AN: So the next five chapters are going to deal with the five stages of grief. Each stage takes place within a month so five chapters equals five months. I debated whether to make the five stages one chapter, but there is a lot to unpack so I felt it was best to chop it up. As we all know, grief takes many different many forms, so these chapters are not going to be all sunshine and rainbows for Bonnie. I also want to point out that I will be taking the time to lay the foundation for different friendships and relationships with Bonnie and company that will develop over the course of the story. There isn't really a endgame right now, but I felt like Bonnie deserves time, space and freedom to figure out what and who she wants.
"Denial is the worst kind of lie because it's a lie that you tell to yourself"- Michelle A. Homme
5, 4, 3, 2, 1
5, 4, 3, 2, 1
He holds the gun against my head
I close my eyes and bang I am dead
I know he knows that he's killing me for mercy
Bonnie's weathered pink and black Jordan's echoed off the pavement as she went for a light jog around her neighborhood. Earlier that morning, the weather man's forecast warned of scattered showers, so the green eyed witch decided to get in a quick work out before the impending storm. She made a point to wave hi to Miss Ruth who was happily tending to her garden and she smiled politely at David who was walking his adorable Huskey dog who had the habit of terrorizing the kids on the block. She had lived in the neighborhood all of her life, but she only managed to connect with the residence from a distance. It wasn't a surprised t hat people thought of her as being strange and aloof. People knew her grams was as the crazy drunk, and they knew that her mother abandoned her. A part of the reason why Bonnie felt that she was cold and standoffish to her neighbors was because they all had been present when her father's throat had been slit. It bothered her that they walked around pretending that it never even happened. Her father had been the mayor who had sworn an oath to protect this town and they couldn't even be bothered to honor his memory. She knew that it wasn't their fault. They were basically powerless against Silas's mind control, but she still resented them all the same.
Turning a corner, Bonnie gave a half hearted hello to a shirtless middle aged man who was working on his American sports car with a wrench in one hand and a Modelo beer in the other. The car was the same color blue as Damon's Camaro which made her good mood darken slightly.
As she stopped running, she bent over briefly to catch her breath as her brain was suddenly beamed with images of a certain arrogant and selfish raven haired vampire. It's been three weeks, two days, and five hours since Damon decided to end their friendship and every time she tried to block out his memory, there were small and trivial things that would remind her of him.
As she rose back to her full height, she planted her hands on her hips and closed her eyes as she remember the morning that Stefan had shown up on her doorstep to tell her of Damon's decision to desiccate. She haven't seen the younger Salvatore that broken up since the day Elena had left him to be with his brother. Stefan had been unkempt and disheveled, his eyes had been filled with unshed tears and his mouth had been stained with blood and pieces of flesh. It was clear that Damon's exodus from their lives had sent him on a mini Ripper binge which he had confessed to when she had invited him into her home so that he could clean himself up. It was one thing for Damon to completely be selfish and destroy his friendship with her, but Bonnie thought it was absolutely unforgivable for Damon to abandon Stefan when he needed him the most. While Bonnie had wanted to help pull Stefan out of his dark space, he had decided to take off to do some healing on his own. Fortunately Val had promised to keep an eye on him and accompanied him on his spontaneous road trip. While Stefan was on a mission of healing to deal with his feelings, Bonnie decided to throw all of her energy and emotions into working out.
And here I go
Oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh
Swallowing back her emotions, she resumed her jog and so that she could escape the feelings that Damon's memories inflicted her with, but the more she ran, the worse she felt. Damon had done a lot of things to her in the past, but this had to be the worst.
"Bonnie!"
She stopped running and looked in the direction of the person who had called her name. A genuine smile touched her lips as she realized it was Grace McCoy. She was a sixty year old woman with shocking gray hair, deep brown eyes and a smile that could melt the coldest of hearts.
"Hello, Mrs. McCoy. How's the family doing?" Bonnie asked brushing loose strands of brown hair out of her eyes.
"Everyone is doing great, dear. Samantha just had my first grandson and David and his partner just got engaged in Spain. It was such a lovely proposal," she cooed with a proud smile on her face. "They are coming down for Thanksgiving. I'm so excited to have them all under the same roof again."
"That sounds really nice," Bonnie smiled warmly.
"How are things going with you, baby?" she asked curiously. "Are you still in school?"
Bonnie fidgeted slightly. "I'm actually taking a break."
"Well there is nothing wrong with that sweetheart. It's like my late husband always said, slow and steady wins the race. You ain't on nobody's time table but your own. I just know that your grandmother would be proud to see the beautiful woman that you have become," she said warmly. "I don't know if you know this but me and Sheila use to go way back."
"I know that she use to say that you a terrible spades player," Bonnie said amused.
Grace squawked loudly. "She only said that to deflect from the fact that she couldn't play dominoes if her life depended on it."
Both women shared a laugh as they memorialized grams memory in that moment.
"Are you alright, Bonnie?"
Bonnie looked up to see Grace McCoy starring at her with a worried expression on her weathered face. "I don't mean to pry but it seems like you have the weight of the world on your shoulder."
Welcome to my life, Bonnie thought sardonically. Instead she said, "I'm fine."
"I may have been born at night, but I wasn't born yesterday. Whatever it is that is weighing so heavily on your heart is just a minor setback. I'll be prayin' for you sugah. Trust and believe that a change is going to come."
Bonnie eyes widened in surprise as the elderly woman reached over the waist high fence and hugged her tightly.
"It was nice catching up with you Ms. McCoy, but I really must be going now," Bonnie said politely as she reluctantly pulled away.
"Alright, sugah. Don't be a stranger now you hear?" she said affectionately.
Bonnie smiled warmly.
"Yes ma'am."
Grace nodded before she glanced up at the sky. "You might want to wrap it up, dear. It looks like rain. I wouldn't want you to get a cold and catch your death."
It wouldn't be my first time.
"See you around, Ms. McCoy." Bonnie gave her one last smile and a wave before taking off down the sidewalk running despite the fact that she knew her problems and emotions would eventually catch up with her.
And here I go
Oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh
Attention Shoppers. Attention shoppers. There is a four door Blue Sedan who has parked in the fire zone. Please report to customer service so we can help you resolve this issue. Thank you and as always, thank you for shopping with us at Quickie Mart.
The voice of a pimply face teenager who sounded like he hated his life disappeared from the intercom and was replaced by Natasha Bedingfield belting out one of her self motivating songs that Bonnie was vaguely familiar with. It was late Friday afternoon and while most people were at home preparing to enjoy a night out on the town, Bonnie found herself grocery shopping in a local food mart looking wearing grey shorts, a flannel shirt and flip flops with worn soles. Her hair was pulled up in a messy ponytail and was in desperate need of being washed. Usually she would make a point to look half way decent before leaving the house, but lately she haven't really cared enough to put forth the effort. As she turned down the breakfast food aisle, she was pondering whether to get bagels or raisin bread when she noticed a couple arguing over which brand of cereal to get. While the perceived boyfriend was making it clear that he wanted Apple Jacks, the girlfriend was clutching the box of Honey Nut Cheerio's like her life depended on it. While they bickered back and forth, their voices were drowned out as an unexpected memory hit Bonnie like a sack of bricks.
.
"We need Strawberries, eggs, milk, and ooh Candles."
"I know it's been awhile, but you couldn't do magic as an Anchor. So I'm curious as to what momentary lapse of reason makes you think that you can do it now?"
"You know, when all of this started, you sucked at making pancakes and now there somewhat edible. Milk. There is no need to be Peter Pessimist. We have proof we are not alone.
"First of all, don't nickname, that's my thing. And this proof, this mysteriously filled in crossword puzzle could have easily been you."
"I didn't fill it in."
"You don't know that you filled it in. You also don't know that you talk in your sleep. Eggs"
.
Bonnie smiled as she stared down at the cartoon of eggs. She remembered being so pissed when they arrived back at the Boarding House to find five of the eggs cracked. It was no surprised given the fact that Damon had practically choke slammed the poor carton into the basket during that particular trip.
Thinking about Damon made her tightened her grip around the buggy handle and she felt the familiar sting in the corner of her eye that made a lump form inside of her throat. She knew that it was silly to get emotional over some stupid memory of her and her best friend, scratch that, former best friend, but she couldn't help it. Every time Damon would cross her mind, she wood feel like she had a hole punched in her heart. While a part of her was coming to terms with the fact that he was gone, another a part of her, the optimistic part held out hope that he hadn't actually gone to lay desiccated in a casket for the next sixty years and that he was somewhere on some beach sipping Mai Tai's and partying and would eventually get tired of living the life of debauchery and eventually come home. It was like she was failing to acknowledge an unacceptable truth or emotion or to admit it into consciousness, and it suspiciously felt like a defense mechanism.
What was the word for that again?
As she turned her attention back to the couple, she noticed they had moved away from the cereal aisle and was currently in the produce section. She watched with a wry smile as the girlfriend secretly plucked a green grape from a bag and popped into her mouth before her boyfriend leaned down and placed a sweet peck on her lips. The scene was sickeningly sweet, that Bonnie had to force herself to look away.
She was so focused on the turmoil of emotions swirling inside of her that she didn't notice her magic reacting to her moodiness until the light bulb in the ceiling above her head shattered causing tiny fragments to shatter around her. As a couple of employees congregated on the aisle speculating what could have caused the light bulb to shatter, Bonnie couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt. This wasn't the first time that her emotions had caused her magic to spiral out of control. A week earlier, she had been taking a shower w when she had subconsciously face to water to turn into snow and not too long ago, she had been woke up from a nap on her couch in the living room only to find the book shelf, the coffee table and the china cabinet all floating in the air.
No longer in the mood to shop, Bonnie abandoned her basket in the middle of the aisle and decided to hit up the nearest fast food joint for a greasy burger and an extra large chocolate milkshake. She would get groceries another day.
Clean up in Aisle Four.
"Bonnie?"
The Bennett witch looked up to see Val standing outside the ice cream freezer holding a large carton of strawberry ice cream in her hand.
Bonnie felt a smile creep across her face.
"Hey Val. Looks like someone has a sweet tooth."
"It helps to curb my other craving," the heretic said giving her a knowing look. "I see you stocked up on a bunch of processed food. I see you aren't much of a cook."
"Yeah that was usually Damon's thing but...," she trailed off abruptly.
"Bonnie, I don't mean to pry but are you okay?" Val asked gently.
After word of what Damon had done had spread through out their supernatural circle, her friends hadn't hesitated to provide her the support they felt that she needed. Matt had taken upon himself to stop by her house every other night to have dinner, Caroline insisted on Facetiming her every morning, Tyler would occasionally watch her from the distance even though she suspected he didn't realize he knew he was keeping track on her, and Stefan and Val would take turns popping up sporadically to drag her out to get coffee or to take a walk in the park. While Bonnie appreciated all the support she was getting, she was slowly getting tired of insisting that she was fine.
"I'm fine," she said forcing a smile.
It was clear that the heretic did not believe her but she decided not to press the issue.
"Listen, I was going to just go back to my place and eat this in front of the tv. Would you like to come by and join me? I could use the company," Val suggested.
Bonnie was about to decline but realized that ever since Nora and the other heretics had died, Val had to be just as lonely as Bonnie and the woman looked like she could use a friend and a better taste in ice-cream.
"Sure," Bonnie relented, "Let me grab a carton of mint chocolate ship and we can go."
It was a wet Thursday afternoon when Bonnie found herself sitting in the small parking lot outside of the Armory.
A week earlier she had been in the middle of planning a trip out to see Caroline in Dallas when she had received a cryptic call from Alex St. Johns wanting to schedule a meeting with her to discuss a very unique opportunity. The day had started off nice and sunny, but a pop up shower had caught Bonnie by surprised and now she was walking into the Armory dripping wet with her hair sopping around her shoulders and her shoes squeaking loudly as she made her way across the dark marble floors. After getting directions from a helpful agent, Bonnie found herself making her way in the direction of the office belonging to the mysterious woman that she was meeting with.
The last time she was in the Armory had been when Tyler had attacked her and she had laid bleeding semi conscious against Damon's chest. After the traumatic nightmare that happened with Tyler nearly killing her, Bonnie swore she would never step foot in the creepy establishment ever again, yet here she was. The memory of the night was so vivid that she could practically taste his fear and anger heavily on her tongue.
He holds my body in his arms
He didn't mean to do no harm
And he holds me tight
She could feel her chest tighten and she leaned against a nearby wall to catch her breath and calm her turbulent emotions. The last time she had a panic attack was months after she had escaped the Prison World, and with guided meditation and breathing techniques, she had managed to control it. She didn't want to think about the reason behind the attacks resurfacing and the person that was unintentionally triggering them. A passing agent walked past her giving her a look of concern, but she forced a smile before deciding to continue on her trek to Alex's office. The last thing she wanted was to draw unwanted attention to herself. The sooner that she found out what Alex wanted to discuss with her, the sooner she could leave.
Sighing heavily, she lifted her fist to knock when the door suddenly flew open.
"Good afternoon, Ms. Bennett. Thank you for agreeing to meet with me," Alex St. John smiled sweetly in her black pants suit with a flirty red blouse beneath the jacket. "I'm sorry that you got caught in the rain. It's pretty nasty out there."
Bonnie was about to respond when she noticed Enzo standing in the corner of the room dressed in all back with his traditional devil may care look on his face.
"Hello, love."
"What is he doing here?" Bonnie asked glaring at the smirking vampire.
"I asked him here because I thought that he might be able to help me convince you to accept the proposition that I want to present to you."
"You are aware that he almost got me killed not too long ago, right?" Bonnie asked trying to control her anger.
Alex had the decency to look remorseful. "First and foremost, I want to apologize for what transpired between you and Lorenzo the other night. I truly did not mean for you to be harmed in any way."
"Be that as it may, his actions should have some kind of consequence," Bonnie said shooting daggers in his direction.
"Well you did cut off my hand, so I believe that you and I are even," he replied dryly. "Speaking of hands, I assumed that you would have plenty of time on yours given the fact that you and your little side kick are no longer connected at the hip."
Bonnie stared at him seething.
"I'm curious. What reason did he give for leaving you high and dry?" Enzo asked rolling his tongue across his annoyingly white teeth.
Oh, he did it all to spare me from the awful things in life that come
And he cries and cries
I know he knows that he's killing me for mercy
"His reason is none of your business," Bonnie said through clenched teeth.
"Fair enough. Damon never has a good reason for anything that he does. He is just a selfish son of a bitch," Enzo grumbled.
Alex could see the smoldering tension between the witch and the vampire and decided to intervene.
"I'm sorry for my cousin's lack of tact. As you can see, he unfortunately didn't inherit the character trait of being civil," she said giving Enzo a pointed look.
"Just tell me why I'm here," Bonnie huffed frustrated.
"I asked you to come in because I wanted to talk to you about a job opportunity."
"Job opportunity?" Bonnie echoed taken aback.
"Yes," she reaffirmed as she trailed her finger across the dusty edge of her desk before coming to stand in front of Bonnie. "I have my fair share of human agents to work with me, but I think that I need someone with a little magic to be on my pay roll. Most of my employers don't appreciate the delicate nature of my business, but I believe that you could do great work here." Pause. "As an added bonus, I have taken the liberty of securing Rayna so that your friend, Stefan, won't have to worry about being hunted down anytime soon."
Bonnie ran her tongue slowly across the seam of her bottom lip. "I'll make sure I pass that information along to Stefan. He will appreciate that."
"I aim to please," Alex smiled. "The annual salary for the position is $70,00 a year. There are health benefits and the best part is that you get to chose which three days out of the week that you would like to work. Does this sound like something that you might be interested in, Miss Bennett?"
Bonnie fiddled with her fingers in her lap absently as she silently considered the proposition. The money sounded decent and there were far worse ways for her to spend her time. She knew that if Alaric was in her position he wouldn't think twice about drowning a sack of kittens if it meant getting this job. It was something that was right up Mystic Falls very own Indiana Jones ally.
"If I did decide to work for you, will I have to work with Enzo?" Bonnie asked warily.
"You two may have to coordinate certain missions should the occasion arise but I assure you I have other plans for him," the dark haired beauty said ominously.
"Does these plans involve Enzo being expendable?" Bonnie asked bluntly.
"Excuse me?" Alex asked taken aback.
`"I only ask because he was willing to betray me and Damon to do your bidding, so I have to wonder do you really have his best interest at heart."
"I wasn't aware that you cared enough about my cousin to protect him," she said surprised.
"Hello ladies. I'm standing right here," he reminded the two women.
Bonnie ignored him pointedly.
"I don't care about Enzo, but I don't want to work with someone who is willing to screw over family," she said softly. "I've been there and done that and I'm not trying to go through that again."
Alex studied her closely for a long moment before smiling.
"To answer your question, no. I don't plan on screwing Enzo. Once you come to know me, you will learn that family means a great deal to me," she reassured. "I find it admirable that you are willing to ask such hard questions. You have integrity and a conscience. I like those qualities in a person, and I think that you will fit in really well here," Alex said as she rose from the desk and extended her hand towards the quiet witch. "So what do you say? Do you want to join our team?"
Bonnie stared at her hand before rising from her chair and forcing a smile.
"If you don't mind, I would like to take some time to think about it."
"Fair enough."
As Bonnie left the office and headed out of the Armory, she was annoyed to find Enzo falling in step beside her.
"You really should take Alex up on the job offer. People would jump at the chance to work a job with excellent benefits, a 401K, and a handsome coworker in this economy," he said is accent thickening as he attempted to charm her.
Bonnie rolled her eyes as she gave him the silent treatment.
Enzo bristled. He really wasn't fond of the attitude radiating off of the brooding witch. "Fine. Ignore me if you like. I must say that it was mighty bold of you to confront Alex about her intentions involving me. I don't know whether to be touched or offended."
"Feel whatever you want Enzo," Bonnie huffed as she dug her keys out of her bag as she approached her car. "If I am going to consider taking this gig, I want to at least know something about her character."
"What's your verdict?" he asked curiously.
"I don't think she is a bad person. She did take Rayna off the streets which means Stefan won't have to keep running and hiding," Bonnie laminated, "She also made it clear that she has no problem taking you down a peg or two when you step out of line."
I think that you shouldn't miss out on a opportunity of a lifetime simply because your best friend walked out on you," he said bluntly.
"Damon didn't walk out on me. He just needed his space and I'm giving it to him," she said clenched teeth.
"Is that what you are telling yourself so you can sleep easier at night?" he asked wryly. "You are in denial."
"Why do you even care?" she snapped.
"I remember when I was dealing with my unrequited feelings for the Matriarch of the Salvatore family. I had a soft spot for Lily, and you told me that I deserved better than to pine away after someone who didn't care about me in that way." He paused before lowering his voice an octave as he moved to tower over her with an intense look in his brown eyes, "I happen to believe that you deserve the same when it comes to you and Damon. Stop holding out hope that he will come back to you because he isn't going to. Believing that he will return will only end badly and he isn't worth the shattered pieces of a broken heart. Trust me, I know."
"I'm fine."
"Keep telling yourself that love."
Bonnie responded by giving him a minor witchy migraine before climbing into her and disappearing out of the Armory parking lot leaving the vampire choking on her exhaust fumes.
And here I go
Oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh
Blood. Chaos. Destruction. Shattered glass and death...
There was so much death. Bonnie laid breathing heavily as she watched Kai mock her with his satanic smile and cold grey blue eyes. She was going to die slowly and there was nothing she could do to save herself. Then like a savior from the shadow of darkness and despair, he appeared. Damon had materialized at side as if she had willed his presence with just a sheer whisper and her own heart's calling. She couldn't recall what Kai had said, only that for a moment, Damon was there beside her starring down at her like she was a broken doll and he was trying to figure out a way to make her whole again. He held her hand, he smiled...God that smile had made her feel like she was safe. Like she would survive and then he apologized. She was confused and taken aback when he had leaned down and brushed his lips across her forehead. Then like a nightmare, he had pried his hand from her fingers and left her. He had left her alone. Abandoned her. So she thought until she heard Kai's head being lopped off and rolling across the floor. Seconds later, Damon was right by her side biting into his wrist with a cocky smile as he poured life into her and she clung to him as if he was the anchor to her very existence.
He holds my body in his arms
He didn't mean to do no harm
And he holds me tight
"You thought that I was going to leave you all alone? No way. I'm not out of nicknames for you yet."
Oh, he did it all to spare me from the awful things in life that come
And he cries and cries
5, 4, 3, 2, 1
Bonnie groaned as she heard her phone beep loudly on the nightstand. Her tongue felt heavy in her mouth as she could practically taste the blood, tears and violence in the air on the night that had changed her life forever. Ever since Damon had left, she had been having random dreams about the events of her past, and lately, the night of Jo and Ric's version of a red wedding kept making appearances every time she attempted to get some shut eye. As she laid on her back starring at the ceiling, she quietly weighed her options. She could pull the covers over her head and go back to sleep, or she could get her ass out of bed and do something productive with her life. She had spent the past week just sleeping the days away and while she tried to convince herself that she was just trying to catch up on some much needed rest, she could hear her grams voice scolding her for just being lazy. It was one of the vices that her grandmother never tolerated and the longer she laid in bed, the more guilty she began to feel until she huffed loudly and kicked the sheets off her body and reluctantly made her way out of bed.
After taking care of her business, she returned to the bedroom and lifted her phone. She felt her spine stiffen as she noticed the date.
May 10th.
She felt a wave of apprehension and anxiety wash over her as memories of that hell hole formerly known as the 'Prison World' flooded over her. She recalled arguments with Damon, being tortured by Kai and countless of eclipses that had all threatened to end her sanity. Damon knew how hard this day was for her so he would usually show up on her doorstep and kidnap her and take her back to the Boarding House where he would lock her away in his bedroom where he had left strict instructions for Stefan and Co. that did not want to be disturbed. She felt a tiny smile tug at her lips as she thought about how they would watch the Body Guard on repeat while playing countless games of Monopoly which Bonnie would always win due to Damon's inability to not cheat and steal from the bank.
After running a comb through her hair and brushing her teeth, Bonnie got dressed and decided to head to the Boarding House. She was glad when she arrived and found that Stefan's Porsche was nowhere in the driveway. She knew that if he was home, he would be inquisitive and she wasn't in the mood to be interrogated.
Using the key that Damon had given her years ago, she unlocked the massive door before making her way into the house. As she walked into the large empty estate, she was bombarded by the many different memories she had of herself and Damon. She recalled the time she had demonstrated her newly heightened powers by flinging him across the room, she recall the many times she had done spells why he had watched in the back ground, and her heart fluttered at the memory when Damon had declared himself team Bonnie when Abby had expressed doubts in Bonnie's ability as a witch.
The more Bonnie thought of Damon, the more she felt herself growing weak something inside of Bonnie finally snapped and she suddenly found herself on auto pilot. One minute she was just standing in the kitchen, and the next she was searching the kitchen for ingredients to make pancakes.
Her heart was racing, her stomach was in knots and her vision were blurred with unshed tears. The pancakes had to be perfect so that when Damon walked through that door, he would greet her with that disarming smile of his and she would fly into his arms and everything would go back to normal.
Flour. Check. Vanilla extract. Check. Eggs. Check.
Ten minutes later, Bonnie was adding vanilla extract into the mixture bowl when she head the front door open and shut. She felt butterflies flutter inside of her stomach as she heard the sound of heavy boots heading down the hall and in her direction.
She knew that he didn't leave for good. She knew that he would come back home. That he would come back to her.
"Bonnie?"
Hearing her name being called caused the whisk to tumble from her fingers and hit the floor causing pancake batter to splatter across her exposed toes in her flip flops.
"The one and only," she grinned whirling around thinking that she would come face to face with Damon, but instead it was Stefan.
Stefan looked around the kitchen and confusion was clearly written across his handsome face.
"What is all this?" he asked perplexed.
Looking around the kitchen, Bonnie realized that she had made countless amounts of pancakes, and there were egg shells and flour everywhere. The kitchen was a mess.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "Damon use to make pancakes and I thought that maybe if I made pancakes that I would..." Pause. "The last time I made him pancakes, he walked through the front door and I wasn't alone anymore. I wasn't just Bonnie. I was Bonnie and he was Damon and we weren't worlds apart. We were together. We were happy."
Stefan stared at her sadly.
"I'm so sorry, Bonnie. Is there anything that I can do?"
"I'm fine, Stefan," she insisted as she wiped the tears off her chin with the back of her hand leaving a trail of flower in its wake. "I'm okay."
Stefan approached her slowly as if he was dealing with a wounded animal.
"Bonnie..."
"I'm fine," she insisted sharply. "Listen, I am sorry about making a mess in your kitchen. After I clean up, I'll get out of your hair."
Bonnie was preparing to pick up the whisk and the mixing bowl when Stefan stopped her.
"I'm not worried about this damn kitchen, Bonnie. I'm worried about you," he said gruffly.
"I'm fine," she tried weakly but fell silent when he grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a gentle but firm shake.
"You are not fine and none of this is okay," he growled his face inches away from hers, "Damon is gone and he isn't coming back. He left us so that he didn't have to live a life without Elena. What he did was painful and it doesn't make you any less of a person to admit that you are not okay."
Suddenly the emotions she had been hiding from and avoiding since Damon had disappeared hit her like a tidal wave. The intensity of her grief was so intense that it caused her knees to legs gave out and Stefan caught her seconds before she could hit the floor. As she wept loudly, Stefan maneuvered her onto his lap where he held her tightly whispering comforting words into her hair. Stefan knew that Bonnie was a strong woman. Hell, she was literally at the top of the list when it came to the strongest women that he knew and a naïve part of him always thought that there was nothing that could destroy her, but as he stared down at the grieving woman in his arms, he realized that despite her strength and bravado, she actually had a weakness and that weakness was his self centered, arrogant, brother Damon. He wish there was something he could say or do to take away the feeling of hurt and betrayal that she was feeling, but he knew that there was nothing he could say that would make her feel any better, so he did the only thing that could help and just held her.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1
He holds my body in his arms
He didn't mean to do no harm
And he holds me tight
"Breathe, Bonnie. Just breathe."
Stefan rubbed small circles in her lower back as he tried to keep her from hyperventilating. As she curled deeper into his embrace, Bonnie felt herself feeling less hysterical and more numb. She had spent the past couple of weeks trying to convince herself that she was fine and that Damon's absence from her life had no major affect on her, but as she laid there in the pancake filled kitchen locked in Stefan's embrace, all she could feel was an immeasurable amount of loss.
"I know that Damon being gone is a lot to process, but I think that you should know the real reason that he decided to desiccate," he murmured his voice cracking slightly.
Oh, he did it all to spare me from the awful things in life that come
And he cries and cries
I know he knows that he's killing me for mercy
5, 4, 3, 2, 1
Bonnie lifted her head from his shoulder and stared at him with her eyes slightly reddened and slightly swollen.
"I don't care why he decided to leave, Stefan. All that matters is that he is gone," she hiccupped quietly.
The gun is gone
And so am I
And here I go
End Note: So I may have sniffled a little bit while writing this chapter. Poor Bonnie. The sad part is that it's going to get worse before it gets better, but I insist on making her deal with the grieving process before she can move on in a healthy way so get ready for some pretty dark days ahead for our Bennett witch. Don't worry tho. She will come out on the other side safe, whole and loved. The lyrics throughout the story is "Murder Song" and it was a song I was introduced to on my other favorite show "The Flash." I thought it was perfect.