The Yellow Ranger was lost. It had to be the answer. Except, she had known where she was a few minutes ago and now---never-ending storage rooms, one after another in rows and rows of doors and white walls. Weird.
It was like the Twilight Zone.
Minus Rod Serling.
-------------
Bored. Bored. So bored.
The Red Ranger had broken out the gummi bears and Jell-O, mixing the two together. It tasted...pretty good, actually. But there were funner things to do. He took out the mashed potatoes and played with them. After constructing a mashed potato castle, he placed gummi bear guards around it and then a Jell-O mote.
Wow.
Why didn't he ever consider a career in sculpting? Obviously, this was his destiny. Medicine. Pshaw.
------------
The Blue Ranger reviewed his plan:
1. Throw coffee and cookie on nurses.
2...he hadn't planned that far yet.
'Even the best laid plans go awry,' he had heard somewhere (House?) so he figured, quite logically, by not having a plan laid at all he could avoid the non-existent plan going awry.
No one could ever accuse Wilson of being irrational.
Well, they could, but he'd deny it fully.
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The Black Ranger wished someone would save him.
He was tired.
Tired of Cuddy glaring at him.
He could swear Cuddy was sapping his Power Ranger POWER with every minute she glowered at him...wait...he wasn't an actual Power Ranger, right? No, that really loud something in his head told him, you are not.
But he might as well have been. Power Rangers got kidnapped by evil overlords and then tortured to get information but then other Rangers saved them...right?
Right, Foreman thought hopefully. Rangers save other Rangers. It worked like that. Awesome.
---------------
The Pink Ranger also wished someone would save him.
Anyone.
At this point he wouldn't even mind if Wilson saved him.
On second thought, yes, he would.
-----------------
The boxes disagreed with House. They insisted that House should go do something like save his Ranger team.
House was too busy because a rebel army of Paperclips was attacking Potato Castle and the Gummi Soldiers were outnumbered 3-1 by the Rebel Paperclips. Gummi Soldiers had called in the Marble SWAT but the Marbles were getting stuck crossing the Peanut Butter River so they would take awhile. King Construction Paper-Marker of Potato Castle was getting seriously worried, now. He did not want his wife, Queen MascaraDuctTape, to die in such a bloody battle.
Even if they couldn't bleed.
--------------
Cameron spun around again.
Suddenly it hit her. Not literally.
She was stuck in a trap.
Some sort of mind trap...or maybe she was dreaming. She opted with the 'trapped' part, and wondered how to get out of it.
She felt around in her pockets...oh! Duct tape, some marbles, and squirt guns. The stuff House'd given her earlier. Hmm...Cameron was getting an idea.
This was either very bad or very good.
She ducked into one of the storage room, to find it was an actual STORAGE ROOM. What luck! Looking for some sort of liquid...funky-looking blue stuff in a dangerous looking bottle. Fun. She filled up the toy squirt guns with the funky-looking blue stuff. Maybe it was poisonous. Maybe it wasn't. All Cameron knew was that it was lovely shade of blue (like House's eyes, she noted lovesickeningly) and matched her blouse. Was there anything more she needed to know?
She exited the STORAGE ROOM, and then did a Charlie's Angel pose with a squirt gun before realizing doing a Charlie's Angel pose was worthless without two other Angels. Maybe she could get Chase...oh, forget about it. A James Bond pose, then? No.
She did a Yellow Ranger pose and then dashed off down the hallway, on a mission and humming the Power Ranger theme song. Alas, she did not actually know the Power Ranger themesong, so she settled for the Mission Impossible theme, which sounds awesome when you'er on a mission that seems impossible...woah.
---------------
Wilson put his plan into action.
He jumped up quickly and tossed the coffee in the general direction of the nurses. They shrieked and gasped as their white aprons were stained. The coffee wasn't even hot. It was icky decaf, though. Then he chucked the coffee cup and Brenda and the cookie at another nurse and then ran to the first door, swinging the door open. A bathroom. Curses! Next door. A storage room.
Next door.
------------
Chase heard shrieks. Probably a spider scaring the nurses. Or maybe House showed up.
But then...
The door shot open and Wilson stood there, looking out of breath and his hair messed up.
He was shocked by Chase's girly appearance but rushed forward and grabbed Chase's arm, shoving nearby nurses out of the way.
They then proceeded to get the hell out of there without another problem.
-------------
Oh yeah. Wilson had accomplished his mission.
And Chase looked like a girl.
Like, really a girl.
Creepy.
--------------
Cameron saw a nurse. And then she shot the nurse with the weird blue stuff from the squirt gun. And kept on walking, and walking, and shooting down more nurses until she found a service elevator and went to floor 5. To save Foreman!
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King Construction Paper-Marker's Potato Castle was still under attack, but the Marbles SWATS had gotten through the Peanut Butter River with only a few casualties (we will mourn you, Cat's-eye.) and were now fending off the Paperclip Rebel Army with the help of the gummy soldiers, who were lazy bastards.
Queen MascaraDuctTape found this all very uninteresting. She hated her Potato Castle and her Potato Room and everything about it. She kept falling over; the floor was so slanted. Horrible architecture. Her husband found the most horrible things to build his castles with. Like his last one. 'Oh, great idea, a castle made of fudgecicles, Honey, that'll work. '
------------
Cuddy's office was just around the corner. Foreman was there. Cameron was armed. She took a deep breath.
She needed a plan.
Or not. Not having plans had worked for a lot of people, hadn't they? Uhm. Wait, no. She was getting confused with having a plan. Which she didn't
Argh.
-------------
Foreman started to hum sadly, wondering why he hadn't tried to escape yet. Then he remembered. Couldn't stand up.
Riiing.
There it was again. The hamsters.
Er, no.
Return of the cries of death.
Riing.
Queen Bansheera leaned forward in her desk and picked up the phone. Immediately, her face turned from 'oh joys of joys I have two people captured' to 'holy shit, now I only have one person captured.' Demanding whose fault it was and who the hell let this happened, her tone became increasingly scarier and her voice increasingly louder.
"WILSON BROKE HIM OUT! WHAT THE HELL? HOW---WHY---THAT BASTARD! I bet House put him up to it! DAMN THAT HOUSE! AND WILSON! CURSE THEM ALL!"
Oh dear.
-----------
Okay, wing it. That's the new plan of action. There was never one in the first place. That was his theory. If he didn't have a plan, it could not go wrong.
Wilson ran down the hallway with Chase following and tripping over skirts and nurses chasing.
They hid in an empty patient's room and waited till they heard nurses run by screaming, but stayed inside, catching their breath.
Wilson was laughing hysterically at Chase and trying to breathe at the same time. It didn't work that well.
"Pink...!" he gasped.
Chase was muttering and turning pink as he searched the room for doctor's scrubs or anything to wear except the skirt. He didn't notice Wilson pull out a cellphone/picturephone and snap photos, still giggling.
The Blue Ranger knew a few people who would pay big money for pictures of Chase dressed up like a girl.
------------
Cameron had also decided to wing it.
She walked forward calmly, and entered Cuddy's office.
Foreman sitting in a chair like he'd been placed there then fell over and then was placed there again. He smiled at Cameron and waved happily. She noted that this was first time Foreman looked happy to see her.
Cuddy sat in her chair behind her desk with the back of the chair facing Cameron and Cuddy facing away. It was creepy. Evil-creepy. Like something from a Bond movie. Or a horror movie. Or a pro-Nazi Hitler film.
Queen Bansheera slowly turned around in her chair so she was facing them.
Foreman half expected her to be stroking a cat, for some reason.
Instead she was smiling maniacally.
Cameorn gulped.
"You have walked right into my trap, Dr Cameron." Cuddy hissed. Cameron resisted the urge to step backward and hightail it out of there. "You'll never get out of here until House surrenders." She stood up. "Tell me. What the hell. Is going. ON."
Sometimes, in her life, Allison Cameron had her good moments. When she was twelve she beat up a bully who called her little sister fat. At fourteen she got expelled from school because she started a rally in her junior high against the fact girls weren't allowed to play football0--even though she despised the sport. At sixteen she beat up another bully. At 20 she got a DUI. Recently, she got high and had sex with co-worker.
And now, she pulled out her squirt gun full of suspicious liquid, did her Yellow Ranger-armed-with-a-squirt-gun pose, and shot it at Cuddy, who shrieked and recoiled.
Admittedly this didn't measure up with her other 'bad ass' moments, but it was still cool.
After squirting Cuddy again, she motioned to Foreman to 'come on.' He tried, and then tipped over. Cameron, sighing, helped up along and then blocked the door from the outside on their way out with a chair.
Foreman chuckled. "That," he told her, "was awesome. House won't believe it."
----------
Chase finally found something to wear besides a skirt and a blouse. Doctor's scrubs. The horrible shade of blue that he'd take any day over a skirt and blouse. He quickly changed, washed the make up off his face, and stared at his pink-painted nails sadly.
"My hair," Wilson began matter-of-factly, "is so better then yours."
Chase blinked at him, clearly wondering where this topic came from. "No." He stated slowly. "It's not."
"Yes, it is." Wilson replied, and then stood up. "Come on. Let's go back to the base."
"No, I quit. I'm not going to 'play' any longer." Chase said loudly.
Wilson laughed.
Chase looked angry and demanded, "What?"
"It's like the mafia. You just can't get out that easily." Wilson, still laughing, exited the room and left a bewildered Chase behind. The aforementioned bewildered Chase quickly followed suit, though.
------
Cameron and Foreman made it back to the base without needing to shoot anyone with a squirt gun. They didn't need to but that didn't stop them from doing it. Nurses, patients, doctors—all targets.
----------
King Construction Paper-Marker's Gummy Soldiers had just defeated the Paperclip army and now were rejoicing. His wife hadn't come down to join in the festivities. That was because Princess MascaraDuctTape was a self-centered bitch and was cheating on him with the captain of the Marbles SWAT team.
He thought about going to look for her when suddenly---
---------
Cameron shoved open the door to the base and pushed Foreman in, then followed him.
For some reason, Foreman slipped on something and fell over and House yelled, "No! King Construction Paper-Marker and Queen MascaraDuctTape! NOO!"
Cameron looked down to the floor. There was what seemed to formerly a blop of mashed potatoes, pile of marbles and paperclips and gummi bears, streaks of peanut butter and Jell-O, and a marker with a construction paper head and arms and legs and a mascara bottle with duct tape arms and legs and a head.
She raised an eyebrow at House, who constructed all of this.
Foreman had stepped on it and fallen over. He was quite content with staying there on the ground, though.
"I was…bored." House explained, shrugging. As if this was a good enough reason for complete madness and insanity.
Cameron nodded, not assured, and then took a seat on the floor, away from the wreckage of the former castle.
"Ah well. What the King didn't know was that there was a second army of paperclips and they would have gotten them anyway."
Cameron and Foreman stared, but just then, Wilson and Chase entered.
The boxes were happy at the return of Wilson.
Wilson glanced at the pile of potatoes and random items on the ground but didn't say anything; instead he waved his hands at Chase. "Ta da! Look. I saved your delinquent Ranger. He was dressed up like a girl. Don't worry, House, I got pictures."
Cameron sat up, saying, "Well, look, I saved the drunken Ranger. From Cuddy. Go me."
Wilson glared at her.
"I don't care. We have the team together. That's all that matters." House said.
They all stared, blinking, then burst out laughing.
"Oh, right. You all suck and are idiots." House smiled.
"My hair's is still better then Chase's, though." Wilson mumbled.
House glared, continuing, "Whatever. So, where's that elephant? We need it."
-----
AN: Hmm. Who's hair IS better? Wilson's or Chase's?
Thanks for all the reviews, guys and dolls, they're great.
What? I'm on Chapter 8? Wowza. Ajdfhksdjfh.
I have such clever reviewers. My favorite reviewer quote of the day: "bytheway...wilson has testosterone?" Hahah. Laughing hysterically.
Is that how you spell hysterically?
Wow.
REVIEW. AND...haha. I have a green scarf. Awesome.
I was going to say something. But I forgot.