pretty nicely," James mocked, fingering his shining badge.

Lily glared daggers at him. "That was before you decided to act like an immature idiot again."

"Look, I just came over here to offer my help."

"Oh, so now you want to help me. Well, I'd rather ask Snape for help at the moment."

James looked at her, disregarding her last comment. "Well, you seem to have lost something. Seeing as I know this castle backwards and forwards, I'm being so kind as to offer you my services."

Lily rolled her eyes, placing her hands on her hips, her green eyes narrowed. "Oh, how kind of you," she spat. "And anyways, what makes you think I've lost something?"

James glanced around the area in which they stood, taking in the over turned furniture and the many books that were strewn around the floor. "I dunno about you, but normal people don't usually try to demolish their common room, especially goody-two-shoes such as yourself."

Lily followed his gaze around the room. "What? Are you talking about this?" she asked, waving a hand around the mess. James raised his eyebrows as if answering with a 'yes'. Lily laughed nervously. "I was just re-decorating, you know? Thought I'd change up the décor."

James raised his eyebrows even higher so that they disappeared into his messy hair. "Listen, just let me help you."

"I don't need any help finding it!"

"Aw, so you admit you're looking for something then?" James asked, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

Lily, on the other hand, was nowhere near being amused, as her eyes seemed to go a shade darker in anger, her lips pursed. "You are so infuriating."

"Come on, Evans," James pushed.

"Don't you have better things to do than harassing me?" She asked, desperately trying to get the raven-haired boy to leave her alone. Honestly, she could do with the help but there was no way she was going to give James Potter the satisfaction of her caving into his demands.

"Nope, I'm all yours."

"Shove off," she repeated.

"Please, Evans."

"No."

"Pleeeease," James drew out the word childishly.

Lily threw her hands up in the air. "If it will make you shut up, then fine!"

James grinned widely. "Great. So what are we looking for?"

Lily shot a harsh glare at him as she let out an agitated groan. She took in a deep breath, as if calming herself, before answering bluntly, "It's a little leather book."

James eyes widened, but he played it cool. Lily obviously had forgotten that it had been that book she had thrown at him. "Oh, that one. The one with the gold trimming around it?"

Lily looked at him suspiciously. "Yeah…that one…"

James shrugged innocently, picking at his nails as if the conversation held no importance to him whatsoever. "Why's it so important?"

He watched as Lily bit her lip, her eyes sweeping the room again as if trying to find it, before her head shot back to look at James. "Why should I tell you? It's none of your business."

A silence filled between them for a moment. That book was dearly important to Lily, otherwise she wouldn't have been so frantic on getting it back, but it had been empty when I had looked through it. His curiosity got the better of him; he needed to know what was so special about that book. "Well, Evans, I haven't seen it," he said a little too quickly, walking back up towards his dorm.

He could feel Lily's eyes on him as he left. "Potter!" she finally yelled. "Potter, get back here!"

James ran up the stairs and into his room, finding Sirius, Remus, and now Peter playing exploding snap on the floor. "Well, look who it is, Jamie is back," Sirius exclaimed jokingly, pushing his dark hair out of his eyes.

James whipped out his wand and unlocked his trunk, hastily shifting through it. "Prongs, what are you doing?" Remus asked, ducking as a heavy text book flew across the room and hit the wall behind him.

"That journal is special to Lily," James panted, finally pulling out the leather book and his invisibility cloak. As he spoke he threw the cloak over the book, hiding it from sight and then stuffing it into his pillowcase, "I think she knows I took it. She'll be up here any minute, and I need more time to figure out why it's so important."

"You know," started Remus, "curiosity can kill the stag."

"So can the werewolf," James replied smugly, smirking at Remus. "Now shut up, will you? She'll be up here any moment," James whispered. He quickly sat on the floor next to Peter and pulled some cards towards him, casually, making it look like that's what he'd been doing all along. Sirius, Remus, and Peter shot their friend a strange look right as the dormitory door flew open. Lily Evans marched into the room, her face livid.

"Why, hello there Lily-flower," Sirius said, looking up from the game. "So nice of you to drop in."

Lily stalked over to the group of boys and snatched the cards from James' hand. "Oy!" he exclaimed, "I was just about to win!"

"Potter, where is my diary?" she demanded. If it were possible, James thought steam would have been bellowing out of her ears.

"I already told you. I haven't seen it since you oh so nicely threw it at my face." Oh, so the book was a diary, Lily's diary…all the more reason to keep it.

Lily seemed about ready to scream as her eyes widened with realization, "Potter! I know you have it! You probably picked it up with your ungrateful hands right after I threw it at you." She was breathing hard now.

Trying to use all of his will power, Sirius attempted to hold in his laugher, but he failed miserably. Tears began running down his cheeks. Lily rounded on him next, "What is so funny, Sirius?" she demanded.

Sirius shook his head, recoiling slightly from the red-head. "Nothing."

She growled angrily and turned back to James. "Now, cough it up, Potter."

James yanked his cards back from her and turned back to the game casually. "You should learn not to chuck things at people. And besides, I don't have it! You can even search through my stuff if you want."

Lily glared at him. "Fine. I will!" She walked over to his trunk, and threw it open, digging through his stuff. The four boys watched as she threw everything out of James' trunk, and then realizing it wasn't there, walked over to his bed and completely stripped off the sheets and duvet cover.

She continued to search every millimeter of the Marauders' dormitory until the only explanation she could come up with was—

"See? I told you it wasn't here."

Lily let out a scream of frustration before marching straight up to James' and stuffing her finger into his chest. "I know you have it, and so help me Merlin, if I find you with it I'll hex you so bad you won't ever be able to read again."

"I'll keep that in mind," James said..

They watched as she marched through the mess she had made and then bent down, picking something up off of the ground. James became nervous as her eyes brightened. When she stood, she held a wooden box in her hands. It was blank except for the words 'Top Secret' written on the top of it.

She grinned in a satisfied sort of way at the paled expressions that now covered the four boys' faces. "Bugger," said Sirius under his breath. "I knew we shouldn't have written 'top secret' on it."

Right as Lily almost had the box fully opened to reveal what was inside, it flew out of her hands. James caught it and all four Marauders sighed visibly.

Lily's eyes flashed dangerously. "Accio box."

James tightened his hold as he felt the smooth wood being pulled out of his fingertips. Lily scowled as James fought her charm by holding onto the box for all he was worth. "Potter, if you're hiding something illegal in here I have a right as Head Girl to know what it is. Accio box!" she bellowed, and as hard as he tried, the box finally sprang from his grasp and into Lily's.

Thinking quickly, Sirius began talking. "Fine, Lily. See what's inside it. It's a great joke, let me tell you." Remus, Peter, and James all stared at Sirius as if he had gone mad. He winked.

"It's a piece of parchment?" Lily asked incredulously, turning it around in her hands to view it at all possible angles.

"No, my dear," stated Sirius. "It's a blank piece of parchment."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Do you really think I'm that stupid to believe you?" She pointed her wand at the paper. Peter let out a quiet yelp as words began spreading along the paper.

Lily looked down curiously and began reading the words that had appeared. "Mister Moony would like to express to dear Lily that although her brain may be big, no knowledge will reveal our secret." Lily gasped as Remus tried to hide his smile. "How did it know my—" she cut off as another line appeared underneath the first.

"Mister Prongs would like to tell Miss Lily that she is indeed the most beautiful witch he has ever seen and hopes to have her for his own."

Two more lines appeared under that one. Blushing profusely, Lily read the last two sentences. "Mister Padfoot would like to establish that Mister Prongs is pathetic and doesn't know a thing about the ladies." Sirius sniggered quietly as James glared at him.

"In conclusion, Mister Wormtail bids Miss Evans good day and apologizes for Mister Prongs' behavior."

The words seeped into the page as quickly as they had come, leaving the parchment blank once more. Once she was sure the map wouldn't be talking to her again, Lily searched the boys for answers. "What was that?"

The four boys tried to look innocent. "Nothing, Lily," Remus spoke up, "Just a piece of parchment designed to make anybody who reads it…uh… laugh."

Lily looked closely at Remus, who tried to look honest. "Well, until I get my diary back," she glared at James, "I'll just keep this."

"Evans, come on. I said I don't have your diary," James pleaded, eyeing the parchment, which was really the Marauders most prized possession; the Marauder's Map.

"And I say I don't believe you. Good day, boys." She marched over to the door and swung it open. Before she closed the door behind her, she turned back to James. "You know, this mister Prongs person sounds a lot like somebody who would steal my diary." With one last smirk at the boys, she slammed the door, the map clutched in her small hands.

The four boys sat in a shocked silence for a couple of minutes. After all, they had just lost a brother figure. The map was practically a part of them. "Well," stated Sirius finally, "we're screwed."

"Yep, totally screwed," agreed Peter.

"She knows."

"Yep, she knows." Said Peter, repeating Sirius again.

Remus groaned, throwing down his playing cards. "Well, I guess our nicknames aren't so secret anymore."

James looked around at his friends' stony faces. "Don't worry guys. We'll get it back, but in the mean time…" he rushed over and pulled the invisibility cloak off of Lily's diary. "We always have Lily's diary to keep us company."

Sirius, Remus, and Peter all glared at James. "How can you be thinking about some girl's diary when our precious map-brother is in the clutches of pure evil," Sirius exclaimed.

A small snort escaped Remus' mouth at the thought of Lily being considered 'pure evil.'

James sighed. "Look, mates, I'm sorry. But I have to figure out what this book contains. The sooner I find that out, the sooner we can exchange it for our map. So, are you three going to help me or not?"

The other three boys stared at him like he had gone bonkers, but consented to help him in order to get their most trusted friend back.

Well, hoped you liked it! Please, feel free to review!

Until next time!

--HeyLookTheSnitch