Author's Note – After quite along absence I am delighted to continue with this story. This is Story 2 - a story of a young man struggling to live in the shadow of supposition ... and the dream to one day be given the wings to fly ...I hope you enjoy it ... mcj
FENCES AND FAMILIES
STORY TWO - PROLOGUE
"TRAPPED INSIDE THE FENCE"
Picture a Fence – "A barrier to hold within"
Picture a Family - "A group of related individuals"
He'd been sitting out here in the darkness for nearly three and a half hours now, head down, spirit crushed; a silent shadowy figure drooping with worry, defeat, and fatigue.
Grant Tracy pressed his lips together and tried not to allow himself to feel angry too. After all, it wasn't as if he hadn't felt this kind of disappointment before. Disappointment was a fact of life out here and all part of his gut-wrenching seasonal gamble as a wheat farmer.
He knew from experience there was nothing he could do but put the feeling behind him and move on.
But this time he couldn't seem to do it. His mood had never been so black, his heart had never been so hard and the anger he felt inside seemed to burn in his gut like a inextinguishable liquid flame.
He shifted his weight and ran his hands through his thick prematurely greying hair.
"And why the hell is it so wrong to feel angry?" he thought in frustration. "Risin' at dawn every day of the God damn year; workin' 'til I can't stand up straight at the end of the day; constantly eatin' into what little God damn money's left; standin' by and havin' the crop die."
He shook his head and tried to shut out the reality of his world.
"I just gotta forget about failin'." he tried to tell himself. "Like Josie says, it ain't no use bein' angry with God and the rest of the world just 'cause Kansas is havin' one of its dry spells."
He paused for a moment and felt the anger surge through him once more.
"Again." he seethed.
Eighteen years since his Father had died; nearly killing himself twenty hours a day, seven days a week with only one thing paramount in his mind…honouring his marital promise to Josephine's Father.
The promise had been daunting and failing to keep it would have cost him his farm but as far as Grant Tracy was concerned him failing to keep a promise would never become an issue. A Tracy man always kept his promises and no matter what he had to do or what he had to go without he was determined to repay his Father's massive and long-standing debts to the Bank.
And he had.
It had taken him fourteen years of back-breaking work and sacrifice but to him nothing had felt better than to walk out of that Bank four years ago holding the deeds of the Tracy farm. That had been the day he'd allowed himself to stand proudly on the expensive marble stairs and look up with satisfaction into the blue Kansas sky.
"I finally got 'em back for you Daddy." he had whispered looking past the clouds with shining eyes, remembering with sadness the heart-wrenching vow he'd made to Daniel Tracy as he lay gasping for breath on his death-bed. "And there ain't no way I'll ever allow our Farm to be mortgaged to this place again."
Grant looked up at the night sky and gritted his teeth.
He still felt the same way.
Even though they were struggling.
For the past three years they'd had to live with the progressive halving of their income and their monetary situation was fast becoming a very sad reflection of it. Two seasons before the last, the wheat prices had hurt them more than the weather did. Prices hit rock bottom just before he harvested and despite the grain being of the finest quality, he got next to nothing for his crop.
Nevertheless; they'd accepted the money anyway and after a long and worried soul search decided to plant both the back fields again. The talk all over town was that prices were on the way back up again. Irrespective they had no option but to take the risk. Wheat farming was all he knew and he had a family to support.
Grant grimaced.
They really shouldn't have done it. Heaven definitely wasn't on their side he decided as a mixture of tornadoes and drought hit the state of Kansas soon after. The dreadful weather didn't just hit either. It hit with such a savage ferocity it literally brought them, and the whole farming community virtually to its knees.
The tornadoes had been first, roaming the hot dry farmlands one after the other, wreaking havoc and causing destruction. Neighbouring farms lost everything. He and Josephine had only fared a little bit better. Frightened and clinging to each other for support, they'd been grateful to only lose the old white picket fence and half the roof of the farmhouse.
The farmhouse was soon repaired but they couldn't afford to replace the fence.
And now the greatest obstacle of all ... the rain was refusing to fall.
"Who in their right mind would keep doin' this to themselves?" he questioned himself. "It never gets any blasted better around here no matter how damn hard you work."
Still, he supposed, fixing his eyes on the darkened fields and trying to remain positive, they still had a roof over their heads, food on the table and the never-ending promise of next year. Once the rain came, he and Josephine would regroup as they always did and sell something else to find the money to plant another crop. Then they'd go without everything but the bare necessities until it was harvested. That was where it really stuck in his gut.
He knew he only had to open his mouth and Josephine's Father wouldn't hesitate to lend him the money from the bank but whether Josephine agreed with him not, he simply wasn't going to do it. He had pride and he would rather go without than ask Walter Brown for anything.
He was sure they'd be all right. They'd spent their whole married life living close to the bone and Josephine had a real knack of making anything out of nothing. With his resilience and her tenacity he was sure they'd survive until they produced a paying crop again.
He paused and shook his head unhappily. Normally by now he would have accepted the way things were but tonight it was very, very different.
Tonight Jefferson had announced over Supper he'd been accepted into College.
Grant turned his head in the direction of the kitchen and watched with glassy eyes as his only son sat attentively at the old wooden table quietly conversing with his mother.
Diligent, industrious and hard-working it should have come as no surprise when Jefferson told them he'd earned himself a place in College. The boy was extremely intelligent and had studied his heart out day and night determined to obtain the best possible grades he could.
He wanted to study Engineering.
But as far as Grant Tracy was concerned High School was where Jefferson's education needed to end as a matter of pure necessity. It had always been his dream that his only son would get the grades to do something he'd never had the opportunity to do. Sadly, when it came down to reality, he just didn't have the money to let him leave home to do it. He didn't need an Engineering degree to be a wheat Farmer anyway. The boy only needed to know how to farm the land.
He'd almost said so when Jefferson told them the news but one look at Josephine's proud and delighted face made him pause and think better of it. Josephine had a College degree herself and had gone without a lot of things she'd needed over the past seventeen years to make very sure there was nothing but the best provided for Jefferson.
Grant frowned.
And she wasn't the only one to go without things either. He'd also been forced to make do with what he had in order for the boy to receive a decent education. How many times had new overalls or a pair of badly needed work boots been forfeited in order to buy a chemistry book or something else to do with Jefferson?
"Jeff needs the book to be like everyone else and the only place I can get for him is brand new from the bookstore." Josephine would state firmly and always out of Jefferson's hearing. When he opened his mouth to tell her they couldn't afford it she'd given him that determined glare of hers before adding. "'less of course you think you can conjure him up one in the barn Grant."
Everything had always centred around Jefferson and Jefferson's studies.
Grant's frown deepened.
Well Jefferson's studies were done now and Josephine had to understand life needed to revert back to the harsh realities of money and common sense.
And when money was involved the reality was easy.
He couldn't afford to send Jefferson to College. It wasn't only the cost of the tuition and the expense of the books. He had to feed and accommodate him too.
Grant groaned inwardly. He could just imagine the reaction he was going to get from Josephine when he broke the unwelcome news. She was so caught up in the romance of Jefferson's plans for greatness every bit of common sense she ever possessed seemed to have recently disappeared out the window.
He knew exactly what she was going to do too. First she'd look him up and down with that defiant look of hers; then she'd appeal to his softer side and plead with him to reconsider. When that failed to move him, the defiance would return and she'd start pointing out how much talent Jefferson had. Then she'd look at him with her beautiful expressive eyes and offer to go without something else herself in order to help him find the money for Jefferson. Her selflessness always wore him down and Grant knew if she did it to him again he'd be left with no other choice but to reluctantly agree.
He pursed his lips and lifted his chin with determination.
Well Josephine's selflessness wasn't going to work with him this time. She had gone without too much in her life already and whilst she had never complained, he was sick of witnessing it. She shouldn't have to read in the light of a homemade candle while Jefferson's bed lamp burned brightly until the early hours of the morning. She shouldn't have to constantly wear clothing four years old when Jefferson was always so immaculately dressed and presented.
Jefferson was a fine boy and he was mighty proud of him and his achievements but it was time he stopped wanting to follow his dreams and started to pull his weight around the Farm properly.
There would be no discussion about him going to College.
He didn't need an Engineering Degree to be a Farmer and that was the end of it.
"Jefferson."
The word rumbled from between his cracked and sunburnt lips like the thunder of a gathering storm.
Inside the farmhouse the tall, quietly spoken young man looked away from his Mother and immediately rose to his feet.
"Excuse me please will you Momma." he said in his strong, articulate voice.
Grant watched as he opened the screen door and walked out into the darkness towards him. It was hard not to feel a sense of pride in the handsome son he and Josephine had produced in the second year of their marriage. Tall and dark haired with Josephine's flashing blue eyes and fierce determination, there had never been any doubt in his mind Jefferson Grant Tracy was going to make his mark on the world and be something special.
He shook his head and silently cursed himself. No... he couldn't allow his judgement to be coloured this time. Yes Jefferson was special and he was very much the centre of their lives but he was also their only son…a Tracy son…and the fact of the matter was like all Tracy sons before him, Jefferson had been brought into the world to take over the family farm.
"Dad?" he enquired in his distinctive western tone. "Did you want to speak to me about something Sir?"
Grant cleared his throat and motioned him to sit down beside him.
"Ummm ... yes Jefferson" he said uncomfortably. "Yes I do."
Jefferson nodded his head and obediently moved to seat himself on the top tread of the farmhouse stairs. After he made himself comfortable he sat in silence for a while before looking out into the hot humid night.
"Nice evening Sir." he said amiably.
"Yes son. Very nice indeed." Grant agreed as he carefully scrutinised Jefferson's strong young features.
Jefferson turned his head back towards his Father.
"I was only saying to Momma a moment ago we should come out and join you for a bit. It's much cooler out here than in the house."
"Anythin's cooler than the hundred degree heat I've been experiencin' in that back wheat field these past few months." Grant heard himself say. "I was only thinkin' to myself earlier burnin' in hell couldn't be much damned worse."
Grant saw the beginnings of a smile steal across Jefferson's face. Josephine was always dragging them off to church and lecturing the two of them about going to hell if they didn't mind themselves and their manners.
"Now don't you go tellin' your Momma I said that either." he warned gruffly. "Don't forget you and me are supposed to be frightened senseless about goin' to that place."
Jefferson smirked and lowered his head. He was usually strong-minded and serious but when it came to his Mother's over the top sense of right and wrong he simply couldn't help himself. She was truly a force to be reckoned with when she believed in something and at the moment heaven and hell were right on the top of her priority list.
"You know me Dad." was his polite reply. "I won't say anything to Momma. But you're right about the heat Sir. It was awful out there today."
Jefferson's face seemed to relive the memory and after a few minutes he let out a heavy sigh.
"Sure wish it would rain for us Dad." he murmured gazing wistfully up into the black starlit sky.
Grant heard himself sigh too.
"Yeah. Me too son." was all he could find to say in return. "Me too."
The conversation faltered and for several minutes neither of them said anything. The air was deathly still and the only sound to be heard around them was the noisy chirping of the crickets and the occasional hooting of the old white owl living in the tree nearby.
Jefferson's deep voice finally cut across the stillness.
"Momma says the crickets this year are the worst she's ever seen them."
Grant rolled his eyes.
"Your Momma says that every year."
He paused for a moment and then said with resignation. "But for once in her life I think she might be right."
Jefferson lowered his head again. He had worked along side his Father long enough to know what crickets swarming in a wheat field meant.
"Dad."
His voice was anxious.
"What son?"
"We're gonna lose best part of our crop again aren't we Sir?" he asked apprehensively.
Grant nodded his head and heard himself give the stony verdict.
"Yes Jefferson." he said without any emotion whatsoever. "It sure does look that way."
He watched as Jefferson's face filled with the same worry and regret he was feeling himself. The boy was certainly no fool. Josephine might think she was hiding their day to day struggle from him but it was plain to see he was more than well aware of it
"I'm real sorry to hear you say that Daddy." he responded awkwardly. "I know you've had to work extra hard this year on account of me and the cost of my education."
The boy was so apologetic and so completely sincere in his concern that Grant found it difficult to remain hard. It wasn't going to be easy to say what he needed to say to Jefferson and now with the perfect opportunity for him to say it; he was starting to doubt he had the ability.
"Momma was pretty happy about you making it into College." he forced himself to begin. "Kansas State is a mighty prestigious institution."
Jefferson eyes lit up.
"Yes Sir. I'm really pleased too." he responded happily. "I worked so hard last semester to earn myself the privilege."
His face contorted a little and his enthusiasm waned.
"But I guess I should count myself lucky." he continued. "My Physics results weren't all that great despite me studying over and over again."
He paused and then mumbled more to himself than his Father. "I'll need to work real hard on the basic concepts again before I leave home for College. I don't hold out much hope of being a Flight Engineer if I can't grasp the Physics."
Despite his resolve regarding Jefferson's future Grant Tracy felt his heart ache. He honestly didn't want to disappoint the boy. He'd studied himself into the ground to get to where he was and despite the brilliance of his achievements he was still admonishing himself he should have done better. How did a Father break the news to his son that to him his hard-earned results didn't matter?
Fifteen minutes ago he would have said it to him point blank but like Josephine, Jefferson had always had a special place in his heart, and within five minutes of talking to the boy he wanted to give him everything he possibly could and more.
Reality sounded in his head.
But he couldn't. Not this time.
"Dad."
The word distracted him from his dilemma.
"What Jefferson?" was his gruff and agitated response.
Jefferson paused for a moment seemingly taken back. His Father had a bad temper when he was aggravated and he didn't like upsetting him. But the over-riding desire he had to fulfil his dreams burned deep within him and he decided to take the risk.
"You never said anything to me earlier. You know ... when I told you and momma the news."
"'News about what?"
"'The news about me getting accepted into Kansas State, Sir."
The words were uttered almost like an accusation and Grant instantly steeled himself for what he knew would have to follow.
"You're right Jefferson." he admitted in a low and careful voice. "I didn't."
The chirping of the crickets suddenly seemed closer and ten times louder to them both. The incessant noise filled the tight and uncomfortable silence.
"Sir?"
"What?"
"What did you want to talk to me about?"
Grant took a deep breath and looked directly into the face of his seventeen year old son.
"College."
Jefferson cringed at his Father's stern and disapproving tone. He'd had a feeling over supper he hadn't been too pleased. He'd simply looked at him with cold, calculating eyes before dropping his head and toying unhappily with the food on his plate. His Mother on the other hand had gone into overdrive, fussing and crying and making plans. Her delight had been obvious but it didn't detract from the fact that his Father didn't seem to approve.
His Mother had picked up on his disappointment and had frowned across the table at his Father indicating he should be saying something. When he didn't and supper was finally over, she had set about trying to reassure him that of course his Father approved.
"Daddy didn't mean to be so unenthusiastic about your wonderful news sweetie" she had tried to reassure him. "He's just tired and out of sorts at the moment. He's got a lot of things on his mind right now and needs a little space."
Looking into the eyes of his Father, Jefferson could see the strain and the worry and whilst he knew he shouldn't, he felt his heart lifting a little. By the looks of things his Mother was right. Of course his Father wouldn't disapprove of him going to College. He just had a lot on his mind and didn't need anything else to worry about.
"Dad?" he queried.
"Yes son?" Grant said tightly.
"You said you wanted to talk to me about College." he faltered. "I'm …. ummm … listening Sir."
Grant looked at the son who sat as he always did... attentive, conscientious and dutiful. Why couldn't he have just been an average student who didn't excel? Why did he have to be so gifted?
"Jeff..." he began after a few minutes of soul-searching, "…you know I'm proud of you and all your achievements don't you son?"
Jefferson nodded. He could still see his Father's face glowing in the audience at his High School graduation and the almost pompous way he had strutted around holding his Mother's hand.
"Yes Dad." he replied. "I know."
"Good." he nodded. "Your Momma's always tellin' me off because she thinks I don't say enough positive things to you about your abilities."
He shook his head at the memory of Josephine's last outburst and was already picturing what she was going to say to him upstairs for failing to congratulate Jefferson at the supper table.
"Half the time I think she thinks you're gonna go and end your life or somethin'." he commented looking back towards the kitchen where Josephine hummed and rearranged a vase of flowers on the table.
The amused smirk stole across Jefferson's features once more.
"No chance of me ever doing that Dad." he responded giving him a congenial smile. "You always say the right thing."
Grant reached forward and squeezed Jefferson's broad, strong shoulder. He was so proud of his son. Intellectual, bright and gifted and nine times out of ten his silent ally when Josephine started on him, not a day went by when he didn't thank the almighty for Jefferson.
"Yeah well I think I do too." he concurred and then allowed a tiny smile to temper his own lips. "But I don't like gettin' on Momma's bad side as you know so I always like to check."
Jefferson nodded knowingly.
"Neither of us deliberately go out of our way to upset Momma Dad."
He paused and added. "Not if we have any inkling of common sense anyway."
The two of them exchanged wry smiles.
It was Grant's smile which faded first. He couldn't afford to back down no matter how much he was enjoying Jefferson's company and the common sharing of their experiences with Josephine's wrath.
"Jefferson I want you to pay attention and listen to me please." he said in his strong serious manner. "I don't think I'm tellin' you anything new when I say we've had to do it tougher than usual this year."
He faltered when he saw Jefferson bite his lip and hang his head with guilt.
"Don't you go getting me all wrong son...I not blamin' you for any of it." he added hastily. "I'm just stating the facts."
To his mind came the previous winter and the new coat Josephine had needed and he couldn't afford, the birthday present he hadn't been able to give her, the fence he hadn't been able to rebuild.
"A man works his fingers to the bone all year tryin' to provide for his family and in the end has nothin' to show for it." he murmured discontentedly. "It just ain't right."
He fell into silence again mindful of what he knew he had to say. This was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do in his life.
"Before I go sayin' anything else, I just want you to know I'm real pleased and real proud you were intelligent enough to make it into College son." he said firmly.
Jefferson opened his mouth to thank him but before the words could be uttered Grant blindly continued.
"But son nice as it is for you and all I'm afraid it's like this …"
Silence again.
The crickets chirped.
The owl hooted.
The summer night languished on.
"Daddy." Jefferson said quietly.
"What Jeff?"
"Daddy you're trying to tell me we can't afford for me to go to College aren't you?"
Grant Tracy looked at his only son with a face laced with inadequacy and regret. He'd been right when he'd said Jefferson was no fool. Jefferson was every bit as astute as Josephine.
"I'm sorry son. I just don't have the money for you to fulfil your College aspirations." he said apologetically looking everywhere but at Jefferson. "I know if I borrowed some money from the Bank I could do it, but I'm just not prepared to get your Momma and me back in debt again."
His eyes glazed. "Not after what I had to do to get ourselves the hell out of it."
Jefferson turned away and said nothing. Even though he had only been a child when the struggle was at its worst he remembered all the sacrifices just as much as his Father did... the Christmases with nothing special ... the birthdays with a token gift... the vacations spent at home.
Grant remembered them too ... Christmas ... just another day to him as he toiled under the fierce midday sun ... Jefferson's birthday and a wide eyed little boy's face falling in disappointment when he only received the brand new toothbrush he so desperately needed... vacation time and a child with no option but to stay home and diligently attend to the chores.
But reality was reality.
Jefferson was a Tracy son and out here where money was hard to come by and times were tough reality was a way of life. College was out of the question and there didn't need to be any more discussion on the subject.
Grant watched as Jefferson silently overlooked the farm. One day the vast sprawling farmlands in front of them would all be his but with one very big and noticeable difference. Unlike his own dreadful experience with Walter Brown, Jefferson would inherit the farm free of debt, free of encumbrance and free of the dreadful feeling he'd lived with for fourteen long, miserable years. He didn't want Jefferson to struggle as he and Josephine had struggled or experience the stress of making huge payments absolutely on time. He wanted Jefferson to be the Tracy son who was remembered for bringing the fortunes of the Tracy family back from the brink of poverty to the richness of wealth and prosperity. He wanted Jefferson to have a better life than he'd had.
But it was obvious Jefferson had other ideas.
Jefferson, courtesy of his education, wanted something more.
Grant saw the boy swallow, twist his hands together and silently muster the courage to face him.
"Dad ..." he faltered. "… if I get myself a job and promise to pay my own way can I still go?"
Grant's stomach fell. He hadn't expected Jefferson to say that. Of course Jefferson could try to find the time to work as well as study in his chosen field of Engineering. He knew his son had Josephine's cast iron determination and had inherited every bit of her relentless drive to succeed. He also knew he'd make the sacrifices to do it.
So now it came down to the real truth of the matter and the cold hard fact Jefferson didn't need an Engineering degree to be a Farmer. But before Grant said his final piece he tried one last time to dissuade him.
"Don't be so ridiculous." he replied, trying his best not to growl. "Common sense should tell someone with your intelligence that you can't work a full-time job and study successfully too."
Jefferson shook his head and bravely disagreed.
"No Daddy ... I can Sir ... I will ... "
He swallowed as his Father's eyes darkened and bored straight through him.
"Please let me try Sir." he pleaded, ignoring the subtle warning. "I'll do whatever it takes to be a Flight Engineer."
Grant Tracy said nothing.
The crickets chirped.
The old owl hooted.
The Tracy son continued to implore his Father.
"Please Dad... I won't let you down, even if it's hard."
The silence was absolute.
The crickets chirped.
The old owl hooted.
"Dad …please ... Flight Engineering is all I wanna do in my life."
The Tracy Father rose to his feet with angry inadequacy and no longer in the mood to listen. Flight Engineer? What the hell was the attraction in being a Flight Engineer? Just a fancy name for an overpaid hot-shot Pilot. Jefferson didn't need to be a hot-shot anything. His future was already firmly laid out here.
Jefferson felt himself shrinking on the stairs as his Father fixed his eyes on him from the superiority of his six foot four height.
"Jefferson you're not hearing me. The answer is NO." he barked with his customary directness. "There's no money for extras and that means no College for you in the Fall."
It was clear from his dangerous tone Grant Tracy did not expect to be argued with any further. Jefferson recognised the warning immediately and after a few minutes of reflection on the consequences, pressed his lips together and gave his Father a respectful nod of his head.
"Yes Sir. Whatever you say." he murmured.
The crickets chirped.
The old owl hooted.
The silence was again absolute.
The voice of the Tracy Father sounded out again but this time it was less stern and much less dangerous.
"I know you're disappointed Jeff but take it from me; a College degree isn't everything. You're a very decent young man. People aren't going to think any less of you if you walk your journey through life as a farmer."
Jefferson didn't reply.
When he didn't Grant rose to his feet and moved towards the old screen door. He paused and looked back at his son as he watched the fullness of the moon with glassy, devastated eyes. He didn't know what else he could say.
"I'll be inside breaking the news to your Momma." were the only words that came out. "I hope you can see things my way by the time I see you in the morning."