Title: What the Hell?

Summary: House puts his foot into his mouth this time.

Author: Mikesh

Part: 12
Warning: Mpreg for later chapters so if you don't like then please don't read.

Disclaimer: Don't own House but I wish I did.

AN: Monday morning

House was happy to be going back to work today. But the one thing that he'd been having a problem with was not being able to be indapant anymore. Wilson had to help him get into bed and go to the bathroom along with take a bath. For right now it was still sponge baths because he couldn't get in the water yet. He didn't like that he couldn't play the piano or cook for himself. Hell he couldn't even wheel himself around or that's what he thought.

"What's this?" House asked seeing the new wheelchair once he got into his office.

"It's a wheelchair," Wilson said.

"No I thought it was a new spinning chair," House said looking up at Wilson.

"We got this so that you can get around on your own. It's electric and it's set up for a right hander," Cameron said.

"Why does it lean back so far?" House asked.

"So that you can fall asleep in it since you can't fall asleep with your feet on your desk anymore," Will said.

"I've never fallen asleep at my desk," House said.

"Yeah you just keep to that story. We all know that you have," Wilson said.

"Hmm," House said crossing his arms well arm over his chest.

"Here move your right arm and I'll get you in there before I head to Cuddy's to let her know you're back," Wilson said.

So without a word House did as Wilson told him and Wilson put him in the chair.

After he was done he left the office to head to Cuddy's without a word to House. House knew what he really was going to do because he'd asked him to do it. Wilson was going to Cuddy to see if she could stop by tonight after work because House wanted to tell the whole team.

Ok Wilson wanted to tell the whole team. House really didn't want to but he knew he couldn't hid it. He was too skinny for one of them not to start asking questions.

"So what's the new case?" House asked coming over to the table.

"Don't have one yet," Cameron said starting to pick up her knitting.

"You knit now?" House asked moving towards the coffee pot.

"Yeah I always have. I just never do it in front of you," Cameron said.

"By the way heard back from the bike shop. Your bike will be ready in a couple of days," Chase said.

"Good then I can start riding again," House said.

"Yeah you try that and you'll be right back at square one," Chase said.

"Where's my cane?" House asked.

"Smashed into a million pieces," Cameron said not looking up from her knitting.

"Well I'll just have to send Wilson out to get me a new one," House said.

"Don't you have more at home?" Foreman asked.

"Yeah but those aren't for working," House said.

"Well I'm going to go talk to someone," Foreman said leaving the office.

"What's up with him?" House asked pointing with his right arm.

"Who knows," Chase said.

"Chase go find us a new case and Cameron go do my clinic hours," House said.

"Cuddy is letting you off until you're better. So we don't have to do them," Chase said not looking up from his crossword.

"Go look for a case," House said.

"Fine," Chase said rolling is eyes at House.

"Be right back," Chase said coming over to Cameron and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"What I don't get one too?" House asked.

"No," Chase said walking towards the door.

"Where you going?" House asked seeing Cameron getting up.

"Lady's room if you must know," Cameron said.

"Bring me back a picture," House said.

"No," Cameron said raising a eyebrow at House.

Not much happed for House. Chase and Cameron also stayed out of the office so House didn't have anyone to pick on. Wilson did come at lunch time to say that Cuddy and Stacy would be stopping by after work but he didn't stay because he was busy. So House went looking for something to do that was after he watched General Hospital.

Later that night…

After Foreman, Chase, Cameron, Wilson and Cuddy were done with work they stopped by House's office to see what was up.

"Ok what do you want House?" Stacy asked not seeing the others in the conference room.

"Come join us," House said.

"Us?" Stacy asked.

"Yeah us," Wilson said.

"Oh," Stacy said stepping into House's office then into the conference room.

"Ok I called all of you here today to tell you something that will affect my life from now on," House said.

"What you're leaving?" Stacy asked hopefully.

"No I'm having a kid," House said.

"What finally got one of your hookers pregnant?" Foreman asked.

"Yes I did," House said.

"House," Wilson said giving House a look that said 'Stop being a idiot and just tell them'.

"Ok what's up with you two?" Cameron asked.

"House?" Stacy asked when he was quite for awhile.

"What?" House asked.

"What's going on?" Stacy asked.

"I told you," House said.

"House what's really going on. I know that look Wilson just gave you. It was his stop being a idiot and jus fess up," Stacy said.

"What? You're surprised she knows about us?" House asked looking at Wilson who had the dear caught in headlights look.

"Just spill it," Wilson said.

"Fine I'm pregnant. Not some chick. The other father is no other then Wilson," House said looking right at Wilson.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Chase said.

"I didn't bang him. He got cursed by some old woman and I just happened to be the one that touched him. So now it's my child he gets to have," Wilson said.

"What?" Wilson asked when he saw everyone including House looking at him.

"How could he be pregnant? Let alone with your child in less you two were having sex," Cameron said.

"We have a winner!" House shouted.

"House I think you're going to have to show them the proof," Wilson said.

"Fine," House said starting to wheel himself out of his office.

"Where is he going?" Cameron asked.

"To show you people that I wasn't lying," House shouted back.

Since none of them really believed House they decided to follow him. If anything they could get a good laugh.

"Here do the honors," House said handing the scoop to Wilson.

"Do you want me to put you on the bed?" Wilson asked.

"Just help me get my pants down and we'll do it here," House said.

"That just sounded totally wrong," Cameron said.

"Tell me about it," Wilson said who was leaned over House helping him get his pants down. It was quite hard since House wasn't fully leaning back but not fully leaning up either.

After House's pants and boxers were down then Wilson applied jell to his stomach and then started looking for the little imposter.

"Ok now you believe me?" House asked once the thing showed up on screen.

He wasn't ready to admit that it was a baby yet.

"Come on you two could have popped a tape in," Foreman said.

No he wasn't going to believe that his boss was having a kid that easily.

"Come on there's no way in hell they could have," Cuddy said.

"Ok show over with," House said after Wilson removed the scoop from his stomach.

When he turned his head to look at the others they all had shock on their faces.

"So it's true? You and Wilson are a item?" Cameron asked.

"Hell no," Wilson said removing his hand from wiping off House's stomach.

"Then explain how he could be pregnant with your baby," Cameron said pointing in the general direction of House and the machine.

"Let's just say crazy that came into my room. It's her fault," House said starting to wheel out of the room.

"Ok I'll get started on the abortion papers," Stacy said following House out of the room.

"No need for that," House said stopping so quickly that Stacy ran into the back of his chair.

"What? You're actually thinking of going through with this?" Stacy asked.

"Yeah," House said looking up at her.

"Why?" Stacy asked.

"Because he liked weird stuff and this fits in his book nicely," Chase said.

"The brit boy is correct," House said heading towards his office again.

"Australian," Chase said.

"Same thing," House said.

"Not even," Chase said.

After everyone got back to House's office they started leaving because they had stuff to think about. I mean they'd just been told the biggest pain in the ass in the hospital just had told them that he was pregnant and showed them the proof.

Once everyone else left House and Wilson headed back to the house. After House got into bed with the help of Wilson he was fast asleep but Wilson was up for awhile thinking stuff over.

NEXT CHAPTER: House told to stop is meds by everyone