…
"Everyone lies, Michael. The innocent lie because they don't want to be blamed for something they didn't do, and the guilty lie because they don't have any other choice."
(Jeffrey Sinclair)
…
Serenity Valley, October 19th, 7:39 PM, 2186
...
Walking up the stairs to my house, I stopped and leaned against the railing to admire the sunset in the distance. This time of the year, it set right where the mountains on both sides met, closing off the end of the valley. It was an incredible sight I hadn't stopped to stare at in quite a long time.
As I stood there at the top I heard the door open, revealing Mara in a homemade purple casual dress. As our eyes met, we both smiled and she walked over to the railing alongside me.
"Nice dress." I complemented, feeling one of her hands on my back.
"Nice ass." She immediately replied, taking her hand off my back and pinching me. I shot my back up straight in surprise, getting a hardy laugh out of her. "That never gets old."
"My mother would grab my sides like that when I was a child. It's a reflex." I defended, getting an amused huff out of her as I placed one of my hands behind her neck. "Then again, I know exactly how to get the same reaction out of you."
"Ooh!" She exclaimed as I gently brushed the tips of my fingers along the side of her neck. It sent shivers up her body, getting her to giggle and push her hand into my chest. "Stop it!"
I laughed as I pulled her back in, giving her a long hug as I sighed deeply.
"Nothing in the world will ever match moments like this. Nothing." I mused, staring into the sunset as she pulled herself back, looking at me with a worried expression.
"Something's wrong." She shook her head, narrowing her eyes. "What happened?"
"You remember what I told you on the Saint Luke? The vision I saw before the attack?" I began, knowing I had to choose my words carefully. "I… decided to go visit Richard, have a few tests done on my brain. It's possible…"
I paused, hung up on the terrifying fact as the color drained from Mara's face.
"It's possible… what?" She urged, wanting to know the facts.
"It's possible I may be suffering from the early stages of Reaper indoctrination." I admitted, getting her to cover the lower half of her face in shock.
"That… that is a lot to take in." She breathed heavily, leaning against the railing for support.
"Listen, Richard thinks he might have a solution, but it's... risky." I went on, not wanting her to dwell on what I had told her too long. "He wants to revive an old project of his, a cranial implant, that he can program to reject Reaper signals and fix the damage done to my brain."
Mara stopped and stared at me as if I was insane for a few moments, before looking away and shaking her head.
"You're talking about brain surgery. Potentially life-altering brain surgery." She remarked, still sounding completely shocked as her voice began to waver. "You said potentially. You and Richard are absolutely sure about this?"
"Records show one of the earliest signs of Reaper indoctrination includes acute insomnia, nightmares, and acute auditory or visual visions. I've checked all those boxes at this point, and have no prior conditions that could explain them." I defended, feeling as if I was slowly falling into an inescapable pit. "I haven't had a single full night of sleep since that day, and if Richard's readings are anything to go by, this is not your average run-of-the-mill night terrors. This is too real, too… visceral."
"Oh God…" She exclaimed, briefly losing control of her voice as she held my hands.
"I know how this all sounds. It sounds crazy, dangerous, and borderline insane, but if it works, it will be the solution we need to end the threat of Reaper indoctrination, once and for all." I reasoned, putting my hand on her shoulder. "The thought of going through with this is nowhere near appealing, but either I get this implant, or I slowly devolve into another one of those Reaper automatons."
"The way you describe it… you're turning yourself into an experiment." She fought to say, her emotions taking hold. "I don't want you to do that to yourself, feeling obligated to risk your life."
"Mara… it's the only thing that can save me." I argued, watching her jaw tremble as she fought the urge to cry. "I've seen what's happened to those who've become indoctrinated. I'd rather die a free man trying to save people than die on my knees, a hollow husk of what I once was."
She finally broke down, crying as she clung to my coat, my arms wrapped around her for support.
"I suppose your... choices are limited." She nodded, barely able to keep her voice steady as tears ran down her face. "I trust Richard, but if this doesn't work-"
"I know. I promise I'll-" I began to say as she immediately whipped her head back up to look at me.
"No! Don't you dare make me a promise!" She cut off, still fighting to keep her voice under control. "I don't want any promises you can't keep… just don't, please."
I looked into her swollen, glistening eyes, I realized what she meant, and why she didn't want to hear me say what I was thinking.
"Fine. No promises..." I agreed, pulling her in for another hug as she sobbed.
As we embraced each other in the warmth of the sun, I stared off into the distance, silently wondering what the future would hold for me. I couldn't imagine life without Mara, Elle, or anyone else close to me, and the fact that I could see my mortality staring me in the face once again… it scared the hell out of me. It was one thing to see it on the battlefield, in the heat of the moment, but knowing I had time to dwell on it was genuinely unnerving.
While I believed everything would go off without a hitch, I knew spending some time to get my affairs in order was the most responsible thing to do. Even if it would only take my mind off the coming operation for a moment, it would be worth it.
"I'll get through this, Mara. For all of us." I thought to myself, feeling my own breathing waver as we held one another.
…
The Spear, October 21st, 1:40 PM, 2186
…
Standing on the observation deck of "The Spear", the tallest building in Zavod, I stared out at the arid surfaces ahead of me, admiring the shine of its atmosphere as sunlight bounced off of the few visible waterways. Dry air blew in my face, and being this high up made it feel like I was flying like an eagle. The building staff had been nice enough to clear the area for a while, giving me time to admire it all.
This had been my first time visiting Rannoch itself since the end of the Morning War. I had visited the system a few times to follow the construction of the Crucible, but today was my first time on the planet itself. I was here to meet the members of the New Quarian Commonwealth civil government in the Hall of the Ancestors, putting forth my proposals to increase the civil defense budget and its programs among other smaller issues. I wanted to build bridges for future civil projects on Reach, and I'd need their help if I wanted to give any of those proposals a chance.
The New Quarian Commonwealth currently consisted of what used to be much of the Conclave, with many officials recently being voted into the governing body by the public. It was a representative system much like it had been before, but with more focus on majority consensus. This clashed somewhat with the older system where issues were dealt with ship-to-ship most of the time. Now with all the land and property involved, the status quo had to change. Though ship Captains retained certain rights in regards to the old laws dictated by the Admiralty, the old system was slowly shifting to the more centralized one. In order to gain a seat in the House of the Ancestors, those interested had to run for office in one of the Commonwealth's 162 administrative zones.
In the spirit of the Fleet's 200 year-old history though, it was still called the Conclave.
It was a bit of a mess right now, especially considering the scale of the war. They were on the right track, but this was not a good atmosphere to re-establish a 200 year-old government.
"Sir, the Conclave is meeting in twenty minutes." Vivi, my newly-assigned "administrative assistant" announced, snapping me out of my moment. "Should I prep the shuttle for departure?"
"Alright, I'll be there in a few moments." I nodded back to her as she broke into a jog. I couldn't help but chuckle.
Vivi'Leos was a well-meaning, if somewhat nervous, young woman the Admirals had assigned to me after I informed them of my intention to undergo brain surgery. She wore a blue and grey environmental suit, one of the older ones, though it was clear he had heavily modified it over the years. She had a skirt-like extension around her waist, allowing her to carry just about anything she needed for her day-to-day. She was a competent assistant so far, but she hadn't yet cleared the "awkward" hurdle.
The surgery hadn't been the sole reason she had been assigned to me, of course. My report-writing skills weren't the best, and I had fallen behind on documenting all the projects being done on and off CASTLE Base. Due to the resource crunch we were going through to construct the Crucible, everything had to be organized and filed to the letter to avoid any gaps in our supply chain. Admiral Koris assigned her to me on a whim, knowing someone would have to keep the papers moving across my desk while I was recovering from my surgery.
Sighing, I adjusted my suit and walked off, ready for whatever the new Conclave had to throw at me.
…
House of the Ancestors, October 21st, 2:56 PM, 2186
…
Standing in the middle of the House of the Ancestors, I breathed as deeply as I could without changing my expression as several of the Representatives argued with one another, seemingly nonstop as I waited patiently. They were arguing over the allocation of their budgets for land reconstruction efforts, and given the war that was going on right now, I viewed such an argument as pointless. Vivi sat on the edge of the chamber, quickly typing up a transcript of everything being said as cameras recorded us for the public to witness.
"How are we supposed to support such massive population growth if we don't put more effort into growing more food?" One of the representatives asked as I tuned back in, looking around. "This is the most unprecedented chapter in our history, and the success of our people cannot be guaranteed if we simply sit on our hands and do nothing!"
"The surplus being grown on Reach is more than enough to meet the current demand." Raan reasoned from her large podium, sounding more tired than anything else. "Your fears are unfounded, Representative Tadvi. Please sit down."
Raan had "retired" from the Admiralty shortly after signing the Articles, instead choosing to focus on her people and their return to Rannoch. She ran against several Captains for the position of Chancellor, and won in an overwhelming landslide. Though I didn't harbor any ill will towards her, I still haven't quite forgiven her for standing against Mal and Koris during our initial exodus from Reach. What they did was wrong, and because of what they did a fair amount of resentment remained in the Fleet between those who stayed and those who left.
Shaking his head as the representative sat back down, the entire chamber turned back to me.
"We've grown our military at an unprecedented rate, but we can't get complacent. Rannoch's proximity to the relay is a major concern, and if the Reapers realize what we're building, they won't hesitate to barrel through the Traverse to get here." I went on, trying to hammer home my point. "We need a civil defense plan that doesn't just boil down to arming people. We need training courses, seminars, and other programs to reinforce what a Reaper occupation of Confederation worlds would involve, and how to combat or avoid them."
"Would it not be easier simply to evacuate Rannoch's population to Reach?" Another one of the reps suggested, getting me to mentally groan.
"No. This far into the resettlement of Rannoch? You're talking millions of quarians who would never be able to secure safe passage. If what happened to Earth happens here, it'll be a massacre. Simply relying on off-world evacuation isn't enough." I shot down, realizing I was only getting through to a few of them. "I suggest plans that involve moving civilians away from the cities to undeveloped regions where they'll be harder to track. If we can build emergency shelters out there that are hidden from aerial view, large swaths of the quarian population can avoid detection for weeks, even months."
"I'm still not sure how effective such a plan would be. Mass panic in the cities would cause even the best laid plans to fall apart if local law enforcement or military units failed to keep order long enough." Yet another commented, getting me to turn and face them as I felt my threshold for annoyance being reached.
"So, you're suggesting we just leave people to their own devices? Put no backup plan in place for a worst-case scenario? If the Reapers hit us now, at this very moment, roughly 60 to 72 percent of the city populations alone will die in the initial invasion. Rural settlements will have a bit more time to react, but by then communications will have broken down and panic will have gripped the entire planet." I said with a noticeable hint of venom, hands held tightly behind my back. "Without a plan, you can't reasonably expect many quarians to survive."
"I think you've made your point, Admiral." Raan said, picking up on the tone of my voice quite easily after dealing with me for years. "Unfortunately, our time for this Conclave has run out. We shall deliberate on your proposals tomorrow in a closed session, Admiral Michaels."
Knowing there was nothing more I could do, I gave a simple nod as Raan rang a small bell, getting everyone to stand up and begin walking off. I knew shouting and screaming at them wouldn't accomplish anything, so I stood there silently as they all walked off one-by-one. As the chamber grew quiet and the cameras shut off, I heard one set of footsteps approach from behind, Shala'Raan walking over with her new Chancellor's garment over her suit.
"I apologize for their attitudes, they haven't all quite made the transition to planetary politics yet. They still think we're a fleet of ships sailing aimlessly through space." She apologized in her usual worn tone, offering a handshake. "Are you still angry at me, or do you wish to discuss the larger issues at hand?"
"These days, we can't afford to hold grudges." I accepted, smiling as I shook her hand. "What's on your mind, Chancellor?"
"I'm worried about the… validity of this Prothean device we're constructing, if I'm being perfectly honest." She admitted, getting a genuine moment of confusion out of me. "With everything we're throwing into this project, we could construct dozens of ODPs, hundreds of ships. One of your project leads, this Biss'Relven individual… he has no formal scientific background. He's claiming that we'll need a "resonator" of some kind in order for the Crucible to work properly?"
"Right now, we believe the "resonator" is actually the Citadel." I informed, getting her eyes to noticeably widen under that mask. "Though we've yet to tell anyone on the Council, we do think that, given it can communicate with dark space, it would be the obvious choice. Kinda ironic in a way, using their passage into the Milky Way against them."
"That doesn't seem like a stretch? Even to you?" She prodded further, understandably confused.
"Not at all. Biss was the one who discovered what the Catalysis was, I have no reason to doubt him on this. It even makes sense in hindsight, given how similar the Crucible's construction materials are to the Citadel itself." I argued, knowing all the evidence we had supported all our initial hypotheses. "Why do you bring all this up?"
"I just worry about the big picture these days. Sometimes I've begun to wonder if the Confederation military is really telling us everything we need to know. I realize they're not directly part of the Commonwealth, but I still feel as if I've lost something in this transition." She remarked, filling me with a genuine sense of unease. "Handling the day-to-day of the Migrant Fleet felt like a desk job compared to this. We all used to be so open with each other... now there's all this distance and distrust among our people, and I fear the scars created by the Schism will never heal."
"I can't speak for those that chose to stay, but I know we wanted nothing more than to avoid war at all costs. I don't blame you, Zadie, or Kar for Xen and Gerrel's actions." I reassured, knowing this was a tricky subject to discuss. "If we hadn't done what we did, neither the Quarians or Geth would be in any condition to fight the Reapers."
"I know, though playing mediator between the two sides isn't something I particularly enjoy doing. I'm getting too old to deal with their posturing." She joked, getting me to smile. "Enough about my trouble. I've been told that you're undergoing surgery soon?"
"Who told you that?" I immediately replied, taken completely by surprise.
"Koris did. He and I still do talk to one another, believe it or not." She went on, getting me to sigh in minor annoyance. "He mentioned you would be out of commission for a few weeks, and it went on from there. Something regarding your headaches, I believe?"
"Yep. Hopefully with any luck this surgery will reduce or outright prevent my migraines from happening anymore. A big benefit, given how they essentially cripple me whenever they occur." I casually lied, knowing I couldn't tell her or anyone else the real reason behind my operation.
"Well, unfortunately, I have another meeting to attend to. I wish you the best of luck, Admiral." She finished, offering another handshake which I gladly accepted.
Finally standing alone in the chamber, I took a moment to reflect on everything that had happened after Raan, Zadie, and Kar signed that treaty. Gerrel and Xen's removal from the Admiralty was good, granted, but they had been allowed to remain Captains of their ships with no chance of promotion. I felt it was too light of a punishment given they tried to kill me on two different occasions, but at the time I had bigger fish to fry. The threat of the Reapers made a lot of us forget our grudges overnight. Thinking back to it, anyone attempting to kill or steal, let alone start a war like they did, would have been exiled from the Fleet after a very long and public trial, but I chalked it up to changes happening in the Quarian government.
Part of me wondered how historians might look back on all of this, and how it was handled. That was, of course, assuming we'd even win against the Reaper threat.
"Uh, sir? Are you ready to go?" Vivi asked, getting me to flip around and face her in minor surprise.
"Yep, let's go." I nodded, knowing I had wasted enough time here dwelling on things I couldn't change.
…
QCV Neema, October 22nd, 9:10 AM, 2186
…
Walking through the halls of the Neema, I felt many eyes wander to me, the vast majority harboring barely contained hostility. It was to be expected, all things considered. The Neema was Captain Han'Gerrel's vessel, and even though I knew I was very un-welcomed here, he had agreed to a meeting with me regardless. I had no idea where things now stood between him and many others in the New Quarian Commonwealth, but I was sure about one thing. He deserved to know the truth. The truth we had all hidden from him so long ago. Whether it would do any good after so much time had passed, I had no idea, but I needed him to know regardless. I had no idea how he might act, but I was way beyond the point of caring.
Stopping at the door to the Captain's quarters, I flashed my ID to the marine standing guard, waiting patiently.
"Sir, Admiral Michaels is here. Shall I send him in?" He spoke into his helmet as I avoided eye contact, doing my best to keep myself steady with all the fatigue I was feeling. "...very well. Go on through, sir."
"Thank you, Corporal." I replied, walking through into the unknown.
Gerrel's quarters were quite sparse, even after receiving the complete refit last year. It only contained a basic two-person bunk, an old couch, a personal clean room, and a big desk which he sat at, going over files on his personal terminal.
"Hello Gerrel." I greeted in a terse voice, careful not to turn my head enough to break the seal my mask made around my face.
"Doctor." He replied with a flat tone, still focused on his console. "I understand you didn't wish to discuss today's topic over military channels. I admit, I'm curious as to why, but otherwise I wouldn't have agreed to this meeting."
"Very well." I nodded, sitting down across from him as he shut the console off. "I came here to… clear up a few things, some things that I haven't been entirely honest about the last few years."
I fought for the right words as he crossed his arms, obviously feeling impatient.
"By all means, go on. You've already taken my command away and irreparably fractured our way of life." He went off in the vacuum, leaning back in his seat. "No matter what you say to me, it'll neither affect or change what has happened."
"God damn it, I'm sorry! OK!?" I yelled out, standing up as he sat upright in his chair again. "I didn't mean for all of this to happen, it just… did, alright?! The least you can do is listen to what I have to say and give me a chance to explain what happened to Rael."
That grabbed his attention as he froze, narrowing his eyes on me as he held his hands together.
"Choose your words carefully, doctor. I won't allow Rael's memory to be sullied by a Geth sympathizer such as yourself." He warned, standing up and pointing his finger at me.
"Rael got himself and his team killed in that lab. He bypassed safety protocols in his rush to create an anti-Geth weapon, even going so far as to rebuild the platforms themselves." I explained as he narrowed his eyes even further. "He took shortcuts and broke Fleet laws, and I lied to all of you to protect him and his daughter."
He breathed slightly harder, looking away as he crossed his arms. I had no idea what was going through his head.
"I'm sorry, Gerrel. I'm so sorry." I genuinely apologized, trying to get what I was saying across. "I knew the Admiralty would drag him down to protect themselves, and even after all our arguments I didn't want to see him dragged through the mud like that."
"Yet you were so eager to have that lab and all its contents destroyed." He shook his head, trying to justify his views as he whipped around to fully face me again. "Rael was like a brother to me, and one of the few people I could truly trust. He never made the kind of mistakes you've described, and I don't believe what you're saying for one second! Get out!"
"I will not!" I denied, taking a few steps forward. "Rael was a reckless, hot-headed man, and I will not leave until-"
"Get out, or so help me I'll kill you where you stand." He threatened, taking the Kessler off his hip and holding it in at his side. "I will not warn you again."
I stood there for a moment, standing completely still as I weighed my options, only able to find one that could still work in this situation.
"Fine… but you might want to watch this after I'm gone." I finished, taking the hidden data chip out of my watch and tossing it on his desk. "No matter what you think of me, I did care enough to keep this to myself for so long."
Turning on my heel, I immediately walked out doing my best to control my breathing as I began walking back to the shuttle bay. I hadn't expected Gerrel to react quite as violently as he did, but considering it was Rael we were talking about, I should have expected it was a possibility.
Either way, it was his choice whether he wanted to watch Rael's final recording to Tali. Maybe it would change things, maybe not. I wasn't at liberty to dwell on the issue anymore.
…
CASTLE Base, October 26th, 12:03 PM, 2186
…
I sat quietly with Mara in the facility's medical wing, wearing nothing but the standard medical gown as I waited for Richard to finish prepping for surgery. I was incredibly nervous now, so nervous in fact that the scar on my stomach ached, filling me with a dull pain I hadn't felt since escaping from Minuteman Station with my friends. It was a strange sensation, and one I desperately wanted to get rid of.
"Hon, are you alright?" Mara asked as I took a deep breath, rubbing my scar.
"Just nerves." I replied, looking at her and smiling. "I just want to get this over with, that's all."
"Just remember, you don't have to feel obligated to do this." She reasoned, getting me to narrow my eyes as a quarian nurse walked over, stopping in front of us.
"Sir, Doctor Karpyshyn is ready for you." She informed, getting me to nod.
"Alright, give me a moment." I smiled, turning back to Mara as the nurse walked over to the side. "Don't stay here, go home and be with Elle. Please."
"You really expect me to leave you here by yourself?" She mused, getting me to frown.
"I expect you to trust Richard." I immediately replied, getting her to breathe in sharply and nod.
"Fine… good luck. I love you." She finished as we both stood up, giving each other a hug and a kiss.
With that, we went our separate ways as I followed the nurse into the operating room where Richard and two other doctors stood waiting for me. The special head-restraining chair I'd be sitting in sat center stage, illuminated by many bright surgical lights.
"Hello Sean." Richard greeted, standing at full attention with a full set of surgical scrubs on. He had a large magnifier strapped to his head, in addition to a small scanner attached to a tiny holographic screen. "Can you please sit down so we can secure you?"
"Ok..." I remarked in a terse voice, the full reality of what was about to happen dawning on me as I sat down, my head getting restrained as the harness tightened around my head. "You seem awfully relaxed with all this."
"Working on brains is second nature to me at this point, I admit." He smiled, taking a few steps forward with a bag in his hand as one of the nurses stuck EKG pads to my chest. "This is the implant we'll be installing today. Take a look."
The main portion of the implant was a fairly small chip, about the size of an old bottle cap. Connected to it was a large mass of tendril-like wires, all about the width of a hair strand and at least a foot in length. It was rather intimidating, and Richard clearly noticed my expression as he chuckled.
"Don't worry, they're self-guiding once the main leg of the operation begins." He reassured, holding it up higher so I could see it better. "Each strand is coated in a myelin sheath specifically tuned to your nervous system thanks to our Geth friends. Your body won't even know they're in there once the implant is active."
"How will the implant stay powered once it's in there?" I questioned, trying and failing to look at him as he placed the bag back down on the nearby tray.
"It'll power itself the same as Dan and I's prosthesis." He quickly answered as he tied his mask on, one of the other doctors leaning the table back. "You may have to adjust your diet to include more electrolytes and salts, but other than that… you won't even have to think about it."
I took a deep breath, feeling my chest tense up as the scar on my abdomen pulsed once more.
"This IV should keep you moving at a steady pace during the procedure, but just in case I'll have 750ml of O- standing by." He remarked as a nurse quickly stuck a needle in my arm, surprising me for a moment. "Once the operation is finished, you'll be moved to the ICU and placed under observation."
"How long do you think I'll be out?" I asked, feeling the IV solution flowing into my arm.
"It's hard to say. Back at Johns Hopkins, it varied from patient to patient. My best estimate is between 18 to 32 hours, give or take. Considering the improvements we've made, you could recover far sooner." He answered, motioning to one of the doctors as they held a mask over my face. "We're going to put you under now, Sean. Please count back from twenty for me."
"Twenty... nineteen… eighteen… seventeen… si… sixteen…" I began to count, feeling myself quickly slip away as the gas made me incredibly sleepy. "Fif… teen… four…"
Unable to go any farther, I slipped under as I closed my eyes. Not even the bright lights above me could bring me back now as I spiraled into a deep dark sleep.
…
A/N: I'd like to wish everyone a slightly late Christmas, and a Happy New Year! I won't lie or mince words, this year sucked for me and a lot of other people, but I'm incredibly thrilled my story continues to bring joy and happiness to many of you. As we go into 2021, I hope to finally bring Murphy's Law to an epic and satisfying conclusion, and I hope you'll all be around to see it either way. Thanks for reading!