RR76: Step 1: Gripe about the Giants/Raiders game.

...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? WHO RUNS IT FOUR STRAIGHT TIMES UP THE MIDDLE? NOTHING WAS HAPPENING!

Give me a play-fake, or a sweep, or something, I don't care! 14-Blast does NOT work on the goal line unless LaMont Jordan is carrying! God, you've got a fucking monkey calling the plays...

If Al Davis has any sense left, he'll re-hire Art Shell. Hell, he sorted out the mess that Mike Shannahan made--I'm sure he could pull another miracle out of his ass.

Start by getting rid of Collins, and drafting Vince Young. Or Leinart. Whoever's available. But preferably Young. Then re-hire whoever coached the O-line in '04. Ditch Derrick Gibson, re-sign Woodson, get another pass-rusher to compliment Burgess, and you're about a quarter of the way there.

Step 2: Idle banter.

What the hell is up with Kevin Michael Richardson? He's in everything! He plays virtually every black guy ever to be in cartoons! Geez, guys, give the man a break! Get some fresh blood! I mean, Kev's great, and he was awesome as Trigon, but sheioushlay! Don't just get the same dude to play every black guy on TV, you bigoted assholes!

Step 3: Explanation.

Anyone who read that note I put on my bio, it was all a farce. That was written by...CRAB PEOPLE!

Yes, that's right...crab people.

Step 4: Random quote.

"...I don't care if the man hid a jet engine in his anus. He's the best there's ever been. Leave it alone."-Jon Stewart, on the allegations that Lance Armstrong used performance-enhancers to win the Tour De France. That actually sounds like it'd be uncomfortable. Warm, maybe. Painful, probably. Hard to explain, definitely.

Step 5: Dedication

This chapter is dedicated to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Thanks to him, not only are racist bigoted white people in the minority, but I get a day off from school. Thanks Dr. King.

Step 6: Gripe about series finale.

Wow. What a boring, predictable, mediocre way to end the series. I swear, that episode had more holes than a brick of Swiss cheese. What was the monster? How the hell did Terra get unfrozenized? Sigh...some people...I suppose this is as good a time as any:

Season 5 did NOT take place in the Carson series.

There. Just so we're all aware of that.

Step 7: MasterOfDemon's latest flame

Unfortunately, I haven't the time or the patience to list all of his dumbassities in his last few flames--none of which exist any longer.

Step 8: Disclaimer.

The following are mine:

Carson Elam

Cassius Pavayne

Jessica/Warren Sable

Five Golden Rings

Four machetes (macheti?)

Three French hens

Two turtledoves

And a partridge in a pear tree.

I forgot what four was...eep, sorry.

If I didn't mention it, it isn't mine.

Silence had fallen upon the Titan's living room. An apocalypse they had expected, sure, but this...

"You're wrong," Beast Boy snapped. "You have to be, you must have missed something, or translated something wrong--"

"I wish that were so," Starfire sighed. "But these papers that Raven and Cyborg acquired from the evil law men of your world are quite clear. In 98 days, Raven will become the manifestation of her father and destroy the world."

"You're wrong," he repeated.

"But the translation--"

"The hell with the translation!" Beast Boy shouted. "You read it wrong! She can't...this is Raven we're talking about."

"She's right," Raven said quietly. The other Titans stared at her. "Starfire's right. I will become Trigon. And nothing we can do will change that." Her eyes traveled across the room, lingering on each of her friends. "You...all of you...have given me a debt that I can never repay. And though I don't wish to burden you with this...there is one last request I wish to make of you." She took a deep breath to steady herself, and spoke with a renewed conviction. "When the time comes...when the Ascension begins...you must promise that you will end me before the transformation is complete."

"You can't possibly be serious," Cyborg said. "We can find another way around it."

"There isn't. Understand that if I become Trigon, then this world will suffer the same fate it did when he was set free, only this time, I won't be there to protect you, and there will be none who could stop me." She sat down on the arm of the couch. "I know it's difficult, but--"

A short, raspy laugh interrupted Raven's speech. The other Titans looked at Beast Boy, sitting with an uncharacteristically dark expression on his face. "Difficult," he echoed. "That's a hell of a thing to say." He looked at Raven, fire in his eyes. "You're asking us--you're asking me--to kill you. A Titan. Our friend." Unspoken, unexpressed, his true feelings echoed louder than his words. "That's something that I can't do."

"Beast Boy--"

"I won't do it. End of discussion."

"You have to."

"We are NOT talking about this!" Beast Boy snapped.

"Godammit, YES WE ARE!" Raven roared. "You would sacrifice the world for, what, the shell of a demon? Something so twisted, so disgustingly evil, not even bearing the slightest resemblence to me? If this goes down, I won't exist anymore, Beast Boy. I cannot and will not let you sacrifice the world--the universe--for me."

Beast Boy started to retort, but Robin cut him off. "We understand where you're coming from Raven, it's just...difficult. You're our friend."

"Friend? Yeah, I got that. Trigon ISN'T your friend," Raven snapped. "And when I transform, that won't be Raven you're dealing with. That'll be Trigon."

Starfire stood. "Raven--"

"I can't," she interrupted, turning away. "I can't deal with this now. I won't." She marched up the stairs and through the hallway, doors shutting softly behind her. Beast Boy stood to go after her, but Cyborg held him back. "Let her go, man," he told the changeling. "Give her some time to herself."

"...She's right, you know," Robin stated. "If and when she transforms, we're going to have to kill her before she kills us."

"There has to be another way," Beast Boy said softly.

The door to Raven's room slammed shut, sealed through it's resident's magic. Raven's emotions were haywire, an erratic mess. She tore her room apart, flinging things from shelves with her powers, mirrors shattering.

Why can't they understand? She thought. They think they can save me...

Perhaps they can another voice said. They have done the impossible before. They saved you from fate once, not too long ago.

That was different, her consciousness said. I was there to protect them then.

You give them too little credit,her subconsciousness replied. There is more to them than you see.

I've been living with them for four years--there isn't much that I've missed.

You claim to know them, yet even now you cannot see. Those five--mere children--are among the most powerful, most resourceful, most courageous people on the planet--nay, the universe. They will never, never stop fighting, never stop hoping. They believe that you can be saved.

...Five?

You have more friends than you know.

He can't...he isn't. He tried to kill me.

People change. You changed.

...How can he help me?

You will see soon enough...

Raven's eyes opened. Damn schizophrenia. She shook her head and cleared her mind, searching for a solution.

Silly girl, another voice taunted--this one sharper, rougher than the other. The answer is right in front of you. Poor, stupid Raven...can't do it herself, so she asks for help. That's the way it's always been...

Raven's head began to pound. She seriously needed to do something about all the voices--and suddenly it was revealed to her. She slapped her forehead. Idiot! Why didn't she think of it sooner?

"Cowardice," she said aloud. "Too afraid. I couldn't do it before...I can't do it now."

It's the only way to save them...

"...Yes," she whispered. "The only way..."

She made her way to her dresser, pulled out the top drawer, and rooted through it for a few seconds before her hand touched something metal and cool. She removed from the drawer an eight-inch dagger, taken from the corpse of a cultist that made the mistake of attacking her.

"If you want something done right," she whispered, closing her eyes, "do it yourself." Whispering a quick prayer for her friends, tears sliding down her cheeks, she raised the blade above her heart.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" a voice called out to her.

Raven turned to see the red and black sky of her subconsciousness. Down the path from her was Carson, walking toward her. She looked down at her right hand--she was still gripping the dagger.

She brought it back to her heart. "Don't try to stop me Carson," she warned. "It's the only way."

"Idiot; are you forgetting something? If you die, then I cease to exist," Carson reminded her.

"I know that," she said quietly. "I also know that if I don't do this, I'll end the lives of every living thing in the world, and I've fought too long and too hard to let that happen." Her voice caught as she started to say the rest, but she stood firm. "The only way for the world to continue is through my death."

Carson stopped a few feet away from Raven. "Are you so sure? Have you given up so completely that you resort to suicide?"

"There is no other way!" she growled.

"You don't know that."

"I do!" Her eyes glowed dangerously. "Carson, the prophecy...I will inherit his empire...I will become..."

"I know," Carson said gently. He stepped closer to her. "I also know that, not too long ago, there was another prophecy involving you and an apocalypse that got thwarted."

Raven looked away. "That was different. I was able to use my powers to save them..." She raised the knife again, closing her eyes. "I'm sorry Carson. I really am. But I have to do this. For them."

Carson closed the remaining distance between the two of them and took Raven's free hand in his own. "There is another way, Raven. One that doesn't involve a knife in your perfectly rounded--chest."

Slowly, Raven's eyes opened, her mind filtering out the chest comment. "What?" she whispered.

"You heard me. There may be a way to reverse the Ascension, and keep us both alive. But you have to trust me." He gently squeezed Raven's hand. "Hand me the knife."

The knife lowered, and Raven's gaze was fixed on the steel blade for what seemed like ages. Finally, almost hesitantly, she handed the knife to Carson. He smiled. "One way or another, you were gonna hand me that weapon."

"...Why are you being so nice?" Raven asked quietly. "I thought you hated the Titans."

Carson laughed quietly. Letting go of Raven's hand, he sat down at the edge of the rock platform and gazed into the oblivion before him. "Do you know, in all my years of fighting, in all the time I have been in the assassin business, there has been one person--one girl--in that whole stretch of time who has defeated me so completely?"

"Who? Terra?"

A muscle in Carson's face twitched. "Fine...two people."

"What about the Army? You were a pretty pathetic little creature when you were with them."

He glared at Raven. "I was four."

"And what about--"

"Okay, I get it!" He sighed. "Look...what I meant was that in all my years, there has been one person in all the world who has completely overwhelmed me. When I fought Terra, I was in the game the whole time; it was because of a miscalculation on my part that she was able to beat me. Against the Titans, I was out of ammo and on an unarmed helicopter with a dumbass robot flying. The army did an okay job containing me, but I eventually got free and murdered them all, and against the HIVE, I kicked more ass than there is attached to J-Lo's tailbone. But there was one person, one girl, who I could never, ever beat, who's spirit I never shattered, no matter what I did." He locked his gaze with Raven's. "That girl was you."

"I don't begrudge you for taking me down that time, Raven. I admire it." He smiled. "I admire you."

Raven felt her face get hot as Carson went on. "I believe that, in these times, you will need all the friends you can get. And I would be honored if I was accepted as one of them."

A small smile spread across Raven's face. "You are." She pecked him on the cheek, and then it was Carson's turn to blush.

"But not as a Titan, 'cuz, y'know, I hate them and all that they stand for--mostly Robin, though. You've heard this before."

Raven rolled her eyes. "Of course," she muttered. The metaphorical lightbulb went off in her head. "Now, I believe you had something to tell me?"

A blank look crossed Carson's face. "What? Oh, yeah, right. Saving you. I was going over the files that you got from W&H, and I found some very interesting--"

The sound of someone knocking on her door pulled Raven out of her trance. She shook her head to clear her thoughts, and silently cursed whoever it was at the door for interrupting her. "Raven? You there? It's me...can I come in?" Raven sighed. Beast Boy.

She reached out with her powers and opened the door, letting Beast Boy walk into her room. "Come to patronize me some more?" she asked shortly.

"Never mind that. Look, we've been doing some more research, and--" Beast Boy paused. "What's with the hardware?" he asked, pointing at Raven's right hand.

She looked down. Her hand was still clutching the knife. "Um, I was just...rearranging my...knife collection," she said lamely.

Beast Boy folded his arms and gave her the most skeptical look he could muster. "Knife collection," he echoed. Raven nodded.

After a moment of suspense, Beast Boy shrugged and continued. "We were doing some more research on the Ascension. Turns out there was one a few years back in a town about 200 miles out of LA."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Raven asked sarcastically.

"No, but I'll bet this will: They were able to stop it. Something involving lots and lots of dynamite and a high school librarian." He grinned, waiting for Raven's approval.

"Well, unless you've got a librarian on hand, I think we're screwed," Raven said, her air of sarcasm staying in her voice.

Beast Boy's face fell. "I knew that wouldn't work," he moaned.

Raven set the knife aside on her dresser and sat on her bed, sighing. "How long has this whole ordeal been going for?"

Beast Boy thought. "3 days, tomorrow."

"3 days...seems like centuries." She sighed, looking down at her feet. "Beast Boy--"

"You don't need to apologize," Beast Boy said gently, sitting next to her.

Raven looked at him. "I wasn't gonna."

"Oh." He blushed. "Forget that then."

"What I was going to say is that..." she sighed again and stared at the wall "I've been hiding from my fate for so long...I guess..." she shook her head. "I don't know, I guess it's finally starting to catch up with me. Maybe I really am destined for nothing but death."

"That can't be true," Beast Boy said softly. She looked back at him. "I've known you for, what, four years now? I've seen you at your best, and at your worst--February 13-19, 2004 is a 'period' of time I'm not forgetting for a good long time." Raven blushed. "But seriously...I've seen you for what you really are, Raven."

"And what am I?" she asked.

Beast Boy put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him. "You are a beautiful, self-righteous, heroic young woman. And there is nobody else that I am more proud to call my friend than you." He smiled at her. "You're my hero, Raven."

A smile crossed her own face, drawing similarities to another, very similar, pep talk she had received not five minutes ago. "I'm shocked that you know what 'self-righteous' means."

"I don't," he said. "Cyborg's got a built-in thesaurus. I was looking for synonyms for 'tubular.'"

Raven's newfound respect vanished. "I'm assuming that before that you needed a dictionary to find out what a synonym was?"

Beast Boy looked at her in awe. "Whoa, you really CAN read minds! I thought you were just really full of yourself when you said--"

"Losing points here, Beast Boy..." she said, secretly amused at his humor, displeased at the 'full of yourself' comment, and making a mental note to tell Cyborg that his thesaurus was broken.

"Heh, yeah. Sorry." He looked back at Raven, who was still smiling her sad smile. "How much time did you say I had?" she asked.

Beast Boy thought again. "100 minus three, borrow ten, take-away--97 days."

Raven smiled at her sweet, yet clueless, crush. "That's all the time I need."

Below them, unbeknowst to the heroes of Titan's tower, within a great hall forgotten by all things mortal, a thing, scarred, burnt, and beaten, staggered down rows of random crap, to kneel at a great throne. "My life," he panted, "for yours."

The figure sitting at the throne leaned forward, inspecting the pathetic shell of a creature before him. "You are all that could be mustered?" he asked, unimpressed.

The creature, not daring to look up at his ruler, continued. "I was the only one who had not yet succumbed to the--"

"Yes, yes, I know. I did ask for the strongest that the Pits had to serve me. I was hoping for something along the lines of a Hitler or a Nero...I would have settled for an Uday Hussein, though. But," he added, looking his servant over, "I suppose you have some yet untapped potential within you." He extended a thin, red hand, and the creature kissed it bitterly.

"Rise, Krull Kullen, fallen servant of Scath the Misguided," he ordered. "Serve me well, and be rewarded. Fail me, and your fate will be the same as your deceaced master."

The demon, Krull Kullen, stood, facing his master. "I am thy humble servant," he intoned. "I shall serve thee faithfully, and without question, oh king of the fallen angels."

"And spare me the 'faithful servant' bullshit. A simple 'yes master,' or 'As you command,' will do nicely."

Krull Kullen was taken slightly aback by his master's attitude. "Y-yes...master."

The master, the great king of that dark empire, smiled. "That's better."

RR76: I almost put a sex scene in here, right at the end. Not between Yet-To-Be-Revealed-But-Painfully-Obvious-Villian and Krull Kullen, but between Beast Boy and Raven. Sherioushlay, I came ----- ------ thiiiiiiiiiis close. Hey, I just realized that you can make a Cartman face with the arrow thingies on your keyboard!

But yeah. I seriously did almost put in a sex scene. Nothing explicit, just...an implied thingy. I didn't because, for one, it'd make certain people (cough, Rory, cough) go "..." For another, writers block has been beating me to death for hours now. For another, by brother is gonna be back soon, and I promised I'd have this up by Tuesday. And finally, I do doubt my ability do come up with a half decent lime.

So yeah, here's my update. I am sincerely apologetic that there isn't a fight scene, but...I hope this is enough for you. Be happy that there isn't a flashback. 'Til next time.

-RR76

PS: Chapter 11, 'Revelations' is not to be confused with the Book of Revelations in the Bible, or the hentai comic, Ravenlations. Don't ask--suffice to say, it was a mistake to turn off the filter when image-searching for Teen Titans.

The soup of the day is Chicken Noodle.