Disclaimer: Own nor House nor Rangers nor Cats nor Grease...
Author's Note: Hmm...I love Batman.
-------------
"Where are all the NURSES!" Queen Bansheera roared at her secretary. The secretary, Joseph, (who reminded her strongly of Chase; maybe it was the girly-ness) mumbled and squealed incoherently.
"DAMNIT!" She shrieked.
It wasn't hard to tell, but House was really on her nerves today. He was so...grr. She wanted to drop-kick small innocent animals whenever she thought about House and how angry she was. Or kick House. Or throw stuff at her secretary.
On second thought, the last option seemed like an acceptable idea, so she growled and chucked a stapler at the cowering worker. She smiled cheerfully, forgetting momentarily her lack of minions and doctors.
---------------
Unbeknownst to Queen Bansheera, her mindless minions had teamed up together against a common foe: The Pink Ranger. They had offered to him, they had begged with him, they had even asked politely, but now they would have to resort to force.
Brenda was the least mindless of them all. In fact, she was Queen Bansheera's right-hand minion. It made sense she was the Head Nurse at the hospital. In many ways was she like Cuddy...except Brenda was a nurse and doomed to live a life of brainless nurse-ness. Brenda, a smart, cunning, sly and pretty nurse, had a plan that would get her a high pay raise and a better job.
She convinced the other nurses (the stupider ones) that this plan was also good for them, and that was how they agreed.
----------------
The Red Ranger chucked a Cheeto at the dozing Green Ranger, snickering.
The Blue Ranger sat and watched; half-interested in what Red Ranger was doing, half-interested in the bag of Cheetos. Seeing as he hadn't eaten much today (locked in the base and making complicated plans against the Queen of Evil wears a person out, especially when aforementioned actions involve the Red Ranger House), he was more interested in the bag of Cheetos.
The boxes were making slow progress in surrounding House. After a while, House noticed and pushed them back with his cane, shouting, "Be gone, Box-Demons!" to which to boxes hissed at him.
Wilson warned House, "Don't hit the boxes. Be nice to them."
"Err, why?
"The boxes have amazing powers, House. Powers even the likes of you would not understand." Wilson said in a creepy voice. House stared blankly, then decided something and tossed Wilson an energy drink.
"Caffeine. Learn it, embrace it, love it."
Wilson took House's advice and snapped the can open, sipping it and making a face. "It's pure sugar."
"And caffeine. Yum, I know." House opened one for himself and grinned as he downedit in 20 seconds flat.
Opening his mouth as if he wanted to say something, Wilson thought better of it, shrugged, and started to drink the large and brightly colored energy drink.
-------------------
The Yellow Ranger pouted, depressed. She had checked the cafeteria, House's office, the break room, the oncology offices and break rooms, the ob-gyn lounge, the maternity waiting room, the main lobby, the stairwells, the bathrooms, the psych ward waiting room, the psych ward, the parking lot (Chase's car was there), and finally, she had wandered by Cuddy's office, glancing in there before running off just in case.
Queen Bansheera, luckily, did not recognize the Yellow Ranger when the Yellow Ranger had her hat dipped low over her face and a patient's gown on.
And no Pink Ranger anywhere.
Cameron knew this wasn't good. Even if Chase did lock House and Wilson in, she knew that he wouldn't go to Cuddy's side and work with the nurses and...
The nurses.
Oh, no.
A sudden thought came to the Yellow Ranger, and about freaking time, too. She dashed off with a dusty but lit light bulb over her head.
-------------------
The Pink Ranger had just been casually strolling down the 4th floor corridors and abruptly a nurse jumped out in front of him with a brainless smile on her face. He turned away, disgusted, and there was another one...and another one...and another one...they had him surrounded and then advanced upon him, giggling, and as they gagged him and tied him up, shoving him into a closet, he could the Evil Nurse Brenda's maniac-glinted eyes, and he was strongly reminded of House before he was blindfolded.
-------------------
The Green Ranger stirred and awoke to find himself heavily surrounded by Cheetos, found Red Ranger heavily surrounded by boxes, and found Blue Ranger to be very hyper indeed.
"House, why am I surrounded by Cheetos?" Foreman asked, in a low even voice, even though he already knew the answer.
His head hurt a lot A lot a lot. Really a lot. Like a bowling ball. Not just any bowling ball. One that's been hit by a train and then had a sledgehammer come falling on it from very high up in the sky, like from a building or an airplane or an alien spaceship. Shortly after the sledgehammer incident, the aforementioned bowling ball, or rather what's left of it, fell off a cliff very roughly while on fire and got attacked by hungry leopards and rabid zebras. That's how his head felt, in as few words as possible.
"Oh, no reason; I seem to have trouble eating. And, oh, you're the Black Ranger now." House said in a very loud voice. At least, it sounded like it to Foreman's hit-by-a-train-and-a-sledgehammer-dropped-on-it-and-fell-off-a-cliff-on-fire-and-attacked-by-mad-animals-bowling-ball head. House tossed a black cap at him, and Foreman noticed that the green one was gone.
In response Foreman moaned and covered his head in his hands. "I don't want to be the Black Ranger. It's racist and I like green better."
"So what? I'm the Red Ranger. I can do that. Blackie!" Happily House threw another Cheeto and Foreman cussed excessively. Now his bowling-ball head was having multi-colored confetti thrown all around it, and that wouldn't be so bad except for the Barry Manilow playing in the background and then the bowling ball was suddenly licked by a fuzzy pink elephant and then a Light Saber chopped it in half and the piano about to fall despairingly and oh! the piano missed the bowling ball but oh dear here comes a safe and it's not slowing down…
From the other side of the room, Wilson chuckled.
Foreman swore at him and was about to explain the increasingly poor condition of his head when the door swung open and a flustered and breathless Cameron entered.
"Chase...is…" She began, panting, her hair disheveled and messy.
"Chase is what?" Wilson inquired, blinking.
"Very good at passionate broom closet sex, I'd say by the looks of Cameron." House chirped quickly.
Cameron glared at him and tried to continue but Foreman shot at House, "Had any experience at that, House?" with an implied glance at Wilson.
"Why, interested?" House countered, beaming amusedly.
Cameron shouted, "Shut up! Chase...has...been...kidnapped by..." she inhaled and exhaled loudly, "nurses!"
Everyone paused at what they were doing to stare at her.
House voiced the thought on everyone's minds, very slowly, "Why." It wasn't even a question, more like a demand.
"Um..." Cameron faltered. Why? Why! HOW WAS SHE SUPPOSED TO KNOW? "I...I...d-don't know, but I saw them..." she trailed off.
"No, you didn't. You just think was taken by them because you can't find him." House explained, and everyone went back to what they were doing previously. Foreman brushed away a few Cheetos, and Wilson sipped his energy drink with shaking hands.
Worriedly, House turned to the Blue Ranger and gently took the caffeinated beverage from him and told him quietly, "Too much a good thing, Wilson..."
Wilson made a pathetic grabbing motion at the rapidly-moving-away-from-him drink and then sighed, crossing his arms over his chest like a dejected child.
Cameron sputtered. "But...but...then where IS he? He's not anywhere, I don't know...can't...find him..." She frowned and was obviously worked up about this too much. Closing the door, she came in and sat down, sorrowful.
All was quiet for a while.
House hummed, Wilson closed his eyes and murmured nothingness, apparently asleep, Foreman cussed and moaned about his head in his corner, and Cameron was on the verge of tears. Today was not her day. She was failing as a Power Ranger and why couldn't she be good at anything and why did her boss hate her and oh what the hell is the elephant for, huh?.
"Cameron." House said to her quietly.
"Yes?" She replied, a heavy tone of lament in her voice.
"What is wrong with you?"
"Huh?" Now she felt like crying.
"I mean, why are you getting so damned worked up? It's a game. You're not even bad at this particular game. I don't hate you. You aren't a bad Power Ranger, because 1) you're not drunk and/or hung over, and 2) you're not Chase."
Cameron laughed, appearing happier already.
"See? You're better, now, go find Chase." House commanded, waving his hand toward the door. "Bring items of mass destruction: the marbles, the duct tape, and squirt guns. Use them wisely." He bowed and then motioned her away.
Smiling, she collected her objects and then left, feeling rather proud of herself.
House made a face after she left. "Oh, if only she wasn't such a cry baby."
Beside him Wilson softly mumbled something and leaned his head on House's shoulder, dozing off.
Rolling his eyes, House decided that it was better to let his Blue Ranger get some sleep then anger the Blue Ranger so House just sighed and tossed some more stuff at Foreman till he paid attention.
"Go help Cameron. She'll need it. You won't feel bad about punching out young nurse-women, will you?" House quirkily broke the silence and told Foreman to take the elephant, potatoes, and paperclips, which he did.
Foreman, before leaving, lifted a curious eyebrow at the sleeping Wilson but House flipped him off and shooed him away.
Black Formerly-Green Ranger...pshaw. Now, Blue Ranger...there's a Ranger House could live with…er, literally and figuratively.
-------------
In her office of DOOM, Queen Bansheera, blinked, getting a highly implausible idea…'no, it would never work…or…just maybe…' and then she smiled, truly and somewhere on earth a happy lovebird dropped dead and a baby kitty came down with a fatal case of a incurable disease.
-------------
A knee length skirt, a flowery long-sleeved blouse, one inch high heels, some blush and a touch of mascara and eyeliner, a dash of mouse and pinch of hairspray...
Eyebrow plucking, a quick shave, some tanning lotion and foundation, clear nail polish…
Dr. Chase made a lovely girl. Albeit a reluctant one.
------------
"Marry me!" The elephant chirped as Foreman held it under one arm. He punched it angrily and it continued, "I'm devoted to you, Eric!"
Foreman stared, open mouthed, at the toy. "What?"
"We can have chocolate cake at our wedding, just like you always wanted!" It said in a lovesick high-toned voice.
"Sorry…no." Foreman dropped the elephant on the ground and dashed off in a mad fit of insanity, because the fluffy pink sparkly elephant had just addressed him by name and knew what kind of cake he wanted at his wedding, which was something very odd, something you didn't see everyday…even if you did work with House.
-------------
"Dr. Foreman!" A shrill voice called out.
Foreman stopped dead, gasping for air.
He knew that voice…that voice…
The owner of that voice caught up to the winded and flabbergasted Dr. Eric Foreman very quickly, but it seemed all in very slow motion as the woman's heels clicked dangerously on the ground…
Queen Bansheera smiled seductively at Foreman.
And his bowling ball head was smashed underneath an 18-wheeler trunk with a blind, no-handed, serial killer driver and then chewed on by rottweilers and had Cheetos tossed at it…
"Now, Dr. Foreman, what's the rush? I'm sure you can take a break…" she stood close to him, way too close to him in fact, still smiling in that tempting way, "…for a little while?"
Foreman was torn. He should not be finding his boss that sexy, should he? No. He should be finding Cameron and helping her, right...right…right…no, it was apparent very soon as Cuddy mentioned she had a bottle of wine in her office, which she didn't mention was dimly lit and smelled of roses and...and…lies and deception, yes, that's what it was. What a lovely smell. Smelled like House's office or his girlfriend's food.
---------------
"It's raining…on prom night…" The Red Ranger sang, incredibly off key, "my hair is a mess…it's running…all over…my taffeta dress…"
"Stop. Singing." Grunted the Blue Ranger forcefully as he sat up, awakening completely now.
"Well, stop sleeping." House rationalized.
"But I'm so bored." Wilson whined, playing with his sleeves, which were rolled up to his elbows.
House lilted with joy, "We could take Foreman's suggestion and have passionate broom closet sex," jokingly.
Wilson stared, aghast, "Broom closet sex in a storage room? Never. I'm not some common dime-a-dozen slut, House." He warned sarcastically, "I would need an actual broom closet and some...mhmm...alcohol. Why didn't we get alcohol?" it suddenly occurred to him.
"Because the other doctors can sniff out that stuff like bloodhounds." House thumped his cane on the ground for emphasis and Wilson considered this and then agreed with a nod.
He stood up to stretch. "When do we come into this master plan?"
"When something actually goes according to plan." Explained House, bored, as if he'd said this for the thousandth time.
"Fine, fine." Wilson sighed, and leaned against the wall. He ran a hand through his hair and then asked anxiously, "Is my hair really better then Chase's?"
"Yes, stop asking." House reassured Wilson and then started humming, soon singing softly, "Greased lightning, go greased lightning…"
Wilson kicked a box at House, glaring with a passionate hatred. "No. Singing. Grease."
The box, however upset at being kicked, whimpered in agreement.
"Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever a cat as clever as Magical Mister Mistofo—" House began again, louder this time and more off key, a twisted grin on his face, but was cut off by Wilson who, still glaring angrily and death-threateningly, "Or. Cats!" and tossed a box at House, who ducked, laughing maniacally.
---------------
Nurses, nurses, where to find nurses…the Yellow Ranger could not think under pressure. So bad this got she stopped to ask a secretary on the 6th floor where the nurses could be found and the secretary stated slowly, "The nurse's lounge." Cameron thanked her and then left for the nurse's lounge before realizing she didn't know where the nurse's lounge was. Whoops. Didn't they have maps 'round here somewhere? She wondered vaguely, not noticing the plate on the door in front of her labeled, "NURSES LOUNGE."
-----------
AN: Review!
Hey, we have a dog, a poodle, named Kloe but we call her Pumpkin Doodle Muffin Head, and I did get a muffin today, yay me.
Haha. Also, any pairings in the story are subject to change. For the record, I am NOT a House/Cam shipper. Even though I think I accidently wrote some, didn't I? Damn, I know. I don't really have a ship. Err, yes.
Actually I had an alternate ending to this chapter but it was crap because it involved Cuddy gaining control of the base.
I give credit for the phrase 'drop kicking small innocent animals' to one of my friends, because that's what he said when our English teacher asked him how he felt.
And, ohmygosh, I hate McDonald's food but they have the best Happy Meal toys. Who agrees? (rhetorical question, folks..) The fries are yummy, huh yeah? I think it's funny how the commercial says the hamburgers are 100 percent beef. And it's even funnier that my older brother applied for a job there and he didn't get it.