The council was not going as it should. Simply because, Anya, a young woman they had found in the forest on their way to the council, from a place called "Earth" had the attentions of all riveted upon her.
"You know 'las," she said. "You are nothing like the fan fics make you out to be."
"What are fan-fics? What am I 'made to be'?" Legolas asked, a little confused.
"They are things that sad people like me write who have no life. It's a form of entertainment where I come from." she replied. "It's a story based around the world or characters created by someone in a book or movie. And don't ask what's a movie. Grumpy and Sleepy over there have worn me out with enough questions today." she shot a glance over to where Elrond and Gandalf sat. Elrond glared at her, before turning back to what he was saying to Gandalf.
"So what am I like?" Legolas asked eagerly, wanting to get her attention back to him.
"Well, mostly, you have a lot of sex with other males, tend to give up your immortality a lot, and have been known to fall pregnant with Aragorn's baby a fair bit." Legolas's eyes widened in absolute shock, and his mouth hung open, unable to say anything. Feeling bad about her ommitance of the rest of the truth, she continued. "You also are the sexual fantasy of every girl under 16 or so, save damsels in distress, and are the object of every Mary-Sue's desires from here to Lorien. Then Haldir gets them," she said, and Legolas snapped out of his stupor, nodding to himself.
"Yes." he said resolutely. "As it should be."
"Don't get too cocky. Your Dad is the lustful object of every woman with a slight dominatrix streak." Legolas looked thoughtful. "What is a dominatrix?"
Anya chose not to comment on that.
"How am I?" piped up Pippin eagerly from the bushes, revealing himself and Merry, who were listening in, finding this conversation all too interesting.
"You get the girl hobbits, have the odd fling with Merry, and have been known to have threesomes with Boromir." Anya grinned wickedly at the horror that crossed all of her audiences faces at that last comment.
"Why would anyone write things like this?" commented Gandalf from across the clearing, having found his tongue first, having been eavesdropping on the conversation. "Who would possibly find them enjoyable?"
"Oh, wait, wait, it gets better!" she exclaimed gleefully, getting up and animatedly waved her arms around. "Elladan and Elrohir are lovers, as are Glorfindel and Erestor." All involved didn't look remotely amused or impressed at that comment.
"How did they know!" Came the outraged whisper from Elrohir to his brother.
"Rumil and Legolas are love slaves, Haldir and Glorfindel get tied to the bed post a lot, Elrond has been known to get involved with Glorfindel and Erestor, who by the way, is a secret warrior from some ancient order or another, who teaches male sex education, and protects the family of Elrond. Celeborn has been inhabited by demons, lust and God only knows what else, and is normally Galadriel's bitch. Sam is a little more devoted to Frodo's needs than we all realise, and finally, Boromir and Faramir have it off together, behind their fathers back. Sometimes with Eomer." The entire room was silent, and she danced around in little circles. "See? Isn't fan fiction fun!" she exclaimed. Again, she was met with a resounding silence