Forgive My Hesitation

Rating: M for language, violence

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing you recognize.. That should cover it properly.

Spoilers: From RAW, January 2nd.. A few on back and up to RAW, January 16th… just not like you might expect.

Eventual Pairings: Lita/John Cena, Stacy/Chris Masters, Lilian/Batista, Victoria/Hunter, Trish/Jeff, Maria/Randy, Candice/Unsure

Summary: When Lita takes a stand, she finds help from friends and from people that she never would have expected.

Notes: nothing new to add at this time…my writing style may vary now from chapter to chapter... Intro. paragraphs might be longer or they might be shorter...all depends on the muses. That said, chapter length will also vary...

-x-x-x-

Randy barely had the time to blink before he found himself standing in the hallway outside of Lita's hospital room... a questioning look sent to the blonde man who had just dragged him out. Certainly, he had been pushed out of Lita's room at Dave's house before, but, that was because Dave didn't want him anywhere near the redhead. Now of course, the situation was different. After Lita had rejected him, Dave had eased up slightly...but not entirely, still trying to keep the two apart for his own sanity. That still didn't explain why Hunter had dragged him out of there though.. The Legend Killer running a hand through his short hair.

"What was that for?"

Hunter thumbed back to the hospital room, "they needed some time to talk."

Randy arched an eyebrow, "and are they aware of this or are we the only ones?"

The older man held up a hand, "relax, kid. Li just has a lot on her mind and--"

"H, what are you doing? I mean, seriously man, what are you doing?"

"Now is not the time to get jealous, Randy."

He rolled his eyes, "I'm not getting jealous, Hunter.. I just.. Lita has been through a lot, we all know this, we've seen it. Are you so sure that pushing her towards Cena is such a bright idea?"

Hunter scoffed, "and since when do you take me for one of the divas? I'm not 'pushing' her towards Cena, I just think she needs to talk to him.. Clear the air a little."

Randy looked skeptical, the two men heading for the nearby waiting area. "Look, I know we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things...this included. So, why don't you play the part of good guy here and tell me what's going on. Otherwise, I'll jump to my own conclusions and tell Dave in the process."

Hunter rolled his eyes, "alright.. I'm pretty sure you heard my conversation with Li last night.. and don't even try to tell me different. I mentored you, I'll always be one step ahead of you."

Randy half shrugged, "I won't deny or confirm your suspicions, Hunter... Talk."

He laced a hand through his blonde locks, "between the two of us, Masters and Big D, Li has what.. four guys playing her brother? And only one of them is genetically capable of doing so, correct?"

"Yeah..so?"

"The last thing she wants is another one of us. Come on, kid, I've seen how you can be, you know how I can be." The slightest of smirks crossed his face, "and we both know how Dave can be."

The Legend Killer frowned in thought, "so you're saying it's a bad thing if Cena's the same way?"

Hunter nodded sharply, "exactly. I mean sure, I don't know what his intentions are and neither does she. But, if she has the chance to talk to him about it...something that she never really had the chance to do where we're concerned..."

After a moment, Randy nodded slowly. "I guess I can see your point.. But, what if his intentions aren't, well...what do you think of this?"

This time, Hunter did smirk. "Honestly? I think he's another you, just a little more mature." A slight shrug, "and who knows.. Maybe it is what she needs and maybe it isn't. We can't decide that for her, only she can. At this point, we don't even know what his intentions are."

It was Randy's turn to smirk, "he is acting like I was...just not as--"

"Foolish?" Hunter held up his hands in mock defense when Randy glared, "kid...admit it, you were acting like a love sick fool."

"So maybe I was," the blue eyed wrestler conceded easily, "but I did back off, after she told me to anyway."

The older man nodded, "and did it ever occur to you to actually talk to her? Figure out what she did and didn't need?"

Randy frowned thoughtfully, "alright then, wise one... Enlighten me. What does she need?"

Hunter snorted, "I might be wise but I'm not omnicient. I just call it like I see it.. And as of right now? The last thing she needs is another person galavanting as a would-be older brother. She needs someone who she can talk to, someone who hasn't been tangled up in her past, you know?"

"Someone like Cena," Randy reasoned then, "do you think I should back off?"

Hunter chuckled, "kid.. I don't think you could if you tried." The blonde man stood, jamming his hands into the pockets of his pants. "Come on.. Let's go find Vicki and head to the cafeteria.. Coffee's on me."

Randy eyed him suspiciously, "you're being nice...why?"

"I can be nice," a beat passed, "when I feel like it."

Randy made a sound of disbelief, "yeah.. You're nice when it benefits you in some fashion."

Hunter snorted, gesturing between them. "But, this little chat...heart to heart, whatever the hell you want to call it... Changes nothing...For the record, I still think you're rash, irresponsible and a loudmouthed, cocky jerk." The blonde man shrugged a fraction, "but, you're tolerable enough."

The Legend Killer rolled his eyes, "have you tried looking in a mirror lately? You just about described yourself."

Hunter smirked, "I'm not as irresponsible or rash as you are, Orton.. It's called maturity, try it sometime."

"You should be one to talk.."

Hunter cringed just slightly, turning to face the raven haired diva. "How much did you hear?"

She shrugged marginally, "I heard enough...and I'll leave it at that."

The blonde man glanced between the diva and the Legend Killer. "So.. How about that coffee, huh?"

Victoria gestured for Randy to go ahead, placing a hand on Hunter's arm. "I know you're trying to look out for Lita, but, she is a big girl. She's capable of looking out for herself."

"She isn't doing a very good job of it."

"I never said she was, I just said she was capable of doing so." She sent a long look back to the hospital room, "she has a lot of issues to work on, Hunter.. And the Lita that's in that hospital room, even though she's showing some signs of being who she used to be...there's a chance that she might not bounce back completely."

Hunter frowned, "are you telling me to back off?"

Victoria shook her head, "I'm not telling you to do anything.. I think Li is gonna need all of us, but, we can't push her, we can't decide on what's best for her, in any form. She needs to come to us... And as of this moment? She's not really going to anyone."

Hunter smiled sheepishly, "Cena seemed like the best choice.."

"I hate to agree with you, but.." Victoria let out a soft sigh, "and I know, you're just like Dave.. You just want what's best for her.. But like you just told Randy.. We can't decide that for her.. Sure, we can advise, we can drop subtle or not so subtle hints...but she needs to make the final choice."

Hunter nodded his agreement, "I'll stay out of it from now on." He offered his arm to the diva, "now come on.. there's coffee and supposed food in the cafeteria.. I'm buying."

Victoria smirked, taking the offered arm none the less. "How utterly generous of you."

The blonde man let out an over dramatic sigh, "then how about dinner...later this week.. Maybe during the mini-promo tour?" He rolled his eyes good naturedly when she shot him a skeptical look, "not on the 'lets date' territory, this is the between friends territory... Unless you suddenly decide to play the Game."

She bumped hips with him, the woman welcoming the change in mood...even if she did'nt know how serious he was really being. "Only if you're lucky, Hunter... Why don't we see how this 'just friends' dinner goes first."

-x-x-x-

When Lita ended her phone call with her brother, a near awkward silence fell over the pair remaining in the hospital room. And it wasn't that she suddenly felt uncomfortable with the West Newbury native...or at least not entirely, anyway. A part of her did feel unsure, not knowing how he viewed himself in this particular situation. Because, whether she really wanted to think about it or not, everyone involved had some sort of role to play. Chris, Randy and Hunter had taken it upon themselves to be surrogate brothers to her, while Dave of course, was her brother. Victoria was her sounding bourd, Lilian the voice of reason.. Trish and Jeff the reliable best friends.. Even Maria had a role to play...the blonde interviewer serving as a new information person and quite frankly, giving the Legend Killer another person to shower attention to. And now that she actually took the time to analyze it that way, Lita couldn't help but wonder... Just where did John fit in and where did she want him to fit in? Of course, she already knew one option was out...the last thing she wanted or needed at this point was another person trying to play protective brother. Granted yes, John had already played the part once or twice...comforting her when she needed it, listening to her when she needed it and just being there for her when she needed it. He had also stayed at the hospital with her, twice counting the most recent incident, and it had been on his own accord.. But, as much as analyzing the situation in her head was helping, she still needed to speak with him about it.. The only problem.. How?

Blue eyes held hazel for the briefest of moments, "did Hunter do this on purpose?"

The redhead looked thoughtful, "I wouldn't put it past him..." She sat up further in the hospital bed, "actually.. I do know he did this on purpose. I just don't know why."

"Okay," John sat forwards in the chair, elbows resting lightly on his thighs. "Would this have anything to do wit' last night?"

"What do you mean by last night?" The diva tucked a wayward strand of hair behind her ear, "a lot happened last night."

His shoulders lifted slightly, "I mean like.. You gettin' all defensive an' shit. I kinda expected it but.."

She frowned, "well if you had people hovering over you all the time, I'm sure you'd act the same way... People who think they know what's best for you and whatever."

John arched an eyebrow, "even when one of those people happens to be your brother?"

"It doesn't make it any better."

"I never said that, I'm jus' sayin'.. At least wit' D, you should expect it, right?" At her nod, he shrugged. "An' I'm guessin' Helmsley made up his mind 'bout this.. Masters an' Orton, I ain't really sure."

Fingertips curled into the thin hospital bed sheet, "they're pretty much the same way as Hunter.. Just not as bad as Hunter.. I mean, in a way, H is a like another older brother to me. Randy, well, that's just a long story in itself and Chris was pretty much dragged into this whole mess."

"So ya got your two older brothers, even though one of 'em ain't your brother.. An' two would be brothers?"

Lita nodded slowly, "that is what I just said.."

John cracked a lopsided smile, "then I got somethin' to sympathize wit' ya on.. I'm second of five boys."

The tiniest smile curled at the corners of her mouth, "well it wouldn't be the exact same.. H is closer to Dave's age then mine."

The blue eyed wrestler waved it off, "details, details.. It works for my purposes, aight?"

An eyebrow quirked, "and just what are your purposes, hmm? To be the sixth brother in the equation?"

John made a face, "woman, you tryin' to give me nightmares? I wouldn't wanna be related to someone like Orton." He shuddered over dramatically, "that's just wrong."

"Because being related to myself or Dave is so much better." She shook her head, "D is just...well, he's D. And I'm.." Lita wrinkled her nose, "I'm too broken to try and figure that out now."

He brought his chair closer to the bed, stopping when he realized the noise was hurting both of their ears. "If I sit down, can ya promise ya ain't gonna push me off?"

She pretended to think on it, "so long as you don't give me a good reason? Then no, I won't be inclined to push you off. " The diva patted the bed, "have a seat."

A moment later and he was seated next to her, not touching her since he wanted to give her space. "Alright now.. I know I don't know ya like Victoria, or Hunter or Randy...or even Chris for that matter. An' obviously, ain't none of us gonna know ya better than D."

Lita arched an eyebrow, "what's the point John?"

"Jus'.. I don't know ya like everyone else does, but.. I know ya enough to say, you ain't as broken as ya think." He held up a hand when she looked ready to argue, " 'cos if you was really that broken? You wouldn't have stood up to Edge in the first place. . If you was as broken as you claim, you wouldn't have hit that big Ape wit' a steel chair... An' well, I doubt you woulda walked out to the ring last night, dressed like you was."

The redhead smirked just a bit, "I thought you liked my outfit."

John rolled his eyes good naturedly, "I already told ya, you looked damn fuckin' hot in it. But, that ain't the point.. If you was really as broken as you claim or as you think yourself to be? You wouldn't have done some of the shit you've done in the past few weeks."

"I guess you do have a point.."

"I ain't finished yet," tentatively he reached out, her good hand in his. "Lita, I know you got issues, shit that you gotta work on...whateva'. I can already see ya don't really appreciate having more brothers then you're supposed to so, I ain't gonna do that to ya."

Lita coughed, the wrestler bringing his gaze to hers. "I wanted to talk to you about that...and Hunter kinda suggested it late last night." Her lips pressed into a thin line, the diva gathering her thoughts before she spoke.. "You're right.. I don't want and quiet honestly, I don't think I need another person trying to play big brother or trying to be a hero.. I have more than enough of that with my real brother, let alone three guys intent on doing it." She paused, drawing her lower lip between her teeth, worrying the soft flesh. "I guess.. I mean, I want to know...everyone, it seems, has a role to play.."

"An' how do I see myself?" He suggested for her, the normally outspoken wrestler quiet for a long moment. "If I hadta put myself in some sorta role..."

"I don't want to hear what you think I want to hear.. I want to hear what you think." She smiled slightly, "I promise I won't hit you or push you off the bed for it either so, feel free to speak your mind here."

John quirked a smile, "ya know.. normally that's jus' askin' for trouble." His expression sobered then, "if I hadta put myself in a role.. I jus' want to be your friend. Someone you can talk to an' whateva.. Ya already said ya got enough people tryin' to look out for ya, tryin' to be all heroic an' shit.. An' I can't promise that I'm gonna stop that completely, 'cos you are my manager and I can't help but feel a little responsible for ya."

Lita nodded slowly, "I suppose I can deal with that.."

"If it'd make ya feel better, when ya think I'm goin' overboard, crossin' the line, what have ya.. Jus' say so."

Lita smiled softly, "I'm holding you to that." She squeezed his hand lightly, "and I can't say I'd mind having you as a friend.. You aren't that bad...though I do have to question a few things about you."

An eyebrow raised, "such as?"

"Your taste in music, for one.."

John feigned hurt, "woman.. There ain't a damn thing wrong wit' my taste in music. We hafta work on yours."

Lita rolled her eyes, "and that's where you're entirely wrong, John.. It's your taste in music that needs to be worked on."

"I'll jus' let ya keep thinkin' that, but, ya know I'm right." He reached out his free hand, toying with a strand of her hair. "Jus' do me one favor, alright?"

"As long as this request is reasonable, I can consider it.."

The WWE Champion rolled his eyes, fingers sifting lightly through her hair. "I'll back off, I won't try to go all hero on you, but you gotta start takin' care of yourself.. An' if that means gettin' help for these panic attacks of yours.."

She nodded abruptly, "I'll do my best.. I know my brother will be on my case and Hunter already gave me a little lecture about it so.. I don't think there's any need to worry."

"Good," his hand stilled for a moment, "'cos like I told ya last night.. That scared the shit outta me."

Lita inclined her head, "you don't seem like the type to scare easily, Cena."

"John," he corrected her first, "and I ain't really... Jus' that, what happened to you, not somethin' ya see every day."

Lita's nose wrinkled a touch, "that's the worst it's happened actually.. Most of the time I can control it, stop it before it gets that bad."

John frowned, "ya shouldn't hafta be dealin' wit' it anyway though.. An' I know these are jus' words, but, if I can do anythin' to help ya.."

Lita smiled, "I'll be sure to let you know."

He returned the smile, the pair falling into a momentary, if not comfortable, silence for the time being. Granted, Lita did feel somewhat relieved to know that he wouldn't be trying to play the role of hero or big brother to her...but, there was still something underlying that she couldn't quite figure out. He was offering to be here friend, yes, she understood that part but... That always came with some sort of attachment, some sort of motive. Her rational side was telling her that John Cena didn't seem like the type to deal in ulterior motives, but, she still couldn't shake the thought. But, then again, if he was that type of person.. Dave wouldn't have asked him to take over the contract.. If he was that type of person, Hunter wouldn't have left her alone with him. So, if he wasn't that type of person, maybe he was genuine and maybe she was just reading into things too much. Lita didn't really know for certain at this point, figuring that time and only time, would answer that particular question.