A/N: Sorry this one took a little longer to get out, but I hope you like it. Oh and I'm gonna try doing a recap at the beginning of every chapter with the last few lines of the previous chapter, because I know I read so many fan fics that I forget what happened and I have to go back, so I thought I would just save you the trouble.
Previously: Just seeing Seth standing there in her doorway, she knew her dad was right, Cohen wasn't going anywhere, and she needed him. So for the first time since leaving Seth's room she let her self cry, but more importantly, she didn't push him away when he tried to comfort her.
Disclaimer: Still don't own anything.
Chapter 3: Would You Lie With Me?
Seth could honestly say he had no clue what was going on in Summer's head, he was actually surprised she let him in so easily. He had been prepared for war, because he knew Summer was extremely stubborn and prone to rage blackouts, but that was one of the things he loved about her. He also loved her independence, but for her sake, he was hoping tonight would be different.
We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
"Summer?" He figured if he didn't say anything they would be sitting in silence forever, so he took the first step, after all he was the talkative one.
"Ugh…you had to go and ruin it!"
"Ruin what?"
"Do you always have to talk? Can we just sit here in silence?" She asked annoyed.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
"Well…um…I'm not really the silent type. I talk, that's just what I do. Truthfully silence makes me uncomfortable." The little voice in his head was telling him to shut up, he knew Summer wouldn't react well to this, but his mouth and his brain didn't seem to want to work together.
"Oh? Well if I make you so uncomfortable why don't you just leave?"
"Come on Sum you know that's not what I meant."
"Seth, please just leave." She pleaded on the verge of tears again.
"No Summer, I'm going to stay and be here for you. I'm not gonna leave just because things get hard, not this time."
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Silence. He thought maybe she had dropped the fight and was going to let him stay. He had seen Summer let her walls crumble and maybe this was on of those rare moments. That's when Seth thought she was most beautiful; when she was most vulnerable. She let him see inside her soul and know everything about her, what she was thinking, her emotions, how she felt, all out there on the line for him to see, there was nothing more beautiful to him. And every time those walls were knocked down, he would fall in love all over again.
"Go." She barely whispered.
No, it wasn't one of those moments.
"Su…" But he stopped himself. There was something in her voice, he didn't know what, but it told him not to push her. It wasn't an angry, if you don't stop talking I'll go rage blackout on your ass, it was just pure and complete sadness. So he did what he had never done before, he listened, I mean really listened to her and gave her what she wanted, time alone.
He leaned down and placed a soft and lingering kiss on her forehead. Just that simple kiss seemed to open a whole other set of emotions and she had to close her eyes tight to hold back her tears. It's like at a funeral. You are doing so well at holding your emotions in, until somebody comes up and hugs you, and that is the trigger that opens the gates and the tears just start to poor.
"Summer?" He asked as he was standing in her doorway.
Summer opened her eyes to look at him
"I'm not going anywhere okay? You know where to find me…I love you."
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
She gave a weak smile before turning over and facing away from him. Then she heard the click of her door closing. She was alone, again. She hated being alone. She was alone so much people just assumed she was okay with it, or even liked it, but truthfully she needed people. She needed Marissa, she needed Cohen, but she didn't know how to break the cycle of pushing people away. She pushed her mom away when she was young, she pushed her father into work, and now she was pushing Seth away when she needed him the most.
She didn't know what happened, her talk with her father had gone so well and she thought she had convinced her self to let Seth in and help her through this. Then he was there and she could feel her independence and strong nature slipping away, so she freaked. It isn't just over night that you can get used to needing somebody, it is a long journey down a two way street and she keeps finding her self turning around and going back the way she came.
Now she lay alone in her room with a whole in her heart that she didn't know how to mend.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
-------------------------------------------
Seth spent the whole drive home wondering if he did the right thing. Part of him felt he should have stayed with Summer and just held her as she cried, but the other part knew time alone might be what she needed to heal.
Now he was home and all he wanted to do was go get a glass of water and go to sleep, maybe when he woke up he would find that this was all just a horrible dream.
"Ryan?" Seth asked surprised, seeing Ryan sitting at the kitchen table in the dark.
Ryan turned his head slowly and watched as Seth walked over and sat down across from him.
"Hi." Was all he could say.
"What are you doing?"
"When I was at the hospital all I wanted to do was sleep, maybe it would all be a dream, but now I just can't."
"I know the feeling." Seth said thinking back to his exact thoughts from just a few moments ago.
"All I can think about is how she is…was…so young and had all her life to live for, and now…now she is nothing."
"Yea. Well maybe that means you have to live for the both of you. Marissa's life was taking at a much too young age," Seth saw Ryan flinch just at the mention of Marissa's name. "But your still here, and we both know how Marissa was, she would want all of us to live our lives for her, for us." Seth was more of a complainer than an advice giver, but given the situation he thought he could at least try.
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
"You right, I am still here. Why? Why me and not her? I got out with barely a scratch and she is dead. Dead Seth! Not like the other times when she is in the hospital for a few days the she gets out and life goes back to normal. She isn't coming back this time! And you know what the worst part is? Now I will never get another chance. I know we were going to end up together, we were just playing stupid games and dating other people. I always thought there was going to be a later, we will get back together later, I will tell her how I feel later, but now later is gone!"
Seth was shocked, no matter how bad things got, Ryan either did nothing or punched somebody, he had never said straight out how he felt and how much pain he was in. Tonight was a complete role reversal, and maybe that is exactly what they needed.
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
Silence is the beginning of the beginning. You have to go through stages to mend a broken heart. Silence is just the first step. The stage when you are in shock and angry and are forced to talk, but all you want to do is hear nothing but the sounds of your own cries. There are no words to explain your inner pain and there are no words that are going fill your chest where you heart used to be. That is why it had been at least 15 minutes since either one of them had said anything. Seth had learned to keep his feelings of uncomfortableness to himself, considering it didn't turn out so well the last time, so he waited for Ryan to make the first move.
"I think I'm going to go lay down in the pool house." It wasn't what Seth was waiting for, but it would have to work.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
-------------------------------------------
It had been an hour and a half and he was still wide awake replaying what had happened over and over in his head. He had been in shock up until now and totally forgot about him, he couldn't even say his name. He was going to pay, Ryan would make sure of it. Everything Ryan thought he was going to live for was ripped away from him less than 12 hours ago and it was all his fault. His anger and need for revenge got stronger as he started to think how his life could have been…with Marissa. Now none of it was going to happen, because the love of his life had come and gone and he was only 17.
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
Ryan looked out into the night at the full moon and cried for the first time. Marissa was up there now, and no matter how much it hurt him, he knew she was in a better place.
Seth looked out his window up at the full moon. Seth figured it was a good sign for the future, a future that seemed so far away. Then he cried, for his brother who lost the love of his life, and for his girlfriend who lost her best friend.
Summer looked out the window through her tear stained eyes and saw that the moon was full. A feeling of calmness rushed over her, for the first time that night she felt like she wasn't alone.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Ok so I really hoped you liked it. The song is Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol, I'm sure you have heard it, but if you haven't go download it. It is an amazing song! I don't usually use lyrics but I was listening to this when I started to write and it fit the chapter perfectly so I went back and added them. I'm still not getting many reviews so if you want me to continue please please review!