Disclaimer: I own nor House nor Power Ranger not even an elephant. Or a hat. Sigh.
Author's note: I decided to continue this. It was originally a one-shot but might be a three or four shot. (10-6-06 edit: Or maybe, like, a 12 shot with a sequel.)
Over the next week, not a word about Power Rangers was heard from House. Wilson, however, informed Chase, Foreman, and Cameron that House had tried to tune into the show every morning. This did not work for him because House was a night owl duh, so he switched the Tivo-ing it and watching it when he woke up, causing him to arrive at work a half an hour later then he usually did. Cuddy noticed and got angry. House ignored her and continued his lateness. It was very normal behavior. House wore the hat to work every day.
On Friday he called his team into his office by their pagers. Pagers. Pshaw. House thought that Morphers were much more reliable. Too bad they didn't exist.
He looked very serious and his tone implied the same idea. He said to them, "I've got major news."
Seated around the normal table, they all played the part of devoted employees and appeared curious. Wilson was there, also, but not surprisingly. Sometimes Chase wondered if the man had his own job.
Cameron noted sadly that, while House and Wilson still bore red and blue hats, she still didn't have one. Sigh.
Foreman was, for a shock, the first to say something. "What?"
House merely frowned, very un-House-like, and moved his this-is-really-important look between Foreman, Chase, and Cameron, the last of whom fidgeted.
"Chase..." House turned to face the blonde Aussie, who noticeably paled and blinked nervously.
House walked toward him with one hand behind his back for no apparent reason, "You...are no longer the Yellow Ranger." Chase started to look happy, but then House stopped him but placing a pink cap upon Chase's blonde head and saying, excited, "You're the Pink Ranger!"
Almost immediately, Foreman doubled over in hysterical laughter. Cameron cracked a smile but asked, "What about me?"
House sighed. "Don't get your panties in a twist, you're the Yellow Ranger." Cameron still looked disapproving, but when House tossed a yellow hat at her she squealed and put it on, grinning.
Foreman was still laughing and Chase hit him with a folder. Foreman managed to cough out, "Pink...!" before falling off his chair completely.
Chase's face had turned as pink as his hat. He muttered, "Shut up," looking away.
House sat down, telling Wilson with a satisfactory smile, "There. See, Chase makes a much better Pink Ranger."
"I don't think there's ever been a male Pink Ranger on the show." Wilson said slowly.
"Nah. We're making great strides in Ranger history."
"Yes, indeed. Does Foreman get a hat?"
"Does Foreman get a hat? Of course Foreman gets a hat." House magically produced another hat, a green one this time, and chucked it at Foreman who was still busy mocking Chase.
"Now all we need is a Vogler to bring down, huh?"
"Or a Cuddy to annoy."
"Hmm. Alternately, we could just sit here and make fun of Chase."
"Ingenious idea, Wilson."
"That's why I'm the Blue Ranger."
It would appear that Chase had taken off the hat.
It would also appear Foreman had shoved it back upon Chase's head.
Chase's response was to put Foreman's green hat on Foreman but Foreman didn't care, it was green.
Cameron was pleased with herself. She had a hat. A yellow hat. She was the Yellow Ranger. She didn't much like pink, anyway and it matched Chase much better. Which she told him, "Chase, I think pink matches your hair very nice. It brings out your eyes." very sincerely and not at all mockingly.
Chase didn't take it that way. "Cameron! I don't like pink! I don't look good in pink! It's a girl color!"
"And Chase is girly!" Foreman said and then ducked at Chase attempted to yet again attack him.
Cameron rolled her eyes. Boys. Gosh. Did they ever stop this?
No, she realized, when House smacked Chase with his cane.
"What was that for?" Chase asked House, pausing in his attacking Foreman.
"Don't hit my Green Ranger."
"Don't have your Green Ranger making fun of your Pink Ranger!" Chase yelled back.
"Well, Pink Rangers shouldn't resent being Pink Rangers so Green Rangers don't make fun of Pink Rangers and Red Rangers don't hit Pink Rangers!" House's response was just as loud.
Wilson was rather quiet as he said, "Red Rangers shouldn't yell so much," although it only seemed quiet because he wasn't yelling.
"Why not?" House shouted at Wilson.
Wilson, his eyes widening, rubbed his ears, "Because then the Blue Ranger will go deaf."
House paused, then nodded, "Yeah. Okay. The Red Ranger will only yell at the Pink Ranger, the Green Ranger, the Yellow Ranger, and Queen Bansheera. That's Cuddy, by the way." He added in a lower voice, then continued, "But the Blue Ranger is safe from yelling unless he consorts with Queen Bansheera. Or any sort of Queen Bansheera's minions. The nurses." House now started to sound like he was quoting something. "Those," he finished dramatically, "are the rules."
"Those rules suck." The Green, Yellow and reluctant Pink Rangers said at the same time.
"Well, deal with it!" House shouted, causing them to flinch. He turned to Wilson. "See? They obey easier when the Red Ranger shouts."
Wilson shrugged. As long as it wasn't him being yelled at, he was pretty much okay.
"So, Red Ranger, what is out first plan against the evil Queen Bansheera?" He inquired to further distract House from yelling.
People walking by the glass-walled office had begun to stare. Nurses, knowing that this was House's office, warned people that yes everything was alright don't be worried it's just House he's crazy. They had to tell people this a lot. Oh the trials of being a nurse.
"I'm glad you asked, Blue Ranger." House grinned, a maniac glint in his eyes.
"I hate that look." Chase moaned, dropping his head to the table.
"First, we re-locate to our base of operations."
------------
Cuddy was on a mission. Yes, her mission included finding House. On regular basis that was her mission and in her opinion it was an ongoing mission that consumed her job and left her angry at House and angry at everyone else for small reasons.
But today her mission was not only 'find that bastard', it was 'find that bastard, his jackass of a friend, and his stupid team'. This caused Cuddy to be angrier and pissed off then usual.
House had been weird lately. It was the hat that piqued her interest. House had a red baseball cap that he wore in various positions atop his head. Cuddy had reason to believe the hat Wilson was wearing, a blue one, was being forced upon him by House.
Another thing that made Cuddy very angry is that they weren't supposed to wear the damn hats. It didn't seem to stop them.
The nurses that it was cute that House and Wilson wearing the colored caps. 'Especially Dr. Wilson,' they'd giggle and then blush if they saw her coming or cough and continue about their business if they saw Cuddy glaring. Nurses. Psshaw. There was nothing cute about it. It was annoying and best stopped now.
She patrolled the hallways of the hospital, her high-heeled shoes clicking against the ground noisily. Where was House? Come to that, where was Wilson, Foreman, Chase and Cameron?
Lisa Cuddy knew something was going on.
--------------
"Pink Ranger, report." The Red Ranger commanded.
"The nurses think the hats are cute." Chase said, sighing, and looked hesitant to continue. "Especially Dr. Wilson's." He frowned and blushed slightly.
Wilson grinned. "Why thank you Chase but I'm really not ready for a relationship right now."
Chase blushed brighter but in the darkness no one could see. They could, however, hear him mutter, "Bloody buggers."
House's 'base of operations' was an almost-empty storage room on the 3rd floor. The lights had burned out and there were empty boxes lying around sadly as if to say, 'we are lonely boxes'. They were happy to have company—the boxes, that is.
House, as the Red Ranger, had given orders to his team: ("and you have to wear the hats!" he told them) Chase was to infiltrate Queen Bansheera's minions, a.k.a. the nurses, Foreman had been sent out to find walkie talkies ("What kind of plan would this be without walkie talkies!" House had shouted), and Cameron had been told to get refreshments and other important doohickeys. These refreshments, as commanded by House and Wilson, were as follows: Vicodin, energy drinks, Cheetos, gummi bears, and ice cream. Cameron's protests of 'the ice cream will melt!' had no effect on them. Other things she had to acquire were, also commanded by House and Wilson: marbles, duct tape, paperclips, squirt guns, bungee cords, did we mention marbles, mascara, peanut butter, Jell-O, construction paper, some potatoes not mashed, markers, and last but not least an elephant ("It's VITAL!"). Cameron had a feeling they just wanted to get rid of her. House and Wilson were to stay behind, hold down the fort, and elaborate on the more finer points of House's very jumbled plan.
Chase had suggested, as they all left, that House and Wilson just wanted to be alone to have hot and passionate sex in their absence but Foreman insisted that no, that was something Pink Ranger would do with the Red Ranger, before he ran off to get walkie talkies.
"Pink Ranger, you have failed me once again. This is why you're the Pink Ranger. Go on and get some information we don't already know, thanks very much." House waved him off and Chase rolled his eyes before departing.
"Stupid nurses." House remarked.
Wilson shot him a look.
"Okay, fine, the hat is very flattering on one such as yourself." House relented, sighing, and then began to discuss his top-secret plan.
"Are you sure we need the elephant?" Wilson asked very skeptically, thinking for about the millionth time in the latest hours, 'House has lost it'.
"Yes, we need the elephant. I just forgot to mention to Cameron it didn't need to be a real elephant. Oh well." House smirked evilly and then laughed his manically laugh, the one he saved for special occasions such as this.
"Shh, the nurses will hear us." Wilson whispered.
"Pshaw. Nurses." House scoffed loudly.
"Or, Queen Bansheera!" Wilson hissed, and House quickly stopped being loud however difficult it was for him.
"Let's hope the Yellow and Green Rangers don't fail us. Otherwise we might as well surrender." The Blue Ranger commented lightly as he kicked a sad box out of the way. The box cried. But alas, it had no mouth to cry out of. Pity the box.
"Power Rangers never give up! The plan will work!" The Red Ranger whisper-yelled.
"Well, okay. If you say so." The Blue Ranger shrugged as a box cursed silently at him.
The Yellow, Pink, and Green Rangers were not so convinced.
The Pink Ranger was disgruntled because he didn't like the nurses. They always seemed to display a want of putting him in a skirt and makeup to show everyone that he made a pretty girl. He already knew that.
The Green Ranger had happily completed his task and was now treating himself with a drink at some bar, wondering what the elephant was for and how many drinks he could finish before he was phoned by House to come back.
The Yellow Ranger was thrown out of Wal-Mart for asking where could she buy an elephant, please? incessantly.
----
AN: SpellCheck hates my fragmented sentences. To SpellCheck I say DIE YOU ANTI FRAGMENTED SENTENCE BASTARD.
Reviews are lovely.
So is cake, though...
I want cake.