A/N Thank you so much for the reviews, favorites and follows. I had time even before the weekend to give you another chapter and there was so little Roman and Emily interaction in the last one I hope this one makes up for it...Its a messy and complicated situation that has more to be revealed as the story continues. Just have faith...

Emily was finally alone.

She hated that Hunter insisted that he was tired from a long week and wanted to unwind but because of her delivery she managed to at least get him to leave her alone for this party.

It was bad enough that they had left the hospital already and she was still sore and bleeding and knew she should have gotten those x-rays to make sure nothing else was broken or injured from the attack by the bus station. Her body still hurt all over. But her heart hurt more.

She changed out of the sweats that they gave her to wear home and she felt hot and yucky and just plain ugly. She chose her comfy lace green tank top and short set with the ugly thick hospital pad full underwear that she would be stuck in till the bleeding stopped.

The house was too loud and too full of people far too fast so she slipped out the back door and leaned against the railing of the back porch and let the cool fall air settle her warm skin.

Her cat Sugar came and rubbed back and forth on her legs and meowed and wanted attention but Emily just didn't feel up to being affectionate tonight and absently petted her a couple times and then curled up back under the jacket she brought out in her arms and hugged it tight before bringing the collar to her nose.

Roman...

Yes, she brought his jacket with her. She saw it laying there on the the chair in her room when Hunter was pushing her to hurry up and get dressed so they could get the hell home. Emily had used the bathroom and changed her pad carefully and slipped on the sweats and socks and runners she was given and then just walked up to the chair and scooped up the jacket like it was hers all along and smiled sweetly at her husband saying she was ready to go.

She curled her small body deep into that jacket the whole ride home. The size of it nearly drowned her but Hunter didn't even seem to notice. He barely noticed anything about her unless he wanted to. Unless it was for his damn parties and how she looked or how she acted that reflected badly on him.

Emily slipped her arms in the sleeves, letting the heaviness of the leather surround her with its warmth again and she could smell Roman on the collar and shut her eyes, leaning her head to the railing. She felt tears fill her eyes as she thought back to him finding out about Hunter.

Once Roman found out about who was there and what he was to her she could see the sadness all over his face. It looked like he felt betrayed and hurt and angry and just broken and wanted out of there. She had lost him too, just like she had lost her baby.

The minute Roman had turned around and walked out she knew her husband would rage at her more too. She had tried to tell Roman to stay, to protect her but he had been furious at her lying and pulled away from any of her advances. She had held onto his hand, stroked his hair, begging him with her eyes to understand but he had said his piece, nearly shaking her and pouring out his very vulnerable heart about his past and how much she hurt him too and then before she even had time to figure out what to say Hunter was back Roman pulled away and left her with them.

He never even saw her reaching for him as he walked out. He turned all doctor mode and no matter how deeply she stared into his eyes as he spoke he avoided even looking at her after that. And then he was just gone and out the door wanting nothing to do with her mess of a life. Could she blame him?

Emily felt tears at her lashes as she thought back and felt the sobs coming up as she cried in the darkness.

She watched her hero as he walked away and reached out for him, already missing him. Needing him...knowing what was coming...

In a flash her husbands sweet but terse smile at their doctor fell from his face as he turned back to her and his hand wound around her throat, like tentacles of a squid wrapped around its prey. Emily cried out and his other hand covered her mouth as she watched Roman turn the corner and the door closed behind him.

If he had only looked back...he would have already seen her struggling under her husbands cruel grasp.

Emily started clawing at her neck for air as she saw one of Hunters buddies move fast to pull the curtain and block out anyone else from the hall from seeing them. She heard the lock click on the door too and could barely take in a breath before he finally released her throat.

She lay there gasping and cowering as he towered over her. He had not said a word and that kind of reaction from him might have been worse than full on rage. But they were still in public so that likely was why he was not reacting more.

Emily peeked up from between her lashes. Hunter was breathing heavily and leaning on the bed but had closed his eyes and balled up his hands into fists on the bed. Finally he growled and she looked back up in his dark eyes.

"We are leaving...right now. Get dressed Em and make it fast unless you want me to do that again here," he hissed out, his breath hot against her face.

Here.

Meaning, there was definitely more punishment for running away coming. Just not now. She shook her head. Maybe this was finally her way to stay free. "But Roman said I needed to get X-rays.."

Hunter grabbed for her throat again and this time squeezed harder. If he wasn't careful maybe he would finally leave marks and proof that he was hurting her. But he had before and him being a damn police sergeant had always been one step ahead of the law and any way she tried to catch him. What was the point ever of her trying to get him to stop?

He lifted her up in the bed by just his grip on her neck and glared in her eyes. "Roman...you mean the doctor? You are on a first name basis with the doctor sweetheart? Anything more I should know? Do I need to remind you who's bitch you are?"

He was quiet like he was waiting for her to answer and she could barely swallow with how tight he was holding her. She could not reply even if she had wanted to. But he didn't look like silence was going to work and shook her and tossed her down back on the bed.

Emily coughed and gagged and curled up away from him. "No, no. It's nothing. He just helped me through the labor that's all Hunter." She sucked in a deeper breath and moved closer to him trying to calm him, scared he was going to show her whos she's was right there on the bed and in front of his minions. Not like it would be the first time.

She reached up and stroked his cheek tenderly as much as she wanted to slap him or damn near strangle him herself. Precious, innocent Roman had a knife wound and what she would just love to do with a knife right this second...but she swallowed deeply and spoke softly. "I just thought you would not want any kind of questions raised about us so doing what the doctor ordered is what would draw less attention that's all."

Emily lifted the blankets and showed him the padding she was wearing too. "And after the delivery I'm supposed to take it easy for a few weeks and they said I'll bleed awhile too." She prayed he actually heard her and would respect that. She was grateful for anything to give her a break from how rough he was.

Emily knew too he was not done punishing her for running away but there was little more they could do in public. She just hoped he wanted to get drunk and maybe she could avoid him for another night.

He stood back up after nearly caging her in under him on the bed and ran his hand over his face. "Fine, then lets just go. But no to the x-rays. You damn well know why sweetie," he snapped at her and offered her a fake smile. She nodded slowly and waited till they could find her something to wear. They were going.

Away from the hospital. Away from people that could save her and away from Roman...

And Emily did not how much more she could take

Roman's heart was aching as he saw her still crying as the next song finished and he could not bring himself to leave her like that. He was running through his head all the reasons why he shouldn't just sneak into her back yard and go to her. He wanted to hold her, soothe her and make everything better. He flashed back to how just the slightest touch from his knuckle stroking her cheek had calmed her during her labor.

But going to her to comfort her meant he would be face to face to more emotional messiness. He didn't want to deal her again. He felt so fried from the last time still. Could he really handle more of that, knowing everything about any connection with her was so wrong, no matter how good it felt?

However just like in the alley, after the attack, her crying was breaking down his walls and he started heading down his steps and across the lawn to the gate, only to freeze at the sound of a door slamming and a male voice shattering his plans.

He heard yelling and Roman stayed back behind his fence and the trees at the back of his property and suddenly Hunter appeared on their porch and they looked like they argued before she stormed past him and back into the house.

Roman just watched hidden in the darkness of the shadows and saw her husband look like he cursed and then went back in slamming the door behind him. So now he was grateful he hadn't been in their yard or halfway there to comfort her and risk Hunter catching them.

He had forgotten for the moment that he had even wanted his jacket back, that she had run back in their house clutching it tight around her. All he had been thinking of was to hold her.

He would go to the front door and talk to him that way. That was likely the better plan from the start at least to ask for his wallet.

So he made his way back through the house and out the front door and across the sidewalk to his landlords door. Knocking loudly he drew in a deep breath and waited. The music was loud so he didn't even know if they heard him right away. Damn it, he didn't want to show up and ask these idiots for anything but he needed his wallet.

He was about to knock again when the door was swung open and the strong smell of alcohol and drugs blasted from the room. It looked like one the guys from the hospital room answered but Roman was never properly introduced to them. The guy looked him up and down and invited him in and Roman stepped in slowly. He could see more guys on the couch watching a game and a couple more in the kitchen area. A few girls dancing and a couple kissing on a chair. It was pretty dimly lit and yet all of a sudden Hunter showed up in the front of him.

"Hey Doc, what are you doing here?" he slurred and stumbled and literally fell onto the couch beside him. Roman leaned in and spoke over the music. "Seth didn't tell you?"

Hunter looked confused and yet still took another deep pull from the bottle he was holding. "What about Rollins?"

Roman coughed as some guy went by with something he was smoking and made big puffs in the air. "I'm leasing from him. The house here. Seth's old place."

Hunter nodded and half smiled. "Oh, cool. Nope Seth didn't say he was bailing. Just as well though, he is not much a partier anyway. More of a loner and too quiet if you ask me. No idea why he thinks the word freakin is so cool and wants everyone at the station to call him Freakin' Rollins when all I think he is freakin is too freakin quiet all the time. Doesn't let loose like the rest of us guys and just have fun."

Roman nodded like he understood, having no idea what Hunter was rambling on about and he was starting to get dizzy himself from some substance wafting up in the air far too close to his head and just wanted to get the hell out of there.

He hadn't seen Emily anywhere either but he wasn't here for her and he was mentally kicking himself when he caught himself looking for her. Was she back in the bedroom? It had looked like they had a fight when she went back inside.

"Look Hunter I just came over cause I left my leather jacket in the hospital room earlier and when I went by you guys had cleared out, against doctors orders and now I can't find my jacket and it has my wallet in it so I was hoping you had seen it."

Roman had seen it. Just a few minutes ago. Around the body of the woman that he had started falling for and had kissed this evening multiple times and even called her baby. Dean even called her Roman's girl. He damn well knew where his jacket was. He just couldn't get to it.

He waited, watching the man process what he said in his clearly alcohol soaked brain. There was no reason to say he was the one who rescued Emily from an attack or that he wrapped her in his jacket to carry her to the hospital, or that she grabbed and kissed him during her labor or that he called her baby and already had thought of her as his girl before all this mess of finding out she had a damn husband. No, that he didn't need to share.

The police sergeant looked puzzled for a few seconds and then nodded. "Oh yeah. I think we have it here. The hospital only gave my wife a thin sweat suit to wear home and I am pretty sure I saw her wearing it, a leather jacket right?"

Of course she was wearing it, Roman wanted to say. He already knew that. She was comforted by it cause it was HIS. She was comforted by HIM. That made him want to swoon like a damn school girl. If only the man in front of him didn't fucking exist.

Hunter stood up, holding onto the arm of the couch, grabbed his shoulder and leaned in. "Look Doc. Glad to have to in the neighborhood, as long as you don't mind the noise once in a while here. Me and the guys like to crash on the weekends if we aren't on call.

Roman shook his head and shrugged. What the hell could he do about it now anyway? He fake smiled at the man and Hunter smiled back and clapped him on the back.

"That's the spirit. You are welcome to come by and party too if you want Doc. But you probably want to unpack and get settled in first eh?"

Yeah that was the plan. Get settled in and unpack and not fall in love with your wife here would be a great start to his career in this town, Roman thought.

"I'll find your jacket and wallet and bring it over once the room stops spinning too, or I'll get one of the guys to run it over. That good for you?" Hunter slurred and took another big gulp of his beer and almost fell over again.

Roman nodded and put his arm under the mans shoulder before he fell over and helped him down into the cushions on the couch. Maybe he should have let him fall on his damn face. It might have felt good.

He excused himself and walked across the lawn, unlocked the front door, closing it and just leaned on the door blocking out the noise and glad that the music was much more muffled from this far away.

It felt good just to be alone and he just need to stop and think things through more. It had been a hell of a night and his brain was fried. Way too much had happened in such a short time and he had barely had a chance to process any of it.

He realized that the U-haul was still back at the motel and there wasn't even a bed here or any other furniture yet but it would help him to focus on just moving and not her to unpack everything tomorrow and get himself settled.

However Dean said he wasn't supposed to lift anything heavy so how the heck was he going to get himself unpacked? Ugh, too much to think about.

A soft rapping on the door and his eyes opened fast and he turned back around staring at the still closed door, as if expecting to see right through it. Shaking his head he realized he was just that tired.

That was fast. He was glad those guys had not lost his wallet and credit cards and all his other ID. He swung open the door to see...HER standing there...by herself, still wrapped up in his jacket. It looked like she was wearing little else too. Maybe shorts but her long legs were bare and the jacket was the only clothing he saw.

"Emily?!" he snapped at her but before he could say more she pushed back on his shoulders and as his mouth hung open in surprise she had managed her way in and closed the door behind her, standing in front of it. She was the last person he expected would drop off his stuff.

"You shouldn't be here!" he hissed at her angrily pulling himself free of her hands on him. But she stepped forward and put a finger to his lips, silencing any more he was planning to say. He had no more strength for more tonight.

"I shouldn't? How, how are you here?" Her eyes looked so teary, her expression pleading..."Please Roman.."

He could feel the electricity from any touch from her the last minute, just her finger on his lip even and his breath caught in his throat. God, what the hell had he gotten himself into?

He grabbed her arms, on top of the leather of his jacket and spun her, slamming her slightly but not roughly against the door and caging her in between him and the hard wood.

"Please what?" he breathed out against her ear, his lips just barely brushing against her skin. His hands dropped from her arms to rest on the door on both sides of her head.

He backed up just enough to stare hard into her eyes, and her head dropped, her gaze falling from his. He lifted her chin with one finger and waited till she looked back at him, with barely a breath between them. "Please don't tell my husband I'm over here? Please don't tell him you clung to me during your labor?"

Roman was pissed and full of passion that he wanted to let out at her for her deception. "Please what Emily? Please don't tell him you felt safe with me? Called me your Superman? Kissed me more than once?! Didn't want me to leave? Please what?! How do you have any right to ask me anything after what you did?"

He was yelling now, but the music next door drowned out anything that might be overheard. He slammed his hands on the wall by her head, startling her but this time she did not waver in her gaze back at him.

Despite his anger she reached up and cupped his face and he felt his heart nearly pounding out of his chest. Her power over him scared him even more. "God, Em when you do that, all this anger I'm feeling just melts away and I just want to kiss you again..."

He stared hard in her eyes, his own dropping to her lips and she was panting hard as she stared back at him with equal longing and her own eyes moved to his lips too before he literally growled and reached up and pulled her hands off his face.

"No, we can't do this!" Roman clasped her palms in his, shaking his head that this was so wrong and spun slowly to pull out of her grasp, leaning more on the wall by the door.

"I'm sorry Roman, " she whimpered and dropped her head to his chest and he could feel her crying against him. "I never meant to hurt you."

"You damn well did hurt me!" he lashed back as he was pulling out of her embrace again, trying to keep his distance but she kept coming closer as they fought.

He lifted his shirt and pointed to the bandage. "This knife stabbed me in the gut saving your life in that alley and yet I feel like I just handed you a knife and you stabbed me yourself tonight when I run back to you all excited to be with you and I see you kissing that creep that I find out is your husband."

He looked back up in her teary brown eyes swollen from crying and all the pain she had been through already and didn't want to hurt her more. She had already lost her baby and it didn't even look like her husband even cared and actually blamed her for it. He could not imagine.

"I, I didn't even think you saw that Roman..." she whispered, sadness covering her features.

He nodded and bit his lip. "I wish I didn't but I did," he mumbled back to her.

She stepped forward cautiously and shocked him by dropping to her knees in front of him, her eyes at first locked to his before they too fell to focus on his wound. Roman had no idea what she was doing and saw her gingerly take the edge of his shirt between her fingers as she looked to be studying the bandage around the wound.

He barely breathed and was watching her and fought to get his hands to fight her, to get his body to pull away when he realized he was backed into the wall as she leaned in. Her lips pressed lightly to his bare skin and his head fell back against the wall as a wave of pleasure washed over him.

"Jesus Em," Roman groaned, eyes closing as his dark hair fell all down his back and around his shoulders. She sucked his skin into her mouth just to the edges of the bandage and moaned herself and he felt the vibration of it from her lips licking and kissing around his wound. She ran her fingers along his skin beside the bandage clutching at his waist and he felt dizzy, and unhinged and not at all like a man setting boundaries and being strong and noble. He literally could not stop himself from finding her hair and curling his one palm around it, clenching the soft tresses in between his fingers and moaning again.

God, he was in so much trouble.

Suddenly her hands were somewhere else, already untying his scrub pants and starting to push them down, and his body was fast rising to the occasion of her touch without his emotional permission. Roman nearly jumped and forced the blood to get the hell back to his brain.

"No, you don't need to do that..." he was gasping and pulled her hands off of him and brought her back to her feet, pulling his pants back up and tying them up tight. She looked sad and confused and so conflicted and started to apologize.

"But I wanted to make it better. I can make you feel good..." Emily whispered.

Roman swallowed a groan at the sexy sound of her voice and he had no doubt that she could. Those lips were already making him feel so damn good, just barely pressed to his skin. But that was wrong on a 1000 levels. "No, baby, its okay." Roman soothed. "Just God please don't think that you need to do that to apologize to any man when we are upset. Ever. Please."

She was quiet and hung her head and now he was scared he had hurt her more.

It took every muscle and bit of strength he could muster to pull her back to her feet. He cringed at the possibilities at knowing that this women might think that was the only thing she knew to make things better for anyone.

How broken and damaged was she?

She looked back up at him as a tear slipped down her cheek and her head fell back down onto his chest again. "I ..I ..How can I fix it?" she mumbled against his scrub top.

He stood there silently for a moment processing her words, everything about her being here was so so wrong. He was angry for her deception sure and and he wanted to push her away and send her back to her life and away from his...

...but he could smell her hair, right by his nose and he inhaled deeply. He could feel her arms around his waist, clinging to him like no one ever had and that moral strength he wanted to hang onto was fading fast.

Instead of pushing her away he ran his hand down her hair and sucked in another breath of what felt like pure oxygen.

God, how could someone feel like that?

Everything about this precious woman the second she buried herself back in his arms felt like life and home and peace and yet he could not do this. Being this person destroyed him in his. He could not be that in someone else's relationship.

No he had to push her away, as hard as that would be.

"You can't," he whispered. He was holding her in his arms right then but all he could think of was that her husband was next door. She was taken and she had lied to him. How could he trust her? He couldn't do this. Everything about her screamed complicated too and messy. Everything he wanted to avoid.

He pulled her back from his body, holding her wrists in his hands. "You said you had no one," he challenged her. "Was everything you told me a lie? Was it all just cause you didn't want to go through the pain of labor alone? Why didn't you call your husband?"

Roman waited and watched for her reaction or response to any of his questions. He had way more questions than that but those were the first ones he thought of. Emily looked actually scared and stumbled to reply to him.

"No! It wasn't all a lie Roman. I didn't call him cause he doesn't love me or want me, at all. I meant everything I said to you. Everything I felt," she was pleading again, her dark eyes glassy with unshed tears. "Everything I still feel." She was quieter now and untangled her hands from his. "Everything I can see you still feel too. There has to be something I can do..."

Roman blinked fast at that and shook his head. Damn it, he wish there was.

He needed to get away from her. Her mere presence so close, smelling her hair, feeling her arms around him was making him dizzy and he wasn't standing up and setting boundaries like he had been all strong for before.

"Yes there is something you can do." She locked eyes with him and he saw so much hope and light in those chocolate eyes in that moment till he dashed that hope with his next words.

"You need to leave me alone and go back to your husband and pretend we never met," Roman said as forcefully as he could. The words he said nearly broke his heart to say, but he said them. It wasn't his business if she was having problems with her husband. He did not want to get in the middle of that. This was way too much of a mess already. He pulled himself away from her hands on his arms again and turned toward the door.

He started opening the door, the loud music from next door instantly filling their ears and watched her slowly turn and hang her head and head toward the door. She turned back to him her expression dark, and emotionally heavy.

Emily hissed out from between clenched teeth. "Now we both got stabbed tonight.."

Gritting his teeth he let her go. If she hated him maybe that would be easier. That sentence just gutted him but he held that door open and let her through. His head was down, as he held it open. He was ashamed as much as he knew this was the right thing, he hated it and was moments from bailing on all his morals.

The first drops of a cool fall storm looked to be falling too as she stepped through his door and he saw the circles of darkened wood on his porch. She walked slowly and he started to close it behind her, fighting with himself that if he didn't close it soon he could run back out there to her. But he watched her walk down his steps, taking them one at a time, only to collapse on his front lawn and start to sob.

Roman felt a stabbing in his chest just like she said...

He watched her for a few moments more, seeing the sobs rack her body, her curled up in a ball into herself and in the break in the music he could hear the softness of her cries carried on the wind back to his ears as the rain started to fall faster and heavier as the wind picked up.

He watched her cry on her back porch earlier that night and he already wanted to go to her then. Now... the feelings felt so much stronger. The ache in his heart to rescue her again so much harder to fight.

And the sky lit up the next minute with a flash of lighting showed him her curled up body so clearly on the ground and she jumped as the thunder crashed a few seconds later and that was it.

He was done fighting with himself.

Roman cursed and stormed out as the sky opened up fully and the rain started falling fast in what looked like sheets as the wind whipped at his pant legs and bare arms as he was still only in the thin scrubs and he felt it soak through them right away.

He opened the door to his SUV and grabbed for the blanket he knew was there on the front seat, kicking the door back closed and held it up over his head and moved fast toward her. He knelt down in the grass holding the blanket up as makeshift roof to shield her too from the pouring rain. He touched her shoulder, almost mirroring how he had as she had laid curled up on that hospital bed that night.

"Baby girl, please come to me," Roman begged her and watched her lift her head and he smoothed her soaking wet hair from her face and cupped her cheek. She smiled at him and he smiled back at him before looking down at her belly again and lifting her tank top and curling her palms around it.

"It's empty! She's gone! Everything is so empty!" Emily sobbed and rubbed her hands over her stomach.

Roman tried again to get her to move. It would not be long and the blanket would get soaked though and be no use to them at all. He needed to hurry and get her inside. He reached down and stroked his palm down her bare belly too and looked back up in her eyes. "I'm so sorry baby. So sorry."

Another lightning flashed and she jumped again and more thunder crashed and she was shaking more and still crying that everything was empty. He bent and lifted her up under her legs and her arms almost on instinct wound so tight around his neck as he fought his own pain of lifting her and walked them both back up his walk way and into his house.

Roman carried her bridal style, her helping hold the blanket over them, stopping to kick in his door he left partially open, pushing it closed once they were inside. He leaned them both on it, cradling her shivering body in his arms as he slid down to the floor with her wrapped tight in his embrace, shutting the world out away from them.

She sunk in against him he could feel it and he fell against the wall by the door and he guided her gently to the floor and held her in his lap. He rocked her in his arms on the floor, kissing her head and he could feel her small arms wrapped around his waist now, her head resting against his chest. He pulled the blanket over both of them and tried to stop her shivering as much as he could.

Emily kept crying and he just let her sob and cling to him and grieve for her baby. She could not even get a breath in a just kept crying for Hope and that she couldn't feel her kicking anymore. That she ached to feel her baby. She told him through shaking sobs about counting her toes and taking pictures of her and that her foot was so tiny. She told him she rocked her and tucked her in the blanket already thinking she could be cold and that she looked so perfect that she could hardly believe that she wasn't still alive when she had been kicking this morning.

Roman held her and listened and rocked her in his arms till she stopped shivering, stopped sobbing and the cries settled to more like little gasps and whimpers before she was silent and just lay in the darkness with him. He pulled the blanket more to cover her from the front and cradled her tight, giving her as much warmth and softness and protection as he could.

Roman bent his head to see her eyes were shut tight as she clung to him and nuzzling her head against his shoulder. He dared to speak too and share just a little more of his own so she understood him better too.

"Emily please know this is all tearing me apart. I would rather die than hurt you," he breathed out. "But we can't do this, be this. I'm not this person. My dad cheated on my mom and it broke her to pieces and she has never been the same and I never really regained my trust in him either. I am not my dad and I will NOT be my dad."

Roman debated telling her more but she looked like she had sniffled back more tears and was really listening to him and so he swallowed his fear and poured out more of his past as much as it hurt to even think of. "I didn't mean to compare you to my ex. I was just angry and reeling finding out about your husband. I found out too that my best friend had been with my fiancé whom I thought loved me and wanted a future with me. But here I find out that the day I pass my exams to be an attending. All the tests and questions and we all studied so hard for. A couple of the students in our hospital didn't even pass. That is the weekend I find out he is with her and has been for months."

Emily held him tight he could feel as he shared. "Oh Roman, I am so sorry, I can't imagine."

Roman smiled down at her and continued. "I know, me too. So I race home, SO excited that I passed. So excited to celebrate with her and I even get an earlier flight back to surprise her and dinner reservations and I walk in on my fiancé with my best friend in MY bed. So I vowed that night to never be the other person in any relationship or ever cause anyone that kind of pain that I went through. I thought she loved me. I thought we had a future together. I hate my cheater of a best friend now too and haven't ever talked to him since either and he was best friend since middle school."

Emily looked shocked and sad and reached out and caressed his cheek as he spoke, and continued to caress his face as he shared and he leaned into her touch and felt that familiar ache for her flood his whole being.

Roman nodded and looked back at her and offered her a half smile as he almost moaned as she ran her fingers through his hair by his face.

Emily smiled sadly at him. "I know you don't need to hear this from me but I would never do that to you," she breathed and nuzzled her head to his. "And stroking through your hair is calming me Roman from all my grief I was feeling about the baby. And I didn't even realize I started doing it again to try to calm you thinking it would help you, just because it sooths me."

He was listening to her sharing and watching her as she ran her fingers down through his hair over and over and it felt so good.

Emily sniffled back more tears. "I can't even really explain it. It just feels so safe. From that first moment you kissed my forehead in the car and I just knew I was going to be okay as you got me to the hospital and I felt so protected. "

She shook her head fast and wiped a stray tear. "Sorry, you didn't need to hear that. Your hair is just as much your business too. And I need to respect that. "

Roman saw her drop her eyes from his and he didn't know what to say. She was right and she was hearing him. But why the hell did everything hurt so damn much then?

"I'm so sorry," he said again. He had lost count in his apologies. His words sounded hollow even to his own ears.

They stayed like that in silence after his confession and he held her as long as she needed and didn't let go, both of them wrapped up in the blanket and leaned against the door. He felt her arms so tight around him and he held her just as tight as long as she needed as he heard the music blaring from her house next door and the rain pelted down from outside.

This was as far as he would take this. He could long for her all he wanted but he would be strong. As long as she was married to the freaking police he would mind his own damn business after tonight.

Tonight she had been through hell. Tonight she had lost her baby and her husband didn't even seem to care. Tonight she was grieving and needed someone to understand...Tonight she just wanted to feel what she had been crying to him all evening...that he made her feel safe...

Safe...

And he was not going to deny her that. Not when it looked like the whole world didn't give a damn about her.

And he just prayed that he could find more strength to survive living right beside her after tonight...