A/N: Hello all and welcome to chapter 16. It's been awhile since I lasted did a proper chapter from Alana's POV solely, especially with the introduction of several characters recently and my attempts of giving them some depth. Now I will say; obviously to create Alana in Skyrim I have used several mods. Kind of impossible without them XD. I'll give the list of mods I'm using for her at the end of this chapter.
Whispers of the Night
Summary: One year after Serana died and she left Astrid, Alana has left for Solstheim to be alone and never harm another innocent. Enemies new and old are rising, and it is never easy for one to free themselves from the shackles of their demons…
*Book 2: Oblivion Walker Part 8*
Alana folded her arms above her head as she retired for the evening, lying in her cot underneath the deck of the Northern Maiden. The gentle creaking of the wooden hull and soft lapping of waves had long since sapped her of any energy. It was far from being the most luxurious bed she had the privilege of being in, but it was more than comfortable enough to accommodate a long voyage back to her homeland. 'Nice and comfortable. Reminds me of home a little bit, minus the smell of the forge.'
She turned her head to the left and let out a sigh, the gentle breath stirring the strands of blonde hair that had fallen into her face. Her heart thumped in her chest and for the second time in a week, she was terrified of the judgment she was going to inevitably receive. 'I'm scared of speaking to her again. Of being judged by her. I don't understand why, though. Why am I this worried?'
'Is it because I lied to her? Broke the promise I made to her?' Alana's weariness was overpowered by a sensation she was only too familiar with throughout the course of her short life. The sinking feeling in her chest that could be best described as guilt, the feeling that she had hurt everyone she cared about.
She shook her head furiously. 'No, no dammit! It is pointless to dwell on that. Thinking like that is what drove me to suicide in the first place. I will not slip back into that mentality. I made the biggest mistake of my life because of it.' She didn't necessarily regret the action of taking her life, but rather what doing so meant. It meant she had failed to do what she swore to. In a way, it was her greatest failure. Yet as strange as it was to think it, she wouldn't change it.
It was the worst thing that she had ever done, yes. That she would never deny, let alone attempt to. But how could she change that, knowing that it was what sparked Akatosh to finally step in and take responsibility for his chosen one, giving her the power to destroy the daedra? It was through death that she was able to see the truth and she was never more thankful to have her eyes opened in this way. She could see clearer without the lies of the daedra clouding her vision and know the difference between reality and a silky lie. She was stronger for it. 'I think this takes my father's saying of, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," a little too literally.' She resisted laughing at that; it was the sort of morbid humor that Nazir would find amusing.
Out of everyone she bonded with during her brief time as a member of the shadowy guild of assassins, Nazir was definitely one who she got along with very well. Beneath the guise of a seasoned warrior was a man who had his own fair share of hardships. He had confided in her his own story of why he joined the Dark Brotherhood and it was in a way similar to her own. A homeless addict who stumbled across one of the assassins and decided to fight instead of running away with his tail between his legs. It was the best choice he ever made in his life and it saved him from being a skooma addicted beggar.
Her own story was about the same. Homeless, disgraced, and yet the Dark Brotherhood saved her from herself. She relished in the irony that a guild of assassins were the ones to do it of all people. 'If I hadn't joined the Brotherhood, I probably wouldn't be alive standing here right now. I definitely did not see that one coming.'
Alana tried to close her eyes and let the gentle rocking of the ship lull her to sleep, but no matter how hard she tried to slip into that state, it simply would not come to her. With a weary groan of frustration the blonde sat up from her bunk, rubbing her eyes. 'Damn. Looks like it is going to be another long night for me.' Nights like these were something she was far too accustomed to now, especially since Vaermina was now in the picture and plaguing her sleep with constant nightmares. She hadn't seen any since Akatosh cleansed her, but still she doubted she was going to get any decent rest. Not for awhile at least.
Clad in nothing but a simple shirt, she lightly stepped over the wooden floorboards and climbed the ladder to the deck above. Night had fallen and she took a seat on one of the benches on the port side of the ship, looking out across the sea. The gentle sea breeze ruffled her hair and she didn't even need to look over her shoulder to tell that her mistress was approaching. "Evening, Astrid."
"Couldn't sleep?" Astrid asked, taking a seat next to her.
"Nope." Alana shook her head and sighed. "Haven't been able to sleep for too damn long. Price of being the savior of Skyrim, I guess."
"Hmph." The vampire scoffed and followed her gaze across the sea. "Don't recall you ever having much trouble sleeping with me."
Alana laughed and gave her a knowing look. "If that's your attempt at flirting, I think I might have to give you some constructive criticism." That earned her a punch in the shoulder and she grimaced. "Hey, I was only jesting."
"Your attempts at humor are actually worse than Nazir's, and by Sithis it sounds strange saying that." Astrid rolled her eyes. "I suppose being nocturnal for so long took its toll on you. Hard to live by the same schedule as a normal person."
"It did." Alana nodded and rubbed the corners of her eyes. "Shame, too. I used to enjoy being able to wake up at dawn and get to see the sun rise over Skyrim. Then I made one of my biggest mistakes and all of that was taken from me." If she could, she'd rewind time and spit in the face of Molag Bal instead of letting him ravage her into undeath. But it couldn't happen. Dragonborn or not, she wasn't a god. That kind of power was beyond what she was capable of.
"Would you change it if you could?"
"Too big of a question to answer to get a real answer, Astrid."
"Alana." The vampire folded her arms. "I'm serious."
"So am I," Alana countered. "Yes, I made one of the biggest and worst mistakes of my life back then. Third biggest, if I'm honest with myself. If I could change going through what I did, I would. No one should ever suffer what I did. But at the same time, if I wasn't a vampire, could I have lived through half of what I did? Would I have bested Boethiah's champion? Would I have been able to survive those fights with demons? Probably not."
"Demons? What do you mean? I thought Saoron said you were hunting down daedra." Astrid glowered at her. "Is that another lie he gave me?"
"I was at first, so no he didn't actually lie to you that time," Alana answered. "I did spend about a year hunting daedra and their worshippers whenever I wasn't bounty hunting. Not a lot of gold to be made in hunting daedra. The demons themselves only just started appearing about two weeks ago at the earliest. First one I encountered was outside of Bloodskal Barrow; the second by an abandoned house in the ashlands. And truth be told, he never once did lie to you. He's too honest of a person for it. Hell, he couldn't lie if his life depended on it."
"Didn't he operate as a fence for us at one point?" Astrid reminded dryly. "He is the same contact you went to when we had to figure out just how much that Elder Council amulet was worth and if we could get away with selling it. Which, turns out, we were. Sadly, those funds went by rather quickly."
"What did you spend it on? Mead?" Alana rolled her eyes only to wince as she received another jab in the side along with an annoyed hiss. "Oh lighten up will you? I thought I was supposed to be the moody and brooding one." 'Astrid turns into a vampire and loses any sense of humor she had. Never thought I'd miss her dry sarcasm as much as I do now. What I wouldn't give to have it back.' Only time would tell if her mistress would ever really returned to her normal self.
"Not. Funny," Astrid deadpanned. "And for your information, we spent a small fortune just getting the Dawnstar Sanctuary rebuilt. Took about two weeks to make it really feel like home. Still, could do without the damned cold."
Having been in Dawnstar in the winter during the civil war, Alana knew only too well just how bitterly cold it could get in the Pale. "Trust me, I know. Not like we can reuse the Falkreath Sanctuary after those Imperial bastards burned it though. It was the best we could do at the time. I don't know of any other abandoned sanctuaries in Skyrim."
"There were a few, but they had long since been abandoned." Astrid shrugged. "Not only that, but the phrases to open them were lost. They wouldn't have been of any use to us. Dawnstar's was the only one we knew."
"True," Alana admitted. She shivered a little and rubbed her arms to warm herself up. She hadn't noticed it before but it was rather chilly on the deck. "I'm going back down below to get some sleep."
Before she descended the ladder, she looked over her shoulder. "…if you need to feed again, let me know. I'm not going anywhere without you." Leaving her once broke her heart into pieces. She wouldn't make the same mistake again.
"You don't have to do that," Astrid said with a soft hiss. "It isn't—"
"I turned you against your will." Alana cut her off. "It's only right I shoulder some of the burden. I know; it isn't fair. But it wasn't fair that I changed you. It wasn't fair that I abandoned you when you needed me most."
Her fist clenched and shook by her side, her breathing growing sharper. "Don't make this more complicated than it already is. Let me bear the consequences of my choices."
"Alana, stop," Astrid commanded, standing up and stalking towards her. This wasn't a side of her Alana often saw. This was the commanding leader of the most powerful guild of assassins who could make even the most battle hardened bandits whimper and shake in their boots. The assassin's golden eyes blazed with fury and she grabbed a hold of Alana's shirt.
"You know what your problem is and always has been?" Her voice was hoarse with pain but still terrifying at the same time. It was strange how it worked like that. "Your biggest problem is the guilt you feel. Not just for what you did to me, but what you did to others who trusted you either by lying or Sithis knows what else. Let. It. Go."
"Easier for you to do than me." Alana laughed mirthlessly. "Even as the leader of a guild of assassins, you were more than comfortable with your line of work. No one put the same kind of expectations on your shoulders like they did to me. I'm supposed to be Skyrim's savior, so yeah, forgive me if I happen to feel a tad bit guilty about doing some of the messed up things I did."
"You're not listening to me." Astrid's fangs were bared and she hissed again. "I'm not saying you shouldn't feel remorse. But your problem is you take on too much and let it consume you." Her grip on Alana's shirt faltered and she looked away, a hint of bitterness flashing across her face.
"What is it going to be, a memory or us?" she asked.
Alana stopped. For a brief, fleeting moment, time itself had slowed down to a crawl and she could only think of those she had let down. 'I let all of you die.'
'Poor us. Isn't it time you did the forgiving?'
Alana sighed and ran a hand through her hair, knowing her mistress was right. She did take on too much and her guilt was her biggest burden. She had been ready to atone for what she did, but she was going about it in the wrong way. She wasn't forgiving herself. 'Bad things don't just happen to me. They happen to everyone, every day. I may not ever be able become the hero I was supposed to be, but I can be better. One day, I guess better will have to be good enough.'
"I guess in order to really make amends, I have to forgive myself first, huh?" Her hands brushed against Astrid's and they made eye contact, the assassin's grip faltering. "Just know…I don't want you to suffer. If I can ever find a cure, I will make sure you can get it. You will not be a toy of the daedra like I was."
"You know you don't have to go that far." Astrid held her hand and rested her head against the blonde warrior's. "But I know that once you set your mind to something, it's pretty much impossible to stop you. Just don't get yourself killed. We lost you once already."
"I'm not going anywhere," Alana murmured. "Not anymore." 'No more running away from things I can't change. Just have to suck it up and deal with it. Kind of wish I could deal with them head on.'
The sea breeze drew them closer, for Astrid had shivered a little and pressed herself into Alana's body for warmth. The blonde cracked a smile and motioned to downstairs where it was a lot warmer and drier. "Come on. You might as well make yourself at home while I make some adjustments to my gear."
"I'm not that cold," Astrid protested. She shivered again and glared at Alana when she laughed. "Seriously I'm not."
"That's a terrible attempt at a lie." Alana smirked and dragged her down any way. "Come on; vampire or not I don't need to worry about you catching a cold because you decided to be stubborn like me."
"If you insist…" The assassin rolled her eyes and followed Alana back below deck, both of them descending the ladder and feeling a lot warmer than they were moments before. "Which room did you take?"
"The one with a small anvil and grindstone." Alana pointed to it while she reached for a nearby weapon rack to grab her broadsword. "Second one on the left."
Astrid made her way inside and Alana frowned when she looked at her broadsword. Something about its name just bothered her, especially when she split it into two separate swords during combat. Not only that, but the dwemer's original name for it, Clockwork, just didn't seem to fit. She clicked the button on the handle to spring the second smaller sword free into her hand and hummed before carrying both swords into her room. A second opinion never hurt.
When she walked in Astrid had already made herself at home; she was lying comfortably on her cot and rested her chin in her hands. "So, what sort of work were you planning on doing to that? You already sharpened it before we left."
"It's more of a renaming," Alana admitted, scratching the back of her head. "I don't know about you, but this deserves a much better name than Clockwork in its final form. As for the two separate swords, well I was thinking of something for them. Just wanted to hear your thoughts on it."
"Let me hear it. I'm listening." Astrid yawned.
Alana held up the heavier of the two swords. Not only was it longer, but the very tip of it was split in a certain manner to make it look like it could puncture an enemy before ripping them in half. "I was thinking for this one to be called Apocalypse."
"Not bad." Astrid hummed and looked at the second, more triangular sword with a handle near the top of the metal rather than the bottom. "And that one?"
"Vendetta," Alana answered. "And together they make up First Tsurugi. The Akaviri had names for their mythological weapons that were used by their own heroes. So I thought I could borrow some of their language for this. I mean, it's big, heavy, and can cut through just about anything if I swing it hard enough."
To be fair, any kind of heavy greatsword or broadsword was devastating in her hand. She had trained with them for as long as she could remember, even as a child. She smiled fondly at the memories of her as a child struggling to lift some of her father's works. She had grown up so much since then, especially in terms of strength. To think that a few short years ago she was struggling to carry a steel greatsword was almost laughable considering the way she now effortlessly carried around First Tsurugi's broad width.
"Isn't that just any kind of broadsword in your hands?" Astrid deadpanned. "I still haven't forgotten watching you tear my ex husband in half with Requiem. Rather bloody. Don't mistake my tone for me berating you. It was a good kill. I was proud to watch him suffer for his betrayal."
"What, are you jealous that you didn't get to do it?" Alana asked slyly.
"Maybe a little bit," Astrid admitted, rolling over onto her back to stare at her upside down. "How long are you going to stand there? I thought you had work to do on it, not just sit around admiring your reflection in it."
"Patience, dear. I'm merely thinking about what to do next. You can't rush art, after all." Alana laughed and ducked under the pillow her mistress threw at her in response. "Missed." She let her broadsword rest against the wall and stretched.
"Truth be told, I really just wanted an excuse to drag you down here," the blonde confessed, blushing. "I miss those nights we had. No worries about anything; just the two of us and a comfortable bed."
Astrid rolled her eyes and repositioned herself onto her side, patting at the space next to her. "Well, come on then."
Alana didn't need to be asked twice and she quickly took her spot, dragging the blanket over them for more warmth. She rested her head in the crook of Astrid's neck with a soft purr and she felt the assassin stroke her back, wiggling into her body. By Talos she missed these tender moments with her.
"You know, I sometimes forget just how young you still are," her mistress murmured. "Especially compared to me."
"What do you mean?" Alana asked quietly, clinging onto Astrid for warmth.
"I mean, think about everything you've accomplished," she said. "You've slain Alduin, led Skyrim to independence for the first time in centuries, and saved the College of Winterhold from certain doom. Even more remarkable is that you have not even seen your twenty fifth birthday. I'm already approaching thirty two. When most people hear about your feats they assume you're older than you actually are. Yet moments like these remind me that you are far younger than I."
"I guess so. Wouldn't be my first time being in bed with an older woman," Alana murmured coyly, laughing at the cuff over her head. "What!? I'm serious. Technically Serana was older than both of us put together by a long shot."
"You're so unfunny."
"Hey, I'm not complaining. I actually prefer it."
"Do I want to know the reason why?" Astrid sighed.
"Probably not. Do you want to know?" Alana lifted her head for a moment. When her mistress gave her an unimpressed look she put her head back down, pressing against her more. "I'll take that as a no."
"I'll admit, when you came into my life, I didn't expect it to change that much," Astrid murmured. "I didn't know that this quiet broken young woman was one who had the weight of the world on their shoulders. I certainly didn't expect us to be this…intimate. Especially considering you were…are you asleep? Oh no you don't. Move over. Now."
Alana's response was a quiet purr as her mistress tried (and failed) to push her to the side for more space, her eyes closed. "Warm…"
"Dammit Alana! Don't you dare start snoring on me. I'm not having a repeat of the last time we shared a bed." Astrid huffed and pushed as hard as she could, but Alana was not budging an inch. When she wanted to be difficult, a boulder was easier to move than her.
"Oh you lazy little…" The vampire hissed in frustration and eventually gave up. There was really no point in trying to move her. Not like this, at least. Alana was dead set on clinging to her as if she was freezing cold. By the Divines she missed having someone to share a bed with.
Alana felt Astrid give up and plop down next to her, gently brushing her hair. The soft strokes plus the gentle sway of the boat rocking against the frigid sea slowly lulled her into that peaceful sleep she had desired for so long.
The next morning, Alana woke up and felt the familiar weight of Astrid haphazardly on top of her. The undead assassin was still asleep, lightly snoring and murmuring something incomprehensible. Alana managed to slither out of her mistress's grasp and swung her legs out of bed with a yawn, stretching. From the bits of light streaming in through the cracks in the side of the ship it was clearly daybreak.
Fitting on her usual vest and pants she wrapped her long black cloak around her shoulders and made her way topside, climbing the ladder as quietly as she could. Once she reached the top she was met with a gentle ocean breeze and the soft cawing of seagulls above. They were close to land if they were around. Alana took in a deep breath, the salty tang of the sea tickling her throat and she turned around when she heard heavy footsteps approaching her. It was the captain of the Northern Maiden, Captain Gjalund.
"Morning, lass. I'm not intruding, am I?" he asked hesitantly.
"No." Alana shook her head. "Not at all. Sometimes company is greatly appreciated in the morning. Besides, it is your ship. It would be rude of me to tell you to go away."
"You have a point there, lass." Gjalund smiled and held out a bottle of water. "Here; in case your throat gets parched. Being on the sea can make you have an uncontrollable thirst. Best to quench it immediately."
"You must have been a sailor for a long time, then." Alana took a dip graciously.
"Aye, that I have." The Nord nodded proudly. "Been the captain of my vessel for nearly twenty years, now. I used to fish in the waters around Solstheim until all that damned ash tainted the sea. Made it too difficult. In all honesty, if it weren't for my supply runs from the island to Windhelm, I probably would have sold my ship and moved back to Riften."
"Sad. The people in Raven Rock depend on you. More than you might realize." Alana combed her hair down her left shoulder.
"Oh, I know. That's why I can't go. I've made good friends there and can't abandon them." Gjalund let out a sigh. "In a way, I'm thankful for my supply runs. Not only do they put some coin in my pocket, but at the same time I get to stay around the friends I've made. It took them a few years, being primarily a dunmer settlement, but they came to see me as one of their own."
Gjalund turned around and made his way towards his own quarters. "I'll have some fresh ash yam and horker stew made in a heartbeat if you're up for it. Old dunmer recipe, but it still manages to be as hearty as anything a Nord can make."
"I appreciate that." Alana cracked a smile and hugged her cloak tighter around her body.
A nice meal would be quite a good wake up gift for her mistress.
A/N: And here we are. Like I said, I did use a lot of mods to recreate our loveable angst angel in Skyrim. Here are the mods used:
FFXIII Lightning preset (hair mod)
First Tsurugi FFVII (Sword)
Black Swordsman armor set (armor from SotH and the cape she wears now along with the bandages)
Blade Dancer Animations (changes the combat style to actual proper fighting techniques. Dual wielding looks so badass)
Cheat Weapon Speed X2 (increase attack speed, part of the Cheat Room mod)
-A Lovestruck A2#5371