Insanity
by
Cynthia Taz
For disclaimer and such please refer to chapter 1.
- TARA'S POV -
She looks so fragile on the bed.
She looks so empty in her eyes.
Why? Why would things end up like this?
Willow is supposed to get better after I left, and then we would be together again.
Not gaining vision, not living with an insane vampire for almost a year.
And certainly not becoming like this.
Why? Willow why?
Why didn't you tell me about your manic depression? Why didn't you come to me when you have visions?
Don't you trust me?
"Why?"
...Why am I whispering out loud?
Willow blinks.
Willow is staring at me.
Oh Goddess.
"Willow?"
She smiles.
- WILLOW'S POV -
Why.
Tara asks why.
She doesn't say what exactly she wants to know, but I can see it in her eyes.
Her eyes always speak to me.
She wants to know why I never told her about my... problem.
She wants to know why I didn't come back before.
I look at her. She calls my name. I smile.
I can see hopes in her sea blue eyes...
No. I can't do that. I can't do that to her.
I'm nothing. I'm no one. Don't love me.
Please.
I giggle. She blinks.
I'm sorry, my love.
"All me. It is all of me."
I'm sorry, my love.
"Large woods, little tree, getting into something that is never meant to be."
I'm sorry, my love.
"Death appoints thee, little red tree, seeing what you should never see."
I'm sorry, my love.
"Mother's hate, father's sin, lives' never the way it has been seen."
I'm sorry, my love.
"Place to hide, words for lies, coating the fragile mind."
I'm sorry, my love.
"Large woods, little tree, nothing left to free."
I'm sorry, Tara.
- XANDER'S POV -
Willow's mood has been swinging since Drusilla is dusted.
Sometimes she would suddenly laugh. Sometimes she would suddenly scream. Sometimes she would just lie there, staring at space.
I still remembered the night when we came back from the house. Willow stared at space for whole night, then started trashing the whole room, screaming for Dru. Tara ended up putting a sleeping spell on her to calm her down. I never saw her like that.
She never let herself being seen like that... until now.
I remembered there were times when I was worried that her parents were like mine, seeing cuts and bruises on her body. Every time I asked her, she would smile at me, and said:
"They are not even in town."
I always smiled at her answer. No one was hitting her at home, so it was good, right?
Of course, I was wrong. Dead wrong.
Because she didn't even have a home. She had a house where she lived, but she didn't have a home.
I bet most of her faint scars on her hands and legs were not accidents, but the leftovers of what she felt.
Abandoned. Anger.
Alone.
Now, looking at her, I have to wonder...
Do I really know her?
Or I have just befriended the Willow who is improved by some medicines, the happy Willow Rosenberg who is created in order to cover the self-destructed Willow inside her?
- BUFFY'S POV -
Xander is on the Willow watch again.
Sometimes I wonder, who is taking it harder? Xander the best friend? Or Tara the girlfriend?
Xander has known Willow like, forever, yet he never knew about her disorder, nor could help.
Tara is Willow's soul-mate, yet she never saw the destructed side of Willow, nor could help.
And worst yet, Buffy the slayer, the best friend of Willow Rosenberg for more than six years, doesn't know what to do, nor to help.