…

"Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood."

(Marie Curie)

…

CASTLE Base, October 19th, 1:42 PM, 2186

...

Brushing my hair back with my hand, I pulled my cap on, ready for the military memorial service we were holding for our fallen crewmembers today. I cleared out one of the hangars here on the base, giving us just enough room for the entire crew.

After limping back to Reach, we quickly moved the surviving Batarians to a temporary camp, making sure to clear each one with our Snoopers before allowing them to stay with one another. This was a temporary solution until their remaining ships were repaired. This had to be done quickly considering there was standing room only in some parts of the ship once they had moved over. The Saint Luke itself was immediately put into drydock, and it was estimated it could be as long as a month until it was fully spaceworthy again. While I had been aware of how much damage we'd sustained, it had been far greater than our initial estimates led us to believe. Some of this was to be expected of course, but it likely didn't help the Admiralty's perception of me, repeatedly returning to port with my flagship damaged, this time crippled.

Either way, we needed time away from the ship and the front line to adjust to what we all went through back in that godforsaken system. Hopefully today would help heal those wounds. I rolled my shoulders, still trying to get used to the uniform.

The standard blues Dixon, Tony, Morgan and I wore were simple dress-style grey coats with black and silver trimming along the collars and arms. They were worn with black gloves and trousers matching the coat. All of us wore matching caps, all similar to that which was historically worn by the USMC, with the exception of the grey color and the new, genuine gold band that went around the front. Our ranks were denoted by the standard shoulder boards, though they were now in black and silver instead of the usual green and gold.

Our dress blues felt rather out of place compared to the vast majority of my crew, who had previously adopted different dress "styles" per race. My Quarian and Geth crew members wore uniformly-styled suit cloths of the grey, black, and silver color style. Some appeared to resemble monochrome spanish gypsies from a distance due to the way the fabrics overlapped. The Raloi wore something similar, a large robe-like uniform that buttoned over top of their suits. Overall, it was quite the sight. I only wished I could have seen it under better circumstances.

My thoughts still lingered on Balak and Tirus as I stood in the hangar, eyes drifting periodically to the platform and the podium on top of it. I never once imagined feeling bad over someone like Ka'hairal Balak dying, but knowing how much he truly cared about his people really put things in perspective as far as his motivations went. Granted, he was a terrorist and a criminal, but he put the survival of his fellow countrymen first and foremost. He was a patriot, and even I had to respect that.

And then there was Chief Tirus, whose face drifted through my mind like leaves on the wind. When I met him back on Turviss I knew he was a special individual, a man of science hindered only by the technology available to him at the time. Watching him use an omni-tool was like watching a child go nuts in a candy shop, and he continued to prove himself time and time again as we grew the Raloi's industrial capacity. His death was nothing short of a tragedy, and I'd struggle to find someone capable of filling his shoes.

That wasn't even mentioning the dozens of other crewmembers and marines that died in Balak's initial attack. Many of the coffins that sat out in the hangar were empty, considering we never recovered some of their bodies.

"Sir, the Admirals have arrived." Dixon said in a whisper, getting me to nod as I tightened my cap slightly.

"Right. Start getting the crew to their seats." I ordered, putting my hand on his shoulder for a moment.

Looking over at the tarmac outside, I watched as a Cobra landed, it's ramp lowering to reveal Koris and Iolin. They were attending the service today, also wearing the same dress blues. Pistis and Mal would have attended, but they were busy holding our front lines in the Traverse right now. I was just happy to see a friendly face, even if those faces consisted of one I couldn't really see and one that looked like it wanted to kill me at any given moment.

"Welcome gentlemen." I greeted, getting nods from both of them. "Thank you for attending on such short notice."

"I'm sorry for your incredible loss, Sean. I can only imagine how much it hurts to lose so many people in such a short period of time." Koris apologized, shaking his head. "Such a terrible price to pay…"

"Some more than others." I mused, breathing deeply.

"I'm curious, Michaels… these people attacked your ship without warning, yet in the end you decided to save them instead of leaving them to fend for themselves." Iolin critiqued, crossing his arms as he stared down at me. "Why?"

"Iolin, are you serious? You're doing this at this very moment?" Koris questioned out loud, stepping in front of him.

"No, no, it's OK. Let's do this now." I stopped, crossing my arms as well as I gazed up at him. "Are you aware of what the nature of our mission was?"

"I am, though I fail to see why you would take such an unnecessary risk." He defended, appearing genuinely confused. "They attacked you, nearly destroying you and your ship, yet you elected to help one another despite all of this?"

"It would seem the nature of this war has created some rather… interesting relationships." I mused, taking a moment to choose my next words carefully. "Then again, you seem to be suggesting that I should have left all those innocent people die because of one man's choices."

"That would depend entirely on their motivations. You certainly didn't seem to trust these Batarians when you set out on this mission, but now your views appear to have changed dramatically." He went on, hitting a small nerve in the back of my brain. "It's a massive undertaking, trying to supply… how many people?"

"50,298, give or take the presence of several pregnant women who were present in the small flotilla." I answered immediately, not wanting any dead air. "They very well could be the only surviving Batarians from those systems, at least the ones who we can confidently classify as civilians."

"If what I've read and heard about the Batarians is true, then "confidence" is not a word I'd use to describe them." Iolin snipped, beginning to genuinely annoy me.

"Enough! This is neither the time or place to argue with one another." Koris said in a raised voice, turning to focus on Iolin. "Come on, let's take our seats. I don't want to keep Sean's crew waiting."

"Very well." He begrudgingly agreed, tightening his blues as he walked off with Koris.

While I did my best to get along with Iolin, he could be quite the pain in the ass when he wanted to be. He was never as adversarial as Gerrel or Rael often were, but as his space forces slowly grew in size and strength, he gained more weight to throw around. At least I understood his motivations, giving me a slight edge when it came to those sorts of conversations. He would never try to start a war, that much I was sure of.

Walking back into the hangar, I stopped as Dixon walked up the platform, turning to the whole crew.

"A-teeeen-shun!" He yelled, getting everyone to stand completely straight as I walked up to him, giving him a quick salute. He returned it as I walked up to the podium in the center, pulling out my hastily-written speech and putting both hands against the podium's edges.

"At ease." I ordered over the microphone, getting them to relax as I took a moment to process my thoughts, watching all of them focus on me. "Today, we all come together not as friends, soldiers, or comrades, but as a family to honor those who ventured into the dark with us, never to return. These brave souls, who gave their lives to ensure our survival in the most dire of times, have made the most noble sacrifice imaginable."

Images of the Chief and Balak flashed through my mind as I glanced back down at my speech, feeling a sweat coming on.

"Their job is now finished, and as we lay their souls to rest today we must pick up the pieces and continue where they left off. In doing so we honor their lives, carrying their memories with us and continuing to fight against the Reapers and anyone else who wishes us harm." I continued, resisting the urge to wipe away the sweat I felt between my head and the cap I was wearing. "The road ahead of us will be fraught with danger as we continue our war against the Reapers and their genocidal campaign against all sentient life in the galaxy. From the ashes of this conflict, the Confederation will stand above all else as a shining example of what we all can do when we rise above adversity and work towards a common goal. We fight not because we must, but because it is right. Thank you."

As soon as I had finished speaking, everyone erupted into applause. While I allowed myself to smile at their enthusiasm, I couldn't shake the feeling that I didn't deserve their respect when it came to any of this. I walked over to my seat on the platform as Koris got up to speak to the crew, zoning out as I got lost in my thoughts again.

I still silently blamed myself for everything that had gone wrong during that mission, from getting attacked by the Batarians, all the way to rushing Chief Tirus to get the power we needed so badly that it ended up getting him killed. All of that responsibility rested on my shoulders, and just thinking about it stung my soul in ways I couldn't describe. It was an awful feeling.

As I sat there looking at my crew, I wanted nothing more than to guarantee their safety, but I knew doing so was impossible. We all had our roles in this world, and that was a fact all of us knew going into it.

One day I hoped to change things to balance the world in our favor. We had done it once before with the Gravity Drive, we could surely do it again.

…

CASTLE Base, October 19th, 4:11 PM, 2186

...

Several hours after the service had concluded, I switched back to one of my casual outfits, spending some time with Mara, Elle, and the dogs before returning to CASTLE Base, this time to visit the lower depths of the facility. I knew there was something important that I had to address, and there was only one person who could do that. Richard.

Walking through the doors to his lab, I noticed a lot had changed since the last time I was here in person. For one, the lab was three times its original size, having been extended into two of the neighboring ones which had previously been used for storage. It was also far more tidy, his piles of papers having been cleaned up and organized into several rows of filing cabinets. While I knew Richard was here, I had no idea what he was doing or who he might have been with.

Walking further into the new lab, I finally spotted him, Minkeo and Hans inside separate clean rooms, each wearing a pressurized suit. They slowly worked between six unsuited Quarians, three males and three females, writing down notes as they checked the vitals of each. Over in a separate, larger chamber, three Raloi males sat quietly as well. All nine subjects were confined to beds, IV lines hooked into their bodies. Looking more closely at the Quarians, I noticed their muscle structures were far more defined than was normal, and their skin pigmentations had shifted to a paler tone. Any changes with the three Raloi subjects were impossible to gauge visually due to their feathers.

While I was aware his ORION Program had progressed well the last few months, I didn't realize he had already gotten clearance to begin trials on living subjects. That had honestly surprised me. He either had a sharper tongue than I originally thought, or the higher-ups were more worried about this war than they were willing to let on.

"Richard, Sean here." I spoke into the room's built-in intercom, getting him to jump slightly and flip around to face me through the window. "When you're done in there I want to speak to you."

He nodded, turning back around as I redirected my attention to the sealed, biohazard-marked cases along the neighboring wall. Inside were the gene therapy treatments, cybernetic implants, and other various medical instruments needed for the project. I was well aware of the precautions needed for this kind of work, but I was curious as to how it was all progressing at this point.

Richard stepped out of the decon chamber with a sharp hiss, undoing the latches keeping his gloves on his wrists and pulling off his hood. He sighed, taking in the fresh air as he pulled a rag out of his pocket and wiped sweat from his face.

"These suits need air conditioning." He joked, pulling down on the suit as he finished taking it off.

"I'll add it to the list of things that need doing." I rebuked, not in a particularly joking mood. "When were you planning on telling me you were beginning trials on living subjects?"

"You seemed busy, so at the time I figured bothering you with updates wasn't worth it." He defended, picking up his suit and placing it in a smaller cleaning chamber. "So far, most of the preliminary results are fantastic. Muscle density and strength has increased an astounding seventeen percent, and Hans' neural dendrite treatment has more than doubled their reflexes among other small improvements."

"This experiment of yours has a long way to go before it's viable on a larger scale." I blew off, still feeling the souls of those that died days ago lingering over me. "Are they even conscious in there?"

"No, we have them sedated right now so they don't hurt themselves. If they attempt any major movements before the muscle augmentations have settled, they could tear all their ligaments and tendons to pieces." He shook his head, his tone changing slightly as he picked up on my attitude. "We finished the last round of augmentations two days ago, so they should be up and about soon."

I nodded as I crossed my arms, looking back at them all laying on their beds. I had to admire each of them for their bravery, volunteering to undergo these experimental procedures knowing the risks involved.

"Anyways, I doubt you came down here to talk about this. What are you really doing here?" Richard questioned, surprising me yet again.

"Well, I had a bit of an… experience during our last mission. Somehow, I was able to feel the presence of a Reaper from over sixty-thousand kilometers away. It was almost as if it had beamed its way into my mind, and I'm not sure if it detected my ship before or after this had happened. Ever since, I haven't gotten a single decent night of sleep either." I explained as best I could, a much more serious look slipping onto his face. "I want a full battery of tests performed, with nothing left out of the equation. If I'm a risk to my crew in some way, I need to know before we go back out there in a few weeks."

"I see…" He muttered, crossing his arms and rubbing his chin. "I could run a full suite of MRI and PET scans in the medical ward, but you'd have to put aside several hours of your time to get the deepest scans possible."

"Done." I agreed, standing straighter as his eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Allllright then, let's get down there." He finished, walking out of the lab as I followed closely behind.

…

Twenty Minutes Later

...

Sitting still on the table in my new medical gown, I waited patiently as Richard warmed up the equipment on the other side of his glass shield. Sticky pads for the EKG monitor were attached to my chest, and a mask sat over my nose and mouth, running an oxygen mixture containing radioactive tracers into my lungs. It was saturating my blood with short-lived positron-emitters, allowing for a proper PET scan to be done of my brain. While the irony of intentionally breathing in a radioactive gas wasn't lost on me, I knew it was perfectly safe.

"How are you feeling in there?" Richard asked over the intercom as I turned to look at him sitting at the console.

"I feel about as good as someone intentionally breathing radiation can feel." I sarcastically replied with the mask muffling my voice, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible.

"Right then… for these tests, I want you to keep your head as still as possible. Luckily, we can do both the MRI and PET at the same time, meaning we won't be here all day." He explained as a head rest emerged from a compartment under my head, applying pressure to my neck and cranium. "It'll take between one to two hours, so don't be afraid to fall asleep in there. That sedative I gave you will help relax you and give us more accurate readings. Do you understand?"

"Don't move, got it." I attempted to nod, feeling the back of my head go slightly stiff as the sedative in question began to kick in. While I appreciated his reassurances, I was worried about whatever vague nightmare I might have this time.

"Alright, here we go." Richard finished as the machine began to hum, the table sliding me into the chamber as my world went dark. "If you begin feeling claustrophobic at any time, I can pull you out."

"Small spaces don't bother me. I'll be fine." I finished, taking another deep breath.

The machine hummed gently as it began its deep scans of my head, sending me into an almost rhythmic trance. My breathing slowed as I grew drowsier, consciousness slipping away and giving ground to true darkness. I felt my heart beat slightly faster before I relaxed myself enough to close my eyes.

…

I sat in the cockpit of a damaged Dragoon mech, drifting through space. I sat there breathlessly, unable to move or see anything outside of the mech's viewports. Nothing, not even a star. As my breathing began to feel constricted, the hatch above me swung open, revealing more of this seemingly endless void. As the feeling came back to my body, I unlatched my harness and pulled myself up through the hatch, hoping to find something that would give me some sense of direction.

Poking my head through the opening, I felt myself suddenly get sucked out into the darkness, the red interior of the Dragoon quickly fading away as the void overtook me. I shouted for someone to help me, only to realize I was incapable of making a sound. As I felt my chest tighten, I heard a rumbling noise come from behind me. I turned around to find myself face-to-face with that Cerberus woman the Reapers had indoctrinated back on Imaneya.

"You really think you can beat them?" She asked in a sinister tone, sounding more like Lynda Embry than the woman she appeared to be as blood droplets floated from her ruined eye socket. "You've seen what they're capable of, what they've done countless times before. What makes you think you'll turn out any different?"

I narrowed my eyes on her ghastly visage, feeling the static invade my brain yet again as a Reaper horn could be heard, sending piercing pain through my eardrums. I doubled over as I felt a migraine instantly form in my skull.

"You know you can't win. The cycle cannot be broken." She continued to mock as she grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me in closer. "You, your family, and your friends will all burn as we destroy your civilization. We will wipe your existence from this galaxy and begin the cycle anew, reducing you to sheer curiosities in the eyes of your successors. They won't even know your names."

"No!" I shouted, shoving the monster away from me as it tumbled into the darkness, leaving me alone in the void once again.

My head continued to pulse as my vision went blurry, unable to focus on anything at all as I felt myself slipping away again.

…

Blinking my eyes as I began to wake up, I felt my vision fill with light as I was pulled out of the dark tube, the hum of the machine going down as my forehead throbbed. Richard walked in, pulling the mask off of my face as I sat up and rubbed my shoulder.

"Well? How'd it go?" I asked, rubbing my eye sockets as he looked at me with confusion. I was so tired at that moment that I barely registered his expression.

"I'm… not really sure at the moment." He admitted, looking off to the side as his eyes darted around in thought. "Come with me."

I obliged, pulling the pads off of my chest as I followed him into the monitoring room, sitting down next to him as he pulled up my results.

"First of all, I want you to tell me how you're feeling. Any unusual sensations or pains?" He asked, turning towards me and putting his hands together.

"Other than one of my stupid headaches, I've got nothing to report." I answered truthfully, rubbing the side of my forehead. "I did have another strange dream though, but I can't really remember much of it now that I think about it."

"Right…" He nodded, checking the scans on the screen for a moment before turning back to me. "It appears from a cursory glance that your somatosensory cortex is slightly thicker than normal, which has historically indicated a higher instance of migraines. That could explain your headaches, but it isn't a concrete piece of evidence."

"Uh, ok then." I muttered, not entirely worried about the migraines at this point. "Move on to the bit that's got you bothered."

"Well, I detected an unusual signal overlap between your temporal and parietal lobes… it's almost as if the normal flow of auditory and sensory inputs were mixed up, forced to communicate between both sides." Richard described as best he could, genuinely worrying me. "The strangest part is that once you woke back up, the signals returned to normal as if nothing had happened. Your heart rate was also highly elevated during the time."

"Is that because of my dreaming?" I questioned, trying to wrap my head around what he was telling me.

"No, I've never seen this kind of reading from REM or non-REM sleep." He shook his head, growing increasingly worried in tone. "In fact, I've never seen anything like it before. Cross-referencing the MRI and PET scans, I've noticed at several points the temporal lobe in particular becoming far more active than normal for REM sleep."

"So, what does this all mean?" I questioned once more, knowing very little about what he was talking about.

He sat there in silence for a few moments, leaning his head into his hand as he continued to stare at the results.

"If you've been exposed to Reaper signals for long enough, they begin to modify your brain chemistry. I know you're having trouble remembering, but did your dream have anything to do with them?" He continued to probe as I fought to claw back the fading images in my head.

"I seem to remember the face of that indoctrinated Cerberus scientist from Imaneya." I answered, getting his eyebrows to shoot up as my head pulsed with pain again. "Anything else is too vague to put words to."

"Didn't you also encounter a Reaper conduit there?" He pointed out, getting my eyes to shoot open.

"Yeah… that, combined with our exposure here from the sample and incremental… over time…" I stammered, realizing how much trouble I was in. "Oh shit…"

"Stay calm, you're not screwed." Richard reassured, filling me with very little confidence. "If the Snoopers still haven't detected anything, then that means you're still you."

"Oh, that makes me feel so much better." I shot back, pushing my face into my hands. "I can't go back to the front lines if I've already been exposed this much. This isn't like someone that works in a nuclear power plant, it doesn't have a yearly limit!"

"I said stay calm! I might have a solution for this!" He yelled back, holding up his hand. "Granted, there is a certain degree of risk involved, but if it works it might just be the permanent fix we need against indoctrination."

"What is this "solution" of yours, and why do I feel like I'm not going to like it?" I asked in a quieter tone, leaning back as I crossed my arms.

"Back when I was still a student at Johns Hopkins, I helped develop this cranial implant that was meant to treat and eventually compensate for conditions such as Alzheimer's and schizophernia." He began, tenting his fingers against the desk as he turned to look at me. "In theory, it would regulate your brain chemistry and "fast-track" specific brain signals, preventing premature brain cell death."

"In theory?" I immediately questioned, not liking the sound of that. "I didn't work?"

"No, our volunteers for the program experienced serious rejection issues with the implants that ended up killing four and permanently crippling two others. Their bodies refused to accept the connections we had made, but otherwise it worked just fine." He explained in further detail, turning around to fully face me. "I believe with the experience I've accumulated from developing these Geth-based cybernetics, I can reproduce the implant with the improvements needed to make it function properly."

I sighed, looking off to the side as I realized the full extent of what he was proposing. He wanted to put something in my brain that would be relatively untested and unproven, through a procedure that would likely involve cutting off part of my skull and leaving me incapacitated for an unknown amount of time. Assuming all of that went as planned, how would we know if it was working as intended?

"You can configure this implant to… reject any Reaper signals?" I inquired, allowing myself to breathe normally.

"Of course! We have everything we need, it's just a simple matter of programming the implant to help your brain block the ultrasonic, infrasonic, and electromagnetic frequencies the Reapers use to indoctrinate individuals. None of them are associated with normal, everyday functions." He reassured, still leaving me a bit worried. "You can't perceive those signals, but your brain does."

"Alright… how long would it take to get the ball rolling on this?" I reluctantly agreed, staring directly into his eyes.

"Well, I'd need three days to fabricate the implant, one or two to properly program it… give me six days." He laid out in realtime, turning to me and smiling. "I know this is asking a lot of you, but if this works-"

"Yeah, I get the gist of it." I cut off, trying to block out the idea of Richard cutting my head open. "If I go through with this, I don't want to be named or identified in any way, shape, or form. I am to remain an anonymous, but willing, "test subject" in all your documentation. Is that understood?"

"I'm fine with that, but do you mind me asking why?" He wondered out loud, leaning his head against his right arm.

"You might." I denied with a simple non-answer.

"Very funny. I'm serious, why do you want this so confidential?" He asked yet again, getting me to frown.

"I just don't want the men under my command to find out. I doubt all of them would be OK knowing their Admiral has an implant in their brain. It could… undermine their confidence in my command abilities, sow doubt." I answered in earnest, getting an understanding nod in return.

"Alright then… what should I tell the Admirals or anyone else who might ask? I'm sure if you go missing for a few days, it won't go unnoticed." He argued, getting me to smile.

"You have the perfect excuse already. My chronic headaches and migraines." I remarked, getting his eyes to shoot open, impressed. "I'll have to talk to them anyways, but it provides the perfect excuse we need."

"The overtime I'm gonna have to put into writing these reports alone will be a nightmare." He pinched his nose, pushing his glasses up slightly.

"But if it works…" I urged, getting him to huff as he readjusted himself.

"...it'll mean we have a way to finally protect ourselves from indoctrination." He finished, cracking a smile that I couldn't help but return. "I'll start working immediately. Do you mind if I bring Lydia on to help with this project too?"

"By all means. She's just as qualified as you are." I agreed as we both stood up and shook hands. "I'm gonna have a long conversation with Mara about this, I can see it now."

"You best prepare yourself." He finished in a joking tone as I walked out to the room next door where my normal clothes were waiting.

At this point, we had to take a gamble of some kind. If this ended up working, the benefits would be felt for generations to come. Sure, it wouldn't defeat the Reapers in a shooting war, but giving myself and others the ability to resist or outright block indoctrination… it would be worth it.

Now I just had to convince Mara to see things my way. Part of me feared that more than the operation itself.

…

A/N: Well, here we are. Chapter 100. It's been a long time coming, but I dare say it's been worth it one hundred percent. I can't express how happy it makes me feel having reached this incredible milestone, having come so far all these years later. What started out as an experiment has blossomed into this story, and I can say with confidence that if it weren't for all of you, I never would have made it this far. That being said, I don't plan on slowing down now, and I don't know how much longer the story will last. I can say with confidence that we're nearing the end of this saga, and I hope you're all as excited to see it as I am. Again, thank you all!