Chapter 2: Moonlit Stroll
Days turned to weeks, which in turn soon became lengthy months.
I busied myself with starting my brand-new life; attempting to move on from the past-- I had legally changed my name to avoid anyone recognizing the name Beatrice Horowitz, and immediately launching into their thoughts on my sanity or lack thereof. Changing my name was a form of running, and yet it wasn't. Here I was… It wasn't like I had moved out of the country… I was just exhausted of that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when I heard people asking, "The Beatrice Horowitz?"
Life had been difficult for Matthew as well; we had had to give him an identity on earth, so that he actually existed as an acknowledged human being.
Nearly an entire year had passed, when nearing my twenty-first birthday; I paused in the busy hoi polloi of life to think once again about my past. After all, I couldn't just forget it, and pretend as if it had never existed… That was simply ridiculous.
As I had vowed, I had indeed kept myself busy this past year; by reading books, and burying myself in schoolwork once again for the first time since high-school. Matthew's disappearances had started to occur more and more frequently, and had begun to last for longer periods of time.
I had at last been able to begin to accept the notion that although we were an extremely close couple, Matthew had his own things to do in life for the Queen-- he had set upon his own journey, in a way, and for now, I simply could not be a part of it. It was unnerving, but it simply was.
I put down the soft cover copy of Emma I was required to read for my World Literature Class, and stared at the clock on the wall; it was nearing midnight, and the beach was calling to me… again; as it had been for many nights in a row. I stared out at it, my eyes drifting away from the now blurring text, wishing that it would simply shut up, but it wouldn't.
So, I turned off the small reading lamp I had been using as a light source, and stood up from the mirror I had been using as a reading spot… If worse came to worse, and I couldn't sleep again tonight, I would still be able to finish Emma tomorrow before class; Less than thirty pages, I reckoned, wrapping a worn jacket of Matthew's over my trembling shoulders, as it would be quite cold out there tonight-- I could already tell by the fogged-up glass that made up the windows. As if having a mind of their own, my bare feet slipped into equally worn tennis shoes, and quickly ran out of the apartment; locking the door behind me, and then down the stairs, and onto the small stretch of beach that I loved so.
Breathing in the sweet fragrance of the sea-air, I smiled, and began the walk that I took each and every evening.
Where is Matthew now? I wondered; imagining him in a far-off land, as a particularly angry wave crashed upon the shore; gently spraying me with sea-water.
I shivered, and continued to walk, as what I had tried not to think of for months entered my mind once again; the way I had been entirely cut off from the world of the faerie-- in which the Queen, REHtoMna ruled-- the world to which I had somehow belonged to…
Maybe Elaine has decided to just abandon me… I thought, kicking at the sand beneath my feet, She would, too… She always did seem to be more of a hindrance than a help, I laughed, gaily, trying to clear my mind, and then promptly stopped myself-- that wasn't exactly true; Elaine wasn't always useless. She had sent me home from D'Nalge the first time, after all-- I had to give her some credit for that. But then again, in recent times, she simply had not been there for me, and that caused the bitter resentment that I now felt towards her. She had basically not even given me a good explanation of everything that had been happening around me, and had not even said a proper goodbye during the period of uncertainty before my reincarnation.
And it was absolutely true. Where had Elaine been in D'Nalge the second time, and why hadn't she contacted me in the last eleven months, and told me where Matthew was during his long disappearances, and the reason I was not allowed to go with him? I was confident that it wouldn't be too difficult. After all, she was a magical being-- although she was now a spirit.
And then, the Queen's words echoed in my mind from that day that now seemed so very long ago: 'His journey is far too difficult for a woman to take up.'
So, that was it?
That was the reason why I could not travel alongside the love of my life to distant worlds? Because of the fact that I was a woman?
Well, the mystery was certainly cleared up now… I simply was not strong enough to join him, although Elaine had told me that I was countless times before in the past-- but then again, maybe she had been lying to me; trying to give me some false hope that the prophecy was going to work out for the better-- and then another strong blow had come to me, when I had learned that it turned out that the prophecy I had heard was only half of what existed. There was more out there… somewhere, and I still did not know the relevance to my life; was that what Matthew was searching for during these long trips…?
It was just so absolutely stupid. Yes, Matthew was a man and all that junk, but did that have to necessarily mean that he was more "cut out" for whatever journey or quest REHtoMna had given him…? Absolutely not, and all the same, they had acted as if I was simply too inept to join him. Fuck them then. Where had they been lately…? They sure as hell had not been alongside me! That was for damn sure.
I, myself was suddenly taken aback by my harsh thoughts. I was being ridiculous, after all, and I was thinking and behaving like a child, but all the same…
"I need you, Elaine," I whispered, but all that answered me was the howling winds that were coming in from the east, "I need you," I begged.
But she did not come.
She did not come, and she probably never would again.
I sighed, and continued walking. I missed Matthew greatly, and I wished that he could hold me in his arms, and make the world go away-- if only for a little while-- but then again, I was still deeply angry with him for disappearing on me once again with no warning…
But if he was with me, at least I'd be able to forget.
I sighed for a second time, now wondering what time it was, while I looked out into the dark ocean, "Beatrice…" the waves seemed to be whispering as they gently crashed upon the shore, "Beatrice…"
I shivered; wondering what could possibly be calling may name-- and then the dreadful thought entered my mind; Could it be a shas--?
No.
It couldn't be…
Why would they wait nearly a year only to just show up again on earth?
They were too smooth-- no, too cunning to wait. Had they the intentions to show up once again on the earth, it would have been ages ago…
I was safe.
I had to be safe…
But, it was also true that no matter how safe I felt, I never was truly safe…
No one was ever safe.
"Beatrice…" the-- whatever it was continued to whisper, and I suddenly remembered that there had been another time-- these midnight whispers had occurred once before from the other side of the mirror. You're just imagining things, I told myself, Just go home, and get some rest-- that's all you need…
"I'm not scared of you," I hissed at the sea, and then, I turned around, and began walking back home.