A/N Super long chapter for you. Thank you so much for the Reviews and new readers and Favorites and Follows. I am so glad people are enjoying my story. I have another Roman story I am going to start posting soon too and so I will go back and forth between this one and that depending on which one has the interest too. So if you are wanting more of this one please take a minute and let me know. And all I can say with this chapter is again Have faith...there is more to be revealed and I gave a few more bread crumbs and next chapter will be much more revealing too!
Happy reading! Eager for your thoughts.
Figured I would get a chapter up before Summerslam and might have one more this week yet in all my anticipation of that insane match coming up. I am not ready for how brutal that will be! Loving how savage Roman is getting and I have all the confidence in the world in him but I will still be screaming at my Tv and freaking out the whole time. Hate Brock and so done with him. Bring on 700 days as Universal Champion!
Emily slowly walked back up the sidewalk to her house, her hair still dripping and the water sliding in trails down the leather of his jacket she still had on. She didn't want to leave Roman at all. They had waited till it was it sounded like the rain had lessened and it was just lightly dripping now.
But time with Roman would have never been long enough. She wished she could have stayed there wrapped up in that blanket in his arms all night, forever. She didn't want to ever come back here.
She had nearly died and lost her baby trying to get away and here she was still walking back up the steps to the house that was her only home and only place she ever really had as a home.
Home.
She had no idea if that was even what you would call a place you wanted to never come back to. A place you never wanted to be in the first place. She never really had a home and to call living with Hunter home? Never.
Roman had called kissing her home...and that SHE felt like home to him. That he was willing to give her everything. He wanted to fix everything in her world.
Oh if only that were possible...
Emily sighed and looked back at the house next door, hardly believing that fate or luck would have her hero, her rescuer living so close to her. How that happened she still had no idea.
She had just been in shock hearing her husband talking to one of the guys about returning Roman's jacket and wallet and to find her and get it from her before he had collapsed on the couch and passed out. Emily had managed to convince the guy that she could bring the stuff over herself and he had been fine with that and she had walked past all the cops and guests in various states of drugged out or high and slipped out the front door.
Now too as she prepared to go back in to her own personal prison she was still wrapped in Roman's jacket and had given him his wallet but he had begged her to keep the jacket. His arms had been wrapped so tight around her as they sat there on the floor in his entrance way, wrapped both fully in the damp blanket and she had no idea how long they had been there like that. He had held and rocked her as long as she needed.
That felt like home.
Roman's arms around her felt more like home than anything else in her world.
He didn't demand anything from her. He wasn't using her for her body or what he could gain. Roman was the kind of person she wished she had met long before Hunter showed up in her life and stole her innocence and everything else that he could.
Roman was a good man.
She could see that the first time she looked into his eyes. But being a good man he wasn't about to mess with a married woman and she respected that. Or rather she was trying to respect that.
Everything about him, was making it so hard to want to let him go and made her care about him even more. It made her want him even more and that didn't help things at all.
She wondered if he would be such a good man if he knew the kind of things Hunter had done to her or made her do? Would he be so quick to stay out their relationship then? Or would he be more of the rescuer she had already seen in him?
Emily wasn't ready to go back in yet. No one was missing her, at least this time. The only reason he even looked for her before in the backyard was because no one could find the extra full bag of ice she had bought and stuck way in the bottom of the freezer. They were all happy with their cold drinks and drugs and probably all strung out of their minds by now anyway. She hated how Hunters temper could get when he was this high too so it was usually best to keep her distance.
She curled up on their porch swing and laid down, tucking her legs up into the jacket and let it envelope her with Roman's scent. She didn't even notice the wetness on the seat from the rain and could curl her whole body almost fully into the jacket. She could just barely smell a deep rich male scent, a combination of smoky, cedarwood and citrus smells on the leather on the inside lining and inhaled deeply. Emily let her eyes fall closed and drowned in the warmth she felt, imagining still being in his arms.
She didn't want to go back in...she wanted to go back and bury herself in Roman's embrace and curl up there and fall asleep. She could not even imagine how amazing she would feel to sleep in his arms. That mere thought sounded like pure fantasy to her jarring and harsh real life.
There...she knew she would have felt safe to actually go to sleep. She had told him she hadn't felt safe in SO long and she meant that to the depths of her shattered soul.
So now laying here alone in the darkness of the night, the air was chilly on her bare legs she had tucked up under her and she imagined that Roman had not needed to get his wound looked after. That he was still leaning over her and holding her as she had been crying for her baby that she was rocking in her arms.
She imagined right now that they had not been disturbed, that Hunter had not found her after she had given birth. She wanted so desperately to go back to that moment. Back to when he didn't know her secret yet. Back to when she could see all over his gorgeous face how much he was falling for her. And she was feeling so much for him too, whether it was the insane circumstances or the tenderness in his touch or how much it meant to her that he sought her out even after the attack when he could have just left.
Everything about him was so different than everything she had grown to believe about what any man would be for her.
Emily shivered pulling her hero's jacket tighter around her. Thinking back more, she closed her eyes and nearly moaned aloud in the silence of the night. She had literally sunk into Roman's kiss after he had smoothed her hair back from her face and nuzzled her nose with his. She would have held on longer, tasted him longer, if she had known that was the last kiss they would share...
She had opened her mouth a couple times to try to tell him the truth about her. That she knew someone was looking for her. That she was married, even if her heart knew it was in name only. After everything Roman had already done for her he deserved to know.
But no, her hero had left her room smiling at her with radiance in his eyes like she lit up parts of him that had not seen the light of day in ages. She had no idea, but could feel this light, this sparkle and brightness in him from just the simplest touch from his thumb on her cheek or his lips brushing her forehead.
That glow was gone the moment she had seen him standing there when Hunter pulled back from kissing her in that bed. His cops buddies had called out and said they found the doctor and Emily had been so surprised and still reeling from everything else that had just happened she barely processed anything until she was face to face with the broken and sad eyes of her precious Superman.
She was startled out of her thoughts by fast movement outside and pulled her head up thinking someone was coming out from their place. But no, the sounds and door slamming were from further away and she watched as Roman closed and locked his door before turning to head down the driveway toward his SUV, carrying the blanket folded over his arm.
There hadn't been any furniture in the house that she had seen, but he had not even turned on any lights while they were in there, so even though it was well past halfway till morning likely he probably couldn't sleep there but she had no idea where he was going. She had not said a word to him once she released her grip on him as they had sat on the floor and he had let her go too, simply standing up and opening the door.
She wanted to stay but had no idea what else to do at that moment. His confession as he rocked her in the darkness had really hit her too and she didn't want him to be that man. She heard him when he pleaded with her that he could not be what she wanted him to be.
She was half sitting up on the swing and watched Roman walk and it looked it he was going to open the door to his SUV when she saw him drop the blanket on the roof and head down the driveway and across the empty dark street.
Emily laid down more just watching him and saw Roman was headed toward a figure standing near the street lamp by the driveway opposite their house. The person had a hood pulled over their head and their hands in their pockets of a black hoodie and was wearing exercise type pants with a long white stripe along the sides and runners.
She squinted as she watched Roman move toward the person and shake their hand and they both were turned more or less in her direction and the other man was pointing to her house. Emily saw him pull his hood off his head to reveal a very close cut shorn hair cut.
She had seen him a couple times as he had moved in across the street only a few months ago but mostly kept to himself and stayed indoors or came and went and was not outside much. It was late at night and the music was still loud from behind her coming from their house so maybe that was what brought him out and Roman felt compelled to say hello. She didn't even know their neighbors name. But Hunter had gone over and talked with him a couple times too.
Emily stayed still, laying down and watching the two men from between her deck slates. They were smiling and even laughing, her neighbor had his arms crossed in front of him. Roman looked casual in his navy blue doctor scrubs and white runners and had flipped his hair back behind his shoulder a couple times. She imagined how it would feel to just be waiting for him to come home after a long day. For her to be in their house...watching him visiting with the neighbor, her belly not empty, but swelling with Roman's baby...
Emily felt tears at her lashes at the imagery in her head as she saw the two men shake hands again and Roman walked back across the street to his car and she saw the other man turn, grabbing his garbage bin and roll it up the driveway then and walk back in his house and close the door.
She stroked her empty stomach, already aching for her fantasy, already wanting more and not wanting Roman to leave...
Emily watched him opened the door to his vehicle, picked up the blanket from the roof of the SUV and smoothed it over the seat and sat down. She sat up more on the swing, still watching him, not wanting to lose a moment she could still see her hero. He flipped his long dark hair back and it still looked quite wet too but he paused and tied up the long locks into a tight bun at the base of his neck as he sat there with the door open. She saw him lean back in the seat and shut his eyes but had no idea what he was thinking.
He looked so conflicted...like maybe he didn't want to leave either?
Emily sat up more and pulled his jacket tighter around her shoulders and felt her breath catch in her throat when she saw him look her way. The surprise on his face as he caught her gaze was clear across his features and he just held her stare back at him.
Swallowing hard she stubbornly did not look away first. She needed him to know that as messed up as this was, she wanted him, needed him and she was going to damn well show him.
He held her stare too and didn't leave, or close his door. But he didn't move closer to her either.
Emily stood up and didn't even look back at her house and hurried down the steps toward him.
They still hadn't broken their heated gaze at each other.
He stood up then too, closing the door behind him, moving toward her and she broke into a run, back into his arms. She barely noticed the pain in her belly from the delivery or the sharp pain in her groin muscles, all she wanted was to be back with him.
Just one more hug...was that too much to ask?
Roman caught her, spinning her up in his arms and her long legs wrapped around his waist. She wound her arms around his neck, clinging so tight and burying her nose against his skin. His arms curled around her tiny waist and up under his jacket on her and she could feel the warmth of his hands through her thin tank top.
God she could hardly believe this was real.
He already told her he didn't want this. He didn't want anything to do with a married woman. But here she was, back in his arms again and neither of them was stopping it. She was so fucking weak and she hated herself for not being stronger and honoring his wishes.
His breath was heavy by her face and she could feel the roughness of his goatee against her cheek. He cried out and it sounded like in actual pain and she kicked herself that she had forgotten that he had a knife wound in his stomach from saving her that night.
How could she forget that? She had just been kissing that sweet skin and licking and sucking it in her mouth barely an half hour ago as she felt him fall against the wall and clench his hand in her hair. She had never felt so attractive, powerful and beautiful than when he moaned her name in that moment.
Roman lowered her slowly to the hood of his SUV and she still clung tight to him, scared he was letting go and untangling himself from her and pulling away. She felt the shock of wetness on her butt as the vehicle was out in the storm and now the rain on the hood soaked through her thin shorts as she felt the coldness of it on her skin as he put her down. But his hands still held her close, tugging her to the edge of the hood and as much still into his arms as she could be and he was not pulling away from her at all.
"You..." he breathed out, his face nuzzling in against her neck. "You can't...we can't. God...Emily ..."
Oh the deep sound of his voice saying her name again was making her ache even more for everything about him.
Roman lifted his head and looked deep in her eyes, his hands stroking his fingers down through her hair so tenderly. "You are so dangerous..." he breathed out. "Everything is so wrong, so messy. Everything I was running away from in my life."
His vulnerable look back at her, those haunting gray eyes, the security she felt from his arms around her felt amazing. His head nuzzling hers even if he was shaking it back and forth, meaning no more, all felt like pure oxygen when she had been gasping for damn years with another man's hand literally around her throat, squeezing the life out of her.
Everything about how he was holding her so close, was not agreeing with his words at all.
Emily could hardly speak she was so choked up. She cupped his face in her palms and lifted his head so his eyes were on hers and could not believe how much a mirror image her words would be.
"And you are... so safe, " she whispered into the air between them, her voice cracking as she smiled at him. She sniffled back tears feeling one slip down her cheek and tasted the saltiness on her lip. "More right than anything I have felt in so so long baby and so simple Roman. As simple as breathing you in. Everything I have been missing and didn't know was was really out there."
He inhaled sharply at that and looked like he did not know at all what to do with such a vulnerable statement and lifted his head to take in a deeper breath.
Emily reached up, pulling his head back down to her, and tunneled her fingers through his hair, making him practically purr in response.
"Baby girl please..." Roman groaned, as her fingers gripped his hair at the sides of his head, forcing him to lock his eyes with hers before she tenderly stroked her hands down his face, just like she had done at the end of her labor. She had been memorizing him, trying to hold onto the image in front of her knowing it was slipping away, like sand through her fingers.
Emily was actually excited by that response. 'Please' held so many possibilities she was scared to ask. Please more, please kiss me, please hold me, please take me away from here please what?
His eyes fell closed as he leaned his head to hers and she saw him swallow thickly. She could feel his palms wide over her back, pulling her in as he stood between her legs at the side of the vehicle.
Oh she was so scared to ask...
She kept massaging his head, tangling her fingers in his long hair despite the hair tie constricting it. She leaned in right to his ear and swallowed her fear. Kissing his skin there ever so lightly Emily breathed, "Please what Roman?...Please don't stop... Please keep touching you? Please kiss you?"
Oh she was either going to crash and burn or this was going to ignite...and Emily leaned in just a bit further and sucked his earlobe in between her lips and could literally feel the groan building in his throat before it escaped from between his lips. His palms clenched around her waist and pulled her body to rub gently against his, as she continued to suck on his ear lobe.
She moved her lips lower down his throat at the side of his neck and suckled the skin into her mouth there too slowly kissing down his neck tasting the sweetness of his skin and the saltiness too of the dampness from the rain before. His scrub top was still wet too, her hands running down the wet fabric to grip his arms before feeling him almost fall forward and her palms settled on his chest to catch him.
Emily felt his weight shift towards the car and he used one hand to brace himself on his palm on the hood as his head fell to her shoulder as she kissed lower down his throat and he turned his head, giving her more access, more skin to taste... She reached his pulse point and felt it racing under her lips, pulling the skin into her mouth and heard him breath her name as she suckled again.
Had she broken down his restraint? Part of her hated herself knowing he had said he didn't want this plenty of times already. She felt like she was stealing from him and that felt wrong even when he was SO responsive to every kiss and touch from her. Was she as bad as her own husband stealing from her?
No one was missing her. Maybe just for tonight she could escape Hunter and be Roman's?
Just escape her life for one night and face everything tomorrow. Just to be held, and be safe, to taste and kiss and explore someone so selfless, so giving and so amazing. Everything she never knew was out there. She knew with her delivering her baby tonight there was things she could not do clearly...but Emily just wanted more.
More of everything about Roman.
The grieving, broken beauty lifted his head from her neck and watched him open his very blissed out gray eyes. "Baby, please take me away with you. Just for tonight. Just hold me tonight in your bed, in your arms, all night please Roman. I don't want tonight to end. I don't want US to end."
But that seemed to be too far, and she watched him shake himself back to a sense of consciousness and felt his hands pulling back away from her. His eyes looked clouded, like a fog of gray hues in the morning before she saw them shift to a more solid steely color.
No, she had asked for too much it was like he was awakening from a deep slumber and she waited for what she knew was going to be rejection from his next words
Her eyes dropped to his lips, wondering if it was too cruel to hope for one more pure and perfect taste of him before she went back to her own personal hell. She saw him open his mouth, and she edged in closer but he moved back, pulling his hands away from her body and holding her back.
Roman shook his head again and she could not hold in her heart break. Anything more she had hoped for was over. She could literally feel the invisible boundary he built up between them and tears started slipping down her cheeks.
"God, don't cry. Please baby." His voice cracked as he spoke and he stroked a thumb across her face and wiped away the tears, his eyes teary too. He shook his head and backed up more. "I can't. Take you to my bed as much I think I want to...oh God Em...I need to go. This is just...Not a good idea at all. I wanted a fresh start here and got a great job and people took chances on me and I need to focus on that. An affair with a well known police man's wife... is not what I...I can't...I know you are bleeding still but fuck ...I take you to my bed now and I swear I would have you in the god damn shower..."
Emily watched him as he spoke, his eyes darkening, and she felt a hunger she hadn't felt in so long just rush through her at his words. God, she wanted that too.
Roman closed his eyes slowly and she watched him, her breath rapid in her chest. His eyes opened just as slow but with a steely determination that was not there before. "But I am not that kind of person. And you, deserve far better than a quick night like that too. All it would do is hurt a lot of people."
Roman looked more seriously at her now and wrapped his palms around her shoulders. "I sure as hell did not deserve to be cheated on. I loved my ex with all my heart and I thought I saw forever with her or I wouldn't have proposed to her."
He shook her gently. "Your husband sounds like an ass when it came to your baby and I wouldn't have checked you out against doctor orders. But Em tell me now, does he deserve what you want to do to him? You just begged me to take you to my bed Emily. You said he doesn't love you, or care about you. But does he deserve what you want us to do to him?"
Roman's eyes were wide and locked on hers. His fingers tight on her bare arms and she stared hard back at him.
She couldn't tell him. Hunter would and could kill him if he knew anything about what went on here. If he knew anything. If he knew how much she was beaten, or why she couldn't escape...
No, all Emily had been hoping for was an escape for tonight. But Roman was not a one night stand type guy.
Slowly she shook her head and dropped her eyes from his. No, she needed to protect him. There was no way in hell he could fight all these cops for her. No way.
Roman looked like he got the answer he was looking for. "Okay then. Then not just for me and not wanting to be the other person in a relationship. You see it too that this has to stop ." Emily nodded at him. But she was a damn liar cause nothing she said matched how she felt at all.
"You..," he stroked his hand down through her hair once more and her eyes still held so much hope that he wasn't saying what she thought he was. " Oh God baby, the second I touch you I want to take back every fucking thing I just said!"
Roman dropped his head to hers and inhaled deeply and groaned again. "I need... can't be here...this close. I can't think...with you this close. I need to find a different place to live tomorrow and get someone else to take over my lease. Cause if I stay here, this close you and I both know its only a matter of time we won't care what is right or wrong at all."
Emily could not hide how broken she felt at his words. But she understood and was in awe of him even more for his strength. She hated how weak she was, how weak Hunter had made her and how much she had pushed Roman to cross his own boundaries.
She nodded, and without another word slid her arms out of the sleeves of his jacket, despite his protests for her to keep it, passed it into his now empty arms and jumped down from his SUV and started to walk back away.
Everything hurt too much. Her body still from being through labor and being mugged and kicked and strangled by her own husband and her heart felt like it had just been ripped to pieces and she just wanted to curl up and not wake up. It felt like there was nothing to wake up for. She knew that wasn't true but the dark feelings just felt so heavy right now.
She ignored his calling back after her when she walked away. She had nothing left in her for more rejection and more pain.
But he was not going to let her leave like that and just as she reached the bottom of the stairs to her porch she felt him spin her around and she was face to face with her beautiful hero's pissed off gray eyes.
"Roman, just go, " Emily snapped at him and pulled her hand from his and stormed up the steps. "You made your feelings crystal clear. You don't want me. You don't want anything to do with me!"
The music was still loud in the house and the lights and people noisy and busy inside, but the porch was bathed in darkness and no one came out to hear any of the yelling outside.
"No! " he followed her fast up the stairs, spun her again before she reached for the door knob and practically pinned her between his body and the wall of the house right to the side of the door. "I do want you! God do I want you! That is why this is such a mess!" He slammed his palms on the siding by her head and growled out loud. "As fucked up as this is, that is not how we are going to leave things Emily. I am not a monster for wanting to do the right thing and you..."
Emily watched him, panting and nearly pressing her small body to the wall with his own. Back at the car he had rejected her and sounded so sure of himself, she could feel all his walls come up. But now...now he sounded so wounded and hurt and conflicted and as messed up as she felt.
She had been waiting for him to finish the sentence that had just faded off into nothing and he looked like he had no idea what he was saying. "I'm what Roman? I'm a monster for wanting this?" She dared to step closer and press her body against his and heard his fast inhale. She nearly gasped aloud and swallowed a moan as she felt him against her thigh and knew this wasn't one sided at all.
He nodded at her discovery and looked first to her eyes and back to down to where his body was clearly done trying to hide how it felt too. "Does that feel like I don't want you baby girl?"
Emily looked up in his eyes and saw the hunger there too. She felt so emotional now and could hardly get the words out she needed to tell him. "I know I shouldn't want you... anyone could come out of my house right now and catch us...But I don't care Roman...I want you..."
"I know you think this is so wrong Roman and you are right, " Emily's voice was a shaky whimper and she felt her heart just racing in her chest. "But everything in my life is so wrong, that this...YOU," she again ran her palm down his cheek and his eyes fell closed for a second just soaking her in. "See you feel it it too," she said, watching him. "It feels like this is the first right thing I have felt in years. And I am so so sorry for that, cause that is SO not fair to you.."
She saw him swallow thickly again and turn his head to the door that was barely a few feet away. Emily pulled his chin back toward her face, at the same time slipped her hands quickly around his neck, tugging ever so gently on the back of his neck and he stumbled slightly, his weight falling into her. "All I can think of, " she breathed right by his ear, "Is how much I need to kiss you again, not want to Roman, need to, even if its the last time...Please baby..."
Roman looked shocked, stunned and she felt tears slipping down her cheeks now as she gazed up at him. He held up his hands at his sides, like he was surrendering and Emily felt her heart leap in her chest.
Her hero gazed down at her and looked to be steadying his own breathing. "Okay..." he whispered softly, "As goodbye."
Emily was beaming and silently he let her lead him to the swing. She pushed lightly on his chest to get him to sit and his large frame fell back, almost stumbling slightly as he smiled bashfully at her as he settled back on the hard wood behind him, the swing creaking as it rocked back and forth slowly. She moved closer, her eyes never leaving his and climbed into his lap and wound her arms back around his neck.
If Emily was getting only one more kiss from this amazing man, she was going to treasure it and make it last as long as possible. She sunk down on his lap, her body, pressed to his, and already felt him pressing against her thigh. She sat up more, grinding her core closer to him, but also moving to settle above him so she could gaze down on his face as he looked up at her.
Roman was looking up in pure adoration at her with those beautiful gray eyes, as she smoothed his hair back from his face. She undid the hair tie and let the long locks loose, letting them fall down all around them. She loved his hair down and if this was the last time she was going to feel him, taste him, she wanted to feel it too. His hair was everything she associated safety with and she wanted to soak that up now
He smiled radiantly up at her as she stroked his face. "You are so beautiful Emily. You just light up when you are stroking my hair or looking at me."
She beamed back at him, her fingers sinking deeper in the long dark silky locks. "That's because looking into your eyes and all the stormy shades of gray and seeing them darken so much just now and watching you barely able to keep those beautiful eyes open as I run my fingers through your hair makes me feel so alive Roman. So safe..." She was gazing so lovingly down at him. " You see beauty...I feel beautiful cause I have never felt more protected in my whole life than, right here in your arms baby,"
Emily trailed off in tears feeling the emotion of it knowing it was all going to end far too soon. But she felt Roman's arms cradle her closer, pulling her body flush with his, his lips kissing away her tears, his eyes so sad for her words and she could see how much he understood what she just said.
She drowned in her closeness of him and everything else fell away...
His one hand cupped the back of her head, the other cradled her waist and she dipped her head down to taste his lips, just slightly, teasing them and then caressing his head and coaxing a moan out and he opened fully for her to dip her tongue between his lips.
The kiss was slow, her stroking his hair back from his forehead and sinking her fingers in the damp silky strands and massaging his head. Roman was running his hands up and down her back, and bare arms, his hands cupping her hips in his palms and pulling her closer, harder against him as the swing rocked their bodies together back and forth.
Emily felt light headed and lost in the kiss, she gripped the hair at the back of his neck, as she felt him tug her body down against his as she was still on her knees and now instead wrapped her legs around his waist to sit more in his lap.
They kissed hungrily, wide open mouths, achingly sweet, moans and groans and bodies pressed so tight together and hands reaching, clenching hair, clinging to arms, legs, back, hips, everywhere they could reach.
Everything felt euphoric that Emily could hardly believe it was happening.
Slowly he pulled back from her lips, her cradled in his arms, her legs wrapped tight around his waist still, not wanting to let him go and he dropped his head to hers. They sat like that leaned against each other in silence as the dull pounding beat of the music was rhythmic in their ears from inside.
Her arms were still wound so tight around his neck, his hair like a blanket of safety around her body. She was still only wearing a tank top and shorts in the cool air but didn't even feel cold in his arms as she felt the wind from the side of the house in a slight gust rush past them.
Emily drew in a deep breath, her fingers playing in his hair at the back of his neck and she saw him smiling more at her touch. She knew she wanted to say something, anything to give them some kind of better closure.
It felt like she had so much she wanted to say. So much more time she wanted to steal and hold captive with him in her arms. But time was their enemy as much as her husband was right now.
She needed to find some way to say goodbye.
Emily shut her eyes and focused on her words. It was too hard to think when she was looking right into those beautiful gray eyes. "Thank you," she whispered, "for everything, really. I do understand. I feel like you were an angel sent from heaven for me tonight. It feels like I am in dream and will wake up and you won't even exist."
With her eyes still closed she felt his warm and soft lips on hers again. And when he pulled back she was again breathless by how easily he could turn her thoughts to mush. "I am real," he breathed against her lips.
Emily nuzzled his nose her eyes still closed. "I know. And that in itself feels like a torture. But you don't want any part of the insanity of my life. You really don't. You were there when I really needed someone and I am so sorry I wasn't brave enough to tell you about Hunter sooner. "
She felt a finger, stroking lightly down her cheek, as her eyes had been closed this whole time still. She knew he was trying to coax her to look back at him. Emily forced her lashes open and took in his forlorn expression and teary eyes as she pushed herself to finish what she wanted to tell him
"I'm sorry Roman, I guess I was just enjoying the fantasy of someone really caring and being there for me and I just didn't want it to end. That's why I didn't tell you about him. But that wasn't fair to you. None of this has been fair to you. Sorry too about trying to apologize the way I uh...you are right that should never happen for anyone too. "
Roman was quiet but letting her share and nodding at her apology.
Emily sniffled and wiped the tears that were threatening to fall. "I should probably get back in there before they do notice I'm gone too long. The last thing I want is for you to get in trouble for helping me and giving me some escape from my reality for even just one night. It has been incredible and I will never forget you, my Superman."
Roman looked lost for words as he lifted her gently from his lap and helped her stand up on unsteady legs. His expressions looked to fly through such a myriad of emotions in moments and Emily just smiled at him and brushed her palm over his cheek.
They held hands like it was just the most natural thing in the world and they were just coming home from a date together, not the end of their relationship. Emily didn't want anything to end but still they moved slowly and steadily toward the door. She reached for the doorknob and just started to turn away from him.
The big man moved forward and she turned her back to him, her name shaky on his tongue. "Em, wait..." And she turned back to him, already missing him and was crushed in his embrace, his strong arms wrapped tight around her small body. She closed her eyes and melted into his strength, letting it soak into her one last time before she was forced to leave him.
She felt his lips on the top of her head, and drowned in the warmth of his body wrapped around hers. She clung just as much to him too, knowing it was the last time she would see him.
Just for one night she was shown such pure selflessness and dare she say love. And now she did not know if she could ever survive her hollow empty and endless darkness with the strength she had before.
Before she had not known there were any men like Roman in the world at all. Before she had almost given up. She wasn't sure if finding out there was better men out there was more torture or less.
Right now she just ached. For everything she was losing and had lost in one night.
It hurt more than she could imagine to pull out of his arms and walk away. She could feel that he felt it too. But he was doing the right by his own morals and she was honoring his choice the best she could. She knew if he dared get deeper into her nightmare of a life her husband would destroy him for even trying to protect her from him.
There was no way she could ask him to save them. She had tried and it got Hope killed to run and she never even got out of town to get Liv safe. That was asking too much of anyone for Roman to help them. She had no doubt the woman that tried to help her that afternoon, with the location info was already dead...
She was protecting Roman by walking away too. Her precious hero did not deserve to know the hell that went on in this little town, under this very roof, by the men called to protect and serve.
Emily opened the door taking one more look back at him and saw him looking back at her too as he was halfway down the stairs and her hero smiled, like hero's should and she closed the door before he saw her burst into more tears.
She already missed him, with an ache she didn't know would ever go away.
Turning into the room Emily was shocked at the difference.
Out there in the near dawn light, walking back to his car, in the cool, clear, after rain smelling fresh air was the most perfect, kind, selfless and brave man. A man that she had no doubt would die for her, could fall in love with her if given half the chance. She could love him, and could see herself being his, having his babies. She could see everything so damn clearly is was scary.
Here, turning into the house the air was putrid with alcohol smell, weed, and other drugs. Nothing felt clean or fresh or pure. Everything held the memory of darkness, or pain, or abuse. Her own husband was laid out on their couch with some girl way younger than him sprawled in his lap in her underwear and she couldn't even tell how much he was wearing under that with his shirt hanging open and his pants loose it looked like. She at least was grateful he didn't come looking for her and she was able to hide with Roman while her husband messed around with different woman every damn time.
Emily stepped past him excusing herself from a few cops still watching Tv and a couple making out in the corner. There were more people eating in the kitchen too but the atmosphere seems to be more mellow, the music quieter and people were either too high or drunk and starting to pass out to dance or be as noisy as before. She nearly tripped a couple times over people passed out in the middle of the floor or in the hallway on the way to her and Hunters room too as people slept wherever they felt like.
The door was closed and either that meant their room was empty or it wasn't. It could be anyone else using their room for God knows what. She slowly pulled the door open and shivered already missing Roman's arms around her and how even on the porch in the cool air she wasn't cold at all, cradled in his embrace. Everything in her room she shared with Hunter felt cold and as empty as her belly was now.
Thankfully the room was dark and quiet and there was no one else in it but nothing made up for how empty she felt and how nothing soothing the ache in her heart for her baby, for Roman. She crawled into the empty bed and pulled the covers up tight to her head, praying no one would show up and disturb her.
She just wanted to sleep and forget this whole day and the horrible hope that it represented. Hope that was just dangled in front of her only to be ripped away.
Hope that she could finally escape and they could be free.
Hope that she could dare to deserve an amazing and good man.
No hope was a pipe dream.
Hope literally had died before she was even born.
Hope was not reality at all.
Reality would crash back into her room when he woke up hung over and take out all his aggression on her in the morning. He was the worst when he was just waking up from a bad binge drinking night and she cringed at the thought of tomorrow. And he warned her he was not done punishing her for daring to run away from him. For everything else that went down that afternoon, before she ran...
Reality was kicking Hopes ass. And reality always won.