A/N Double update for you lovely readers cause Summerslam is stressing me big time and writing is helping distract me. I am so not ready for how scary the match will be tomorrow so this way I am doing everything I can not to think about it.
Thank you again so much for reviews and favorites and follows. I am so excited to keep telling this story and I am so eager to hear your thoughts from these chapters. Reviews are like fuel for writers. They inspire us and push us and we write quicker and it gives us more insight into what the reader is liking or enjoying too.
Roman had pulled back into the motel he had booked into for the night and shut off the engine once he parked and just sat there. His hands were clenched around the steering wheel and squeezing as he pushed himself back in the seat and just cursed out loud at himself.
Damn it why the hell did it feel so wrong to do the right thing?!
He could not shake that his moral high road and being the good man his mom had always wanted him to be didn't mean a damn thing here.
He smirked and slammed his hand on the wheel. Nothing was funny. He could talk about it and say he will do the right thing all day long. But once he was confronted head on with the exact thing he promised himself to stay away from he would find out if he really meant what he said. He could be all talk and now for the first time in his life he needed to back it up or he would fall fast.
He saw his jacket just slung on the passenger seat and cursed again that in all the craziness of chasing after her and saying goodbye that he had not thought to leave it with her. He wanted to leave her with something of his. Hell, he didn't want to leave her at all...after everything. But he picked it up now and inhaled deeply at the collar and her soft fruity feminine scent just drowned his senses.
Roman groaned and leaned back in the seat, curling his head against the inside of the jacket... God, he already missed her. One look in her dark chocolate eyes and he was such a freaking mess. He wanted to hold her closer and never let go. He could not think worth a damn when she was curled up in his arms.
He kept his eyes shut and just imagined still being there.
He had not known at all that she was still outside. He hadn't heard any sounds to make him look her way. He somehow felt this pull to look back at her place just once more before he left and it had felt like a lightning bolt hit him when his eyes locked on hers from across their yards. Then that pull got stronger as neither of them looked away and his heart pounded harder and faster and he could see all she wanted was to be back in his arms.
He licked his lips and his head moved back and forth on the headrest, his eyes still closed. Kissing her like he had on that swing with such reckless abandon and he could already feel his body aching just thinking of it.
He imagined more, he missed her already.
He could feel the slow gentle rocking motion as he felt her arms slide down from clinging to his neck and slip just under his damp scrub top at his waist. She was straddling his lap on the swing, the rocking motion lulling them both to rock their bodies together as he gazed up at her in adoration as she pressed her lips to his so slow and sensuously.
"Mmmm baby," he moaned. Not realizing it was aloud in the car as he nuzzled the jacket.
Roman felt his body very much liking his fantasy now and was fast rising to the occasion and making him shift in the seat. But his eyes stayed closed and he didn't want the dream to end.
She was tugging ever so gently on his shirt and he helped her and pulled it free from between them in one fast motion up and over his head and tossed it aside. Now it was her turn to whimper as he gathered her in his arms, only breaking the kiss the moment long enough to rid himself of the scrub top. He needed to be closer to her. He couldn't get close enough...
She sat above him somewhat on her knees, and he imagined her grinding her body down against his and he pulled her tight in to him, kissing her deeply. Her hands sunk into his hair by his face, tilting his head up to hers and he was beaming at her as they pulled apart to take a much needed breath from more deep, hungry, breathless soul deep kisses.
Emily lifted her own arms then and Roman nearly gasped as he knew what she meant and carefully, slowly pulled her tank top up and off her, for her wind her arms back around his neck, and tug his lips back hard on hers.
Groaning again he felt her skin to skin with him and grinding his hips up against hers, harder, deeper, never feeling like anything was enough..."God Em...you feel SO good," Roman practically whimpered in hers arms between kisses.
He locked his eyes with hers, the chocolate orbs so dark. so deep in their rich color. She stroked her fingers through his hair more and he could hardly keep his eyes open everything felt so good.
He dropped his head to her throat, his kisses like fire on her skin, and felt her hands clench in his hair, pulling him harder against her. Her lips were on his skin too and he heard her breath by his ear.
"Take me away Roman please," Emily whispered against his ear.
He pulled back from her throat to stare back at her and this time in his fantasy he was nodding and not fighting anything and she smiled and crashed her lips hard back on his, hungrily covering his month with hers as he felt her breasts pressed tight to his chest.
A loud rapping on the window startled him and Roman pulled his eyes open and fought to draw his blood back to his brain and focus on what was going on. A man held up a spray bottle and paper towel and motioned toward the window and indicted he could wash his window.
Roman shifted around in his seat once more and threw his head back in clear frustration. That had been the sexiest dream he had in years.
He fought to find some focus finally nodded at the man and smiled and looked at the clock. It was past 5 in the morning and it was almost light out but he guessed homeless people helped out at all hours.
He gathered up his wallet, pulled his hair back in a bun again, pulled on his jacket and paid the man a good sized fee for his services when he was done before thanking him and heading into his room and closing the door. His whole body still felt unsteady from the vividness of the dream.
Collapsing into the bed he just didn't even bother to undress at all and just kicked off his shoes and pulled the covers down and crawled in, hoping to still find her there somehow in his mind. It had been a hell of a night and he still couldn't shake that walking away and putting up the walls he thought was so right was truly the right thing.
Something felt off. Dark and heavy even but he had no idea what that could be...
He woke up fast to a loud siren like sound in his ears and he almost bolted out of bed. Pulling his eyes open after barely any sleep he looked at the alarm clock on the nightstand to see it read that it had barely been an hour and still 6 in the morning.
A fire alarm, it sounded like was what that God awful sound was and Roman dragged his body from the bed and stumbled to the door.
He opened it and looked around to see other people wandering around outside too and yet there didn't seem to be any smoke or fire or anything anywhere.
The manager appeared and pushed through to the center of the group and announced that everything was fine and that the security cameras had seen a group of kids pull the alarm. There was no fire and everyone could relax and go back to bed and there was no cause for worry.
Roman breathed a sigh of relief at that and moved back into his room and lay back down and tried to go back to sleep. But now he was awake and still could not shake the dark feeling. What the hell was wrong with him?
He said goodbye to Emily last night and he meant it. He left. He determined as strongly as he was starting to fall for her, and oh man was he...he was going to respect her marriage.
He knew Seth had signed a new year lease so begging his best friend to take his apartment back was not the best option. He decided he would take a chance and see if he could work something out with Hunter. The guy seemed like a decent enough cop. Sure he partied when he was off duty but maybe he could negotiate some kind of release and just say what?
Laying there looking up at the ceiling he thought about it. Yeah, say what? Look man, I love your place. Its your wife.. I'm afraid if I stay there one more night she will come sneak into my bed during the damn night and as much as I don't want to hurt you...I'll open the door and let her in cause I can't stop thinking about her too or wanting her...God he wanted her too.
He was right, he could not stop thinking about her. It was not a good idea, at all to live right beside her.
Roman groaned and ran his hand over his face. Damn the bed felt so good but he was wide the fuck awake and sleep was not coming back anytime soon.
Something felt so wrong, so dark when he was walking her back to her door. He could feel it in her hand feeling sweaty in his palm. Her shaking in his arms as he crushed her small body to him one last time. He saw tears in her eyes and her forcing herself to hold them back as she closed that door.
Roman had stepped back to the closed door, running his open hand down the wood and dropped his head to it. His heart already ached and she was just beyond that damn door.
He had begged her to tell him if something was wrong and he had seen it in her eyes that she had not been honest with him.
She had said over and over that HE felt so safe... which meant something wasn't safe. But how could he help her if she didn't let him in?
So he had left, but now only a mere hour later he felt such a heaviness that he never should have left her at all. She had begged him to take her away with him, to his bed, to be with him. He had taken that to mean exactly as it sounded, to his wounded unhealed ears.
Cheating on her husband.
But what if that wasn't what it meant at all?
What if she just wanted to be safe...from something, from someone...
Suddenly Roman just had to know.
Did he have to go do this right now? Yes, yes he did. Dean said he should take a few days off anyways so he had nothing but time.
He pulled himself to sitting and undid the elastic in his hair. Crap, that wasn't good to sleep with it all tied back at all. He was asking for a headache along with everything else yet today. He stretched and yawned and looked around for his suitcase, very much ready to get out of the scrubs if he wasn't going into work.
He wandered to the bathroom to use it and washed his hands and face and brushed his teeth. It felt like he had tossed and turned the small bit of time he actually did sleep.
As much as he wanted to shower he held off to keep the bandage dry just one more day and changed into a comfy grey v neck and his most comfy dark washed jeans and clean underwear and socks. He was still using his hospital runners and had chucked his favorite boots after they had been covered in blood last night too. He might as well grab another decent pair of boots when he went to buy another phone later too.
Roman made a quick stop at the local coffee drive through for a strong coffee, smoothie and muffin and he drove back up to the neighborhood that was supposed to be his new home.
It was quiet when he turned the corner this time. No bright lights. No loud music. He pulled into his driveway and turned off the car and sat back. His neighbors house still had a group of cars all scattered along the road and on the driveway but otherwise everything seemed peaceful.
He wasn't sure what he was doing here like this. He could still feel the darkness even though the clouds overhead had mainly cleared and the sun was starting to come up. Watching, he saw people slowly come out of the house a few at a time, stumble to their cars or calling taxis and drive off.
Roman downed his coffee and smoothie thinking it would make him feel more awake with barely an hour sleep. He was awake cause he could not shake the feeling he needed to be here. She needed him somehow. But his eyelids felt heavy too and he caught himself nodding off, with half the muffin in his hand. The crinkling of the wrapper startling him awake again.
His head flew up and he blinked rapidly looking around. There was no one around. No one came out of the house at all. He didn't see anyone on the whole block, it was that quiet.
He had left his window open a bit to let some of the cool air in and heard the creaking of a door nearby and his head turned to the sound. Squinted in the haze of the sun rising in the sky he could just barely make out a woman or rather a near teenager looking like she was carrying her shoes in her hand and had a sparkly dress that was hanging off one shoulder as she leaned on the door frame with one arm.
That arm was pulling on someone's head as they were more or less hidden in the doorway before the person leaned in to kiss the girl and the girl moved back, teasing them and they grabbed for her arm and pulled her closer.
Roman watched as the man was again teased and the girl backed away again and he stepped further out on the porch fully now and grabbed her by both arms and pulled into a hard kiss. Muffin still in hand, his mouth hung open as he watched Emily's husband Hunter slam the girl against the house and kiss her again.
So he was cheating too? Emily said he didn't love her or care about her at all.
A car pulled up and in seconds the girl was out of his arms and down the steps and gone and Roman could hardly believe what he had seen. He sunk lower in his seat in case Hunter moved further out on the porch to look out.
So did she not feel safe because of this?
Roman laid back in his seat, tilting it down more but still able to see across the yard. He watched Hunter look around a minute, say goodbye to a few more cops as they drove off and then go back inside. There were no more cars outside now. It was likely just him and Emily now.
He should just go back to the motel and sleep. What did he think he was doing here anyway? She was there in her house with her husband. What was so wrong with that?
His brain had already told him it was time to go, back to the motel and get some very much needed sleep. His body and heart however wasn't listening or agreeing at all and Roman opened the door and slipped out and made his way across the lawn to their house. He had no idea what the hell was wrong with him but something in him would not let him leave. He felt like a damn stalker right now and he was circling a police sergeant's house!
Certifiably nuts was what he was. After knowing the woman for one night. These were the crazy risks he was taking.
Hugging his body up close to the house he let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding. The furthest back room in the house the window looked open wide, the curtains even streaming lightly in the wind outside. What caught his attention was the curtains were a soft pale color, like a lilac, but so pale purple like a girl would clearly like and he was instantly drawn to that.
He snuck around to the side of the window and peeked in. If he got arrested, hell he could say he heard a noise or something. Praying that didn't happen he moved forward anyway. All he wanted was to know she was okay.
Roman squinted against the brighter sunlight starting to spread across the sky and focused his gaze on the room beyond the window. The bedspread was pale lilacs and whites and beiges with some darker purples too. And there laying on her side, her dark hair all down her back was his beauty.
God, get a grip.
He should have banged his head on the siding by the window to think of her that way. His beauty.
But the second he saw her dark head turn, and her smile it looked like in her sleep he was melting with hunger for her. She had her one leg all untucked from the blanket, her one arm curled under her head, and cuddled up to the pillow on its side by her face.
He pulled his head away and moved to lean back on the side of the house before risking Hunter seeing him. Roman wanted to curse and growl. That asshole was making out with a teenager when he had that beautiful angel just laying like that in his bed.
Fucking idiot to not know what he was taking for granted. If it was him he would treasure her and cherish her and he had no idea why anyone wouldn't. That was pure insanity.
Roman wanted to storm into that house and steal her right out of that bed and back into his arms.
Ugh, why the hell was life so fucking cruel!
He was mentally chastising himself and talking to himself out loud under his breath the whole walk back to his vehicle. He got to see her. She was just fine, sleeping soundly in her bed. He should feel better then right?
But no, the damn darkness he felt, the danger was still so heavy over him. Like something was coming, waiting for the right moment to strike...
Opening the door and sitting back down in the driver's seat he closed it behind him and leaned back on the head rest.
Damn his head hurt.
He scrounged around in the center console for his bag of emergency supplies he packed for the drive and hadn't brought into the motel yet. His little zippered bag of meds and car emergency stuff he had just transferred from his previous vehicle to this new one.
Please let there be anything for a headache, Roman thought as he rummaged through the bag. He pulled out a small bottle of pain pills but a closer look showed them to have a mild sleep aid in them too. Well he had remembered taking them awhile back and they hadn't knocked him out or made him drowsy at all so he scooped out two and hoped it would help the pounding in his head lessen some.
Roman downed the last of his coffee and laid his head back, squeezed his temples and closing his eyes. He should feel better that she was safe and sleeping.
Roman groaned and rubbed his head to ease the pounding in it. Maybe he just wished it was him crawling in that bed with her. God how heavenly would that be?
He kept his eyes closed, blocking out the now brighter sun and imagined opening that bedroom door and pulling back those covers. He would slip in beside her warm body, and feel her soft skin.
Oh he could already feel the medicine of thinking about her working to soothe his headache.
Roman would have already shed his pants, socks and kicked off his shoes. He would feel the bed sink down with his weight on it and she would turn the dark head of hers toward him and he would see her smile and reach for him and cup his cheek as he laid down behind her and she would wiggle her ass at him rubbing her body against his as he settled in and pulled her closer.
Emily would giggle as he nuzzled his nose to the back of her neck, giving her kisses there and he would run his palm all the way up her stomach to cup a naked breast in his palm under her tank top, so naturally, so normally and she would turn her head and he would dive in to cover her mouth with his. Everything felt so perfect, so smooth and normal.
He felt everything sinking, not realizing he was falling asleep...
Sinking into a nightmare...
Suddenly it was dark. Black as night everywhere and Roman was alone. He spun one way or another and he could not see anything in front of him.
In the darkness he strained to hear anything, anyone and stayed silent not knowing if he took even one step where he could end up. He closed his eyes tight and fought the darkness in his head. He could hear laughing. Sick sounding laughing coming from all directions but he had no idea where to go or how to move.
Then the next sound was clear a day, Emily was crying and instantly he was calling for her. But he still couldn't move. "Emily, where are you baby?" he called out.
A male voice laughed again..."You can't save her..." he sang and laughed more.
More crying and still he felt his legs frozen solid and he screamed out in frustration. "Leave her alone! Fight me. Face me!"
"I'm not afraid of you! Take me!" he screamed out at nothing.
And when he opened his eyes next it was brilliantly bright. SO bright he had to squint and hug the wall to not lose his balance. He was standing it looked like on a narrow cliff face, his feet barely on a ledge, with water crashing far down below.
Suddenly he saw her. Standing there just ahead of him, just a bit lower, also clutching so tight to the near sheer rock wall. She was barefoot, and wearing a sheer like pink dress, flapping in the wind.
"Emily! Hang on! I'm coming!" he screamed out at her, through the roaring wind.
"Roman!" she cried out. "I can't, its too strong." She was crying he could hear as he scrambled down the rocks as fast as he could, finding hand and foot holds to get him closer to her inch by inch.
It felt like they were fighting storm level winds. Emily's hands were bloody as she had been holding onto the rock so tight. "I can't..." she sobbed.
Roman screamed as he had reached for her and almost grasped her hand as she fell, the blood on it making it slip right through his fingers. The wind taking her down, into the vortex of the crashing waves below. "No! Emily!" He didn't even think and threw himself off the wall and down into the storm, trying to reach her...
His head flew up fast and he looked around and almost jumped back, the surprised face of his neighbor Randy staring through the window of the SUV and looking like he was just going to knock on it.
Roman was sweating and the nightmare had him panting for breath. He looked at the clock on the console and realized it was hours since he had laid his head down.
Hours. Damn it!
He had just wanted to rest his eyes from his head pounding for a few minutes and now it was almost noon according to his clock.
He wiped his hand over his face, wiping the sweat back and started the vehicle to roll down the window.
"Hey man, are you okay?" his neighbor asked. He had waited patiently outside the vehicle and Roman shook his head and nodded.
"Uh, yeah, I think so." He hit the air on and let the cool air hit his face and wake him up as he looked back at the man. The nightmare had him so flustered he had no idea what to say or think.
The other man just shrugged and smiled casually, leaning his weight on the side of the door frame, his one arm draped up on the hood and Roman could see now since he was wearing only a thin black tank top that he had sleeve tattoos. Very intricate and very well layered, with skulls and thick black patterned designs. The only tattoo that had any color was a beautiful red rose on the inside of his other arm.
He was all casual now, in a tank top and mesh gym shorts with ear buds around his neck and a water bottle in his hand. He had a black baseball cap on backwards too and it looked like the sun was going to be bright today from how much it was shining already.
"Well I thought I would check on you. I saw you when I came back from my morning jog and when I was done mowing my back lawn and ready to start out front here just now you still hadn't moved and I wanted to make sure everything was okay?"
Roman yawned and nodded again. "Yeah I am okay I think. I just didn't sleep much last night from the long drive up from my home town in Florida the night before and last night I got maybe an hour sleep and so I think I just passed out after taking headache meds. I was just here trying to figure out the movers situation and how to get the guys to coordinate all that to get me moved in."
Liar! His brain spat at him. That was how cheating crap started...with lies.
Roman was arguing with himself in his head. That was mostly true. Just not the part about about sneaking onto the neighbors yard and watching her sleep and then fantasizing about being there with her.
Randy nodded and smiled again. "Well I would be happy to help if you need extra muscle for lifting furniture. I have a couple buddies here too that could help too."
Roman smiled back wishing he could stay and move in at all. From visiting with him last night and now he seemed like a great guy and he probably would have liked getting to know him more. "I will let you know man, thanks. Pizza night on me with beer then. I'll keep you posted. " That seemed to satisfy him and the man turned popped some ear buds in and jogged back across the street.
Roman stared at the house beside his. He was already here so maybe he went in there and saw them together the darkness would go away. If Hunter was cheating it made so much more sense why Emily felt so emotionally needy, so empty and broken.
Maybe that was all this was. They just needed counselling. That might be fixable. He just needed to stay out of it and not make their lives more complicated.
So getting out of his lease seemed like the best solution and he stepped out of his car and headed up their walkway and was determined that he was doing there right thing.
He glanced down the side of the house and saw that the window did not have the soft purple curtain blowing in the wind anymore. The window must be closed. It was such a cool fall morning so that seemed off to him.
Knocking loudly Hunter opened the door quickly and invited him in without a word, his phone to his ear. He was dressed in full uniform and looked completely put together and ready for the day, far more than he was sure he himself looked. Roman had avoided even looking in the mirror when he woke up.
He stepped inside and could still smell the alcohol and drugs they must have had from last night but the windows were open all over the main area letting in fresh cool crisp air and the man looked like he was mid way through cleaning up the bottles on the tables around the living room and garbage bags were laying around open.
So now Roman was even more curious why the bedroom window was closed...
There was no one in sight. Roman had thought he might see Emily making breakfast or something homely like he thought she would be doing. They looked like the typical married couple to him and he kind of felt bad for Hunter that he knew his wife clearly had feelings for him and he was cheating on her. Maybe they could find their way back to each other?
Leaning on the wall by the door Roman watched Hunter deep in conversation before he hung up and turned to him. "Busy morning?" Roman asked him casually.
Hunter nodded and looked distracted but still focused on him. "Yeah, big case Doc. Serial killer from our area made his way to New York so the bosses there are wanting our cooperation. I'm sure it will be in the news tonight."
Roman's eyes widened. "Wow, that's the kind of day I'm glad I don't have your job man," he replied and Hunter chuckled.
"Well I feel the same way. Can't imagine how you guys can fix them up knowing what some of these low life's have done and its still your job to save their lives. I don't envy your job either."
Roman nodded at that and agreed. He was right.
He wasn't going to ask about her, but according to her husband he was her doctor so blurting it out didn't sound out of the ordinary. "Is your wife doing better today, after everything?"
Hunter had turned and rummaged in the fridge for a bottle of juice it looked like and passed one to Roman too as he turned back to him. "Oh, uh yeah. She's fine. Just really tired and didn't sleep too great so I'm letting her sleep in. Look Doc, I am really busy. Was there something I can do for you?"
He was just about to ask about the lease when Hunter's phone rang again and other man shook his head, waving him away.
"Shoot sorry, been waiting for this call an hour now from the Captain in New York. I need to take this. Just uh, make yourself at home and I'll be back in a bit."
Roman nodded that he was fine, opening the juice and taking a deep swallow and watched Hunter pull open the screen door to their back deck and walk out onto the yard. He started pacing as he talked and Roman smirked that it looked just like how he would handle a serious conversation and pace like a tiger as he talked. He debated sitting down but could see beer stains on the couch and guessed they likely could be wet on the expensive suede like fabric.
It was quiet in the house and Roman caught himself looking down the hallway towards the back bedrooms. There were two doors wide open, one he could clearly see was the bathroom another had a bookshelf visible. The last door was almost closed and he sucked in his breath knowing that must be their bedroom. It matched where he thought it would be from where he saw it from outside.
His heart started pounding in his chest and he cast a fast glance back to the deck and saw Hunter still pacing on the back lawn.
Everything looked fine. Her own husband said she was fine.
So then why the hell did he feel like he couldn't breath?
All night he couldn't shake this feeling but had no idea what it was or why it was it so heavy in the pit of his stomach.
The feeling that he should not have let her walk back in this fucking house...