A Special Place
By PrettyGothGirl

All Disclaimers Apply
Summary: Rikku longs for a special place for her own and all the trimmings that go with it, but she's still learning that in her life nothing goes exactly the way she dreams.
Note: For this story character viewpoint changes at the lines.

Rikku knew that Macalania Woods was Yuna and Tidus' special place. Their first kiss, the first admitting of their feelings for each other. Just like Zanarkand was special. The resolve to go forward and to see it through was boiled down to Tidus standing on that hill looking over the ruins of the city he had called his home. Maybe they were special because they held something in common. They sparkled, sparkled like the light Rikku saw in Yuna's eyes whenever she thought about the happy times she'd shared with Tidus on her journey. Rikku always had to hood her eyes, hide behind her eyelashes from that blinding light, even if it was just there and gone in an instant. She couldn't stand the brightness. And her eyelashes barred the jealousy from escaping to hurt Yuna more than she already was.

Rikku wanted a special place too. She wanted someplace where she could nail down that pivotal instant where Gippal could someday say he loved her or at least admit he liked her. A special place where she could come back to and remember it whenever she wanted. A place that sparkled, it worked for Yunie. Why couldn't it work for her?

She had to face it. She wasn't Yunie. Yunie got the fairytale endings and the sparkly places. Rikku stood outside in the rain, shivering and wet staring at Djose Temple from across the bridges longing for a day when she could have something close to what Yunie had and afraid to go in and take it. She wrapped her arms under her chest. He'd laugh at her, pat her on the head and tell her to go play with the other children out in the giant sandbox called the Sanubia Desert that he ran.

She knew she could help him. She knew she loved him in that terribly girlish way. She knew it with every fiber of her being. She just wanted to be asked. Things got all messed up when she just barged in and took over. She wanted to be asked to help, asked to be his girl, no assuming, no volunteering. If he asked, at least she'd know he appreciated her.

She felt heat well up under her eyelids and the tear was only differentiated from the raindrops sliding down her cheeks by its heat and origin. It felt like the only warm place on her body.

A hand on her shoulder and a voice that made her shiver broke her from her musings. "Cid's girl?" He asked. He blocked the rain and the wind and his hand was warm, warmer than she was. She leaned into it.

She blinked her eyes to bat away the tears, sniffed so she could breathe and tried to smile. "I have a name."

"You're freezing, drenched and sounds like your catching a cold." He looked around. "What are you doing standing out here anyways? Aren't there fiends to hunt, spheres to find, warmer, dryer climes to be in?"

She hugged herself tighter. "I was thinking. Rain helps me think." She almost asked why he cared. Just if she did, he'd tell her he didn't and this way she could pretend that he cared about her well being a little bit, enough that he was worried about her health.

He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "Come on, misery." He tugged on her arm.

"I'm not miserable!" She lied and tried to shake his arm off, but that was hard when her hands were tucked away. In the end, she had to move or be dragged or even worse, slung over his shoulder and carried.

"You're standing in the rain, freezing wet claiming to think, that's misery. Are you coming to the temple or not?"

She glared at him and at his hand on her arm pointedly. "It's not like you're giving me much choice." She tried to pull her arms away from her body and discovered that made her even colder. "And just because you're a hedonist-"

"I don't claim exclusive rights to liking fine food, nice clothes, warm climates, comfortable beds and cute girls." He interrupted. "And we aren't talking about me, we're talking about you. So, stop changing the subject."

"We aren't talking at all. We're arguing like usual."

Gippal dropped her arm to wrestle with the doors. "We talk."

"We argue."

"Discuss." He shoved her inside and let the doors close behind them. Rikku stopped in the middle of the room, her eyes wide. Was it her, or did the electricity inside the temple sparkle? Unaware of her revelation, Gippal grabbed her arm. "You're leaving a wet spot on my floor."

Rikku bit back a retort about it being stone as he pulled her into his bedroom. He left her in the middle of the room while he went into the bathroom and she could hear water running out of taps. She turned around on her heel slowly. There weren't as many lightning fixtures in here. She pressed her lips together and furiously tried to use the rain outside to quell the rush of hope that made her heart beat faster and her body feel light. Could this be it?

Rikku was stupid, stupid, stupid. Standing out in the rain, claiming to think while the entire time looking as miserable as a wet puppy dog, hair plastered to her skull. He'd dragged her unwilling tiny ass inside and forced her into his bathtub. Hell, she'd looked like a drenched puppy dog standing in the middle of his room, eyes way too wide for her face. And even if she'd continued after her rather ineffectual token protest about warming up, his level look promised that if she didn't strip and get in the tub, he'd help her with the entire process.

She'd shut up and stalked into the bathroom, shivering the entire way. They shared very little dignity between the two of them, and graciously, by her decision, it was still intact.

He'd gone and grabbed a shower at one of the communal male bathrooms. He'd told her to stay in the bath until the water felt cold. Stupid, stupid girl, she needed someone to look after her. And if she had continued the argument about bathing, he would've stripped her and probably enjoyed it, stupid, crazy girl.

He flopped onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. Despite his earlier comment about liking comfortable beds, his bed really wasn't that cushy. He could afford a better bed. He'd rather just put that money back into the Faction.

He heard enough splashing sounds that he thought meant she was getting out of the tub. He wondered if he should get up and order her about more or hope that her common sense would work.

The bathroom door eased open and he reminded himself for the hundredth time to oil the hinges so they didn't creak so much. A second later, it slammed shut again. He sighed, sat up and put his chin in his hand, eyes on the door. "Rikku?"

"Go away."

His lips twitched into a smile. "Why? It is my bedroom."

"I'm not coming out until you do."

He blinked. "Then you'll be in there awhile, and I want to get your clothes so they can be dried. So either you come out, or I have to come in."

"Gippal!"

His eyebrow rose, she sounded mortified. "What?"

"I'm in a towel."

He stared at the door for a few moments. "And?" The door thumped and he grinned. She must be hitting her head against it. "It covers more than your clothes. What's the problem?"

"It's a towel." Her voice rose along the scale.

"I'm surprised you aren't getting back into your regular clothes."

"They're wet."

Gippal continued. "Because if you did, I'd have to take you back out of them."

Strangled squawks and sputters came from behind the door. It opened and she eased out, staring at the floor so her hair hid her face. It would've worked better if it wasn't wet and tangled. As it was, her face was an interesting shade of red. "Happy?" She had an arm under her breasts, holding the towel in place. They were nice breasts.

He swallowed and didn't stand up. Maybe she was right this time, the towel not being a good idea, even if her normal clothing was an illusion of an actual outfit and not overrated lingerie. It pretended to be clothes. The towel was just a length of cloth and it didn't pretend to be anything else than a length a cloth. He looked away, not quite so confident anymore that if she was wearing her clothes that he'd be taking her out of them for the reasons he stated, making sure she was warm and dry. Warm and wet would work really well right now. "Better." He managed and tried to stop thinking about Rikku as a girl, but the more you tried to stop thinking about something the more you did. It was some odd perverse law of nature. And this whole stalemate had been going on between them for so long.

Retreat was a good idea. He surged to his feet and was past her into the bathroom back out with her clothes as fast as he could without running. He caught a glimpse of her staring at him, eyes just as wide as before her bath before he made it out the door.

Gippal leaned against the drying machine and scrubbed his scalp with the blunt ends of his fingers and worked for some mental and physical control. He inhaled and let it out slowly. He could do this. He was a big boy. He could handle a halfway naked Rikku. He was a ma- ah hell. No. He couldn't handle it. Not when it would be so easy to tug the towel off, let it puddle at her feet and rub the smooth golden skin that covered small delicious curves with his hands, with his mouth, his tongue.

Fuck, where was his maturity when he needed it? Not that he had much, but he had some.

So he couldn't do it. All right, then deal with it. Deal with the fact that it was their fault that he couldn't do what he wished to. Just deal with it. He steeled his muscles and went back.

A coward, he peered in through a crack in the door. He moved and leaned against the wall next to his door and tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling. She'd stolen one of his shirts, a long green one he hardly ever wore. She looked- He stole another look. She looked like a girlfriend dressed up in her boyfriend's oversized clothes, neckline hanging off a shoulder as she brushed her hair in the mirror, sleeves past her fingers or bunching at the elbow, hem to her thighs, a yellow belt at her hips, a belt he'd discarded before taking his shower. She looked adorable. He moved away again and scratched the back of his neck. A thought so novel and so sudden stilled his movements. His eye widened and his jaw dropped a little bit. What was it that was keeping him from making her his and him hers?

Absolutely nothing.

Rikku watched Gippal enter the room by means of the mirror. Her brushing paused as she saw what she could only think of as a look of intense determination on his face. It was as if an unruly machina (machine, she corrected inwardly) had gotten loose or broken and he was set upon corralling it or fixing it or finding out what had gone wrong or even understanding it. He sat on the bed and watched her with that set look and she opened and closed her mouth a few times to say something, to ask what was wrong, just nothing came out and she returned to the much simpler task of brushing her hair and trying not to think about what he was thinking with every pull of the brush and every tangle the bristles caught on that made her want to swear. Yet, if she wasn't thinking about what he was thinking she was thinking about the thoughts that had swarmed upon her in the bathtub, which were just depressing. She'd rather not think at all.

She glanced at Gippal's reflection. If she didn't think he looked so determined. She'd think he was serious. Gippal wasn't serious, wouldn't ever admit to having that quality. Seriousness didn't even come to play when the world was in a danger of coming to an end. Gippal just didn't do external serious. Serious meant holding fast, commitments, following through with things and having to own up if he messed up. Gippal wasn't into that type of life. He'd rather accomplish the same things with a joke, a smile or charm rather than let anyone see there was a very serious boy underneath it all. She shivered. And he could be very, very serious. And he was looking at her. The spark of hope she'd drowned in the bathtub flared back into life.

"You still cold?" He asked.

She shook her head and focused on her hair. She didn't want to see his face afraid he'd be angry with her for going through his things. He'd left her alone in his room with nothing but a towel, what else was she supposed to do. "I shoulda asked about the shirt."

He flopped back onto the bed. "Nah, it looks cute on you. Better than it does on me."

She almost dropped the brush, her head whipped to the side so she could stare at him over her shoulder. "Cu-Cute?" This was outside the rules. He was supposed to call her a brat, nosy, or something, not cute.

"Looks warmer than that towel."

She gradually turned her head to look back in the mirror, careful to keep an eye on his reflection. "It is."

"Warmer than your clothes, not that there's much to your clothes." He had his arms under his head now. "Look cute in them too."

She bit the inside of her cheek and focused on her hair. Her hands trembled as she worked the brush through, finally meeting no resistance. She made long strokes from the roots to the tips, pretending to be absorbed in her hair while she tried to figure out what was going on.

"It takes two to make conversation, Rikku."

She stopped brushing and stared at him through their reflections. He'd sat up and was watching her. "I- I-" She flushed and looked down at the brush in her hand and fiddled with it, unwilling to set it down because it gave her hands something to do. His eyebrow rose and she dropped the brush with a clatter that sounded far too loud than it should've. She winced. She usually wasn't that clumsy. She rubbed her hands down her front to try and compose herself and froze at his expression, eye hooded, lips parted, pure lust.

The spark died and she for a long moment she felt nothing, heart crushed. She'd been so stupid thinking that he might have it in him to love and care for her. All he wanted was to fuck her. The next moment she felt heat flush across her entire body, she was so angry she could barely breathe. How dare he toy with her like that! Her hand snapped out grabbed the brush by the handle and she spun and flung it at him with all her might. He dodged it last second. "You- you- you mother fucker."

His jaw dropped and she froze, heart stopping as the strength of the curse even surprised her. His eye narrowed as he stood and clenched his fists. She took a step back, arrested from going farther by the mirror. She glanced each way, looking for escape. Seeing none, she crossed her arms and raised her chin. He loomed over her, still serious, but now angry. "That was uncalled for."

"So is being nice to get me to fuck you." She replied.

"I was trying to move our relationship beyond the friendly."

"To the super, let's jump into bed together type of friendly."

"To the let's be a couple friendly."

"And looking at me like I'm a piece of meat helps your cause how?"

"Well maybe if you didn't act so damned provocative-"

"I wasn't acting provocative. I was nervous!"

"It doesn't matter if you meant it that way or not."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I like you and I find you pretty damn hot and that yes, I would like to fuck you. I'd just rather go through the steps. It's just fucking hard when you test my control." He took a step back and turned around. "But we know what you think of me. Glad I found out now instead of later." He strode towards the door. "I'll get your clothes and you can go."

"So that's it then." Rikku said behind him, voice choking off on the last word. He stopped. She slumped against his mirror, head hanging and hair dangling. Hair he wanted to run his hands through just once to see how soft it was. "No second chances, no asking what I want." Her hand reached out and caught a drop of falling water, a tear he belatedly realized. "I've shed a lot of these over you." She whispered, holding it in her palm, tilting it back and forth before rubbing it out with her thumb. "So, it was all for nothing. And I'm just talking to myself because you're gone."

Gippal turned and crossed his arms. Fine, he could play her game. If he didn't like her answers, he could still kick her out. It was best to know what she wanted that way he could go find it with someone else. Since, she thought he was the most undesirable man in existence, disgusted at the fact he felt that there should be some lust to go along with the romance, make things more exciting. Fuck, how he had miscalculated. "What do you want?" He asked without inflection, sounding bored when he really was just angry. Since, he'd lost before he'd started and hadn't been in her considerations in the first place.

Her head came up and he stiffened at the tear trails down her cheeks. He wouldn't let them bother him. "I want- I want-" She turned her head away and looked out his window. "You'd laugh at what I want." She frowned. "Since I'm always good for a laugh." Her lips twisted into a smile that didn't look at all happy. "Funny, I always thought you were flirting with me."

He twitched. "I was, so answer the damn question."

She shifted on her feet and didn't take her eyes off the falling rain. "I want-" She licked her lips and trembled. "I want to be a girl in love with a boy with our eyes on the idea of partnership. I want to be a person, to be appreciated for who I am." The tremble reached her voice. "I want to a lover, a fuck buddy, because yes, sex is going to be involved, a life mate, someone I can depend on to laugh with me instead of at me and doesn't take life seriously because you have to have time for fun. I want a boy who understands how much I want a family, as in a large one while I'm young enough to have the energy to keep up with them. And- And- I wanted that boy to be you." She hugged herself. "Stupid me, when all you see me as is an object to be used."

He didn't move and couldn't speak. He didn't expect her vision to be so clear, so, thought out. Fuck, he hadn't thought that far. He hadn't even thought about getting past the first step, past being the couple. Sure, sex was a given at some point. Just he wanted her to be his first before trying to make plans beyond the initial 'we're a couple' phase.

She continued sounding a lot more like herself. "Yunie and Tidus got it made, you know. It's all simple and easy, like a story. Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, girl loves boy back. They save the world and live happily ever after not counting the two years boy fades away and she saves the world again. I don't want that. She's so fixed on him. She doesn't want to do anything else but be with him. I understand it with the whole gone for two years thing, but I can't see myself being that way. It's like she's lost who she is and become this Yuna/Tidus person without a will or mind of her own. They're settled with the house, the yard, and the pet. I can't see myself settled, which is why I like you 'cause I can't see you settling either." She paused and it seemed she'd forgotten he was in the room. "Plus you're hot, that was always a plus." Another long silence, he couldn't think of anything to say until she did again. "You should've just left me in the rain, at least then I'd still have my dreams." She trembled again and her eyes closed, more tears gliding down her cheeks.

He turned around and left, the door shut behind him with a thump and with his hands in his pockets he walked away. She needed to be looked after and she wanted him. It made sense but it didn't all at the same time. She wanted a fuck buddy but she didn't want him looking at her with lust in his eyes. She wanted something like Yuna had but seemed to be warning him it wasn't going to be like that at all. He entered the little room where her clothes were still drying and slumped against a wall. She wanted life, as in, as long as they both lived, as in, forever. He didn't know. Shit, it felt like he had known her for forever already. So it couldn't be that much different, just the same with free sex whenever he wanted.

He snorted and rubbed his temples. If he believed that he would be stupid and if she knew he'd thought that she'd leave and never come back. She wanted a commitment, with him, from him, to him. She wanted kids, little combinations of them running around causing havoc. The image caused him to smile. She wanted everything and seemed to already understand that it wasn't going to be perfect or most people's visions of perfect. It was like she expected an apartment in Luca, rooms here in Djose, another apartment in Bevelle, a chateau in Guadosalam, a tent in Sanubia and an airship to go wherever they wanted. She didn't want it all now, but she wanted it. Wanted it so badly she cried because she wasn't getting it, would rather stay friends than live without her dreams of having it someday- with him- because he was hot.

Craziness.

Yuna and Tidus had been talking about getting married for months and just never seemed to get around to it. Nooj and Leblanc argued over the idea for the same amount of time, Nooj putting Leblanc off since Gippal didn't think Nooj wanted to marry her anyways. And Baralai was making tentative overtures towards Paine and that had taken long enough. Knowing the two of them, they'd discuss marriage to death as well before actually getting around to it.

The death of Sin had changed their little world quite a bit. It used to be you fell in love. You got married right away so you could be with that person. Now without that major threat, people were more tentative, because what if it was the wrong choice, the wrong person. So stuck on their indecision that they were missing out on the best thing that had happened to them in their life.

He wanted to be with Rikku. Still wanted to be with her after their little blow up. She drove him wild and they'd shared quite a bit, good times, bad times, crazy times and quiet times. He knew what he was getting into, there was still nothing stopping him from taking it. In fact, there were a whole bunch of things to why he should take that chance and risk and do it properly rather than beating around sagebrush trying to work up his courage.

The drying machine stopped. He retrieved her clothes and headed back towards his room. Now, if she would only forgive him.

He'd left. She'd poured her heart out to him and he had left. He'd walked out his door without even looking back. She'd answered the 'damn' question as he called it and he hadn't even dignified it with a spoken response. She stared at the window and wished with all her might that she was back out in the rain. Wished she could leave, but he held her captive, a miserable prisoner by the sheer fact he held her clothes.

Serve him right if she walked out with one of his shirts. She should have something of his to remind her not to be such an idiot to fall in love with a boy every again. Just, she wanted her clothes back. They were hers and he didn't deserve to have something of hers. He didn't want her and she should be able to walk out of his life without leaving anything behind. Like he'd just left her standing here in his room, her words hanging in the air, haunting her.

He'd given her his answer. He'd left.

Her fingernails dug into her palms and she watched the door waiting for it to open, waiting for him to come back and trample her ideas. Her shoulders hunched upwards, preparing for the attack she knew was coming any moment. He wouldn't just leave without throwing some sort of insult her way, without crushing her completely.

She wanted to leave, so she could cry and scream and shout and pound things and get over it, get on with living, try her dreams her someplace else or find new ones.

Her throat closed. She liked her dreams though.

She forced herself to move, going back into the bathroom and got down on her knees and picked up the pins and beads and little ties that went in her hair. She sniffed and almost sobbed as one flew away from her fingers. She almost flung the other beads away from her in frustration, but the little consolation the violent move would bring would just double her frustration as she picked them all up again.

She cupped them to her chest and brought them with her to sit on Gippal's bed. She wished that there were a chair, a couch, a soft rug or something so she didn't have to sit on a piece of furniture quite so intimate. She found the brush and began to braid and bead her hair, sniffing, swallowing and occasionally sobbing hard enough to make her shoulders shake.

The door opened and closed. She ignored it. The bed shifted and she saw a pile of yellow set near her. She ignored it. Gippal tugged the brush from her fingers and moved the much smaller pile of beads out of the way and she still tried to ignore him. He touched her where the too large neckline of his shirt left her shoulder bare.

She whirled. A sob caught in her throat and lashed out. She pounded her fists on his chest, tears clouding her vision. He'd- he'd- he, she collapsed against his chest crying, fist still moving but slower without force. He'd done nothing, nothing but break her dreams and she couldn't get her heart back since she'd given that to him and one didn't take gifts back. She'd only been lying to herself all along. It wasn't his fault that he wasn't ready. She shuddered and cried harder.

His fingers wrapped around her wrists and pulled them behind his neck before his arms wrapped around her waist. He stroked her back. "Marry me?" He said, penetrating her haze of grief. She looked up and into his face. Her eyes wide, not quite sure she'd heard right. He looked back at her levelly, but the slight tremble to his lips, tightness of his cheeks, the involuntary swallow, told her how afraid he was and deep in his good eye she thought, it couldn't be, how lonely he was. "Please?" He added.

She blinked slowly and licked her lips. "All right."

"Now, tonight." A spark lit in his eye.

A smile formed at the corner of her lips. "All right." She reached up and fingered the little stud in his left ear.

He grinned and stood up, forcing her to her tips of her toes, her hand to his shoulder. "I'll go find an officiator, you dress." He began to release her and she rolled her eyes, pulling his head down until their lips met. His hands tightened back around her waist, lips pressing down on hers. Her eyes closed and basked in the warmth and the feeling of their lips touching.

He broke away and gently but forcefully set her a slight distance from him. He licked his lips and visibly shook himself. She giggled as he left with almost too much haste. She made a few preparations while waiting for him to come back, making herself more presentable, splashing water on her eyes and face, playing with the braids she'd made until they formed a style rather than just randomly lying over her hair, putting on her skirt and under things and finally pacing until he returned.

She froze when the door opened again and he stepped through. He ran his eyes down her figure. "You sure you want to get married in that?" He asked, eyebrow rising. "Not that I'm complaining."

She tugged on the hem of his shirt and then lifted it up a bit so he could see her skirt. Her look dared him to say anything else. He smirked and held his hand out.. She took a few steps and put her hand in his and he led her from his room and to the main section of the temple. An older woman stood in the center of the circle and they approached her. She looked between them and at their joined hands and with a small nod said a few simple words over them, a blessing of sorts. A few minutes later it was over and the woman retreated as the two of them kissed again.

Rikku looked around after they finished the kiss, finally returning her eyes to him.

"What?" He asked, looking where she had and seeing nothing but the machine littered temple.

She smiled, not expecting him to understand. "Nothing. It just sparkles."

Gippal sipped his coffee and tried not to look like he was eavesdropping on his wife's conversation. He grinned into the mug, his wife. He could hear her trying to explain things to Yuna and due to the miracle of commsphere technology he could hear Yuna too. The High Summoner wasn't taking the change of events very well.

"You got married!"

Rikku sighed and he could almost picture her tugging down the hem of yet another one of his shirts. She'd stolen the blue one this morning after their shower. "Yeah."

"To Gippal?"

Silence.

"Did you two talk about it?"

"Not really." A pause, "We just sort of did it."

Silence.

"Yuna?"

"Does that mean you're going to give up the Gullwings?"

Rikku laughed. "Just because I got married doesn't mean I'm going to give up my job."

"But Gippal's-"

"He's my husband, not my employer and we'll work it out."

"Just what about a house and-"

"That's between Gippal and I." Rikku said, end of discussion.

"All right." Another pause. "Rikku?"

"Yeah."

"What about a ceremony?"

"You should know by now that the Al Bhed aren't much for ceremonies and are all about parties."

"But-"

"It only was like a three minute thing, nothing large."

"But-"

"We'll have a party so you guys can all celebrate with us. How's that sound?"

"But-"

"Yunie, I got to go now."

She entered the room and he managed to at least look like he had been doing something than listening. He put his mug down as she climbed into his lap. "How's Yuna?" He asked, although he knew already. He dragged his fingers along her thigh.

"Not taking it very well." She nuzzled his neck. "She doesn't understand why we just did it."

Gippal kissed her forehead. "Part of me doesn't understand why you accepted, though I'm very happy you did."

She tilted her head back. "Well, I was upset and all." She sighed. "Just, you looked so sincere and you know." She bit her bottom lip. "And- and, damn it Gippal, I love you and you know I can't hold grudges and fuck the steps, lube 'em up and fuck 'em good."

He chuckled. "Well, we've been over that part, both of those parts."

"Then why did you ask?"

"I just wanted to hear it again."

She giggled. "Silly lonely boy."

He stiffened and sat up straight. "I was not."

She kissed him until he relaxed again, hands rubbing her sides and back. Okay, maybe he had been lonely. He wasn't anymore.

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