Gai: Spandex
Apparently, I mangaed to take something that should be really funny, and kill it in the last paragraph... I'm so angsty. I love spandex now... I don't own Naruto 'cause I'm just not that creative. I'm also too broke to buy it so nyeh to you too.
There was something soothing about having green fabric wrapped tightly around your body. Gai never truly understood what it was, but for the time he put on his green spandex body suit every morning, he felt a little safer. His appearance was comforting every time he looked at it. Black hair in its neat bowl shaped haircut. He cut it himself every month, with the help of none other then his trusty bowl and scissors. Massive eyebrows, which, although abnormally bushy, were always neatly groomed. Lastly, but most importantly, came his green spandex, clinging to his oh-so-manly body. Gorgeous.
Once, on a mission, his teammate had gotten injured. He'd clumsily ripped off a piece of his spandex weapon pouch, and bound the injury. According to the healer, the build of the fabric had produced amazing compression, ensuring that his comrade had lived to see another battle. Gai started wearing spandex then. Who knew when a comrade might get a full body injury and he would need a full spandex suit. If Gai had to walk around nude, that was very alright.
Since that revealing point in Gai's life, he'd worn the spandex suit with his jounin vest. It made him feel safe, made him feel prepared. He'd drilled into the mind of his most obedient student, Rock Lee, that the spandex suit was safe. It was as safe as you could get without walking around in bubble wrap. Nobody told Gai that during the Chunnin examination, when Lee faced the Sand kid, that the spandex suit wouldn't help him. When Gai was told that his green spandex clad student might never be a ninja again, Gai just didn't understand. It was the only time he ever doubted his reliable green spandex bodysuit.