Chapter 10: Carriage Rides and Strangers

Days passed, and all the while, I lay in my misery, refusing meals, and company; only bothering to get up two or three times a day to vomit and shower-- I was in a rut, but that didn't mean I felt like being dirty. I grew weak, and frankly, I just didn't give a damn. REHtoMna didn't bother me, and I figured she and Elaine had had some parental conversation about me and my 'condition.' How I despised the little creature growing inside me, and yet I pitied it for this. After all, it wasn't its fault that it was not wanted… It had been conceived most likely out of wedlock, and although Matthew and I had been married long before I had discovered its existence, I wanted it gone. I simply didn't want to be bothered with it. I felt guilty, yes, but I simply wasn't ready to be a mother. I had always wanted to have children, but not until I was more mature, and was ready to take full responsibility for them; I had my own life, and I was keen on having a career and finishing school before having time stolen to care for a needy child, but nonetheless, it genuinely scared me. It made me look at the world in a whole new light.

And what Elaine had told me had simply driven me even more towards madness; she had acted as if what I was going through-- these feelings were unnatural. Monstrous. But they weren't. They were normal, and if I chose to have an abortion, I could only hope that I would somehow be forgiven by whatever god there was out there, and I still had time. I didn't know much about the abortion process, but I knew that the fetus would have to be terminated before the first twenty weeks or so. Since I had to be less than ten weeks along, I knew that before I actually made the decision on whether or not to keep it, I would have found Matthew and brought him back to safety-- and discovered the contents of the other half of the prophecy, for I planned not to take too long. It was complicated. I hated even thinking about killing an innocent life, but what choice did I really have, after all?

A steady knock came at the door; the first all day; deciding to allow the visitor entrance as opposed to turning them away or pretending to be sleeping, "Come in," I breathed, and it opened on cue, as always, to reveal the Queen.

"Good afternoon, Beatrice," she whispered. I nodded, curtly, and didn't bother to get out of bed, although I knew what sorts of instructions were coming, "You must rise," she commanded; I remained lying there, and she sighed, "I have booked you a seat on the next carriage out of my Kingdom. You have been here for nearly a week, and although I know that you are quite…" she narrowed her eyes, "distressed, I feel that it is time for you to get on your way."

I nodded, and sat up in bed, "REHtoMna," I whispered, "what do you think of all of this?"

"I think that you should get off of that disgusting mattress-- I know the sheets have not been changed in days-- and you should pack a few clothes. Dress simply, by the way, and then you can leave my care."

"No-- about my…" I hesitated on the word; having not yet become accustomed to it, "pregnancy," I forced the word out of me; it sounded strange and foreign to me as it rolled off of my tongue. It hurt my insides to even utter it.

"I think that you should keep it."

I groaned at her, as she left the room, and I finally obeyed her instructions, and began to pack. It was typical. Just typical that she would agree with Elaine-- it was almost as if they shared the same mind.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I met the Queen once again in the Grand Ballroom. Elaine declined to say goodbye to me; she was probably still steamed by my harsh words. I clutched a small traveling pouch that kept a few changes of clothes-- most of which were either black or other dismal shades of gray and blue. "Really, Beatrice," the Queen remarked upon seeing my dark outfit, "You're dressed as if you're on your way to a funeral-- oh, well. I was never one to dispense fashion advice," the Queen kissed me upon both cheeks, and led me out into the courtyard, to find the waiting carriage, "I'm sorry," she whispered into my ear, to ensure that no one would overhear us, "but I was unable to book you a private one… There just wasn't enough time."

"It's quite all right," I whispered, although it was evident that it would not be; and I am saying this because after having whispered this, the occupants of the carriage were now poking their heads out of the windows to try to catch a quick glimpse of me, before ducking back in, as if deciding that I could not possibly have noticed their curt movements. I blushed a brilliant magenta color, and tried to ignore them… I had the feeling that the entire carriage ride would be something similar to this grim preview. I turned to face REHtoMna once again.

"I wish you prosperity and luck," she whispered, and held out about thirty pieces of parchment, an eagle feather pen, and a couple pots of ink for me to take along with me, "Write every night before you sleep… I want to hear what is going on-- every word," she warned, and, nodding, I took them from her, and slipped them into my pouch; bothering not to ask her how in the world they would get to her without a post office for about five million miles around-- there was probably some wonderful magical way for her to get them.

"Do not forget," she warned, and I nodded once again, "Be safe on your journey," she hugged me once again, "Thank you for your hospitality," I whispered; having forgotten, for a few seconds, what was going on in my stomach, "I'll find him-- I'll find the truth as well."

"I trust in that," she replied, and without another word, I turned my back to her, and climbed into the carriage, seated myself between an overly obese woman, and a young boy about my age-- upon second glance, I reckoned that he was still in his early teens, although his height suggested otherwise.

"Hello," he whispered.

I nodded my head in response; too weary to use my voice.

The carriage remained still for a few moments, and then to my surprise-- although I later remembered having seen it happen before, the carriage rose into the air, and zoomed off into the sky.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the ride progressed, the awkward silence that had settled within the carriage became steadily worse. I felt oddly aware of myself. I constantly blushed whenever one of my fellow passengers stole a glance at me. I felt like kindly asking them if they could get their big ugly heads out of their asses, and stop treating me like a pack animal, but I was not so bold-- I would have been, under-- better circumstances, but now-- today, I wasn't in the mood to be my normal bitchy self around people who deserved to be told how disgusting their manners were.

The teenage boy, in particular, was the most annoying; he kept on stealing glances at me-- even when the sun had set, and all of the passengers other than he and myself had drifted off into a long needed sleep. Eventually, I decided to catch him off his guard, and question his looks, "Excuse me… but do I know you?"

The boy shook his head, "But I know of you."

Suddenly-- mysteriously, actually, all of the passengers' had awoken, and their gazes had become glued to us.

"Do you?" I asked, uncomfortably. The carriage was humid, and my back was sticking to my shirt with sweat.

He nodded, "You're Beatrice, aren't you?"

"Yes… And your point…?"

"I think I've met your husband."

My jaw nearly dropped to the floor in astonishment, "Matthew? When? Where?"

"On this very carriage-- nearly a year ago."

"What did he say to you?" I asked.

The boy's face fell, "Nothing… I just saw him, is all."

I rolled my eyes, and suddenly having gotten used to the faces' constant staring, I settled in, and drifted off into a strange and dreamless sleep.