Author's Note: Thank you as always for the reviews and more follows/alerts. I'm thrilled this story is being so well received!
Chapter Eight - What If?
It was about an hour before Tony was able to shake off the stunned daze he was in and make his way back to bed. Stripping to his underwear, he peeled back the blankets, and climbed in, careful not to disturb Ziva who was still peacefully sleeping. He lay quietly for a while, watching her sleep, his brain beginning to switch off and doze lightly.
Somehow, without being fully aware, he moved to the middle of the bed, his arms coming around Ziva, who responded immediately, kissing him deeply. Without words, they both realised what was going on, and had them gently undressing each other, kissing and touching intimately. They were slower than normal, none of the back breaking acrobatics, and unusually quiet, instead Ziva's eyes locking with Tony's, her gaze and body telling him more than her words would have. Her fingers pressed deeply into one hip, the other hand resting above her head on the pillow, Tony grasping it, their fingers lacing together as his forehead came down to rest on hers.
It seemed like an age of silent, almost breathless intensity later, when she came apart in his arms. Her hand left his hip to caress his jaw, pulling him close for a tender kiss. Tony could feel the tremors rippling through her body as her hips arched up to meet him, and the passionate, almost teary whisper of his name against his cheek. Her body seemed exquisitely fragile the way she trembled in his arms, and he leaned closer as though to stop her coming to pieces entirely, burying his face in her neck, whispering endearments as the sensation sent him over the edge a few seconds later.
"Sleep well beautiful." Tony murmured as they untangled themselves enough to snuggle alongside each other, Ziva's hand resting over his heart.
"And you Tony." Ziva responded as her eyes closed again.
-
Ziva's eyes flickered open as sunlight began to filter into the room. She stretched, realising she was half lying on Tony, his arm around her protectively, her head resting on his bare chest. His head was tilted toward her, and she could tell his lips had been resting on her forehead. He stirred too, grumbling at the disturbance and trying to snuggle her closer again. Ziva relaxed into his grip, resting her head back down on his chest, sure enough Tony turned to brush a kiss to her forehead, leaving his lips in place as he drifted back into heavy slumber.
Knowing Tony wouldn't be woken for some time, Ziva lay quietly, drawing lazily with her finger on his chest, thinking deeply. There was something different about the way they were lying, normally they collapsed exhausted, tangled around each other, and rolled apart sometime during their sleep, this time they were twined around each other comfortably, intimately. She thought back some more to Tony's gentle words and touch, the concern she had shown at the beginning of the night, prepared to come to his rescue, the words that had left her lips as she'd drifted to sleep...
"Wassat?" Tony murmured as Ziva sat bolt upright, realising what she'd whispered in her sleepy, comfortable haze.
"Nothing, I am going for a run." Ziva climbed out of bed quickly and dressed, They were both naked, she realised and remembered the amazing, though overly-intimate session. She lifted Tony's keys from his pants in the bathroom, so as not to pick the lock on her way back in. Glancing out at the weather, she decided she would be safe barefoot to the car for her socks and trainers, and slipped out of the apartment quietly to run and think.
Tony stirred an hour or so later, rolling over and patting the sheets before he was fully awake to find the bed empty. Staggering upright and heading for the shower he remembered her mentioning something about a run. He shook his head, it was barely 6am, why on earth was she out running at this hour? His hip clipped the shower door as he stepped under the spray, he rubbed the throbbing joint and glanced at the faint bruises left by Ziva's fingers where she had gripped him. Last night had been something else entirely, none of the wild, almost violent amour they normally experienced, just an intense, almost sweet encounter.
Tony's eyes drifted closed, his mind replaying vividly the breathless, sweaty moments, he knew he wouldn't forget that experience in a hurry, the rerun in his mind at the present moment only serving to cement it further in his memory. Too distracted to focus decently, his motions on washing were half hearted at best, and he turned the taps off quickly. Towelling himself briefly and wrapping it around his waist, he headed out into the living area, his designs on coffee, when his eyes fell on the still open laptop, reminding him of the words Ziva had whispered as he'd tucked her in.
Feet pounding the pavement, Ziva's mind was on the same thing. The words that had so carelessly slipped from her lips, far too intimate, too friendly, too... everything for the arrangement between her and Tony. She'd plugged her earbuds into her cellphone and put on a heavy, throbbing tune Abby had loaded for her, but even the pounding death metal could not switch her brain off, it was on overdrive all the what ifs swirling in her mind. What if Tony understood what she had said? What if Tony freaked out? What if Tony wanted more? What if I meant it? With a heavy exhale that had little to do with the exertion of the run, she increased the volume a few notches and headed for one more lap of the park.
Back at his apartment, Tony was not so anxious, strangely intrigued, yes, but worried no. Thinking back on his actions in helping Ziva shower and do her hair, making her a snack, he could see why she'd said what she had. They'd gained a new level of closeness last night, he figured even if his brain hadn't caught up, there must have been a reason he was acting differently towards her. After a few more minutes contemplation, he decided playing it by ear always worked well, he'd just see what happened next. A glance in the cupboards told him there was little for breakfast, then he realised his keys were missing, he figured Ziva had taken them so she could get back in easily. Whatever the mood she returned in, he hoped she'd bring something to eat too.
He wasn't disappointed when, about 20 minutes later a sweaty Ziva let herself into the apartment, a brown paper bag wafting the scent of his favourite egg and bacon bagel in her hand.
"Ahh... you must be psychic." He smiled reaching for the bag and leaning to place a kiss on her flushed cheek. Immediately he sensed something was off with her, she offered him a tight smile, handing him his food and heading to the kitchen. He joined her, pouring coffee as Ziva pulled down some plates. "Your coffee m'lady," he said with an exaggerated bow, handing her a mug. Ziva remained silent, accepting the drink and sitting down at the table.
"Zi?" Tony asked, after he had sat opposite her for a few minutes, wherein she had said nothing and barely touched her food or coffee. She lifted her eyes, but remained mute. Tony sighed, those beautiful eyes that spoke volumes were telling him more than her voice would, she was anxious, unhappy and on edge. "Last night?" He queried gently.
"I said something..." Ziva nodded the affirmative. "Did you understand it?"
"Yeah," It was Tony's turn to nod, a wide grin splitting his face. "I had to find a translation online. McGeek would have been proud of me. But yeah, I did." He reached across the table for her hand. "I don't know if I can say that back yet but..."
"Stop Tony." Ziva held up both hands. "I wanted to tell you that I should not have said it, we have an arrangement that does not allow for those kind of things to be said." Tony's smile faded.
"What if... we wanted to allow those things?" Tony asked hesitantly. Ziva paused, considering.
"I am not sure I want to be in a position like that." She responded somewhat stiffly. "This arrangement works because it does not affect our lives outside of the apartment we are in for the night."
"We're not robots Zi..." Tony began placatingly. Hearing himself speak he wondered what was going on, they had a great arrangement, why was he pushing for a more intimate level?
"But we are adults who are capable of following the rules we set out." Ziva replied.
"Not sure emotions follow rules Ziva." Tony shrugged. "Things happen without our control - what you said last night..."
"What I said last night was a mistake! I was tired and comfortable, I was not thinking." Ziva snapped back.
"So you say something like that and then just tell me it was a mistake?" Tony's voice raised a notch. "What, do you want me to un-hear it or something? It doesn't really work like that Ziva."
"You said yourself you could not return the sentiment, why does it matter?" There was a bitterness to Ziva's voice and she dropped her eyes again.
"No, but knowing that you feel like that..."
"That is what I am saying, I do NOT feel like that. I do not know why I said it, it was nice being with you last night, but that does not mean I love you." Colour rose in Ziva's face.
"Thanks." Tony huffed sarcastically. "Good to know I mean so much to you."
"You know perfectly well what I mean, do not act like that!"
"Like what?" Tony responded, affronted.
"Like I denied all feelings for you." Ziva responded, exasperated.
"Didn't." Tony muttered, "Just the way you can say so vehemently that you don't love me. Never said I was in love with you either, but doesn't mean I don't give a very big damn about you."
"There's a big difference between work partners or friends and what you are talking about." Ziva's tone lowered, becoming an aggravated growl.
"I'm talking about the woman who I've spent more than half my nights beside these last few months calling me 'her love' and then telling me it was a mistake. Whatever this relationship we've got is, that's not something I'll take too well."
"I did not mean to hurt your feelings Tony." Ziva's voice softened a little, "As a co-worker and a friend, I care about you, that should never have been a question."
"It wasn't Zi, it was... last night... the way we... well it was wow. I haven't felt like that in years. You can't deny there was something else there." Tony's voice was gentle, warm with the memory of the way she'd felt in his arms.
"I do not wish to deny it Tony. I just do not wish for it to interfere with what we have." Ziva pulled her hand back as Tony reached for it again.
"Well I'm sorry that I can't just flick the cold-blooded assassin switch and pretend nothing ever happened!" Tony snapped now, frustrated by her reactions. Ziva reeled back, the hurt clearly showing on her face.
"You said yourself we are not..." Ziva's English failed her as she got up and started pacing. "Not... puppets!" She moved her hands similar to a marionette, implying strings.
"No strings attached, yeah." Tony stood up too, to meet her eyes.
"Well why are you trying to tie things up now?" Ziva queried angrily, spinning to leave the room and collect her things to go.
"I'm not trying to do anything!" Tony bit back, grabbing her to face him again. "I just want to know why you're so freaked out that you called me that."
"I told you DiNozzo," Tony flinched, back to last names, this couldn't be a good sign. "It was a mistake. I do not love you!" An odd quiet fell over the room, the two Agents glaring at each other. The stare-down continued for another minute, Tony's cell breaking the silence.
"DiNozzo." He answered quickly, grateful for the distraction. "Yep, I'll call 'em. Be in soon Boss." He ended the call, turning to Ziva. "We've got a case, consider this your phone call."
"But we are not on call this weekend." Ziva immediately snapped back into professional mode, collecting her bag from the sofa and heading towards the bedroom for her weapons.
"Gibbs said Vance requested the team specifically. I've gotta call McGee and let him know. We've got to be there in an hour." Tony was a little confused how the passionate woman before him switched so seamlessly back to NCIS agent. "Look, Ziva I..."
"We have work to do DiNozzo, I will be in the shower. I need it after my run." Ziva cut him off and left for the bathroom. Tony stood there, hearing the taps turn on, feeling thoroughly bewildered, almost on autopilot as he dialed McGee.
A/N: Don't worry, next chapter is almost done, I won't keep you hanging too long!