Cameron's gaze was fixed on House. Come to that, everyone else's was, too. Except for House's. That would be a bit impossible, him staring at himself. So, everyone but House was staring at House. Yes, there it is.
The question a sane person might ask would be, of course, why they were staring at him. The obvious reasons were: he had been playing with Jell-O and mashed potatoes, he made up a game where they were Power Rangers, he was convinced the whole hospital was after him (and rightly so) and he talked to boxes. But those were not why they were staring at him. They stared because they wanted to know what to do next.
On the other hand, a not-very-sane person might ask, like, what happened to King Construction Paper-Marker. The answer to that was HE'S DEAD; FOREMAN KILLED HIM WHEN HE FELL ON THE CASTLE. SO THERE. Oh, and he wasn't real in the first place.
"You're the Red Ranger." Cameron pointed out, as if no one could see the red hat House was wearing. They could. Duh. They're not BLIND, Cameron. Actually, they were in a dark storage room, but they had set up flashlights all around the room (someone had suggested 'light bulbs' and had been completely ignored. Chase, probably.) so that fixed that problem.
Boxes lurked around the edges of the circle of the Rangers, listening closely and sometimes interjecting a helpful comment or tip here or there. But ha. Boxes don't have mouths.
"So?" House replied and poked a blob of Jell-O.
"So the Red Ranger always has the plans. And stuff. You know." Wilson told him, also seeming very interested in the Jell-O. It was red and...what's the word...jiggly.
"Oh." House shrugged and glanced at the boxes for help. We don't know, they said apologetically. And even if they did, again, boxes do not have mouths.
"'Oh'? You get us into this huge amount of trouble--skipping work-- getting kidnapped-- attacking nurses-- and Cuddy---and all you have to say is 'Oh'?" Chase yelled.
House gave him an even stare and said, quite reasonably, "Yes. 'Oh'. 'Oh' as in, 'Oh, whatever. We'll figure it out later.'"
Chase, still very angry, threw his hands into the air and shook his head.
Foreman had recovered and was now rather sober. "Well. I think...that we ought to do something."
House gasped. "Something? Brilliant plan, Black Ranger."
"I told you, I don't wanna be the Black Ranger."
"It fits you so much better, though."
"Oh, and why's that, House? Because I'm black?"
"I'm not that racist, Foreman. It's because you have a darker personality, and wear darker colors and..."
"Yeah, right."
"I don't think I've ever heard anyone say that without being sarcastic."
Foreman growled incoherently. He wondered why he was still playing this game. And why he didn't quit. There was, he supposed, an amount of fun that he wouldn't admit to. That would be just what House wanted.
There was another one of those silences where no one had anything to say, but otherwise had tons of things to do.
House made a chain with abandoned paper clips, clipping them together. Wilson had lost interest in the Jell-O and instead was organizing the boxes by size. The boxes were slightly annoyed by this but the boxes didn't care much, they just wanted attention. Cameron, fascinated by what House was doing, was doing the same thing with the paperclips. Foreman, in his mind, recited the doctor's Hippocratic Oath he took years ago and pondered over if what they were doing broke it. Chase scraped the pink nail polish off his fingernails, cringing.
This went on for some time.
Foreman decided that it didn't break the oath (unless he'd missed something) and piped up with, "Are we just going to sit here?"
Everyone looked up at the Silence Breaker who addressed the topic none of them had been willing to.
Looking shocked, House replied, "No, I was thinking I would get up in a few minutes to stretch and then throw some more Cheetos at you."
"That's a waste of Cheetos, you know." Wilson told him, giving up on the boxes.
"Cheetos are icky." Chase said offhandedly.
"I like them." Cameron chirped.
Chase, sending her a disgruntled glance, rolled his eyes. "Says the girl who had a crush on House. Great taste, Cameron's got."
Flushing, Cameron protested, "Right, but I'm not a backstabber."
"Ooh, she went there!" House squealed. They stared at him, and he waved his hands, saying, "Continue, continue."
Cameron and Chase both rolled their eyes and then shared look that said, 'our boss is an annoying lunatic.'
House appeared disappointed when they didn't continue and sighed.
Wilson played with the roll of duct tape, taping things like paper to House, who quickly pulled them off and placed them on Wilson. He took them off and kept on taping things to House who re-taped them to Wilson. Cameron put down her paperclips and watched this cycle, rather interested why one of them didn't just stop because the other would obviously do so. Huh. Must be one of those boy things. Speaking of boy things, Foreman began making comments about Chase's nail polish and how it fit his color and personality.
"It's the same color as your hat. Lovely."
Chase just ignored him, making Foreman angrier.
"God, Chase, you'd make a great nurse."
"I think I saw Dr. Cuddy wearing that same nail polish color."
"Got a matching lipstick?"
"What color is it, Chase? Ballerina Pink? Cotton Candy Pink? Prostitute Pink?"
"Fooooooorrrreeemmaaaaan." House whined loudly, taping a piece of paper to Wilson who took if off and stuck his tongue out at House.
"What, House?" Foreman asked reluctantly.
"Soylent Green is people!" House said dramatically.
Everyone stared again. Not House. This topic has been discussed. Anyway. Not everyone, you understand, Wilson didn't this time in addition to House and you know that.
Wilson translated, "He wants you to shut up."
"Oh." The ducklings all said.
Wilson stuck a piece of red paper to House and he pulled it off, taping it to Wilson, who retrieved another piece of paper and this started all over again. Wilson, while doing this, seemed to be explaining something to House, who listened half-heartedly.
"Why are they doing that?" Cameron whispered to Chase, who shrugged.
"Good question."
Foreman found the bag of Cheetos and tried one. "Ew, Chase, these are icky. Even though I hate to agree with you. Horrible." With that he thrust the bag at Cameron, who pounced upon them hungrily, having not eaten much all day.
"I like Cheetos. You guys are just too ignorant to behold the deliciousness that is Cheetos."
Chase nodded, not assured. "Right, Cameron."
Foreman examined the bag. "'Dangerously Cheesy'. That's creepy. They're so cheesy they're dangerous? If I were you I'd be worried about my health."
Chase grinned. "Their mascot is a cheetah. What do cheetahs know about cheese? Do cheetahs eat cheese? And, as Foreman said, they're dangerous. Dangerous with what, I wonder? Arsenic? Cyanide? Pesticides? Maybe they're infected. Gosh, Cameron, we wouldn't want you to get sick from a snack endorsed by cheetahs."
By this time Cameron was doubled over laughing, and Wilson was smiling, amused. House had not been listening, so he remarked, "Cameron, we all know Wilson's hair is funny, but you don't have to be so obvious about it." This caused Cameron, Chase, and Foreman to laugh, and Wilson to glare at him.
"House..." Wilson began, "there's this marvelous invention, it's been around for quite some time but I have to wonder if you've heard of it...it's called a comb, House." He smiled at House's face and at the fact the ducklings collapsed laughing at their boss.
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Queen Bansheera dug her fingernails into her desk, inhaling and exhaling. Inhale, exhale, she tried to tell herself calmly, inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale...inhale, exhale...inhale, exhale...GOING TO KILL HOUSE.
Without even bothering to muffle it, she let out a long, high-pitched scream.
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The nurses sighed.
"I miss Dr. Chase."
"You mean Jenny."
"Oh, right, Jenny."
"...now I'm bored."
"We could go track him down."
"We're no good at that."
…
"...let's go Google pictures of Orlando Bloom."
"OhMyGawd, great idea!"
They all squealed and gathered around a computer.
-----------
Everyone had calmed down from laughing. Cameron was not dissuaded from eating Cheetos and had taken to tossing them at Chase or Foreman when they weren't looking and then laughing hysterically. House looked rather proud.
Wilson ran out of paper nearby and was no longer taping this to House. Foreman, between dodging Cheetos, asked Wilson about those pictures of Chase in a girl's clothes.
Chase felt left out so began a conversation with House about Power Rangers.
"The original, Mighty Morphin, is without a doubt the best." house said.
"Uh huh." Chase nodded.
"Yep. Because that's where Tommy Oliver started out. He was a Green Ranger, an evil one, but then he turned good and then he got to be a White Ranger and the leader of the group--I'm sure Jason, the Red Ranger then, wasn't that happy about that but then Jason was dating Kimberly, the Pink Ranger, too-- and then when Jason, Trini the Yellow Ranger, and Zach the Black Ranger left for 'Switzerland'--and when they say Switzerland, it means the actors just punked out on the show, although they'd later come to regret it, I bet---they got Rocky the Red Ranger, Adam the Black Ranger and Aisha the Yellow Ranger. Incidentally, Tommy and Kimberly start going out but then Kimberly leaves and they get this Australian girl for the pink Ranger, and then the show starts to suck." House let out a deep breath. "That's just a brief history." He explained.
Chase doubted the word 'brief'.
"Tommy Oliver also went on to be a Red Ranger in the next series and, in a later series, the Black Ranger. He's the greatest Ranger ever ever ever." House finished in a childish tone.
"He's your inspiration, then?" Chase asked, for lack of thing to do.
"Totally." House replied in the same voice.
Wilson refused to show Foreman to pictures without a fee first and Cameron became depressed when she ran out of Cheetos.
"Guys, it's boring again." She complained.
"Five dollars, Wilson. I'm not paying ten." Foreman protested, slamming his fist on the floor.
Wilson smirked, telling him, "But you know it's worth it."
Foreman did not want to admit that.
"Let's, like, go fight evil alien monsters." Cameron suggested.
"The closest thing we've got is Cuddy." Chase said, and then added thoughtfully, "And she's pretty close, now that you mention it."
Cameron frowned and looked at House. "Did you have a plan of some sort, House?"
"I decided we'd be better off with no plan." House told them casually, pulling a piece of duct tape off his arm, Wilson giggling.
"What? No plan? How's that supposed to help us?" Chase freaked out, his voice reaching a higher pitch as usual when he freaked out, and Foreman felt obligated to point this out but House started to say something.
"Well, Wilson explained something to me. It's really smart. Have you heard that saying, 'the best laid plans go awry'? See, if we don't have a plan at all, then it can't go all wrong and no one will end up in Cuddy's clutches last time, although hilarious it was."
Wilson nodded happily.
"That sounds so stupid." Foreman said, in his 'I don't think so' voice he was so fond of using.
"Sounds good to me." Cameron supplied.
"Oh, you're just kissing up." Chase commented to Cameron, annoyed.
She raised an eyebrow, and asked him, "And what do you think?"
"It...could work, I guess."
"There."
"Righto, then, plan of action is no plan of action. Actually, that contradicts itself because my saying our plan is no plan, we're saying we have a plan and we don't want a plan, okay. So, by saying 'we don't have a plan' that is our plan, and...oh, gosh, I'm so confused. Where's my Vicodin?" House rummaged around for his bottle of pills. Little did he know that, while most of the boxes had agreed to be under his command, one had strayed away and had formed a pact with...Queen Bansheera! and hidden his pills.
Not very well, though. Just behind a box. House found them quickly while Chase, Cameron, and Foreman shook his heads at him and Wilson helplessly wondered if this was going to ruin his reputation as Jimmy the Boy Wonder Oncologist. Of course it was going to, he told himself, you're being a Power Ranger for a day with House the Snarky Anti-Social But Genius Diagnostician.
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AN: Hey, I made a cake yesterday. YAY CAKE.
Nobody does much in this chapter. Tell me, is it still funny?
Oh, oh, oh. I was watching a late night House re-run on USA and my older brother came upstairs and I made him stay and watch it with me and my little brother. Anyway, my older brother doesn't watch House much (SHAME) but when it's on he'll stay and watch it with us sometimes, so he had a vague idea of what's going on. He pointed to Cameron and said, "Who's that?" so I told him, "Cameron. She's annoying and wimpy. She's a doctor." And he goes, "Ohhh. I thought she was a nurse." which I couldn't stop laughing at for the rest of the episode.
Right. REVIEW REVIEW. I really do appreciate the reviews I've been getting, but really, it's like a lust for blood, once I get some I NEED MORE MORE MORE MORE...sorry. Ahem. Anyway. Did I tell you to review? Not like I need more, mind, because I have HUNDRED SOMETHING. IN YOUR FACE.
And I forgot was I was going to say, but do you know what? I watch Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert every night. And I have a 45 degree curve in my back. GO SCOLIOSIS. My shoulders are uneven. I AM AN OUTCAST.