RR76: I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna pretend I'm not phased by what happened. I'm just gonna come right out and say it.

Last Sunday was the most inept performance by Kerry Collins and the Raiders coaching staff since Denver at Oakland last year. Come on, PUNTING on 4 and 1? With time running out? What, did they think the defense would hold? WHAT DUMBASSES! Norv Turner, I have never questioned your coaching decisions--save for keeping Kerry Collins in longer than you should--but WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? You do NOT PUNT ON 4 and 1 WITH TIME RUNNING OUT YOU GODDAMNED POT SMOKING DUMBASS!

LaMont Jordan deserves credit for his 97 yard 2 touchdown performance. Derrick Burgess deserves to go the Pro Bowl with his league-leading 11 sacks. Kerry Collins deserves to be demoted to 4th string behind Tui, Andrew Walter, and, yes, even Shane Lechler. The goddamn PUNTER would make a better quarterback than #5 right now.

Sigh...there. I feel a little bit better now. Who do we play next? ...The Chargers? Ugh...

Anyway...that's what I got to say about that. Moving on.

Code Lyoko Bullshit of the Week.

Yumi: (trying to stop the car she's in) Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh shoot. Ah!

MasterOfDemons Bullshit of the Week: (The review is in bold, my comments are...not in bold)

Your stupid story screwed up my stupid computer and I can't review the right chapter.

Oh no. My...evil...story...it's...out...of...control...must...warn...general...public...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Your story fucken sucks, you bastard. Your a fucken moron who needs to get a grammar lesson and a spell check

Dude. Take a look at the first line of your story. "The sweet chirps of birds as they swept the highlands of Hyrule was pure lovely." Is that even a complete thought?

Or how about this gem?

"The hearts of Demon and Silver slowed as they watched in peril these bug

like creatures capture Lindsay."

and...what's that?

Oh yeah. A NEW PLOT LINE, MORON! A stupid moronic OC

Dude, think for a moment. My character has A) Back story and B) A more complex personality than yours.

Folks, I want to make an announcement: I will now be taking bets on the number of times MasterOfDemons will use the words "stupid" and "moronic" in one review. Place your bets, people!

falling in love with Raven? HOW RIDICULOUSLY OVERDONE IS THAT?

Ummm...most stories like that feature an OC falling in love with Raven as the main plot, and the two usually end up together. This is kinda different, in the sense that Raven and Carson don't end up together. See, the Carson/Raven thing is what we of the writing community call a "subplot." You might have heard of them, if you weren't too busy trying (and failing) to come up with a half-decent plot for your OWN story. It's just the FFX and Zelda plots mashed together into an unrecognizable heap. And it's not even a very GOOD unrecognizable heap. If you're going to butcher two of the greatest games of all time, please, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD try to make it original.

(For the record, guys, I do 'borrow' some stuff from other places. Notably the Ascension, which was created by Joss Wheadon, the mind behind Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Before you harp on me, I've got an original spin on it, which is to be revealed in this chapter. It ain't as cut and dry as it looks. And keep in mind, my good friend MasterOfFruityDragons took two of his OCs from another story, which I'm not gonna go off on for the time being)

IT SUCKS, YOU FICKEN MORON!

You're right. I fick. I fick uncontrollably. It's not something I'm proud of. I should really go to a Fickers Anonymous meeting or something.

Yur a stupid retard.

Hmm. Not your best argument. But with all the spelling mistakes and grammatical errors I've made so far, compared to your flawless writing style, who am I to argue?

And for the record, YOU still haven't noticed your hilariously insulting bio. So YOU'RE the one who's looking more retarded here.

At least my story has an INTERESTING character while yours is all crap.

To reiterate: My character has a back story and a complex personality. Yours has the personality of a pregnant woman with hemherroids. As far as backstory goes, I think Carson takes the cake.

Go the hell fucker, and stop stalking Queenie, moron.

Yeah. Sure. I'm gonna use the $400 that I don't have to buy a plane ticket to the town Queenie lives in, wherever it is, and hunt her down and rape her. I'm a bad bad man. Woo, someone stop me, I'm evil! After all, I am a FICKIN MORON.

Why don't you ask her which of us she likes more, the one who listens to everything she has to say, or the one who lied to her, broke her heart, and MADE HER FUCKING CRY? Yeah. She told me about that.

Look. MasterOfDemons. As much as I love dissecting your reviews and making fun of your ineptitude as both a writer and as a human being, I'm telling you now: It's getting old. You don't like me? I don't give a rat's ass.

So buck up or suck on it, I'm not going anywhere.

Now that that's out of the way, on with the story.

"Go on. Open it."

Carson looked at his girlfriend, puzzled. "What is it?"

Jessica rolled her eyes and smacked Carson on the head softly. "Dummy. It's a surprise. You DO know the meaning of the word, right?"

Carson shook his head and slowly unwrapped the small rectangular box in his hands. He lifted the lid and gazed at the object inside in awe. Jessica smiled. "Well, what do you think?"

"Jess...this..." Carson removed from the box a small, six shot revolver, its chrome polish gleaming in the pale light. "This is a thing of beauty."

Jessica laughed. "Now what do we say?"

Carson smiled warmly at her and kissed her softly on the lips. "Thank you Jessica."

The young woman stroked his cheek softly. "Happy birthday Carson. I love you." A grin spread across her face suddenly. "Now don't you want to unwrap your other present?" she said, leaning forward seductively.

Carson's smile grew and kissed Jessica again, pulling her down on top of him as his hands went up her shirt, feeling for her--

"Jess? Carson? I'm back!"

The two stopped abruptly. Jessica climbed off of Carson and smoothed out her shirt. "Remind me to murder your brother later," Carson muttered.

"Guys? I got us a job!"

Carson sighed. "I swear, if it's another Nazi hunt--"

"Find anything?"

Carson bolted upright, panting. "Raven!" He sighed. "God...don't do that!"

"Do what?" Raven asked.

"...Never mind. What do you want?" Carson asked.

"The file. Did you find anything?" Raven repeated.

"Oh...um..." he picked up the file folder that lay next to him, wiped off the drool from his sleep, and opened it up. "Everything in here is written in ancient Aramaic."

"That's very interesting. Can you read it?"

"Parts of it. I'm not too familiar with the dialect, but if I'm correct...it says something about a 'transformation'." He paused. "Yes, that's definitely 'transform.' And that last sentence..."

"...You hadn't even looked at it until I came by, have you?" Raven asked.

Carson ignored her. Raven sighed and sat next to him. "Fine. What do you have?"

"Quiet," he snapped. "Let me concentrate..." He studied the file closer. "...Hmm...'Twenty moons hence the fall of Scath, there shall arise the servant of the Beast.'"

"That would be Pavayne?" Raven asked.

"I--ahem, the Hellgod--only had one servant. And the French army doesn't count. Couldn't even conquer Russia, good for nothing--"

"Carson..."

"Right. Anyway...'He shall be bidden to find the Gem; the Gem shall become as the Father, and her destiny shall be complete.'"

"Just how many 'shalls' are in that prophecy?" Raven asked, peeking over Carson's shoulder.

"Seers had very limited vocabularies back in the day, didn't they?" Carson muttered. "Now sit down, there's more...'A hundred days past from the Servant's rebirth, the Gem will Ascend to her father's throne, and his empire shall be hers."

"Is that it?" Cyborg asked.

"For the most part, there's still one last line I have to translate," Raven responded.

"Soooo...what does it all mean?" asked Beast Boy.

"It's pretty straightforward: I'm going to destroy the world. Again."

There was a pause. Robin spoke up. "Then we'll stop it. Again."

A gasp came from the kitchen. All eyes turned to Starfire, sitting at the table, her face pale. She lowered the paper she was studying with shaking hands and looked at Raven with a look of fear. "It is not as simple as that..." she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Star...what are you talking about?" Robin asked.

"I..." Starfire stood and walked into the living room, sitting on the couch next to Robin, her eyes never once leaving Raven. "I have discovered what purpose the Ascension serves. It..." After a moment's hesitation, she continued. "It is a process by which a human becomes a full-blooded demon. A human, after performing the correct rituals will undergo a transformation...and one hundred days later, he or she becomes a demon."

Something in Raven's mind clicked. Something Pavayne had said...This begins the hundred days...

"And that's what's going to happen to Raven?" asked Beast Boy, his eyes drifting over to his friend. Starfire nodded, tears brimming at her eyes.

"Do we know what she's going to become?" asked Cyborg.

The Gem will ascend to her father's throne...

"Trigon," Raven said quietly. The others looked at her. "I'm...going to become Trigon."

And his empire shall be hers.

From his vantage point in Raven's mind, Carson had been listening to the entire conversation, his hands balling into fists as Raven's destiny was finally revealed. Pavayne's plan was clear to him now.

"So, they've finally figured out my little scheme, have they?" called the familiar raspy sound of Pavayne's voice. Carson turned and cocked his shotgun as the demon summoner came into view. "Took them long enough. I was kinda hoping they wouldn't, though. The looks on their faces when they finally realized what was going to happen...ha, priceless. That was a Kodak moment, I tell you--"

BOOM. Carson's shotgun fired, sending hot death flying at Pavayne...and flying right through him. Pavayne smiled. "I'm not corporeal anymore, kiddo."

"That's a shame," Carson said dryly. "I had so many things that I was planning on doing to you if you ever showed your ugly-ass face around me again. There may have been knives involved."

"Sorry to disappoint," Pavayne said. "That was kind of a one time only deal. I'll have to conserve my energy for when Raven goes postal."

"You're a fool," Carson spat. "Do you honestly believe you can pull this off?"

Pavayne's smile grew. "Pull what off?"

"Don't be coy with me, Cassius," growled Carson. "I've got your plan all figured out. You do your job, get Raven in the right place, perform the rituals, make sure Raven's ready for her big day, and then you return to Hell to get whatever crappy reward they promised you."

"Is that right?" Pavayne said, raising an eyebrow.

"That was your job. Except that's not exactly what you did." He crossed the distance before the two and looked Pavayne in the eye. "You did the job, got Raven in the position to destroy the world, and then you possessed her, and in a hundred days, you'd have all the power you needed to finally, finally, accomplish what it was you've wanted all your life."

"And what's that?" asked Pavayne skeptically.

"True freedom." Pavayne began to laugh, and Carson cut him off. "You know it's true. All your life, you wanted to be recognized as your own person. You wanted to be known not as the sidekick to the most powerful evil in existence, but as a force to be reckoned with in your own right. Came close to accomplishing that a few years back as the headmaster of HIVE Academy, but if I recall, someone screwed that up for you."

Pavayne gave a short laugh. "Is that what you think?"

"It's what I know," Carson replied. "You may have his body, Cassius, but I have his mind. All the knowledge, all the experience, of the Hellgod," he tapped his head three times for emphasis, "right up here. And the Hellgod knew you better than anybody on the planet. Oh yes," he continued, "he knew of your plots, your vain little fantasies of freedom. And he didn't care. He didn't view you as a true threat to him."

"His arrogance cost him his life," Pavayne snapped.

"And your arrogance is going to cost you yours." Carson absentmindedly flicked the safety on his shotgun on and off as he continued. "You think that this whole deal, the Ascension, is going to make you the ultimate being in the universe. You actually have the balls to believe that you are going to rule the world. News flash, old friend: You're not going to be the overlord of your own little colony of mold. Because as bad as you think you are, there's one thing that's worse."

"And what would that be?"

"Me. It's not going to be the hyped-up 'Teen Titans' that bring you down. It's not going to be Satan, or the U.S. government--which is secretly controlled by Satan, so that's kind of a no-show anyway--or anyone else but me. Just watch," he said. "Your kingdom is going to come crashing down, and it's going to be me doing the demolition."

Pavayne laughed. "You also inherited the Hellgod's arrogance," he said, barely able to get the words out between laughs.

"That's not arrogance, Cassius. That's fact."

"Show me then," Pavayne said, his mood suddenly reverting from happy to solemn. "In a hundred days time, you and I will have our final battle." The image of him began to fade away. "And then, Carson," he added before fading completely from sight, "I will show you just who's the baddest of the bad." The image of him faded completely, and he was gone.

Carson smiled mockingly. "'Till then," he said quietly.

RR76: Before I had finished this chapter, I got yet another flame from MasterOfFruityDragons. Doesn't he have anything better to do...?

Anyway, I won't bother dissecting it and making a fool of him yet again. I deleted it. You can do that, you know.

For im in a kill people mood, if you're reading this...he said Angel was a waste of television. You know. Angel. Joss's show. He insulted something of Joss. I think that warrents a Reaver attack, don't you?

So yeah. I'll be seein' ya.

The soup of the day is Cream of Mushroom.