Title: What the Hell?

Summary: House puts his foot into his mouth this time.

Author: Mikesh

Part: 7
Warning: Mpreg for later chapters so if you don't like then please don't read.

Disclaimer: Don't own House but I wish I did.

So here House was sitting on an exam table with his pants and boxers down just enough so that he could run the ultrasound over his stomach.

He didn't even look up when he heard the door opening. House didn't look up until he hard Wilson's voice.

Wilson had been leaving for the night when he'd seen the light on in the exam room. Figuring that someone had just left it on he opened the door to shut the light off. That's when he saw House sitting on the exam table.

"What are you doing?" Wilson asked standing in the doorway.

"I'm admiring my pretty self," House said looking at Wilson.

"House I'm not joking what are you doing?" Wilson asked coming into the room.

"I told you already," House said.

"House," Wilson said getting fed up with it.

"This morning I felt something in my stomach. I think it might be a tumor," House said looking back down at his stomach.

"Are you sure?" Wilson asked.

House may be a pain in the ass but that didn't mean he wanted to see the man dead.

"No I haven't been able to find it yet," House said getting frustrated.

"Here lay back and I'll check," Wilson said coming over to House.

"No I've got it," House said.

"Come on House you know that you need to be laying down to find it," Wilson said.

"I said I've got it," House said.

"Fine," Wilson said starting for the door.

"Fine here you go," House said handing over the scoop to Wilson.

"Thanks," Wilson said coming back over.

"Not welcomed," House said laying down.

"House you know you're going to have to pull down the pants more," Wilson said trying not to smirk at House.

"Better?" House asked pulling them down a hair of a fraction.

"You're going to have to take off so I can do a good check up," Wilson said.

"Be happy we're friends otherwise I wouldn't do this," House said getting up so he could take off pants.

Or that's what he'd planned to do but as soon as he got up he almost fell over. It wasn't because of his leg but from dizziness.

"Hey you ok?" Wilson asked catching House before he could fall.

"Yeah just my leg," House said popping a vicodin.

"Ok well take your time," Wilson said.

After House finally got his pants off he laid back onto the table. So here he was in just his two shirts, jacket, and boxers.

"Where do you think it was?" Wilson asked putting jell on House's stomach.

"Lower right of my stomach," House said looking at the ceiling.

"Ok," Wilson said starting to run the scoop around in that area.

The next thing House knew he heard Wilson take a gasp of breath in.

"What?" House asked raising his head.

Yes he was scared because as much as he tried to act like he wasn't he was. He was afraid that it'd be something bad and Wilson would tell him he only had so many months, days or years to live.

"You haven't had a sex change but they left part of your female parts have you?" Wilson asked looking at House.

"I'm all male. Would you like to look?" House asked.

"No thanks," Wilson said.

"So what is it?" House asked.

"It's not a tumor. It's a baby," Wilson said.

"Come on Wilson I'm a guy here," House said pointing to his family jewels.

"Well all I can tell you is you have a seven week fetus living in your lower right part of your stomach," Wilson said.

"Let me see," House said.

So Wilson moved so that House could see what he was talking about.

"You just set that up so that's what I'd see," House said.

"Yes I carry tapes of seven week old fetus around with me," Wilson said.

"See you admit it," House said.

"Stop being an idiot that's a fetus in your stomach. How it got there I don't want to know," Wilson said starting to clean off House's stomach.

"Your mom and I went at it like rabbits," House said.

"Well at least I don't have to tell her that I'm having her child," Wilson said.

"Wilson be real here. I can't get pregnant so there's something wrong with the ultrasound," House said.

"Look House," Wilson said pressing the scoop to his stomach a little harder then needed to be but he wanted to get it through his friend's head it was for real.

"I've got to go," House said getting up from the exam table. After he threw on his pants he was off.

Wilson left him alone while he cleaned off the ultrasound and made sure no one could bring up the image again. He figured that House was just in his office getting hammered. Not the best thing for a pregnant person but Wilson couldn't blame him. He knew if he was in House's shoes he'd do the exact same thing.

NEXT CHAPTER: Where's House?