Everyone seemed to enjoy that last chapter with a visit and conversation with Aqua. And you also immediately called out Lea on how he should apply that same advice to his own situation. Which is accurate, but he's got a bit of a blindspot with his own issues.
I've been looking forward to this chapter for a long time. I'm guessing that all of you have been too. The pressure cooker that is Lea's mental and emotional health is about to be dealt with finally. Time for important reveals! Just a quick warning though. Things get a bit rough...
The bright white walls of Castle Oblivion weren't so different to the bright white walls of the Castle That Never Was. For the unobservant, it would be extremely easy to forget which location was which. It was already difficult enough navigating Castle Oblivion with its shifting rooms. There simply weren't many useful features for determining your location. But Axel had spent enough time in both of them to be able to tell the difference at a glance as he stepped out of the dark corridor. And judging by the large open room with a door at one end and a staircase at the opposite side, he knew it was one of the numerous floors of Castle Oblivion. He wasn't certain which one or even if it was above ground or in the basement. Axel was simply following where he was led.
Xemnas had brought him there without explanation. And Axel obeyed.
Marluxia and Larxene approached the two of them, bowing slightly in greetings towards Xemnas. They didn't acknowledge Axel's presence. He didn't really matter to them. He was simply there. Not a person. None of them were. That was what it meant to be a Nobody. He was merely his role. He was the Organization's assassin. Nothing more.
"Axel," said Xemnas, cold and impersonal.
He pointed across the room at two figures in black. Vexen and Zexion. Both of them watching leerily. Axel would almost call the look on their faces one of fear except Nobodies didn't have emotions. But they did have a survival instinct and the two seemed to recognize the approaching threat to their non-existences.
Axel only had one purpose. Only one reason to be there. He was Organization XIII's assassin. Their tool. Their weapon.
Ready to kill upon command. Whether it came from Marluxia, Xigbar, Saïx, or Xemnas himself, the outcome would always be the same.
Stepping forward, Marluxia ordered, "You must eliminate the traitor."
His chakrams materialized in his hands as he darted forward. Vexen shoved Zexion behind him as he summoned his shield, ready to defend. But Axel slid towards the right even as she sent one chakram flying over their heads. Vexen twisted, trying to follow Axel's movements in order to keep the shield between the two of them and the assassin. And he did manage to block Axel's quick slash with the weapon in his hand.
But Vexen failed to keep track of the other one as it ricocheted off the far wall. Allowing it to bury itself into Zexion's back.
A wet and choked gurgle. His eyes widened in shock and pain. And then he collapsed forward, grasping at Vexen's black coat as he fell.
Something in Axel rebelled and cried out against what he'd just done. Hating himself for it. But it didn't matter. Axel didn't have a heart. The pain, guilt, and regret weren't real.
Nor was Vexen's suffering, regardless of the horrified sound that he made as he spun around. The denials falling from his lips as he tried to hold onto the younger Nobody. The sudden wetness on his face. They didn't matter. What he felt wasn't real. And it only lasted a moment. As Vexen lost his focus and left himself vulnerable, Axel lunged forward. A downward slash with his remaining chakram sent a stream of fire to engulf him.
Vexen screamed as he burned. And something in Axel screamed just as strongly against what he was doing. He didn't want to do this. He wanted to stop.
But that rebellion was solely an internal and futile struggle. On the outside, Axel simply stared down at the limp unfading bodies for a moment before turning back towards Xemnas.
Xemnas didn't comment on the way the two bodies remained sprawled on the ground, not fading into nothingness as they should. And it certainly wasn't because they survived. One look at Vexen's smoldering remains proved that he was deceased. Their bodies were simply lingering as if they were real people instead of Nobodies. But no one was treating it as anything strange.
Instead, Xemnas gestured sharply at Larxene and Marluxia. The pair staggered back a few steps, eyes widening in surprise.
"You must eliminate the traitor," ordered Xemnas.
Knives and a scythe materialized in the same instant that Axel's chakrams returned to his hands. Larxene didn't wait for him to make the first move. She dashed forward, crackling with electricity as she slashed at him with her blades. Axel twisted and dodged as she continued the assault, barely avoiding Larxene's knives. He kept moving as he watched for the right opening. Waiting patiently. She was fast, but she wasn't perfect.
Axel abruptly slid to the side as Marluxia spun past him like a living sawblade. Then he slammed his magic down. The floor ignited. Flames flared up and out, hitting them both and knocking the pair off their feet. Axel didn't give them a chance to recover. He slammed one chakram into Larxene's chest hard enough to rip through her black coat and deep into her body.
He threw the other at Marluxia. But even still partially stunned, Marluxia managed to get his scythe up in time to deflect it. But Axel was already closing the distance before his opponent could regain his footing. Chakrams rematerializing in his hands, Axel spun in a swirl of flames that he sent to wrap around Marluxia. Both the fire and screams died down at the same time.
That rebellious and horrified part of Axel despised what he was doing. Even if he wasn't fond of the pair, they had worked alongside him for years. And yet he killed them without hesitation or thought, just as he did Vexen and Zexion. How could he do something that heartless, as if all that history didn't matter?
Because being heartless and cruel was part of being a Nobody. And he was merely an emotionless weapon to be turned against any target that Xemnas named. It was all that he was good for.
So the awful gut-wrenching guilt at what he was doing, the loathing, and the frustration that he couldn't stop himself wasn't real. It couldn't be real. Because his emotions weren't real.
Xemnas pointed across the room. Axel didn't know when they arrived, but there were two teenagers staring at the bodies in horror. A red-haired girl standing behind a white-haired boy wearing a blindfold and dressed in one of the Organization's coats. A treacherous imposter who'd been running around causing trouble for them.
The part of Axel that was screaming out against what was happening immediately recognized Kairi and Riku. It screamed, struggled, and fought back because it knew what would happen. And yet, despite that recognition and desire to refuse, Axel couldn't stop what was happening.
"You must eliminate the traitor."
Axel wanted to shout out that they weren't traitors, that they couldn't betray something that they'd never been a part of, but being an imposter was apparently close enough and his body was already moving. Already obeying his Superior's command.
A few quick slashes to test Riku's reactions, but the boy was quick with his sword. He blocked Axel's every move. Metal clanged loudly with every impact and Riku was putting all his strength into the fight. Refusing to back down. It was admirable. But Riku also made certain to keep between Kairi and the threat. And even if part of him desperately tried to resist, Axel could certainly recognize a vulnerability and knew how to exploit it.
He flung one chakram high and sent a stream of fire low. Riku managed to avoid both, but he wasn't Axel's target. Kairi screamed in pain, collapsing from the burn to her leg. And when Riku was distracted, his blindfolded face twisted with worry as he instinctively turned towards her, Axel closed the distance. One arm wrapped around the boy's body to pin his limbs down. And with the other chakram, Axel slashed the boy's throat. A few painful jerks within Axel's grip and then Riku slumped.
Another death to the total. And he wasn't just counting those in that room.
A wordless gasp of horror yanked Axel's attention towards the stairs. Sora stared at the sight before slowly shaking his head. Trying to deny the very brutal reality in front of him. Tears and fury welled up as his Keyblade appeared in his hand. Axel barely dropped Riku's body in time to block as Sora launched himself across the room, trying to slash the assassin in half.
Sora was brutal, ruthless, and almost animalistic in his rage. A terrifying force of nature that his human body could scarcely contain. Axel could barely keep up with the kid's speed and ability as he came at him from every angle. Every impact jolted painfully up Axel's arms. There was no chance for him to do more than defend against Sora. It was all that Axel could do to keep himself alive through the assault. Striking back was impossible.
Sora would stop him. Axel clung to desperately to the idea that Sora would certainly win and stop him. The kid was strong enough to take him down. Axel didn't know if he would survive the fight, but Sora would keep him from harming anyone else.
Riku didn't deserve to die like that. He was a decent kid, stubborn and trying to do the right thing. He didn't deserve it. Axel wasn't even certain that his fellow Nobodies deserved what he'd done either. They weren't as innocent, but it still didn't feel right. And Axel didn't know if any other way to make himself stop except to hope that Sora could. He needed Sora to beat him down the same way that he did every other dark and horrible monster that the kid faced.
Because that's what Axel was. He was just lucky enough to give off the illusion of humanity still.
A particularly powerful strike knocked Axel sliding back. And with the increased distance between them, Sora paused for just a moment. Keyblade held in front of him as he glared at Axel with those bright blue eyes. Eyes so painfully familiar. Eyes that tore through Axel, practically impaling him with the boy's anger and pain. Eyes that momentarily flickered to the side.
Axel followed his gaze and spotted Kairi trying to hobble away. Slow, clumsy, and struggling to move on her burned leg. He felt awful about what he'd done to her, hurting her that badly. And Axel felt even worse as he recognized the perfect opening that she provided.
Spinning both chakrams briefly, Axel threw both his arms and magic forward. Sending a scorching wall of fire racing across. Not towards Sora, but the vulnerable Kairi. She stumbled desperately, unable to escape. But with no concern for his own safety or well-being, Sora flung himself between her and the threat. Shielding his friend with his own body, blocking the flames from her. Leaving him hurt, wobbling weakly, and barely upright, but both of them alive. His bespelled clothes and accessories gave him enough magical protection to survive his act as a human shield.
But not enough protection to stop the chakram that suddenly flew through the fire to bury itself in the boy's body. Kairi screamed as Axel felt sick. Those bright blue eyes grew dull as Sora collapsed lifelessly to the floor. His impulse to protect others regardless of the cost to himself had finally caught up with the Keyblade wielder.
The chakram dematerialized from the deep wound and more blood pooled out. The room didn't quite look as white anymore between the stains and scorch marks. Axel's crimes were splashed across every surface and with every crumpled body.
Kairi tried crawling away. Sobbing and shaking as she tried to drag herself away from both her friends' dead bodies and the assassin responsible. Heartbroken by the losses and terrified by her helplessness.
Axel tried to stop himself. But it was like he was watching someone else control his body except he could feel everything that he was doing. He could feel his hand grab her throat and yank Kairi off the ground. He could feel the weight of her as she struggled and clawed at him, trying to break free. Trying frantically to breathe past his viselike grip. Her feet kicked uselessly in the air, unable to reach anything. She didn't have enough air to make a sound, but there were tears and her mouth was wide open.
Axel wanted to stop. He wanted to let her go. Kairi was his friend. That thought shrieked through his mind. They were friends, but he couldn't stop squeezing her throat. Even as every part of him was screaming and struggling to break free of the unbreakable compulsion. Even as her face darkened, her eyes turned bloodshot, her arms dropped limply to her sides, and she grew still. He maintained his ruthless grip until all life drained from Kairi's body. He couldn't stop until he crushed every spark of light from her eyes. Only then did Axel let go.
He tried to look away as she fell roughly on the ground, his chest aching sharply as the horror and wrongness of it all clawed and tore at him. He hated what he'd done. He hated himself for doing it. Why couldn't he stop? He couldn't stop himself from killing anyone.
Just the Organization's assassin. Their unfeeling tool. Their weapon to be aimed and turned loose, unthinking and uncaring beyond that role.
Axel finally looked away from Kairi's body, turning back towards Xemnas. But the Nobody wasn't alone. Battered and clutching at his ribs defensively, Saïx kneeled in front of Xemnas. The Superior stood behind him, staring coldly down at the Nobody. Visibly bruised and barely conscious, Saïx was the obvious victim of a brutal assault by Xemnas. The marks from the Superior's lasers were rather distinctive. And there was only one possible reason why Xemnas would attack Saïx and reduce him to that state.
He knew. He knew about Saïx's ulterior motives and agenda. That his loyalty wasn't as unquestioning as it seemed.
He knew what was coming, but desperately wanted to be wrong. Axel mentally screamed and begged for it not to happen. He clung to denial. Saïx was his oldest friend. Axel spent more time in his home growing up than he did his own. They were practically family throughout their childhood. He couldn't hurt Saïx, no matter how their relationship might have strained over the past decade. He couldn't hurt his oldest friend. But he also knew that he wouldn't be able to stop himself if—
"You must eliminate the traitor," ordered Xemnas.
Saïx's golden eyes widened momentarily at the command. But then the pained expression of dread on his face shifted into quiet resignation. He took a deep breath and bowed his head. Accepting his fate without resistance. Knowing that he was too injured to fight back and that Xemnas would never allow it anyway.
Axel couldn't stop. His body refused to obey him. It was too busy obeying the will of another.
Flames licked along his chakrams. The razor-sharp discs of metal and fire flashed through the air. And Axel watched both of them hit. Saïx barely made a sound. A choked gasp as the impact jolted his body and then silence. Xemnas absently shoved him to the side and out of the way.
Axel wished that Saïx had screamed. He wanted to scream himself. It wasn't fair. He didn't want to be this awful and cruel monster. He didn't want to turn against his friends like this. He didn't want to kill everyone. He wanted to stop.
He wanted someone to stop him. Axel wanted to beg someone to stop him. Anyone.
Xemnas pointed behind Axel. And he knew that there would be another target. Someone else that he would kill. More heartache, pain, guilt, regret, horror, and sickening self-loathing that would keep piling on. He was already smothering under the weight of it. He couldn't bear any more of it. He didn't want to look. He didn't want to see who would die next at his hands.
But why should what he wanted matter? He was just an emotionless Nobody. Something that shouldn't only exist. He didn't deserve anything because he was less than nothing. He was only good for doing the icky jobs as Organization XIII's assassin. And he would never be anything more.
Axel turned around. And his breath caught in his throat.
No. Please, no. Not them.
"You must eliminate the traitors," commanded Xemnas, merciless and tolerating no misunderstanding.
Standing among the carnage, despite how much Axel wanted to deny it with every fiber of his non-existent being, was Roxas and Xion.
Initially, Roxas wasn't certain what woke him up. All that he knew was that something pulled him out of a deep sleep, leaving him blinking blearily up at the ceiling. The deep purple outside of his window meant that it was either very late or extremely early. An hour that he'd grown familiar with due to his past nightmares. But this time, he couldn't tell why he was awake. He'd actually avoided any nightmares recently.
Dragging a hand through his hair while swallowing a groan, Roxas stared at his Struggle Tournament poster in the dark and tried to figure out what happened. They'd had a pretty busy day visiting the Land of Departure. And it had been a good one. Sparring with Ventus, learning how to perform one of those Shotlocks that those three seemed to prefer, and trying out some delicious cookies that they almost forgot until late in the evening. And while he'd overheard a few things that he would need to consider carefully, especially with how they seemed to resonate with some unnamed worries about Lea that neither he nor Xion could quite explain or identify yet, nothing had happened during the visit that might lead to him waking up now.
Then he heard it. A quiet creak, a rustle of movement, and a heavily-muffled sob. Roxas sat up, frowning with worry. Xion must be having a nightmare. It was the only explanation. Isa had stayed over on the couch and Roxas wasn't certain if he had nightmare often, but he would be too far away from Roxas's room to hear. Isa having trouble sleeping wouldn't be enough to wake him up out of a sound sleep. It had to be Xion.
He heard the soft distressed sounds again as he quietly slid out of bed. Roxas clearly needed to hurry up. Though it was a little strange that Lea wasn't already checking on Xion. He was always the first to respond to their nightmares. But maybe it was better that Roxas woke up instead. Lea had seemed a little off lately and maybe worn down compared to normal. He could probably use the rest.
Moving silently on bare feet, Roxas moved down the hall and into Xion's room. He was already shaking her shoulder before he realized that something was wrong. Xion was sleeping peacefully. Not a single hint of distress.
Xion wasn't having a nightmare. That wasn't what woke him up.
"What?" mumbled Xion, rubbing her eyes. "Roxas?"
This time, the creaking and rustling movements were somehow both louder than before and farther away. Roxas frowned briefly. It wasn't Xion. And since her room was closer to the rest of the apartment, the noises would have sounded closer if they were coming from Isa on the couch. But they sounded farther away from her room than Roxas's bedroom. And that left only…
"What is it?" she asked, sitting up.
Glancing towards the doorway, he said, "I think it's Axel."
Axel tried everything to reclaim control of his body. To force himself to stop. To do anything other than stalk his way towards the two Keybearers. His friends.
Why weren't they fighting back or trying to get away? Roxas and Xion could clearly see what Axel had done. The broken, burnt, and bleeding bodies were strewed around the room. His crimes on full display. Impossible to miss or ignore. And yet they weren't trying to escape while they still could. Nor were they summoning their Keyblades.
Couldn't the recognize the danger that they were in? Why weren't they trying to defend themselves? They were supposed to fight back against him. Axel wanted them to fight back. He couldn't win. Not against both of them at once. He needed them to fight back. He needed them to survive.
But they weren't trying to fight. Xion was clutching her hands in front of her chest and Roxas was as tense as a drawn bow, but they weren't fighting or running away. They were just staring at him with their matching bright blue eyes. Confused, uncertain, a little unnerved, but trusting despite everything. Trusting him even now. Trusting Axel despite all the evidence of why they shouldn't and how dangerous he was.
Axel wished that they trusted him less. He didn't deserve that trust. And he wouldn't be able to stop himself from betraying that trust.
He stopped within arm's reach of them. Close enough that Axel could have ruffled their hair or shoved them playfully. Xion took the tiniest step back but neither of them were running. No matter how much Axel tried to scream and beg for them to escape. Frantic and desperate to make them understand the danger.
He didn't summon his chakrams. Nothing to slash at them and nothing to properly channel his magic through. Axel just summoned the flames directly. The fire engulfed them both. Hungry and merciless flames swallowing them in an instant as his magic poured into the uncontrolled inferno. The screams hit him harder than the wave of heat that washed over him. But they grew silent far too soon and the blackening figures fell. They continued to burn hot and bright under his power. It wasn't the most controlled or efficient way to wield his fire magic, but Axel kept it going. The smell of burning hair and flesh made his eyes sting. Everything kept burning. Flesh vanished, muscles sizzled, and bones blackened.
Then Axel was free of whatever compulsion held him prisoner. He stumbled backwards, cutting off all magic and extinguishing the flames. But it was too late. There was nothing recognizable left. Certainly nothing alive.
He collapsed to his knees, grabbing at the sides of his head and screaming. Pouring out all of his pain, horror, and grief into the desperate and ragged scream. Unable to contain the anguish and hatred. He screamed until he ran out of breath and couldn't regain it because he immediately slipped into sobs. It felt like his chest was filled with shards of broken glass and he just wanted to claw it out. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't bear it. It was just too awful. He wanted to tear out his eyes or maybe his entire memory because he couldn't stop seeing their burnt husks.
Roxas. Xion.
He killed them. His best friends. And not just the two of them, but everyone. He'd turned against them all and murdered them in cold blood. Without a single hesitation.
No hesitation, but countless regrets.
"You must eliminate the traitor."
Axel's head snapped up, the dry sobs still choking him. Please, no more. He couldn't stand anyone else. He couldn't bear what he'd already done. But this time, there was no one new in the room. No more targets waiting to die. Only himself and Xemnas.
"Leave me alone," he whispered, his voice rough and broken. "I'm not doing any more icky jobs for you. Got it memorized?"
"Oh, you will want to finish this one," said Xemnas smugly. "The final traitor and the worst of them all. His betrayal outstripped them all. He betrayed everyone that mattered to him. Allies. Friends." He grinned in a predatory way. "Even the children entrusted to his care."
Axel was already struggling to breathe through the absolute misery, but realization drove what little air remained from his body. He was talking about Axel. What Xemnas was suggesting was awful and terrifying to contemplate.
But he wasn't wrong. Axel betrayed and murdered them all. The horror, guilt, misery, and sheer awfulness of it all was too strong to endure. He was drowning in it. And it would never end because he could never take it back. He didn't deserve to be there when so many were gone because of him. Axel deserved to suffer for what he'd done.
Zexion. Vexen. Larxene. Marluxia.
Riku. Sora. Kairi.
Isa.
Roxas. Xion.
Burnt. Bleeding. Stabbed. Slashed. Scorched. Incinerated.
Dead.
His fault. Because this was all that he would ever be. Nothing more. Organization XIII's assassin. The ruthless Nobody. The ultimate traitor.
And there was only one fate worthy of a traitor. Especially one of his caliber.
"You must eliminate the traitor."
Bowing his head, Axel whispered, "Yes, Lord Xemnas."
It was harder to burn yourself with your own conjured fire, but there were a few circumstances. Using too much power. Being too tired or weak to control what you created. Using too much of yourself to power the spell. Or purposefully turning it on yourself. But after everything that he'd just done, when he'd destroyed everything that mattered to him, Axel was plenty motivated to try.
The traitor would burn.
Roxas and Xion hurried towards Lea's bedroom, bare feet barely making a sound despite their speed. Stealth was a hard habit to break completely. He didn't know what they would find, but they knew that Lea needed help. And as soon as they reached the room, they were proven right.
Lea's rest was clearly not a peaceful one. His blankets and sheets were wadded up and tangled from tossing and turning, one pillow had fallen off the bed completely, and even his white t-shirt was somewhat twisted around him. His eyes were pressed closed, his teeth were clenched, his face was damp and furrowed with distress, and his breathing came harder and faster than it should while he slept. But as concerning as it was to see his head twitching back and forth in the throes of an obvious nightmare, there was something worse. A faint smell of smoke, the patches of charring fabric, and the flickers of flame trying to take hold. His fire magic trying to burn despite him being asleep.
A nightmare. A bad one. Roxas had summoned his Keyblade a couple of times, but he'd never used magic during a nightmare. He didn't think it was possible. Magic took control and focus. But Lea was very good with fire.
Xion stepped closer, reaching for his arm slowly. The flames were flickering brighter and lasting longer. Getting stronger. Even with his resistance to his own fire magic, Lea might start feeling it soon. They needed to wake him up before he could get hurt.
"Axel?" she called gently. "Wake up, Axel."
He was already twitching and tossing in his bed. But the moment that Xion touched him, it was like a switched was flipped. Fire flared out, causing her to yelp in surprise and stumble back while cradling her hand to her chest. Meanwhile, Lea practically flung himself away. Pressing into the corner of the room on the far side of the bed. Hands clenched against the side of his head, wedged into that tiny bit of floor space, sobbing hard enough to shake his body, and wrapped in a more aggressive fire. Crackling, roaring, and trying to burn.
For a second, Roxas couldn't move. He was trapped in Sora's heart again, watching Axel pour everything into a final fiery act in Betwixt and Between. Watching Axel destroy himself.
"Axel!" called Xion desperately. "Please wake up!"
And then Roxas shoved away that paralysis. His thoughts raced. He needed to do something. Now.
But they weren't enough. Trying only made it worse. They couldn't handle it alone.
Burn. Axel needed his magic to burn stronger, but it kept trying to slip away. Like he couldn't focus hard enough to maintain. But he kept going. Kept pushing harder even as he felt himself being burned faintly. Axel needed to keep going until he was done. Until there was nothing left.
Eliminate the traitor.
"Axel!"
Someone was calling, but it didn't matter. No more orders. Just pour more power into the flames until nothing remained. Burn away the pain. Scorch away the grief, sorrow, guilt, self-loathing, and raw anguish. Keep burning until there was nothing left behind.
He deserved it. He deserved to burn for what he'd done. Axel would destroy the final traitor even if he had to force his magic to cooperate.
It would stop soon. He would leave nothing but ash and charcoal. Just like what he'd done to Roxas and Xion.
Sobbing roughly, Axel coaxed the fire higher. Letting the flames lick across his chest, along his arms, and flickering towards his face. The fire stung where it touched, but it hurt less than the grief and guilt tearing away at him. He just needed to force it to be a stronger fire.
Isa was already starting to stir, distant voices tugging at the edges of his awareness. Not enough for him to really wake up and listen to the words. Just enough to start pulling him a little closer, making him shift on the sofa slightly. If it had been a full moon, it wouldn't have been enough to do even that much.
Running bare feet pulled him closer to consciousness. And a desperate and frantic voice yanked him the rest of the way.
"Isa! Wake up!"
He flung himself upright, immediately falling into a combative stance. And then barely resisted the impulse to lash out at the short figure dashing towards him before he fully recognized his surroundings. But Isa managed. Roxas grabbed his hand and pulled sharply. Isa let himself be yanked towards the short hallway that he never dared approach.
When Roxas dragged him into a bedroom, Isa froze in horror. Unable to fully comprehend the scene. A terrified Xion cradling her hand. And Lea standing in the far corner, eyes pressed tight even as he was wreathed in fire. Flames directed towards himself.
"Wake up, Axel!" begged Xion.
Isa didn't even realize that he was moving until he was in that small space on the far side of the smoldering bed. Close enough for the heat to be unbearable. But despite the flames, Isa didn't hesitate to grab Lea's shoulders.
Axel wanted to vanish into a raging inferno, but he couldn't seem to concentrate hard enough. It was taking too long to burn. Would he have to incinerate all of Castle Oblivion to do it? Was that what it would take to make everything stop?
Strong hands grabbed his shoulders, startling Axel's focus enough for the flames to flicker. But not die down. He still held tight to his magic. Refusing to stop. Xemnas couldn't change his mind now. Axel was done. No more lives. He wouldn't take any more lives. Just eliminate a final traitor.
"Stop it. You have to stop. Look at me."
Axel didn't want to obey the strained and tense voice. But he blinked vaguely and tried to peer through the veil of flames. A familiar face, teeth gritted and expression stubbornly set. The person gripping his shoulders tight. But it was impossible. Axel knew what he'd done. He couldn't be there. And that doubt made it even harder to concentrate.
"Saïx?" he mumbled.
The hands tightened as if trying to force him to pay attention. And admittedly, his head did feel a little muddled along with the general awfulness. Axel could feel his grip on his magic slipping away, unable to concentrate on it as he tried to understand. He killed Saïx. Left him lying on the ground dead. How was he standing in front of Axel?
"No, Lea." The words were firm even if the voice was still strained. "Look at me. Really look. What's my name?"
Hearing a different name than before sparked something. And Axel forced himself to try a little harder. To take in more of the details. The old scar, long blue hair, and pleading green eyes.
Green. Not gold. A familiar shade of green.
This wasn't right. Everything was off. Details didn't fit. And those details were breaking through the sorrow and heartache.
Taking a ragged breath and letting go of his magic, the flames extinguishing, Lea mumbled, "Isa."
"There you are," he said, a look of pure relief washing over Isa.
He was alive. Lea didn't kill him. He wasn't exactly certain what really did happen, everything still jumbled badly, but he didn't kill Isa. That thought should have eased the grief and guilt.
But it didn't stop the way his body was shaking in Isa's firm grip, the tightness in his chest, or the way he couldn't seem to breathe. Not merely because of the wracking sobs, but also because his entire body refused to cooperate. He could feel his pulse racing and pounding in his ears. Lea felt like he was about to fly apart. And there was nothing that he could do to stop it.
"You're safe."
Lea managed to turn his head slightly at the sound of the voice. Roxas. He spotted him. Right there. Also alive. On the other side of the bed. And so was Xion.
He didn't kill them. He hadn't burnt them to death. So why wasn't he fine now?
"You're alive," continued Roxas, firm and even. "You're real. We're safe, alive, and real. It was just a nightmare."
Lea wanted to laugh with realization. He knew those words. The familiar routine that he'd always used to comfort them after nightmares. Now Roxas was using them in return.
But Lea couldn't even manage to get his breath, let along laugh. He was too busy struggling through what he vaguely recognized as a panic attack.
A panic attack. After a clear nightmare. And his friends, who were clearly alive and safe, were witnessing the entire thing. He didn't know how to explain it away. He couldn't hide this mess. And that realization did nothing to ease his current distress.
Lea's head dropped back against the wall behind him and he let his arms fall to wrap around his chest. He couldn't catch his breath. The air felt too thick, smokey, and hot. Lea didn't get hot easily, but he felt like he was suffocating. He couldn't think through the loud and muddled flashes of nightmare still raging through his mind. Everything was awful and he couldn't stop shaking and shivering.
They were alive. They were fine. Why couldn't he stop shaking?
Edging into view, Xion asked gently, "What do you need?"
Lea shook his head weakly. He didn't know. He had no idea what he needed. Or rather, Lea knew what he needed, but didn't know how to get it. He needed air, he needed his body to stop acting against him, he needed his heart to stop aching over something that never happened, he needed to regain control of everything before he completely ruined it, and he especially needed them to forget the entire night.
"Okay," said Isa, quiet and purposefully calm. "Xion, could you open the window and let in some fresh air? And Roxas, could you take off the ruined bedding?" Even if he was speaking to the half-pints, his eyes never left Lea's face. "Then if you could get some potions and a glass of water, I think that should help."
The pair immediately went to work the moment that they were assigned a mission. They seized the sense of direction and a plan. Scorched bedding was stripped away as Xion climbed over to get the window. The cool night air immediately washed over Lea, raising goosebumps enough to make his shiver and soothing the faint stinging of burns that he was just barely starting to notice. But mostly the gentle breeze made it a little easier to breathe.
Cradling her hand to her chest in a rather worrying way, Xion said, "We'll be right back, Ax— Lea."
His nearly-hyperventilating gasps caught briefly at her words. She was such a clever girl. She'd recognized that his head was still somewhat muddled, the nightmare and reality bleeding together. The visions of all of them dying at his hands still far too vivid and real. He needed the reminder of who he was now. He needed to be Lea instead of Axel.
Lea managed to give her a small nod of acknowledgement. Then he closed his eyes. He needed to concentrate of breathing and riding out the rest of the panic attack. It wasn't like he could stop it. But once he got back in control, he could focus on getting everyone to forget about what happened. He just needed to calm down and breathe.
Just breathe, wait for the tightness in his chest to loosen, and the trembling to stop. Then he would be able to think clearly. He would be fine. He could fix this.
Yeah… This chapter ended up longer than expected when I started writing it out. So I had to split it. Which means that you'll get to see most of the fallout from all of this in the next chapter. But at least Lea's friends are quite aware that he's definitely not all right.