Envy
By Fidelius Charm
Summary: I was a fool to think that her love could be bought. I was a fool to think something could appear from nothing. And I'm a dead man because of it.
Take note all italics are flashbacks.
Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.
---Josh Billings
Rain is pouring down on the roof of the greenhouse house in fury. I watch as the beads of water trickle down the window gracefully, slowly finding their way back into the earth. I smile. She always loved the rain.
"It was you all this time Severus?" I hear his cold, terrifying voice whisper, "I have to commend you, you're quite the actor," He claps his hands slowly, mockingly; my hands in turn begin to shake and become clammy, "But that acting has all gone to waste, they're both dead, both of Potter's friends are dead."
I flinch slightly but remain silent, trying not to reveal anything through my thoughts. I try my best to move but my hands magically bound, as are my feet, I could attempt to crawl, but it would be pointless.
"You have failed,"
The smell of poinsettias overcomes my senses, and I smile, a small simple smile: she made me get them; she wouldn't be quiet until she had at least one.
"This is ridiculous! You have me tend to your herbs and plants yet you won't let me have one of my own!" She cries in anguish, "It's bad enough I have to stay here, just let me have one!"
She is in hiding. The war she fought so diligently in resulted in disaster, and she was placed in my care, of all people McGonagall picks me, the man who murdered Dumbledore. But I can't complain, I've grown to enjoy her company, though there are those moments when I regret letting her into my home.
"I will not tolerate it! It has no purpose, it will just sit here and do nothing." I argue back, and I was right, the poinsettia has no magical quality what so ever. It is a purely muggle plant.
"It's almost Christmas…please?" She begs softly.
I had no idea what poinsettias had to do with Christmas, but the 'please' was what made me give in. I bought her three dozen of them the next day.
"Smiling are we Severus?" I hear him say as he takes a few slow paces towards me, "What could you be smiling about?"
I don't answer him, he doesn't deserve an answer, and I just watch the rain fall to the ground recycling itself. He up roots one of the poinsettias she had planted, and begins to pluck off the petals.
"You know what this means, don't you Severus?" He continues, dropping each petal on to the ground.
"I do." Is my only response.
"I'll have to kill you..." I had heard this before…
"…I'll have to kill you," She says, "if I ever told you that." She places a book back onto the self.
I had given her use of my library, as it was only one of two ways to keep her out of my hair. (The other was giving her reign over my green house) She was wearing a red knee length skirt and a gray sweater. She looked beautiful, though I would never tell her that aloud.
"Death is not the course I plan to take with my life right now." I tell her, hoping she would find some entertainment in my attempt at humor.
"Most certainly not," She giggles lightly, in the way nineteen year old girls do, and smiles brilliantly. (I hold this picture of her in my mind. Whenever I think about her, I think about her at this moment)
"I was wondering…" She begins to ask before she is interrupted.
"Hermione?" Another voice calls, she recognizes it instantly.
"Ron!"
She looks away from me and towards the opened mahogany door where Weasely is standing. She immediately runs to him and embraces him in a hug. They haven't seen each other in about three months, as he had been working with Lupin over in Bulgaria, now he was staying with us. They kiss, and I turn away, embarrassed to be the odd man out, but when I turn back I was hit with a green tidal wave. I was jealous, envious of the red headed imbecile, because she was in his arms and not mine.
It was the first time I realized I cared about her.
"…But before I do, just humor me, how did you do it?" He asks grabbing my chin and forcing me to look at him, "Tell me how did you disguise everything so well?"
"That's a secret I plan to take with me to the grave."
I can sense his anger, he never likes being denied. But I am a man who has nothing to lose, and that kind of man is the most dangerous.
"It is of no consequence, I weeded you out eventually."
He suspected there was a spy in his ranks, but it was he couldn't prove. So he set me up, technically he set up anyone who was the traitor; it's pure genius really. Ultimately thought I was found out. It was my envy that was my downfall, like a Shakespearean tragedy, I am taken down by my worst fault.
I watch in the shadows as the two sit in my kitchen drinking hot chocolate and talking about their days at Hogwarts. They both seem so comfortable with one another, as if they had been friends forever, and since they were it made sense.
"What do you miss most?" Hermione asks him.
"I miss not having to hide out in a gloomy old house with a cynical asshole as a landlord." He replied.
"Professor Snape is not an asshole!" Hermione replies, I feel a sense of happiness that she is defending me but it is shot down in a timely fashion, "He is a slimy git however."
They both laugh. And I hate him for it. I hate that he can turn her against me, that he has already turned her against me. I hate how he can make her laugh and how he can make her happy. I'm envious of him, because he doesn't have to try to get her attention. He already has it.
And that's why, when I was given the opportunity to get rid of him for good, I took the chance without a second thought.
"You were far too eager for the job, the Weasely boy had been evading us for so long. When I gave you the assignment, I saw your eyes light up. You let down your ever-guarded wall and I read your mind like a book. That's when you gave everything away." He let go of me, and I look away, ashamed of myself. I gave away everything in an instant. I was so careful and calculating for almost twenty years of my life and I blew it in a single moment.
"Severus, I'm giving you an important assignment. I wouldn't trust anyone else but you with it."
"What is it my Lord?"
"Bring me Ronald Weasely."
I instantly light up; this is my chance to get rid of him. And then I make eye contact with him. I mentally curse at myself.
"You've failed Severus, and now you have two more souls on your conscience." He whispers in my ear.
I walk into the hallway and head towards my study as usual. I am carrying my cup of coffee and the Daily Prophet. As I walk in I expect to see Hermione sitting in my armchair, I'll have to demand she remove herself from my presence, she won't, and then I'll have to sit on the sofa. But she isn't there and I sigh. Hopefully she has found someone more productive then to bother me.
I sit down and take a sip of my coffee, which is just the way I like it, black. I am soon interrupted by what sounds like yelling and then a thud. I place my coffee on the end table and toss the Daily Prophet onto the floor. I rush back into the Hall and I see Weasely collapsed in the foyer; his eyes are glazed over with a stain of green. I know immediately what is going on and I try to find Hermione. She isn't in the kitchen, or the living room, she wouldn't be in the cellar (she had made herself extremely clear when she said she'd never go down there after her encounter with my pet Boggart) and if she wasn't in my study she had to be in the green house. I rush outside.
"Tell me where he is!" I hear a voice boom, "Tell me where Harry Potter is hiding and I'll let you live."
"I'd rather die." I hear her respond.
I rush towards the green house where I see a single light lit, I burst in to be greeted by the scene of Hermione trapped in a corner with the Dark Lord himself pointing his wand at her. He looks at me with a smirk but returns his concentration to her, he inches closer as she attempts to move further away. He places his wand on her left temple.
"Such a shame," He says, "Such a pretty girl" And without hesitation he speaks the encantation of the Killing Curse, "…AVADA KEDARVA!"
Her eyes widen, and for one last time she inhales a sharp deep breath, then she's gone. Her body slumps to the ground without a sound. There is a moment where neither the Dark Lord nor I move. Then I back away and run as fast as I can, I don't even make it to the green house door.
And that's how I ended up here, in the green house, my arms and legs bound, waiting for the moment I will die.
I look at her unmoving body and wish she were alive. I wish that the Dark Lord had never won; I wish I never became a Death Eater. I close my eyes and wish Weasely had never come to the estate, then maybe we all could have lived. The Order could have over come the Dark Lord's forces, Hermione might have noticed me, she might have grown to like me, maybe even love me. I hate him, for ruining everything, for having her attention and love and affection. I wish he were never born. I wish for a lot of things that will never come true. I'm stuck with the cards I've been dealt. I'm stuck with the Jack of Spades and the Queen of Hearts whose faces remind me of the one I love and the one I envy.
Isn't that sad. I envy a man who has nothing, who could never hope to support her, but he has her love, he is what makes her smile, and I hate—I hate---I hate him. I envy a man who has nothing and everything at the same time. But it doesn't matter really…we're all dead anyway.
"You were a fool to betray me Severus," I hear the Dark Lord say, "I'll make you pay for it, I make you wish you were never born."
He grabs me and forces me to stand.
"Death would be just to good for you." I feel the tip of his wand under my chin, "CRUCIO!"
Envy is the deadliest of sin.
Weird and poorly written, I know, I know. But I had an idea and I ran with it. So yeah. Constructive Criticism is always welcomed. --FC