Disclaimer: Own nothing, obviously.
Author's Note: Tonight my mother made me pineapple upside down cake. I love pineapple. I love cake. I can die happy.
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NURSE'S LOUNGE. The letters glared at Cameron like House glared at Cameron when Chase wasn't around for him to glare at.
She took a deep breath and lifted one of her perfectly manicured hands to the doorknob at the same moment the door opened and Brenda The Supremely Evil Nurse poked her head out, glaring at Cameron like the letters NURSE'S LOUNGE glared at Cameron.
"What do you want, Doctor Cameron?" She hissed. Cameron flustered. Scary, frightening nurses. Wimpy, scaredy-cat Cameron. Not a good combination.
"Uhm...I was...j-just...looking for uh...er...well...have you--" Cameron mumbled, shifting around and avoiding Brenda's evil burning gaze.
"Doctor Cameron," Brenda began, and made 'doctor Cameron' sound like she was saying 'you lying bitch', "if you intend to stand there and stutter at me, I will have to interrupt you and inform you are wasting my time."
Cameron blinked. "Uhm. Okay. Then. I'll...just..." She trailed off, cringed, and then flitted away, head down, wanting to cry. She was such a horrible Power Ranger.
However, compared to the rest, she was great.
---------
The Black Ranger tipped sideways dizzily, the dim room spinning.
Wine.
That was it.
Wine.
That was the problem.
That was why he was spinning and his head had become some sort of semi-bowling ball, shards of a former bowling ball, and he couldn't form coherent sentences although did he even need to?
Wine.
He looked curiously into the wine glass. Thick red liquid, swirling beautifully. Wine.
"Good wine?" Asked a voice from the chair across from him.
As usual from Foreman's experiences, the voice belonged to a body and the body in this case happened to be a very nice female body. This very nice body however had a very evil aura about it and this body had a very evil brain but a lovely voice.
Cuddy.
Wine.
Somehow this didn't add up in his head, something screamed he shouldn't be here, why wasn't he...where he was supposed to be. Where was that? Oh, right. Somewhere besides getting drunk with his boss' boss in his boss' boss's office when Chase had been taken by nurses, Cameron was probably lost and crying and House and Wilson were locked in again most likely.
But what was he supposed to do about it?
Something inside his head screamed GET SOBER, but this something, Foreman rationalized, was not good for him, he'd end up in the psych ward if he listening to this something. Even if this something had a good point. That didn't, Foreman pointed out pointlessly, give this something the right to scream. Because his head hurt, goddamnit.
The world spun again and the wine, thick dark red and pretty, spilled from the glass as he leaned sideways and tipped his chair over.
"Damn! That's going to stain the carpet, Foreman!" That voice again, yelling now, evil again...spinning world again...bowling ball shard in a blender and leprechauns dancing on it...
-------------
The nurses giggled and shifted the mirror so Chase could see.
He promptly fainted.
More giggles.
--------------
"Ow. My leg." House grumbled, standing up for the first time in a few hours. He leaned heavily on his cane and grunted out some obscene words.
Wilson, on the other hand, or should I say leg, had no problems getting up, and remarked, "Duh," to House's leg issue.
"Let's go find our Power Rangers, then." House declared, rubbing his thigh and looking at the door dejectedly.
"The base will be left all alone, won't it?" Wilson inquired, glancing about.
"No, that's what the boxes are for." House explained.
"Of...course." Wilson nodded.
Walkie talkies were grabbed and stowed away in pockets. House wished he'd given one to Cameron and Foreman earlier but it hadn't crossed his mind,so he took extra walkie talkies should he find them which turned out to be easy.
Because he found Cameron moping in a 4th floor waiting room.
"Yellow Ranger!" He hissed at her.
Cameron looked up sadly. "Sorry. I couldn't get Chase. I just..." Then she started crying.
"For God's sake..." House muttered, rolling his eyes.
Wilson sighed and sat down beside Cameron. "It's alright, Allison." he comforted her, trying to sound optimistic, "We'll get Chase and you'll be a great help, I know, because you are a great person..and..." and on Wilson went, complimenting her and being enthusiastic while House stood around and checked his watch. Wilson was a good person to help out with this kind of thing, when Cameron needed cheered up. Wilson was nice and polite and gentle. House was not.
Finally not crying, Cameron stood up and crossed her arms over her chest. "Yellow Ranger reporting, sir, what now?"
"First off, wasn't Foreman supposed to be with you?"
"I thought he was with you."
"No, he was supposed to help you."
"Well he wasn't."
"She's taking us down, one by one..." House said gravely.
"And where's the Pink Ranger?"
"I told you, the nurses got him. Remember?" Cameron reminded him.
"Then let's save our Pink Ranger, first."
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Cuddy had changed her tactics. Nice and sweet and sexy were gone. Mean and evil and shrieking had replaced them.
No more wine, now.
A sturdy mug of coffee. Black coffee. Fits, doesn't it?
The world no longer tipped dangerously but the wine stain in the carpet was still glaring and yelling at him.
No, wait, that was Cuddy who was glaring and yelling.
About...wait for it.
House. And everyone else. No, not everyone else, just Cameron and Chase and Wilson. But mostly House.
She was asking where they were, why they were there, what was with the hats,why won't they leave there, why were they doing this to her...all the usual questions.
Foreman didn't have an answer to any of them.
Well, except to that last one.
"'cuz you're evil."
Apparently not a good enough response. She yelled even louder and his head hurt even more. Like the crumbs of a bowling ball were thrown off the What's That Really Tall Building In New York? and hit with rock hard tennis balls and tackled by men who's named ended with 'the Giant'. Like someone named David The Giant or Johnny The Giant and people like that.
------
Bzzt... "Yellow, stick close to the wall. Blue, look out on your left." Bzzt.
"House, you don't have to use the walkie talkies. We're right beside you." Wilson told House. House frowned at him but then dropped the walkie talkie back into his pocket and sighed. Cameron and Wilson put their walkie talkies back into pockets, also.
"Fun killer." House muttered.
Cameron shifted so she could glance at him oddly, but then continued.
They were sneaking up on the NURSE'S LOUNGE, but doing so very slowly.
Mostly because they had to wait up for the limping House and try to look inconspicuous at the same time. Which was, as they soon found out, was damn near impossible.
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"Where is he?" Cuddy demanded, hissing bullets. Foreman didn't care if that wasn't possible, that's what happened.
She continued to hiss in a quiet but evil voice, "Tell me. What. Is. Going. On."
Foreman thought that if Hitler was a snake and snakes could talk, that's what the Hitler-snake would sound like.
"Tell me." She commanded again.
But Foreman didn't say a thing, because, truth be told, he had no idea what was going on either.
It was the wine, he reflected. And the beer.
The door was across the room, not very far away.
Between him and this door was a very angry, very evil, very dangerous Hospital Administrator who at the moment wasn't too fond of the Black Ranger. Probably not to fond of any Ranger, come to it.
He sighed.
He knew he should have taken the job with what's-his-face.
But no.
Foreman had to take the job with the complete and utter lunatic who had an evil boss.
On the bright side he had good medical insurance and got good vacation days.
Was that enough compensation for working for a nutjob?
...maybe. If he got a bonus.
And, in Foreman's opinion, he damned well deserved one.
-----------
Located in a smaller room that annexed of the main room of the NURSE'S LOUNGE, the nurses fluttered around Chase, smiling and complimenting him.
"Oh Doctor Chase, you look so pretty."
"You could fool anyone with that disguise."
"I'm almost fooled myself!"
"We should try him out."
"What? You mean like see if anyone actually is fooled?"
"Yeah! It would be totally awesome."
Brenda crushed their hopes. "No. Don't be stupid. Of course someone would notice. You'd get caught. They are looking for him, anyway. That simpering little one was here earlier, stuttering and fumbling over her words. Obviously, she had been told to do that. I know who told her. It was that House." She ended her rant with a growl.
Of course none of the others listened; they only heard the first part and the last part.
"Oh, Doctor House!"
"Have you seen his eyes? Strikingly blue..."
"..that look straight into your soul..."
"..and steal your heart away instantly..."
"..so dreamy..."
They all sighed schoolgirlishly.
"But he's so mean."
"I know, right?"
"It sucks we can't show Chase-y Wase-y off."
"Yeah."
"That's a stupid name for him."
"No, it's not!"
"It is too. He needs a girly name."
"You mean she needs a girly name."
"Exactly, I know!"
"How about...Jenny?"
"Ohmygosh, that's perfect!"
They all giggled and swooned and laughed.
Brenda leered disdainfully at them, and then went to make a phone call.
-----------
Riiing.
Riiing.
Foreman told himself he knew that sound.
Hamsters.
No, no, wait...phone. It was a phone. Ringing.
To be more precise, it was Cuddy's phone ringing.
It was not a good ring.
It was a 'death to come!' ring and a 'you are certainly doomed!' ring and a 'mwahahahahaha' ring.
Not the best kind of ring. For him, at least.
For Cuddy, it was the best kind of ring of all. A triumphant ring,
------------
Lisa Cuddy picked up the phone, smiling already. Somehow she just knew this was good news for her.
"You have who?...oh, that is just wonderful...yes, keep him there...they did? that's hilarious...oh, gosh...can you try to get any others?...you'll try...okay, that is great...I see a promotion in your future...call me if you have any more news."
She turned to Foreman who looked very tipsy and as if he didn't have a good hold on reality.
"We have Chase. And you. Anytime now, House will be surrendering to save you." She said happily. Happy with evil.
"He doesn't know...that you have me locked up. I doubt...he even knows that your minions have Chase..." Foreman grinned sloppily.
She frowned, but things like this could be remedied easily. All she had to do was somehow informed House she had two of his team…okay, maybe it wasn't so easy. Damn.
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"What now?" Cameron whispered.
Now they were located very close to the NURSE'S LOUNGE. Not many people were around, but still they stuck close to the walls and whispered. For the effect.
House shrugged, paused, and then said quietly, "Wilson. Go save Chase. But pretend you're asking them for lunch or something. Gain their trust then attack. "
"Why me?"
"Because, Wilson, they like you. They don't like Cameron. And I'm the Red Ranger."
"That doesn't give you any reason to--"
"Yes it does. Now go." House shoved Wilson forward. Wilson stumbled and stuck his tongue out at them before reluctantly walking over to the NURSE'S LOUNGE and opening the door.
"Hmm. It occurs to me why we are even bothering with Chase." House muttered.
Cameron blinked. "Because he is a Power Ranger, and even though he locked you up, he is still a Power Ranger and Rangers don't leave other Rangers behind." She stated proudly.
Staring, House replied with, "Fine."
They paused to watch Wilson flirt his way into the NURSE'S LOUNGE. House noted that it was very pathetic that he could hear the nurses's giggles from their spot. Also pathetic was how easily Wilson was welcomed by some of the younger nurses.
Cameron was being pessimistic and wondered if Wilson would get kidnapped like Chase or go missing like Foreman. Where was Foreman, anyway?
----
Foreman was currently being tortured.
Actually, he was sitting in a very comfy arm chair while Cuddy glared daggers, bullets, hand grenades, machine guns, nuclear bombs, knifes, and poisonous vipers at him.
Not the best way he'd like to spend his evening.
------
Chase was in the same kind of mood. In his opinion there were much better ways to spend an evening then getting kidnapped and dressed up by nurses. Like, say, spending the night in a concentration camp or on a plane that was about to crash over the Atlantic Ocean or going to a Celine Dion concert.
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"Cameron, go look for Foreman." House said lightly, after seeing Wilson safelyenter the NURSE'S LOUNGE.
Cameron nodded and obeyed, skulking off.
Now House was alone.
Wait. That could not be good. Left alone, he would be attacked or kidnapped, but then, hadn't he just split up his whole team? Whoops. On reflection that wasn't such a good idea. Nor was this. Oh dear. He could swear that people were crowding around him, about to attack or surround and kidnap. Now he was getting paranoid. Not a good sign.
He turned and headed back to the Base. A rather good idea, in his opinion..
Why hadn't he thought of that earlier?
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AN: Like, yay.
The reason I hadn't updated in a while was my computer broke down. GASP. Horrible, I know.
And I have scoliosis. I use that excuse for everything.
Reviews are fuel for my writing. Suggestions are lovely.
I love cake.
REVIEW!
Before I eat one of you. Grr.