L'EDgendary

by dobanochi

A few years since we last saw any of them, the Peach Creek Boys and the Merry Men run into one another at just the right time, working together to undermine an oppressive city government as well as their burgeoning insecurities. An action-comedy-drama character study about friendship, leadership, self-esteem, and the divide between who we're born as and who we choose to be.

15. Show and Tell, Pt 2

15. "Show and Tell, Pt. 2"

Robin and John left Otto's house unarmed (save for the knives they always carried, but they didn't want the kids freaking out about those; Little John also still had the Sheriff's gun shoved down his pants, but it had been there for so long that at this point even he was starting to forget it was there) and dressed as two scruffy-looking characters, with Little John also wearing a large backpack that contained their extra disguises and would soon contain some cash and other valuables. They told the Eds to still keep within earshot as they walked, but maybe stay back a little bit further than before.

On the way to the city center, Robin and John stopped at a seemingly random spot on the sidewalk. When the Eds caught up, Rob and Johnny pointed out that they were standing in front of a Quiznos Subs. Even though this was all back when the Quiznos brand seemed to be doing relatively well for itself, a large sum of their locations weren't actually profitable, and this location at 20th and Georgia in Zoar Park was one of those. The place was too fancy for poor folks, too trashy for rich folks, and the college kids in the area just couldn't afford it. However, the franchisee's stunning lack of business acumen and refusal to cut his losses worked well for the Merry Men, as the perpetually-empty restaurant made a great hideout for when they messed around downtown and needed to disappear fast; not to mention, since the never-present operator couldn't afford to hire anybody more, and the current roster of employees couldn't afford to quit, the staff always consisted of some combination of one or two of the same three or four people, who by now knew the Merry Men well and were sympathetic to the cause ("Because of course they are, they work at Quiznos for Christ's sakes," as Little John put it). This would be where the Robin and John wanted the Eds to meet them after the job was complete.

It would appeal to reason that the city's center would be its oldest part, and as such, it did not conform to the grid system seen in the rest of the city. This part of town, officially known as the Old Millsboro neighborhood after the previous name of the town before some English investors persuaded the locals to change it in the 1890s, was built on the same old streets as the old small town that was here before the Fertile Crescent took off and the shipping ports got their footing (courtesy of the aforementioned investors). High-rises and skyscrapers formed a ring around the Historic District, which was situated right where the Lemon Brook, the Peach Creek, the Cherry Stream, and the Apple River all converged into Millsboro Pond, Betts Pond, and Ingram Pond, which then converged with each other, and then formed the Indian River, which just got wider and wider as it meandered toward the ocean until it became the Indian River Bay. The epicenter of Old Millsboro, and of Nottingham in general, was considered to be the Main Street Bridge over the narrows where Millsboro Pond ended and the Indian River began, with the Historic District on the south bank and the Financial District on the north.

The upscale Lakeland neighborhood was built around the shores of the small lakes immediately west of downtown, forming a sideways L-shaped footprint. The long part of this L was a long and narrow east-west corridor that saw Millsboro Boulevard run its length, snaking to accomodate for the ponds. This area was often considered to be the only good part of the West Side; residents of this corridor didn't mind that their neighborhood was flanked by a three-block-wide railyard north of 6th Street and the sunken Interstate 97 squeezed snugly between G and H Streets to the south, as it kept them safe from what lay beyond, although they all secretly fretted that there was nothing protecting them from whatever lie west of Illinois. East of New York Avenue, the boundaries extended north along the edge of the railyard to make room for Millsboro Pond. The area immediately north of Millsboro Pond, where the Peach Creek and the Lemon Brook ran through on their way to drain into the lake, was considered the ritziest part of the Lakeland neighborhood - save for the addition of the new main-branch police precinct built a stone's throw from the mayoral mansion shortly after John Norman took power. The Eds all got a bit nervous as Robin and John led them right by these two landmarks, thinking this was their final destination. Fortunately, Rob and Johnny kept on walking, en route to where the Lakeland area and the Financial District blurred together.

The Andrea Jane Oliphant Memorial Library was the main branch of the Nottingham Public Library system, and was named after the city's first female mayor, who had served in the 1970s and early 80s before her untimely passing of a heart attack in 1982. However, Mayor Oliphant had not been bashful about her heart troubles in her final years, and had said in a public interview a few months before her passing that in the event that she should become unable to fulfill her duties as mayor, she would implore the city council to appoint the young English-born alderman Richard Norman, who seemed to be a political wunderkind. Having come to the United States in 1970 to attend graduate school at Yale after getting his Bachelor's at Oxford, the lion decided he liked America and chose to stick around, deeming the city in Southern Delaware as a place worthy of his services. Because the immensely popular Mayor Oliphant had made public her desire to be succeeded by Norman, she had basically taken the power out of the hands of the city council, who would very much have liked to have appointed somebody from within their own political machine, but now would make it too obvious that something corrupt was going on if they didn't appoint the Brit. So Mayor Oliphant's will was done, and at just the age of thirty-five and not even having been a United States citizen for a decade, Richard Norman was now the mayor of a major American city. He proved to be an even more popular mayor, but he recognized that he had gotten there with a little help from his predecessor. He returned the favor: a statue in her image was erected in the park near the headwaters of the Indian River looking eastward out to sea; I-97 was officially nicknamed the Oliphant Expressway (Andrea J. Oliphant was credited for petitioning the US Department of Transportation to finally put an interstate highway through Delmarva, with Nottingham before the 1970s holding the distinction of being the largest city in America not connected to the Interstate Highway System), and the shiny new downtown library - which had to be built anyway because the previous main branch was a casualty of the construction of the highway - became the Andrea Jane Oliphant Memorial Library. The library sat pretty on the shores of Millsboro Pond, right next to the Nottingham Social Club.

John and Robin waltzed into an alley a block away from the two buildings, waving the boys to meet them there in she shadows. They had arrived at their destination.

"Alright, lads here we are!" said Robin, who was dressed as a blind man in much the same style of his Glenjamin Glutton getup but without any attempt at appearing to be a different species. "How're you all feeling about this so far?"

"An alley?" asked Eddy.

"No, Eddy, not an alley. We're just-"

"Because this really looks like an alley, Rob," said Eddy, daring to address Robin by his first name. He figured if Little John was going to be snarky anyway, he might as well follow his lead, just to prove that he wasn't incompatible.

"Astute observation, lad. But we're just here to debrief with you before we split up-"

Thump.

"Double-D fell down!" Ed hollered.

"Shhh!" Robin begged. "Keep quiet, Ed!"

"What's with him?" asked John.

"Who, Ed or Double-D?" asked Eddy.

"Uh… both of 'em, I guess."

"I'm-I'm alright, I, um, I just…" Double-D struggled to get his words out again, but this time it was less due to his anxiety about the situation and more his anxiety from giving his legs too much of a workout. Eddy hadn't completely been wrong to claim that their journey was far longer than a reasonable walking distance. "My legs are just tired is all." If any good came of this, it certainly took Edd's mind off of the criminal activity to which he was about to be an accomplice.

Little John and Ed helped Double-D back to his feet. "You gonna be alright to roll with us, kid?" asked John. "I know that was a long walk, but it wasn't that long of a walk."

"Are you two fucking crazy? That was the longest walk I've ever been on in my life!" said Eddy.

"Ed's feet hurt," Ed added.

John and Robin just glanced at each other. "Perhaps we're to fit for our own good, now aren't we, Little John?"

"Hell, I wish," John grumbled as he looked down at his own stomach, for which he had mixed feelings.

"Well, you boys will have time to sit soon enough. We're going to have you sit up on the patio on the fourth floor of the library, but keep on the east side, because-"

"And you expect us to know which way is east?" asked Eddy.

"Yes. We do," said John. "It's the side by the Nottingham Social Club. Stick by the edge closest to that, because we're gonna be doing stuff right on the street there."

"The Social Club is the kind of place where CEOs and other high-ranking business people like to congregate instead of going to work," Robin explained. "They run the companies, so who's going to stop them?"

Ed was lost and Edd was distracted by the tremors in his calves, but Eddy was intrigued that such a place existed. A club where rich people hung out and lived the life instead of tending to their lackeys? That seemed like a place Eddy would like to gain access to one day.

"So for the first, like, twenty-thirty minutes, we're just gonna do some basic panhandling," said Little John, who was dressed in some vintage army veteran's duds that looked like they were from out of the Vietnam era, probably as old as he and Robin were. "If the rich people don't give us any money, you'll see what we're talking about, about how much they hate poor people. And if they do, then that's great, we'll have some backup cash to give out today if our main plan falls apart."

"But our main plan won't fall apart, now will it, Johnny?"

Oh, not this shit again. "It prob'ly won't, but it might."

"Oh, ye of little faith!"

But Little John had an idea to do something more constructive than just rolling his eyes.

"Alright, boys," said John. "Real quick. When Rob here says there's no way our plans can backfire, and when I say there's a less than one-hundred-point-zero percent chance of success, just to keep things real with you… hm… is he making you trust him when he does that, or is he just making you think he's crazy? Same idea: do you appreciate me being honest with you, or is it just scaring you off?"

Little John saw Robin give him the dirtiest look he'd gotten from him in a very long time. He only saw it in his periphery, however, because he refused to meet the glare. John was instead looking for answers from the boys.

"Just tell us the first things that come to your minds, kids," John continued. "We've been talking about this between us for awhile now, and we just wanna know."

Eddy knew exactly what he wanted to say, but didn't want to risk it coming out shitty; Ed, meanwhile, was terrible at verbalizing when put on the spot like this, and it seemed like Robin and John already could correctly assume this much. Therefore all eyes were on Double-D, who was still being propped up by Ed. Nobody could tell if the trembling in his legs was from overexertion or anxiety again, although it was probably a little of both.

"Well, um…" Double-D gagged, "I-I-I don't think any of us were specifically, uh, reflecting on the, uh… reflecting on our confidence in you with regards to your, um, phraseology, as it were, so- no, that's not the right word! Um-"

But Eddy couldn't let this painful scene go on any longer. He got his pointer finger ready.

"You know what I think? I think you're seriously stuck-up and full of yourself, and I think you're really wishing you were in charge, but you know you're too goddamn angry and you'd just get the both of ya's killed when you made an angry decision." Then, to immediately rectify his insolence, he added this: "But you can still change my mind. I mean… we just met, right?" the little fox said slyly.

Robin and John were visibly surprised. They both secretly knew they seriously needed to hear that.

John glanced down at Robin. "Shit, glad I asked."

"Well, boys, back to business!" Robin said, obviously trying to pretend the previous interruption hadn't happened. "After the begging, we'll have a change of clothes and get into the feature presentation. Now we'll keep that a surprise, so you can just watch without overanalyzing it. But suffice it to say that it's a tried and true method with a minimal likelihood of injury to anybody involved. We'll also ask you to pay attention to the fact that we have a method of weeding out who does and does not deserve to be robbed."

"Yeah, the code word for when we think we should rob a son of a bitch is 'oo-de-lally'; it's 'golly' for when we think we oughta let 'em off the hook. When we agree, we act accordingly."

"Aw, those words make Ed feel like Ed is hugging a giant stuffed bunny-bear!" Ed cooed.

"We also got 'hey, nonny, nonny' for when we just cannot make up our minds on a guy, but we almost never use that one. I don't remember the last time we did."

Eddy viscerally rejected the corniness of those code words. "Those are stupid words-"

"We know they're stupid words, that's why we use 'em," Little John answered with a smirk. He felt like he was starting to get a hang of matching this kid's energy. "You ain't gonna confuse 'em for nothing else you'd hear, now will you?"

Eddy just looked off to the side and nodded slowly.

"Good rich people are getting harder and harder to find," said Robin, "but they do exist, and when we meet them, we want to spare them, and with any luck, we'd preferably get them to fight back against Prince John and his goons. A Good Rich Person could recognize their powers and use them for good…"

"...just like a Good Cop," Little John picked up where Robin left him a hole. "It's not guaranteed - hell, it's hardly even likely - but we don't want to get on their bad side and turn a possibility into an impossibility. We don't know if our old pal The Rooster didn't understand that or just didn't care, but that's why we don't roll with him anymore."

"And because he's presently incarcerated."

"That, too." And just like that, the fox and the bear were in synch again. Little John found himself thinking that their connection had been very 'schizophrenic' recently - he knew that wasn't quite the right word, but he thought it got the point across well enough.

"Does it make you boys feel better knowing we don't just mug people willy-nilly?" Robin asked, looking specifically at - you guessed it, Dear Reader - the scared little wolf.

"It-it does… actually," Double-D coughed. "I-I do admit that I presumed you victimized people indiscriminately."

"Oh, no! We would never!" Robin scoffed.

"Yeah, uh… I guess that's good to hear, I guess," Eddy mumbled.

"But when do we get to play with the toys?" asked Ed, who knew very well that the weapons were not toys but found it dreadfully boring to call them anything else.

"Now, don't just be watching, be listening," Robin continued. "We'll probably only be able to get one donor today, so be ready for us to say, 'Long live King Richard!" That will be your signal to head back to the sandwich shop to meet us a safe distance away from here."

"And now who's this King Richard guy?" Eddy asked.

"Richard Norman. Prince John's beloved brother, hence the nickname. The previous mayor. You boys don't remember him?"

"We don't live in the city, Stretch, and even if we did we wouldn't care about politics."

"Y'know, that's another question we had, how old are you kids exactly?" asked John. "There wasn't exactly a polite time to ask."

"Oh. Fourteen," said Eddy, completely unoffended.

"Oh, no!" said Ed mockingly as he leaned over to pat the little orange fox on the head. "Little Eddy's birthday isn't till next month!"

Eddy snapped his jaw at Ed's paw, completely offended.

"Really? Hm. Gonna be honest, we coulda guessed anywhere from ten to seventeen," said Little John.

"Oh!" Double-D peeped. He wanted to ask if he was the one they thought was mature for his age, but he realized that such a question would be perceived by many as inherently immature.

"Alright, boys," said Robin, "I believe we're ready to go! Head upstairs and take a seat on the patio near this street."

Robin and John saw the Eds leave the alley before they stepped out themselves.

"I have to say, Johnny," Robin said as they got into place, "you saw how nervous that wolf boy is, didn't you? That's why I wouldn't gamble their confidence in us by even suggesting that there's a chance we could fail."

"And I get that, Rob, but you were doing your whole 'confidence' schtick, and it still clearly wasn't working on the poor little shit. I asked them, and Eddy told you to your face that he wasn't buyin' what we were sellin'. And that goes for me, too."

"It works on most everyone, so he must have a heart of stone. I really can't tell if he likes us, Johnny."

"Well, he's still sticking with us, isn't he?" John asked. "And even if you can charm any adult you come across, you're talking to a bunch of jaded fourteen-year-old boys. Do you remember being fourteen? And right now, they're your audience, so you have to tailor your marketing to them."

Robin let out a melancholic huff. He knew Little John was right on this one. But that didn't mean he actually knew how to be anything other than who he'd trained himself for so long to be.

Right before they left the alley again, Little John pulled Robin's shoulder into his side again. "C'mon, buddy. We can do this." John wanted to ask if it was that obvious that he was the second-in-command, but they were now back out in the open. Besides, they had talked enough for awhile.

-IllI-

On a summer's day like this, the library patio overlooking Millsboro Pond was actually rather crowded, even during work hours. The Eds made their way through the metal detectors at the entrance, up the stairs, out onto the patio, observed the lack of available sitting space near the Castleberry Street side or otherwise, and addressed the fact that this was their first real obstacle as Merry Men Cadets.

"Oh, dear, oh dear, oh dear," Double-D murmured. "I don't mean to whine, gentlemen, truly I don't, but I-"

"But you're gonna do it anyway?" asked Eddy.

"I fear I've overexerted myself, and those stairs did nothing to help the unshakable feelings of instability in my lower extremities!"

"Ed, we're in a library, right? Grab me a dictionary so I can understand this guy, will ya?"

"Oh, the words I used were not that obscure nor difficult, Eddy!"

"Can I get a dictionary with pretty pictures, Eddy!?" asked Ed.

"Shh!" went a lemur who appeared to be a college student, a notebook open next to a pile of textbooks. "You are in a library!" he said in an ambiguously ESL accent.

The guys looked at one another, then over to the eastern railing. "C'mon, boys," said Eddy, quieter this time. "If we're gonna be runnin' through the woods with these guys, we can't be too proud not to sit our asses on the floor."

Double-D wanted to protest the sitting on the floor part, but he had a better question: "Eddy, I must ask: are you seriously considering joining them in their underground exploits?"

"I'm thinkin' about it. Are you not?"

"Well… I do pride myself on being open to new ideas, so I will not say no definitively, but I am strongly leaning against it."

"Then why are you even here, Sock-Head?"

"To learn, Eddy. I'm treating this as a learning experience. I'm here to learn."

The three of them sat down on the concrete by the edge of the patio, with the glass barrier so the smaller mammals could see below as well. Nobody asked Ed how he felt about Robin and Little John.

The three of them saw the blind man and the homeless veteran down on street level, asking for change from anybody who happened by. They could faintly hear their voices. Robin was holding a chipped coffee mug he'd brought with, and John was collecting in an old Icee cup that he'd snagged out of a dumpster on the way over. They were getting coins from a few takers, but clearly not many, and the more well-dressed the passerby, the less heed they seemed to pay the beggars. It wasn't a very sophisticated method, but it was getting a nonzero result. They were getting just enough to prove that they weren't getting very much at all.

Double-D had done well to put on pants which - at Robin and John's behest - he was willing to get dirty. He was able to take his mind off the dirt on the ground and the tremors in his legs, but this just gave him more mental energy to focus on his moral dilemma. He really was relieved to hear them say that they had a metric for only robbing "bad" people; he wasn't lying about that. But that didn't make it much better; there was no guarantee that he was going to agree with their definition of good and evil. He was waiting for them to finish with the panhandling foreplay and get to the main event, because he wanted to see this litmus test in action. He would believe their virtuousness when he saw it.

Eddy had the opposite problem. Usually the impatient one, he now found himself with a racing mind bouncing and bounding between tangentially connected thoughts. One moment, he was thinking again of how he wished he could be a member of a place like the Nottingham Social Club. Then he was thinking of how if he were a member of that club on this very day, he would have the likes of Robin and John try to victimize him for who he was as soon as he walked out the doors. Then he thought about their so-called perfect track record; was it true? was it possible? Then he thought of his bitter jealousy of Robin, who embodied everything he wished he could be as a fox in society. Then he thought that Robin was a posh, self-praising douchenozzle and he deserved to be defeated, both as a price for his arrogance and as a price for making Eddy feel bad. Then Eddy thought of how many would say Robin had earned the right to be boastful as a consequence of his accomplishments and his outstanding character, and how if Eddy had his head on right, he should try to emulate Robin, not reject him. Then he thought about how Robin had that bear following him around; it really did seem like it kept flip-flopping between where the two of them were equals and where Robin was John's boss, but almost never where Little John was running the show. Eddy was starting to get the feeling that Little John also harbored some jealousy toward his own friend, a jealousy that was becoming less and less benevolent as time passed; hey, maybe Eddy and the bear weren't so different after all. Then Eddy thought of the looks on their faces when he said Robin was a braggart and John seemed like he was insecure about not being in the driver's seat; they had both heard him loud and clear, and they seemed spooked, as though he had just uncovered their deepest secrets. Eddy thought again of Robin's pride, and how - if the legends were true - the people he helped seemed to love him in part because of his self-satisfaction, not in spite of it. Eddy wished he could go around thinking highly of himself and just have the general public agree. Eddy didn't doubt that Robin was doing good things with his selfless acts of charity, but he believed in the pit of his stomach that there was a selfish streak in Robin. Fox-to-fox, he could just tell it was there. It was a selfish streak that Robin was able to feed with praise for performing selfless acts, and damned risky ones at that; it was a selfish streak that Eddy was disgustedly jealous Robin was able to feed. It was a selfish streak similar to the one that Eddy held that he had always planned to quell by amassing great riches. While Eddy had always wanted both fame and fortune, he always preferred fortune to fame; fortune could buy its own fame, but fame without fortune was nothing. Or at least that's what Eddy had always thought. But Robin here seemed to have cracked the code: he had found a fame that had rendered fortune obsolete. The picture Robin and John had painted was one where they weren't ever going to be world-renowned, but to those who did know them, they were revered; deified by the true believers, Robin Hood and Little John were Jesus Christ and Saint Peter. And Eddy wanted that - preferably the Jesus one. But this reputation was still hearsay so far. During the walk into town, the civilians had given the Merry Men kindly enough looks, looks that certainly suggested they knew Rob and Johnny personally, though nothing suggesting that they viewed them as their mortal saviors, but it was heavily implied during the walking 'n' talking that the Eds would see these feelings in the people of Nottingham after the Collection, during the Redistribution part of the trip. If they could deliver on their promise that they were adored by the populace, that would make their offer a hard bargain for Eddy to pass on. Would Eddy be doing it for the right reasons? Well, was Robin? Eddy thought again about the idea that these two homeless people had an undefeated record spanning several years against the mayor and the barons he surrounded himself with. Eddy conjured a vision wherein he was a rich man, just as he had always dreamed, but Robin and Little John were still running around town, and they were coming for him, and they were going to get the best of him, and they were going to get his money, and there was nothing he could do about it. Eddy considered that even if he decided to be a saint and take his selfish desires out of the equation, accepting the Merry Men's invitation might be a matter of if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Ed was quietly disappointed. For an adventure, it sure did have a lot of exposition and not a lot of swashbuckling. He wasn't quite bored yet; he was more so confused. Was the action coming? Surely it must be. They wouldn't carry around those big cumbersome weapons if they never needed to use them, right? Little did he know that there would be some action coming soon enough.

After about twenty underwhelming minutes, the boys saw Robin and Little John look up and them and subtly signal that they would be right back. The two of them disappeared into an alleyway, likely to stash their earnings so far and to get changed for the big event. The Eds never actually saw them walk back out.

"Excuse me!" said a shrill voice behind them. The boys turned to look for the source of the voice, only to notice that it was coming from a shrew down below.

"Oh! Uh- y-yes, ma'am?" asked Double-D.

"What are you boys doing here?" the librarian asked crossly.

"Sittin'," said Eddy, not seeing what the big deal was.

"Is that all!?"

Ed took a stab at it. "We were just watching our friends downstairs-"

"Yes!" Edd cut in. "Some, uh, some friends who we happened to notice down below as they walked down the street, and we-we-we, uh, we sat down to watch them and, um, make sure it was really them!" Double-D didn't like lying, but he didn't like being punished for breaking unclear rules either; why was this librarian angry at them? He stood up and started to walk away. "We'll be stepping away from the ledge now, ma'am, now aren't we, gentlemen!? Nothing to worry about here-"

"You're at a library and you're not even looking at books or any of our other materials!" said the shrew.

Then Ed had a surprising moment of cogency. "But we were just looking at the pretty water, Missus Mousey!" he said as he pointed southward at Millsboro pond.

"I am not a mouse, I'm a shrew!"

"There's a difference!?" Eddy said before he realized he was saying it.

"Some children as uneducated as yourselves can't possibly be up to any good in a library!"

"Children!?" remarked an offended Eddy.

"Uneducated!?" remarked an offended Double-D.

"Be!?" remarked Ed.

The three of them were so fixated on the shrew on the ground that they didn't even notice the buffalo security guard approaching until the shrew was engulfed in his shadow.

"Guard!" said the shrew. "These are probably the same kids who're taking books and dropping them on people's heads!"

"What!?" shrieked Eddy. He then thought to say something that would absolutely crush him to speak aloud, but it might just clear his name. "Well hey, look at me!" He stood and put himself up next to the glass barrier, lifting his arms all the way up. "I can't even reach over the edge to throw a book over if I wanted to!"

"So you tossed them over!" the shrew accused.

Double-D, usually petrified by an authority figure chastising him, found the absurdity of this situation to be inspiring a strange bit of bravery in him; he didn't know where in the Sam Hill it was coming from, but he decided to run with it.

"Well I ask you! Where is the evidence that we were doing this!? Were there no video cameras showing that we've been merely sitting here for the better part of half an hour, harming no one? Is the street below littered with copies of War and Peace and The Oxford English Dictionary, dropped like anvils in old cartoons?"

The shrew was about to protest, but before she did, the buffalo stepped over her and peered over the edge. "Yeah, there aren't any books down there." He turned to the librarian. "Did you actually see them doing anything, Diane?"

"They can't be up to any good if they've just been sitting here!" Diane squaked. "And even if they haven't done anything else yet, they can't be loitering!"

The buffalo looked like this wasn't worth his time. "She's right about that one. I'm sorry, boys, but this patio's crowded enough as it is. You guys can't just sit here."

And knowing they'd been beat, the boys went back inside.

-IllI-

"Oh, excuse me!" said the woman in a green business-y dress leaning on the wall outside the doors of the Nottingham Social Club. She appeared to be middle-aged and had a scratchy voice, though her species was not immediately apparent - perhaps some kind of petite red-furred she-wolf? In any case, she caught the warthog's attention.

"Oh, is something wrong, ma'am?" he asked.

"Yes, yes!" said the lady. "As soon as I stepped out of the club doors, I broke a heel on this cracked sidewalk!

"Oh, that's not good."

"Yes!" said the woman. "Would you please help me to my car? I'm parked in the garage a block away!"

The warthog noticed that she said the word garage kind of funny, almost like she was blurring the American, English, and other English pronunciations together, and now that he thought about it, her whole accent had a sort of transatlantic thing going on, but this was the Mid-Atlantic and she was clearly wealthy, so maybe she was just brought up in one of those old private schools that deliberately taught the neutral accent.

"Surely I can," said the warthog, and he let her drape her arm over his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her back; luckily for their leverage, she was only a few inches taller than him. The two of them hobbled along down Castleberry toward the parking garage. "What's your name, ma'am, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Amanda," said the rich woman. "And you?"

"Michael."

"Michael, thank you so much for rescuing me! I'm sure you know how dangerous these streets can be, even outside of Nottingham's most prestigious social club!"

"Oh, well it's certainly prestigious, but I don't know if I would say the most prestigious."

Robin made a mental note that this guy must be loaded if he thought that the NSC wasn't even the ritziest hangout in town. "Oh, but it's still a great place to stay away from those nasty poor people!"

A shoddy-looking lioness heard that as she was walking past; at first she gave the warthog and the wolf-like creature a dirty look, but then she realized who the woman really was, and she kept on walking without saying a word, knowing to let nature take its course.

"You've got that right," said Michael as the two of them started crossing a service alleyway. "Those money-grubbing scrubs would probably've mugged you if I didn't walk out when I did-"

"Freeze, mate!" growled a large brown bear wearing a ski mask as he stepped out of the alley, bearing a switchblade. "Gimme ya purse, Sheila!" He seemed to be going for an Australian accent, but kept sliding into a pseudo-Cockney; regardless, it was still doing a good job of obscuring his true dialect.

"Oo-de-lally, what a day this has been for me!" the woman squealed. "Michael, help me!"

"Uh-hm, uh- h-hey, you! Uh… lea-leave us, alo- um…" the warthog sputtered as he trembled with fear. He saw in his periphery that no shortage of people were walking behind them on Castleberry Street, but none of them were intervening; some of them rejected rich people and didn't care about their fate, some of them were other rich people who lamented the fate of their fellow barons but dared not to get involved, and some of them would recognize the fox and bear anywhere, but none of them thought that the conflict in the alley was any of their business.

They weren't even that deep into the alley; if anybody was watching from the library's patio, they probably could have seen the whole thing.

"I'll tell you what, mate," said the bear. "I'll let the bird go if you gimme ya wallet."

"And if I don't!?" asked Michael.

The bear drew the knife closer to the warthog's face. "We'll see how I'm feelin'!"

"Aaaaahhhhh!" came a shriek of terror from what sounded like an adolescent boy, followed by brakes screeching and car horns honking. The three of them turned to see Ed, Edd, and Eddy running across the street to the alley; though it seemed more like Ed and Eddy were running after Edd.

"Don't!" the wolf hollered.

"Double-D!" the little fox begged.

"Oh, goddammit!" Little John swore, dropping the accent. He manhandled the warthog and shoved him up against the wall by the shoulders. "Rob, check his pockets!"

"On it!" Robin said as he knelt to dig through Michael's trousers as the warthog squirmed.

At the sidewalk, Double-D was frozen as his friends caught up. "Wait, you're not gonna stab him?"

"Of course we're not gonna fucking stab him-! AAARGH!" Little John roared in pain. The warthog had squirmed his head around and stuck one of his tusks into Little John's arms. "He stabbed me! He stabbed me!"

Robin, having found nothing in the hog's back pockets, got back on his feet to tend to his friend. "Johnny, are you okay!?"

The warthog pulled his head out of the twist and unstuck his tusk, then wiggled out of John's wavering grasp. He turned to the Castleberry end of the alley, only to see another bear, a wolf, and a little orange-and-black fox blocking the way. The other end of the alley was wide open, but it was a long ways away. Were the boys there to help him? If not, did he think he could outrun them?

"Rob, don't worry about me, worry about the pig!" Little John implored while Robin inspected how badly John had gotten got. But when they both turned to look at him, they saw him running head-first toward the wall of teenage boys. Michael tried to dive over the fox, but Eddy had other plans.

"Oh, no, you don't!" Eddy hollered. He ducked to avoid the tusks, but grabbed onto Michael's ankles. Eddy fell backward as the warthog lost his inertia, but he kept his grasp. He wasn't going to allow someone to just leapfrog over him as though he were so small and insignificant that he might as well not be there.

"You hurt my friend Mister Johnny, Mister Piggy!" said Ed as he picked Michael up by the ankles and shook him out. (Several hours later, when everyone had the time to accurately process what had happened, all four of the others separately realized that Ed was now referring to Little John as a sovereign person and not a future version of himself.)

"Hey!" the hog protested as he was shaken; after about a dozen repetitions, a wallet fell out of his front-right pocket, along with a few pairs of keys.

Ed dropped Michael on his head. "Found it!" But Michael got up on all fours and jumped at his wallet. Before he could reach it, however, Eddy swooped in and grabbed it.

"Double-D, catch!" Eddy said as he tossed it to the wolf.

"Oh-! Dear, oh my!" Edd yelped as he fumbled the wallet. Michael leapt at him and he swatted the wallet to his bear friend. "Ed, you take it!"

Ed caught it no-problem as Double-D was tackled by the warthog. For the sake of fun, Ed waited until Michael was back up and charging at him to toss it over to Robin. "Hot potato!"

Robin nearly muffed it, but caught it on the bounce off his own paw. "Don't want to leave you out, Johnny!"

Little John caught the wallet and held it up as high in the sky as he could. Michael stood back up on his own two feet and glared up at the bear.

"Come and get it," taunted Little John, still not bored of the novelty of exploiting his own size.

"Y-you've all made a big mistake!" Michael said as he unbuttoned the breast pocket on his suit and produced a small black rectangle. "My new cell phone has a video camera!"

"Goddammit, it's finally happened!" Robin cursed as he tried to think quickly of a way to disarm the warthog. It would turn out that he didn't have to worry about it.

"Smile for one-point-three megapixels, assholes!" Michael dared as he flipped his phone open and pointed the camera at the costumed Robin and John, not even noticing the other bear coming in behind him.

"No!" Ed said as he swiped the phone from the warthog. "You've been mean to my friends!" Ed then proceeded to bite off the top half of the phone with the side of his jaw. He chewed loudly, shards of metal and glass debris spraying out of his snout, and swallowed in satisfaction.

Everyone murmured in perverse awe:

"Well, hot damn, kid," said Little John.

"Good lord, man," said Double-D.

"Impressive, honestly," said Robin.

"Jeez louise, Ed," said Eddy.

"That's disgusting," said Michael.

"Want some, Double-D?" Ed asked as he offered the bottom part of the phone to Edd.

"Uh… no, thank you, Ed," said Edd. "I've already eaten."

Ed shrugged and popped the other half of the phone in his mouth, chewing blissfully. This further enthralled an incredulous Michael, who was grabbed around the neck by Little John. John shoved a pill down the warthog's mouth, and when it was clear he had choked it down, Robin put a rag over his snout, and Michael went limp.

"What have you done to him?" asked Double-D, really hoping that wasn't a cyanide pill they had just forced Michael to ingest.

"Don't worry, lad, we're going to keep him comfortable," Robin said as he nodded over to Little John putting the warthog to bed in a dumpster.

John tucked Michael in under a piece of cardboard. "That was just a mix of a heavy sleeping pill and some chloroform. He won't remember any of this."

"Heavy sleeping pills?" asked Double-D.

"Yeah, they're like roofies, but… we don't associate with people who sell roofies," said John.

"And you acquired these pills via…?"

"In our exploits, we've met a bloke who was in pharmacy school before he was busted for public urination, so now he can't get a job," explained Robin.

"Because he's a registered sex offender," explained Little John. "Don't ever get caught taking a leak in public, kids."

"They booked him as a pervert just for taking a leak behind a bush?" asked Eddy. "I guess this mayor really is a dick."

"Naw, that's a federal thing, not the mayor," said Little John.

The boys all silently thought to themselves that they would hereafter purposefully dehydrate themselves just to make sure such a fate should never befall them.

"If you boys are up for it, we can take on Bush after Norman, but, you know, first things first," said John.

"But to wash away any uncertainty, we can confirm that our supplier is a good man and not some drug lord," said Robin. "As for the pills, he personally formulates them for us so they're strong enough to erase their memory a few minutes before dosage, not just afterward, but still not too strong as to do any neurological damage."

"Yeah, that's another reason we don't fuck around with roofies," said Little John. "They don't work retroactively. Don't worry, kids, we're not date rapists. We just want to make sure as much as we can that they don't remember our names and faces."

To Little John's final note, Double-D was relieved, and could agree that that was a fairly tolerable way to deal with their donors, while Eddy secretly seethed inside his mind, thinking that the perfect vulpine specimen and the living ursine embodiment of masculinity could probably get any woman they wanted the legitimate way anyway. As for Ed, he didn't understand any of what John or Robin were talking about, not from an inability to comprehend but from an inability to pay attention to that which he found to be boring.

"But what are you lads even doing here?" asked Robin.

"I-I'm so sorry, Mr. Hood, I… I really thought Mr. Little was going to stab him," Double-D said. "And I couldn't allow that to happen."

"And you know what? Good on you, Eddward. You stood up for what you believed in and you confronted the people you believed were doing wrong!" If Robin was at all frustrated or disappointed with the wolf, he was doing a great job of hiding it. "If we could only channel that resolve into our work, we would love to have you in our band any day, good sir. I think we can use this lad to keep ourselves from going overboard, don't you think, Johnny?"

"Uh, yeah, that's all well and good," Little John mumbled, "but I think what Robin meant was - and what I wanna know is - what're you guys doing down here? What happened to staying up at the library?"

"They kicked us out because they thought we were throwing books over the edge and Wile E. Coyote-ing people," said Eddy.

Robin and John looked at the Eds confused, then at each other confused, then looked across the street to the library, still confused.

"...That is a design flaw, now isn't it?" said Little John.

"But we do appreciate you boys helping us out there," said Robin. "We couldn't have done it without you."

"Are you sure we didn't just make everything more complicated?" asked Double-D. "I feel as if our presence was what caused your plan to go off the rails."

In a moment of the universe being in perfect synchronicity, the first cycle of a distant police siren timed up perfectly with Little John's stomach growling, with neither sound drowning out the other.

"We'll discuss this over dinner!" Robin said as he started running off down the alley away from Castleberry Street. "You know where to meet us, 20th and Georgia!"

"Remember, don't follow us!" added Little John as he ran off to catch up to Robin, drops of plasma flying into the air as John's arm continued bleeding like a sieve.

"And I almost forgot!" Robin hollered as he ran. "Long live King Richard!"

-IllI-

"Hello?"

"Hello, Mother, it's me, Eddward," he said, leaning over the counter to use the phone at Quiznos. The llama behind the counter let him use it while the other four were at an ATM down the block trying to plug in significant digits until they cracked the warthog's PIN number.

"Is everything alright, son?" asked Sammantha.

"Yes, yes, I, um…"

"I don't want to sound alarmed, but you almost never call me on my cell phone, and now you're calling me from a Quiznos?"

Double-D's heart skipped a beat. "How-how did you know that?"

"I paid extra for the caller ID, Eddward."

"Ah, yes, I… I see. Um… I just wanted to call you to let you know I may not be home until… very… very late tonight." This was Edd's way of saying that he felt he had survived the day so far on borrowed time and that he wasn't entirely sure he wasn't going to die on the walk back home through Georgetown and Sherwood, so he was calling his mom so she wouldn't be too alarmed if he never made it home at all.

"How late do you mean?"

"Perhaps well past sundown. Perhaps not until even after you and Father come home."

"Do you need a ride home?"

"Oh, no, no, I… I can likely use the exercise."

"Eddward, I'd rather you exercise your mind over your body."

"Ah, but I'm exercising both, Mother! I, uh… I'm currently downtown, uh… with Ed and Eddy. We're conducting a, a, a, an anthropological extra-credit project! Ed and Eddy want extra credit going into the ninth grade, and I've decided to help them with this independent project."

"You're not in a bad neighborhood, are you?"

"Oh, nonononono, um… have you ever seen a Quiznos in a bad neighborhood, Mother?"

"Yeah, I suppose that chain is too snooty for that. But good for you for helping them. Is one of their parents giving you a ride?"

"Oh, no, this is actually a surprise to their parents that they're, uh, that they're trying to get extra credit. Please don't tell them I told you."

"Don't tell Ed and Eddy, or don't tell their parents? Your language is imprecise, Eddward."

"Oh, apologies, Mother, I meant… well, all of them, really. Though you may want to let their parents know that they'll also be home late, if you should be able to tell Mr. and Mrs. Browne and Mr. and Mrs.-"

"Eddward, I'll call them as soon as we're through here."

"Thank you, Mother. Shall I also call Father, or…?"

"Oh, no. You know what? I call him before I call the bears and the foxes. You boys get back to your project. I don't want you to be home even later if I can help it. I'd hate to waste your precious time."

"And I do apologize for interrupting your work day, Mother, I just-"

"Nonsense, son; it's actually a rather slow day at the lab. Actually, I have a few more minutes to talk if you do, too."

"Oh, I've said all I've needed to say, Mother. Unless there's something you wanted to say to me."

"There is, actually. I was going to just leave you a sticky note telling you this, but I might as well tell you now. I got a call from Gramma this morning."

"Did she say something of interest?"

"You wanted to know about the whereabouts of your Uncle Ward?"

Oh, lordy. "Uh… y-yes?"

"Apparently somewhere along the line he became the Chief of Police for the city of Nottingham?"

His heart skipped another beat. "He… he did?"

"Oh, it gets better. Evidently just yesterday they made him the Sheriff of Nottingham County."

At this point, his heart was simply beating irregularly. "But… how-?"

"It's to my understanding that when those bullies beat up your friend Kevin the other night, the mayor of the city got together with the county board and they just decided that the county police were too corrupt, and mutually agreed to merge the departments. Since the County Sheriff and Deputy were the ones responsible for the, um, incident, they just dismissed them and gave the reins to Ward. Did you know that the city's Deputy's been a squirrel this whole time?"

Double-D had thought about the possibility of running into his uncle while tagging along with the criminals, but since he had assumed Ward was still a lowly officer, he was able to tell himself that it was unlikely and that he need not worry about it. But he was the county sheriff? As in, not only could Edd run into his uncle at any time, downtown or in the suburbs, but his uncle would be imbued with great power? The kind of power that would probably make his presence necessary if the cops got a lead on the whereabouts of the infamous Robin Hood and Little John?

"Eddward, are you still there?" asked Sammantha.

"Oh, ye-yes, Mother, I'm just… processing the information."

"Shocking, I know. So if you run into him, be careful."

"Well, uh, um, wo-would he even recognize me, Mother? It's been awhile."

"Edd, how many wolves are running around wearing a hat like yours in the middle of June?"

Double-D was so used to his hat being a part of his person that he didn't even think of it was a distinct part of his wardrobe anymore. "I… suppose you're right."

The electronic bell dinged as the door of the otherwise-empty store opened. Robin and Little John walked in, woohoo-ing and all right!-ing, sharing high-fives with Ed and Eddy as they followed in. Ed was also excited by their accomplishments, while Eddy seemed like he was faking excitement for the sake of sociability. Robin and John were back in their street clothes, the pockets of their cargo pants seemingly filled to the brim.

"S-sorry, Mom, gotta go!" Double-D said as he panickedly pressed the disconnect button, then handed it back to the llama on duty so she could hang it back up. He wasn't looking forward to the stern sticky-note demanding an explanation for his curt exit, but it was a better fate than having her overhear the others speaking.

"Emily!" said Little John to the employee. "Two, no, five, no, ten of everything on the menu! Courtesy of some guy who never read the little sticker in the bank window saying the FDIC only insures up to a hundred K!"

"You don't have to make ten of every sandwich, Emily," said Robin, "but as many as you can make at a comfortable pace, if you'd please."

Emily would gladly fulfill the request; it wasn't like she had anything better to do. "Comin' right up."

"Jeez, how much are you gonna eat?" Eddy asked, looking at Little John specifically.

"Man, it's not all for us!" John answered. "We're catering for the West Side tonight!"

"Speaking of which," said Robin, "would you have any boxes we could take, Emily?"

"For the sandwiches?" she asked.

"Among other things," Little John said as he started unstuffing his pockets and throwing all the Jacksons on the floor. "The ATM only gave out twenties."

Robin started unstuffing his pockets, too, as did Ed. Eddy felt the pressure and reluctantly started unloading the cash from his pockets as well. He hadn't said a word in a while because he was salivating so much in the presence of cash; if he tried to speak, everybody would have wondered why he was drooling. Eddy was having a lot of internal thoughts weighing his love of money with the enticing offer of hero status, and the only reason he was unloading his pockets was because he knew that he was expected to. A little bit of him wanted to just run back home with what must have been a few thousand dollars shoved into his britches, but he was trying to force himself to think in the long-term. He wanted to puke. He wanted to cry. He really wanted to get to the part where he saw regular people idolizing Robin and John, because that would make it that much easier to put his visceral infatuation with health on hold, if only for a moment. For now, however, he still wasn't sure that they were going to deliver on their promise of showing that they were revered, so Eddy kept a few bills in the deepest depths of his pockets, just in case he wouldn't get anything else out of this journey; again, he was trying to think long-term.

"We can keep the money under the sandwiches," Robin said, "so if heaven forbid someone peeps into our property, they'll just see we're delivering food."

"Sounds like a plan," said Little John as he and the others started straightening out their money. "Double-D, how was your phone call? Your parents alright with you spoiling your dinner?"

"Oh, uh… yes, they… they usually don't get home until late at night anyway," said Edd.

"None of our parents do," said Eddy. "I don't know why he needed to call 'em."

"I was trying to be polite, Eddy!"

"Hm. Latchkey kids, I see," said Little John. "By the way guys, sorry again that we thought you were… like, homeless orphans living out of that van, but we're kinda glad we did, because we wouldn't've asked you otherwise."

"By the way, Eddward, how are you feeling?" asked Robin. "Feeling more confident in us? In yourself?"

"Um…" - Double-D couldn't for the life of him start a sentence without hemming and hawing right now - "...Are you two certain that we didn't complicate things further with our arrival upon the scene?"

"I mean, honestly?" said John. "Maybe you did, maybe you didn't, but we found ourselves in a tough spot, you guys were there, you helped us out. Y'know, maybe it was more complicated when you showed up and spooked us, but honestly… that was fun. That was more fun with you guys around."

"I'd have to agree," said Robin. "Perhaps we could have handled our friend Michael without you, but when you were there, you three were invaluable assets. As they say, there's power in numbers."

"You know what? I say Wolfie here gets the MVP award, because that wouldn't have happened like that if he didn't step up and run over."

"Hear, hear!" exclaimed Robin. "Genuinely, Eddward, you seem to have made much progress just through today alone."

And Double-D appreciated their praise. But this was just going to make it harder when he told them that he was a definite no. It would be easier to break it to them if Ed and Eddy were to tell them at the same time; Edd just hoped his friends were on the same page.

Ed was happy for Double-D's accomplishments, but Eddy was silently miffed that he wasn't getting such recognition. But Eddy tried not to let it show on his face; they wouldn't want to have him join their fold if they found out he was too insecure to watch his friend receive praise without getting any himself.

The guys stuffed the money into cardboard boxes that once contained meats and vegetables and chips and bread and soda cups. When they were done, they grabbed some of the sandwiches Emily had already made and went to town on them as Emily made more (and they stressed to her that she ought not worry about hurrying or even about making the sandwiches correctly). The Merry Men had a special arrangement with the employees of the restaurant: the employees gave Robin and John servicemen's discounts, and the Men tipped the employees handsomely. Despite the discounts, the money still added up, and if the franchisee ever found out that thirty-four percent of his store's monthly profits came from wanted criminals, he'd probably shit a brick.

As the five broke bread, they further discussed their future, both short-term and long-term.

"So yeah, if you guys wanted to join us, it would be like that, except… more," said Little John.

"And increasingly wild as you boys grow more comfortable with the work we do," said Robin. "And we won't always eat dinner at Quiznos."

"Yeah, we got a similar arrangement with a Burger King in Hollyville where the only money they make is from us and the drunk college kids who roll in around midnight."

"I don't think that was their chief concern, Little John-"

"And an Arby's in Hardscrabble."

"We only eat junk food when it's convenient for us, lads, in case you were wondering."

"Can we go to McDonald's?" asked Ed excitedly.

"Ignore him," said Eddy, "he's just excited about the toys in the Happy Meal."

"Why aren't you excited about the toy in the Happy Meal, Eddy?" asked Ed defensively.

"Speaking of toys, Ed," said Robin, "you boys are on summer break, correct?"

"What's that have to do with toys?" asked Eddy.

"Well if you boys are free all day, we'll have time to come teach you our weapons. When you're proficient, we can probably find you some of your own as well. I do need a refill on arrows soon."

Ed's face lit up. "Toys?"

"Toys, Ed."

"I mean…" - Little John swallowed a huge mass of food with a gulp - "...we know you kids have lives, families, shit like that, so we don't expect you to, you know, drop out of school and live in the woods with us."

"Not gonna lie," said Eddy, "I was wondering about that."

"Oh, nonononono," said Robin, "we don't expect you to completely sacrifice your comfortable lives for some blokes you've just met. We would just like to be some friends of yours who you hang out with whenever you can."

"Will we be able to do anything about your arm?" Edd asked Little John, whose open wound had mostly crusted over.

"Eh, we'll get it cleaned up at Otto's place," Little John said as if it were no big deal at all. "So we're gonna head back there, pick up our weapons, then start passing out the goods on the way back to Sherwood. That sound good, boys?"

"I gotta question," said Eddy. "Won't they be able to DNA the blood in the alleyway or something?"

"Good question!" said Robin.

"Damn good question," said Little John. "They might, but they won't. I ain't in the system. I never committed a crime before this all happened, so they don't just have the stats on my blood offhand."

"And perhaps they could cross-reference it with blood samples from everybody who's ever lived in Nottingham, but they won't. It's not worth their time."

"There's probably a few samples of my blood in hospitals around town or something, but yeah, they'd probably never bother checking the blood to see if it matches with some random guy who went missing seven years ago."

"Um… there's a question, if I may," asked Double-D. "What is your… legal status, as it were?"

"My status?" asked Little John. "Single and available, depending on who's asking," he said as he chuckled and elbowed Robin, who smirked jocularly along.

"I-I mean… you said missing…"

"Yeah, we're legally missing," Little John said as he stuffed his mouth. "I mean, it's weird…" (Dear Reader, this narrator is transcribing this as though John's mouth wasn't full, because while writing it out phonetically would be more faithful to the story, it would be way too much of a pain in the ass.) "...So, the authorities don't know who we are. Except they kind of do, but not really. Some of 'em probably know our names, but they can't do anything with that information, because, what the fuck are they gonna do? They'll get reprimanded if it turns out they were withholding information, and even if they don't, they'll get sent off to face us, and none of them want that. They'd shit their pants." He finally swallowed. "Besides, it's not like the public is gonna squeal on us. And knowing our names won't make us easier to catch."

The Eds all nodded as if they heard it all loud and clear.

"Same with me," said Robin. "They don't have any records of me ever breaking a law in Delaware or anywhere else on Earth. We told you we were good guys. You know, it's funny; Johnny and I've discussed multiple times whether we should have faked our own deaths, just to be safe."

"We shoulda, but we didn't, because we were stupid and young and impulsive and stupid."

"It's not too late, now is it, Johnny? Drop a few fake corpses by the side of the trail and really confuse them."

"We've got better things to do with our time. Unless one of you kids is really good at arts and crafts. God knows we have some ratty old clothes we need to get rid of."

"Johnny, I don't think there's enough fabric in the world to make a fake you."

Little John chuckled, always ready for a size-related compliment. But then another intrusive thought entered his head: what if Robin was just giving him these mundane compliments as a tool to put the brakes on a conversation and reroute it in the direction of his choosing? Jesus, Little John didn't know why this strange contempt and distrust of his friend wasn't going away after he thought he solved it. He had unraveled the part of the mystery where he realized he felt bad being 'the follower' in a group of only two, but now he had to figure out how he was going to remedy that. Was he going to have to come to terms with his position, or was he going to have to try to change who the entire world - including, evidently, himself and Robin - perceived him to be? Little John tried to think about whether they knew anybody else besides Otto who he could feasibly use as a makeshift therapist, but he didn't think he and Robin had that many close friends in the civilian world.

Sure enough, Robin changed the direction of the conversation: "Ed… Edd… Eddy… pardon my impatience, boys, but the curiosity is getting the better of me. May I pick your brains and ask how you boys are feeling so far? About our proposal?"

"Proposal? But you're already engaged, Rob!" Little John joked, mostly for his own benefit to take his mind off his disruptive thoughts. He chuckled and Robin chuckled along, and the boys smiled politely to acknowledge that a joke had been said despite them not thinking it was very funny.

"But have you boys made up your minds?" Robin pressed. "I'll respect your decision either way, and I trust Johnny will, too, as it is a tough sell. But it would mean the world to us if you would come along with us, and the anticipation is killing me."

And none of the three of them were ready to give a solid answer, but luckily Little John gave the best answer for the three of them.

"Rob, don't pressure them," he said. "They've got a tough group decision to make, and the work's not even over yet."

"Y-yes!" Double-D jumped at the chance to affirm. "Even when this day is done, we'll surely need some time to think about it."

"Uh, yeah," said Eddy, "let's, uh… let's see how rewarding it is to… give back to the community, eh?"

"I want whatever Eddy and Double-D want!" said Ed.

Robin sulked just a little bit. "Ah, I suppose you're right, Johnny. I'm jumping the gun. Apologies for talking out of turn, lads."

Little John playfully nudged him as he addressed the Eds. "Ol' Rob can be too daring for his own good sometimes, boys. Just in case you thought he called all the shots around here, I'm the one who keeps him in check!"

Robin put on a tired smirk. "No man rules alone, I suppose."

Hm. No man rules alone… Little John didn't like that. But then again, he did set himself up for it by the way he framed himself as the sidekick. Once again, Little John was pondering how much he should insist he not be treated as a sidekick and how much he was responsible for other people viewing him that way. So much for dismissing the intrusive thoughts. He didn't want to be a bad friend, but he didn't want to waste his energy being a good friend to someone who didn't see him as an equal. Because if Robin saw him as a loyal sidekick instead of a friend… then did anybody see him as a friend? And he really didn't want to let this conflict prevent him and Robin from making three new friends.

-IllI-

The five of them loaded up five boxes full of cash and piled the mediocre sandwiches on top of that. They tipped Emily enough to buy a car from the first Bush administration, and they each took a box on their way to Georgetown. They took a discreet shortcut along the banks of the Peach Creek, which zigzagged diagonally northwest through the city's grid. They stopped at Otto's, gave him some grub, watched in horror as Little John screamed like a banshee while the blacksmith dumped basically an entire bottle of hydrogen peroxide on his arm, grabbed Robin's bow and quiver and John's staff, and went off to go find some benefactors.

"Alright, boys," said Robin, "just pick anyone. See someone on the street? Talk them up. See a house that gives you good vibes? Knock on the door. Be the person you wish would talk to you if you were in their position."

"Let's start with this chick," Little John proposed.

As they walked down Minnesota Avenue, they saw a skunk smoking a cigarette on her porch half a block away. And she saw them, but pretended not to for a bit until they were within speaking distance, just so she didn't give them an awkward stare-down. She knew who they were, and she knew what they were going to offer, and she knew that they were about to make her day a lot better, but she didn't want to look like she was begging for their gifts.

"Hello, ma'am," Robin said when they were close enough. "How are you doing today?"

She smiled. "Well… could be doing better, could be doing worse, I guess."

"Ah, so you say you could be doing better? Perhaps we could help you with that."

She chuckled nervously, not knowing how to gracefully welcome their aid. "I… had a funny feeling you'd say something like that."

"And what would ever give you that impression, ma'am?" Little John asked, trying to match Robin's suaveness, not quite getting to his level but certainly giving Rob a run for his money.

The skunk kept chuckling under her breath, knowing the good fortune that was coming. "Pardon me if I'm mistaken, but… would your names be Robin Hood 'n' Little John?"

"Why, that they would be!" said Robin.

"And yours, ma'am?" asked John.

"Rachel," she said. "I-I've seen you guys in crowds before, stuff like that, but… I've never had the pleasure of meeting you personally."

"Rachel, the pleasure is ours," said Robin with a bow, and John bowed with him, both still holding their boxes of sandwiches and money. The boys in the background just watched nervously, not knowing whether they should join in.

"Seven years of this and we're still meeting new people in this big ol' city," said Little John as he stood, facing Rachel at first but then glancing at the boys halfway through his sentence.

"I gotta say, I don't know your friends, though," said Rachel. "Wait, are they with you or are you guys just blocking the sidewalk?"

"Oh, these friends of ours are with us on a, er… what did you call it, Little John?" asked Robin.

"A ride-along," he answered. "These bright-eyed kids wanna see how rewarding our work can be. Don't quote us on this yet, but you might be seeing more of them soon."

"Boys, why don't you introduce yourselves?"

"I'm Ed!"

"I'm… Edd?"

"Hey, I'm Eddy."

"Hi, guys," said Rachel, walking down her stoop to meet the gentlemen at street-level. She dropped her cigarette on the sidewalk and stepped on it with her flip-flop. "You boys want to help these two make the city a better place?"

"Uh… w-well, sure, um, doesn't everybody?" Double-D said.

"Evidently a lot of people," said Rachel. "These two are amazing, but they need all the help they can get. Hell, I'd help you myself, but I just couldn't manage with the hectic lives you guys live."

"Miz Rachel," said Robin, "we're sure you can manage much more than you think. You seem like a lady who doesn't know her own strength."

"We don't want to force the issue," said Little John, "but if you ever change your mind, we'll have you in a heartbeat. Anyone who's willing can join the Merry Men."

"And life would probably be more fun with a few Merry Women," Robin said with a sly smirk.

Rachel chuckled. "Well, if everyone were a hero, nobody would be a hero. Hey, aren't you spoken for anyway?"

Eddy zoned out for a second as the adults discussed Robin's complicated relationship. If everyone were a hero. A hero. That was precisely what he'd been waiting to hear. He had confirmation that there were regular people - strangers to the Merry Men, even - who regarded them as heroic. Eddy liked the sound of that. It was funny: right before he heard that word, Eddy was thinking that all of Robin's smooth lines were actually kind of dorky and that they would sound stupid coming from anybody else, and that Robin was kind of a haughty twat for being able to pull them off without sounding like he was trying too hard. But with the arrival of the h-word, Eddy still thought those lines would sound inauthentic if he or anybody else tried to say them, but now he was considering that instead of hating Robin for his talents, he should try to learn from them. Would that be the mature decision? Or was Robin's supernatural charisma an inborn trait that couldn't be learned, and attempting to emulate it would merely be a waste of time? Eddy had some time to think about it.

"Care for some dinner, Rachel?" Little John asked as he presented her the top of the box in his hands.

"Oh, no, I-I couldn't, I just ate," Rachel said. "Besides, someone else might need it more."

"Conscientious!" said Robin. "My kind of girl! But can we interest you in some… dessert?" He lifted the sandwiches in Little John's box to reveal the oodles of cash that lie beneath.

"We've cooked up plenty to go around!" said Little John.

"And we insist that we skip the part of falsely declining our offer for politeness's sake," said Robin. "We have many people's days to brighten, and not much time to do it!"

Rachel clenched her fists on her mouth, overcome with emotion. "Oh-! Yes! Yes, oh my god, thank you! Thank you so much, guys!"

"Don't thank us, thank a warthog named Michael."

"But… how much should I take?"

"As much as you need and not a penny less."

Rachel could feel the tears coming, and everybody could see it. Little John put the boxes down and put an arm around her, and she didn't hesitate to turn and give him a hug as she broke down weeping for her serendipity. After a moment, she went over to hug Robin as well. "Oh, god, thank you! You don't know how much this is gonna help!"

"We're not gonna know…" started Little John.

"...but we think we have a pretty good hunch," Robin finished.

"Can Ed have a hug, too?" asked Ed.

Rachel didn't see why not, these were the Merry Men's friends so they must have been good. She went over to give Ed a grateful embrace (though the moment was slightly tarnished by - ironically - the skunk thinking the bear had a funky scent to him, but Rachel wrote this off as the ambient and unavoidable odor of a pubescent boy). She then gave Edd and Eddy their thank-you hugs, as Robin and Little John watched, then glanced contently at one another, both knowing they had hit the jackpot for the perfect first recipient to show the boys.

Double-D and Eddy were too shocked by the emotional embrace to even think about hugging back, but Rachel wasn't offended. As she stood out of her hug with Eddy, she couldn't help but remark, "Hey, you're a cute little guy, aren't you?"

But before Eddy could protest the words cute and little, Rachel continued, looking into Eddy's eyes for the first clause of her sentence:

"I really do hope you boys choose to stick around with them. The world needs more people like Robin and Little John. But it seems like nobody's got the guts to do it. What part of town are you boys from, anyway?"

"They're from Peach Creek, actually," said John.

And Rachel winced at that, almost disappointed to hear that they were from the comfy suburbs.

"We implore you not to judge them yet," said Robin. "They may be more compassionate to the urban plight than you'd think a couple of suburban lads would be!"

She laughed gently to herself. "You're right. Sorry, kids. I caught myself jumping to conclusions."

They didn't mind. They had other things to think about. Eddy was tempted; Double-D was feeling trapped; and Ed was hoping there would be more hugs.

They gave Rachel a sum of money and were on their merry way. As they walked, Robin couldn't help but ask.

"First citizen helped, what do you think, boys?"

"Do we get to hug more people?" asked Ed.

"Damn straight, we do," said Little John.

"Yes, yes, uh, I-I-I can see how, uh… how you guys can… truly make a difference in these people's lives," said Edd.

Robin said, "That's exactly what we want to hear-"

"I got a question," interrupted Eddy. "You know what? Two."

"Shit, shoot," said Little John.

"So… I'm just thinkin'. If you were to knock on my door, and my parents answered. My mom? My dad? Doesn't matter, either of 'em. You said hey, seems like you're flat broke, take some money, no strings attached. My dad'd probably slam the door on your face. My mom? She'd tell you to your face that she didn't want your charity. Then she'd slam the door on your face. So… why doesn't that happen to you?"

"Rob, you gotta admit, this kid asks good questions."

"I agree, Little John," said Robin. "But to answer your question, Eddy? I think I know what's different between us and Rachel and us and your parents."

"And what's that?" asked Eddy.

"Your parents don't know us. Rachel did."

"Am I deaf? Did she not say she'd never met you?"

"You ain't deaf, bud, you're just not seeing the forest for the trees," said Little John. "She didn't know us personally, but she knew of us, and she knew of us so well that it was almost like she just plain knew us."

"Our reputation precedes us," said Robin, "and that reputation is as friends of the community. And we had to work on that when we first started out! People were too hesitant, too cautious, too prideful to take charity from a bunch of strangers. But after a little public-relations campaign, now they're receiving gifts from some old friends."

Eddy nodded pensively. "And you just told her to take as much as she needed out of the box? You didn't think she would take more than she needed?"

"And that's a risk we take," agreed Little John.

"But Eddy, again: we're their friends. They're not going to betray their friend's trust, especially when they know that their friends can help them again in the future."

"You wouldn't take advantage of your friend's kindness, wouldja, Eddy?" asked Little John.

...Well, what the fuck was Eddy supposed to that, Yes, I would? "Naw. No, I wouldn't," he squeaked.

"Exactly."

Double-D would have rolled his eyes if he weren't focusing on every little detail in his environment, worried that at any time his uncle might jump out of the shadows, guns blazing. (Come to think of it, Double-D was only a few feet away from his uncle's gun, but even its present possessor kept forgetting that fact for hours at a time.)

The five of them meandered through Georgetown en route to Sherwood Forest. They met a bunch of colorful characters, most of whom were ecstatic to find out that there were some Merry Cadets in the wings. There were hugs, high-fives, fist-pounds, and handshakes; there was crying, laughing, and even a few isolated moments of impromptu elated singing and dancing. There were even a few who denied the gifts, but even then, they didn't say Fuck you, I don't want your charity; they said I'm good for now, give that to someone who needs it more, I'll see you next time. It all went exactly as planned.

Eddy was feeling hopeful. He was liking where this was going. He wasn't committing to it yet, but he wanted to enjoy the ride while it came. He was seriously digging the residual fame he was getting just standing in Robin's and John's literal shadows. But he didn't know if it would be worth it if the price were giving up his pursuit of money. He wasn't sure the ends justified the means.

Double-D just wanted to get the hell out of town. Everything single cell in his body was uncomfortable. It wasn't that he didn't like being in a sketchy neighborhood. It was that he was afraid that the authorities would materialize out of nowhere at any moment. It was that he was compromising his proud identity as a pacifist. It was that the parallels to the legend of Adam Bell kept crossing his mind every two minutes. It was that he had always believed that there was a better way to make things better than… this. It was that he didn't think Robin and John would take no for an answer. Edd was starting to regret all the praise they'd given him for conquering his fear, as it seemed like he was getting their hopes up that he'd be a sure yes. If they were to remark at any time during the Redistribution that he was still showing his bravery and conquering his fear with the sheer act of being there every passing second, he just might have told them to their faces that he'd much rather be a coward if he weren't so far from home. But they never did make such a comment.

Ed would have been heartbroken to find out that Edd and Eddy were having completely opposite thoughts about staying or leaving. Ed really did want a swashbuckling adventure, and he was down for anything that involved more hugs, but his primary concern was keeping the Eds together. The concept of assuaging institutionalized poverty was not completely lost on him; Ed wasn't stupid, he just didn't like dwelling on things that didn't actively interest him. But if you were to sit him down and force him to journal out his thoughts, eventually - it might take awhile, but eventually - he would scribble down a surprisingly lucid thought about how the Eds wouldn't be much of a help to the people of Nottingham if they were fractured.

Little John was silently paying very close attention to how people treated him in relation to Robin. To his dismay, it was a totally mixed bag: some acted like Little John was the equal second half of the equation; some tacitly treated him like he was the was the second fiddle to Robin's top banana; and some zigzagged between one and another from sentence to sentence. The only consistent thing was that virtually nobody treated him like he was the head honcho; the only exceptions were a few bears and other large mammals who specifically were extremely and obviously size-conscious, but even then, most large mammals besides these few erred on the side of treating them equally. In a way, John would almost have preferred that everybody treated him like he was the sidekick; at least then he would be able to set a clear goal on how to remedy his situation. He thought that maybe it was just a matter of different people seeing him and Robin in different ways, and he'd just have to accept that. But he couldn't shake the inkling that he wasn't getting his due credit. He didn't necessarily want to be known as the leader of the duo, especially if that meant that his friend would now have to feel subjugated; he just wanted to be seen as Robin's equal.

And Robin really needed a day like this to feel better about himself. There was nothing like seeing people's smiling faces to reassure him that he was indeed making a positive difference, no matter what Sarah McQuillan and Alan-A-Dale and Amanda Foote all those daft bitches and bastards might say. And things seemed to be going rather smoothly with the Eds. Robin wasn't playing coy earlier; he genuinely couldn't get a read on whether they were interested in joining the gang. But he was hoping the Redistribution part of the day would push them in the right direction.

All five of their feelings were augmented when one peculiar incident happened. The guys were taking a shortcut down an alleyway behind some factories and warehouses, several of which were abandoned. And yet in this den of rust and decay, nature found a way to persevere.

"BUTTERFLY!" Ed screamed, echoing in the empty alley. He ran off chasing it, and the others ran after him.

The butterfly flew over a ten-foot fence. Ed ran right through it; it first bent under his weight as he started running up it, then a hole gave in and Ed was home free. The others were right on his tail as they ran through the newly-formed hole, begging him to come back.

The butterfly flew right into the open doorway of an empty warehouse. Ed's inhibitions were nowhere to be found, and he ran straight in to find his new friend. He chased it through a series of enormous storage rooms with ceilings dozens of feet high.

When the others finally found him, Ed was staring straight up, looking like he was about to start bawling.

"What's wrong, Ed?" asked Double-D, saying one of his first non-stuttery sentences in awhile.

Ed simply pointed up at the butterfly, almost invisible as it perched itself on a high banister.

"She doesn't like me!" Ed wailed. "And she was such a beautiful butterfly!"

"There, there, Ed," said Double-D, patting the bear on the back.

"Yeah, Ed, there's plenty of other fish in the sea," said Eddy sardonically.

Robin and Johnny weren't bothering to say much at all; they knew this was probably something the Eds were best suited to sort out amongst themselves. The adults led the way back as Double-D consoled Ed, and Eddy, embarrassed by his proximity to this moment, brought up the rear.

To take his mind off the awkwardness of the situation, Eddy took a good look at the walls as they found the exit. There was graffiti everywhere. It was a mixture of positivity and negativity, tasteful and tasteless, and a whole bunch of stuff that could be argued one way or another. There were your standard tags of words in big bubble letters that were almost impossible to read; gang insignias and erect phalluses; and many stray words, forming strings such as "HAIL SATAN", "KILL YOURSELF", and "FUCK PRINCE JOHN". There were a lot of cartoon characters, some of which were stereotypical urban reinterpretations, others not: one was SpongeBob SquarePants with crossed arms and a flame-design bandana, giving the viewer an intimidating smirk, and right next to him was Johnny Bravo redesigned as a black panther rather than a snow leopard, adorned with a pan-Africa pendant on a gold chain, who was nevertheless recognizable as Johnny Bravo thanks to his trademark black shirt, sunglasses, flexing pose, and stylistic lack of a mouth; about thirty feet down that particular wall was a faithful depiction of that chipper aardvark Arthur Read gleefully holding up a library card and clearly having fun, and fifty more feet down, Clifford the Big Red Dog was standing with his pants unzipped and urinating on a tiny maneless lion wearing Victorian clothing and a top hat, who didn't look like he was having very much fun at all. There were many memorials to fallen friends and neighbors, ranging from scribbles of birth and death dates on the walls, to illustrations of gravestones with illegible epitaphs, to elaborate wall-wide murals that were impeccably drawn. There were even many pieces that seemed to have nothing to do with media, socioeconomics, protest, self-serving vulgarity, or anything; just drawings of muscle cars and beautiful trees and stuff like that, seemingly done for their own artistic merit and nothing more. There were even a few splendid recreations of the Georgetown cityscape and the Nottingham skyline. And there was one graffito about the community that stopped Eddy right in his tracks.

"Uh, Rob? LJ? Boys? You might wanna see this."

Robin was drawn in prominence, zoomed in so far that you could only see him from the waist up. He was drawn about forty-five degrees to the right of straight ahead, so one would see his left side half in-profile. His right arm held his bow and his left arm was bent, his fist digging into his side, and the strap if his quiver went diagonally across his Lincoln-green polo. He wore a devilish grin on his face and his dark-yellow bycocket hat on his head.

To the left was Marian in her pink button-down blouse, a little further in the background, looking on longingly at the one she adored, drawn beautifully, her eyes so wide with love that you could see their hazel-brown irises. She was the only one whose body was turned straight toward the viewer. Her hands were clasped before her, as if praying that God Almighty would see Robin well though the battle.

To the right of Robin were the boys, all turned a bit to their right just like Robin, each a little further back than the last. First was Little John, holding his staff and also sporting a bycocket, his a forest-green one the same color as his Philadelphia Eagles shirt. Then came Tuck, wearing his ratty tan-brown pullover hoodie and holding a rosary in praying hands, a shorter staff than John's tucked into the crook of his arm. Finally was Alan, his tan fur colored a bit darker brown than in reality (probably the same paint used for Little John's fur), wearing his thin sea-blue cotton vest over his sky-blue t-shirt, strumming his guitar while presenting an open-mouth grin on his face, with a slingshot sticking out of his back pocket, albeit a Bart-Simpson-esque twig-and-rubber-band one rather than his real wrist-mounted hunting piece.

Then, in his own little orb of light two feet to the right of Alan, was Will. He was also turned about forty-five degrees but drawn full-body, from the long tufts of hair spilling over the American flag bandana wrapped in a band across his forehead, to his crimson-red zipper-down hoodie that was just a tinge lighter than his family's namesake scarlet-red fur, to his torn and well-worn blue jeans. With both hands, he held a flaming sword before him down at his waist and at arm's length, and gave the viewer a determined side-eye smile that suggested he was ready to use it. Two white, feathery wings flourished from behind his back, and a ring-shaped halo peeked over the top of his head. There was just enough space on the wall beneath his sneakers for the letters "R. I. P."

"Well…" said Little John, "I guess you met our friends."

Everybody was silent for a moment. None of them knew what to say. After a moment, the silence was broken.

"Pretty picture," said Ed in a surprisingly respectful tone.

"She is pretty, isn't she?" Robin said. They turned to see he was locked in a staring contest with the visage of Marian. He stepped forward and slowly raised his hand to touch her face. "No- she's beautiful. She's beautiful…" He ran his finger down her cheek, then when he reached the bottom of her face, he traced its outline slowly and deliberately, careful not to miss a single curve.

Little John turned to the boys and put a finger to his lips. They understood.

"Someday…" Robin murmured as he finished tracing her face, and moved on to tracing her lips. "Someday soon, I pray…"

The others could see he was blinking back tears. His breathing didn't suggest that he was about to start weeping, but the other four were all listening for the first respiratory hesitation so they would be ready when the rain came.

But instead, Robin held his head back for a second with his eyes closed, as if forcing the tears to drain back out of his eyes. When he opened his eyes again, he slowly stepped along the wall, taking in the fine intricacies, and feeling that these images were realized with as much love from their artist as Robin felt for the people in the mural.

He didn't stop as he walked past his own image, only jesting, "Heh, who's this good-lookin' guy?"

Little John and the boys laughed gently.

Robin stopped for just a moment at the painting of Little John. "Heh, never mind the first one, who's this good-looking guy?

They all laughed a bit more at that.

Robin took in the portrait of Friar Tuck. "John, do you reckon we would have survived that first winter if not for Tuck's help?"

"I reckon we wouldn't've."

Robin nodded stoically and peacefully. "He may have been frustrated that we didn't share his faith in God, but with him around, it was like the Lord Himself was with us. I only hope he's feeling fulfilled and enjoying his retirement."

"I'm sure he is, Rob."

Robin took a long time analyzing the portrait of Alan-A-Dale. There was something off about it that he couldn't put his finger on, not just the fur color. He finally figured it out. "This must have been drawn the same year as the archery contest and the jailbreak."

"How do you know?"

Robin leaned over and pointed to Alan's tail sticking out from behind him.

"Oh! You're right!" said John. The Eds didn't get it, and were too afraid to ask.

Robin kept looking at the image of Alan. "It's a shame you and Alan never did get to start a real band. You two made such wonderful music together."

"Heh, we coulda, but he wanted to be the lead singer, too."

"You two ought to have taken turns. He could sing the country and western tunes, and you could sing the party songs and everything else."

"Then what would you sing, Rob?" Little John smirked.

Robin chuckled. "Johnny, Johnny, Johnny. If I had a voice like yours, Marian probably wouldn't have let me leave."

Now John chuckled. "Your voice ain't that bad yourself, Robin!" he said in a voice that he was clearly trying to make sound even deeper than usual in a way that was a bit too obvious to everybody.

"You see? I'd love to sound just like that… with an English accent, of course."

"I knew you'd say that."

Finally, Robin moved on to Will. At first, he just seemed to stare blankly at him, as if watching static on a television set. Then he nodded his head down for a second, closed his eyes, and stayed like that for a moment, just breathing. The other four were surprised to feel surprised when he threw his arm up on the wall and buried his forehead into it, pounding the wall with his other arm and leaving it there.

"I'm sorry!" It was muffled against the wall, but the others could make it out as he wept. "William, my brother, I'm so sorry! I'm sorry…" He sniffled. "You- you deserved so much better than this…"

Little John raised a finger to the Eds. Gimme a second, boys, he mouthed as he walked over to Robin.

"What?" asked Ed, who legitimately couldn't read lips. Double-D and Eddy both kicked him in opposite ankles for this, and Ed bit his tongue to keep from yelping.

Little John pulled Robin off the wall and sucked him into a hug against his stomach. "I miss him, too, Rob." He stared at the mural of Will as he spoke to Robin, and although his voice wasn't breaking, the boys could see that Little John was getting pretty glassy-eyed himself. "He knew you loved him."

"God… dammit, Johnny! How am I supposed to help all these people if I can't help my own brother?"

"Robin, you were the best brother I've ever seen somebody be."

"I didn't mean to hurt him."

"Don't you ever think Will wasn't lucky to have ya. I wish I had a brother like you, Robin."

"I didn't mean to hurt him…" Robin repeated directly into the bear's stomach.

"And now I do have a brother like you, Rob, and I'm grateful to be so lucky."

"I didn't want to hurt him-"

"You didn't hurt him."

"Yes I did!"

"No, you didn't. He hurt himself because he hurt someone else. You couldn't have known he'd do that. You did nothing wrong."

"You couldn't have known-!" But Robin stopped right there.

"I couldn't a' known what, Robin?"

Robin pulled his head away from Little John's torso and stared into space for a second, blinking away the tears as he looked a bit confused.

"I couldn't a' known what?" John repeated.

Robin breathed for a second, regaining his composure. After a bit, he said, "That bastard Robert ruined his childhood… but I stole his adulthood from him. How can I make up for that, Little John?"

"You didn't steal nothin' from him, Robin."

Robin looked morosely up at Little John. John clearly wasn't getting it, so Robin wasn't going to force the issue. Remembering the kids were there, Robin thought it was probably for the best anyway that he didn't.

"Thanks for having my back, Little John."

"Anytime, buddy. Any time at all."

Robin stepped out of the embrace. He looked over at the boys, who were all visibly confused, both by what was happening and how they were supposed to feel about it.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, boys."

"Oh, um… it's quite alright," said Double-D. "I'm- we're sorry for your loss."

"Thank you, boys. I hope this hasn't shaken your confidence in me."

And just like that, Little John was back to being annoyed with Robin. Well, it was fun while it lasted.

Robin turned back to the wall and walked his way back down to Marian, to whom he said, "Soon, my love. I will see you soon. Or my name isn't Robin Hood!" He snickered to himself for a moment. "I'm doing this for you, my love." Then he looked to his right and walked over back to Will. "And I'm doing this for you, too!" He backtracked and looked at Alan. "And for you!" To Tuck: "And for you!" And instead of addressing the effigy of Little John, he turned to face the real thing. "And for you, Little John. I'm going to make your seven years of service worth your while!"

Fucking asshole. Little John knew exactly how he wanted to respond to that: "And I'm gonna make seven years of service worth your while!" I love ya Rob, but really? "Seven years of service to ME?" Fucking asshole.

"I like the sound of that, Johnny!" He started off toward the exit and motioned for the others to follow. "C'mon, lads! Time's a-wastin'!"

Everyone took one last look at the mural as they left, knowing exactly what they got out of it. Robin, for one, found a reaffirmation of his sense of purpose in the mural. Knowing that he had done such good that people wanted to immortalize him meant that he must have been doing something right. The unexpected visit from people he never expected to see again did shake him for a moment, but seeing the people he was fighting for only strengthened his drive.

Ed was the next to leave. He liked this idea of heroism that involved people painting him on a wall. He imagined being like a space explorer who comes home from the void to the applause of the public, being lauded for his accomplishments when he was really just enjoying himself and doing cool things. He could get used to this, but he didn't want to do it alone. A mural like that wouldn't be the same if it was just one person.

Double-D did not care for the mural. He admired it from an artistic standpoint - and how do they ever get such fine lines with spray paint? - but he didn't like that Robin Hood and Little John were the kind who would attract people to commit vandalism as a method of honoring them. Furthermore, as much as Double-D would love to have been regarded as a hero, he wanted to be a hero of something like math or science, not of reckless vigilantism. He certainly didn't want to be immortalized on a wall in an abandoned warehouse, showing forever to the world that he was a filthy criminal. Perhaps he shouldn't say filthy; he really believed that Robin and John's hearts were in the right place, and that touching moment of Robin's remorse confirmed that they were indeed fully-feeling people. But he also believed that the road to hell was paved with good intentions; he didn't know how Robin and John slept at night, and wasn't just thinking that with regards to the discomfort of their living situation.

Eddy was the opposite. He wanted to be the subject of the graffito. But he didn't just want to be in it; he wanted to be front and center. How did Little John sleep at night knowing that the fox was getting all the credit? Eddy liked what he saw and he knew then that he wanted it. But was he going to get it by being like Adam Bell, or by being like Al Capone? If he joined their crew, would he ever emerge as the leader, or would he always just be known as the guy who followed Robin, just like Little John? All Eddy knew was that he wanted what Robin had.

And Little John wanted it, too. He was the last to leave by a solid few seconds. He stared at the image of himself. He didn't know if it was unflattering on purpose or if the artist just didn't know how to draw him. Whoever made this drew him too goddamn chunky, for one; the bear community was largely fine with the stereotype of always being severely overweight because they thought they carried their weight well, but this rendition didn't make John look like he was carrying his weight well. They drew him like a fucking circle. Then there was the perspective issue: Tuck was supposed to be standing vaguely further back but John was only drawn as about a head taller than him. But the look on Little John's face. It just looked so… stupid. Goofy. Dumb. Ditzy. Unintellectual. Were his eyes crossed? Well, hell, if this was made during the year of the famous hoedown party, he sure had been making some funny faces while he sang of Prince John being a false monarch, but was that what everyone remembered? Little John had a scary thought: if he wanted people to think of him as a strong leader like Robin, he might have to unlearn how to be a party animal, which was a lesson he had taken thirty years to learn in the first place. No, no, he was overthinking this… but seriously? He's literally a background character? Okay, if this were four years ago when there were still four of them running around and when Robin was still clearly making a disproportionate share of the decisions, then he could understand that they portrayed Robin as the foremost member of the pack. Robin started the club, after all, and many would say John ought to be flattered to be drawn second out of four (if you weren't counting Marian) when this image clearly depicted the Merry Men as having places in a hierarchy. But if this were drawn today and it was just the two of them, and John saw himself being portrayed as a literal sidekick of a two-man tandem, he'd track down the artist and bite their jugular out. At this point, Little John would hope people didn't care that the Merry Men were Robin's brainchild; John had given up seven years of his life to help these people, too. He got plenty of respect from Robin - sometimes more than others, but Robin had his own issues upstairs these days, so John would let him off the hook for his blemished record - but unless he got a comparable amount from the people he was busting his ass to help, it wouldn't have been enough to make Little John feel okay with himself. He loved Robin and he loved the people he was saving, but he wasn't sure he was getting the same amount of love back. He knew some people who would tell him to be zen about it and be happy to give love without receiving an equal amount, and he knew some people who would tell him that he was in an unfair relationship if he wasn't getting due credit for all the work he was putting in and that he should stand up for himself. He didn't know which group he ought to listen to, but he did know that he hadn't put his life in danger every single day for seven years just to stand in the background and let his friend take all the glory.

"Coming, Little John?" asked Robin.

"Yeah… yeah, I'm comin'."

-IllI-

Weapons drawn, Robin and John took one last long look around the clearing before they stepped out into the open.

"Alright, lads, I think the coast is clear."

"Do us a favor though and don't touch anything, will ya? We gotta keep everything in its place."

"What Johnny said, boys. We have to make it look as if we were never here."

The five of them walked slowly out of the thicket and stepped around clothes, kitchenware, books, more clothes, toiletries, nonperishable food, still more clothes, sleeping bags, and assorted garbage as they made their way toward the Major Oak.

"This is it, boys," said Little John. "This is home."

"We'll never expect you to abandon your homes and families to live the life of vagrant outlaws…"

"...but if you wanna run with us…"

"...then this spot will be a safehouse where our enemies would be hard-pressed to enter, and knowledge of its location will be invaluable."

"Or at least it was a great safehouse before those motherfuckers tracked us down." Little John was tempted to ask the Eds whether they incidentally knew a rich family named the Von Bartonschmeers with a shy kid named Martin, but he knew that was highly unlikely, so he didn't bother.

"You live a treehouse!?" Ed asked, his eyes wide with wonder.

"You know," said Robin, "it's funny: we actually were thinking of building a proper treehouse in our early years, but with all the hustle and bustle, we just never found the time."

"All the future lies ahead of us, now don'ut, Rob?" said Little John.

"I suppose it does, now doesn't it, Johnny? Perhaps we can build one if you boys ever want to have a sleepover."

"Hey, Queen Elizabeth," said Eddy, "is it a normal thing in England for a couple of lonely guys to invite a bunch of teenage boys over for a sleepover?" Eddy was trying to ask the question playfully, but as he thought about what he was saying, his own disgust with the image in his head caused his tone to sour as the sentence progressed.

Robin just looked confused at that. Little John leaned over and nudged him, murmuring, "I toldja, Rob, it's not just a matter a' me being paranoid."

"I suppose so," Robin mumbled.

Double-D was still at the edge of the clearing, almost afraid to step inside. First they had been warning them all the way in that the cops had recently discovered the location of their safehouse, and now he had to bear witness to this… filth.

"You… actually live in this squalor?" After assessing the scene for a while, Double-D couldn't help bus ask, shitty attitude be damned.

"Hey!" Little John barked. "It wasn't squalor before the cops trashed the place!" He himself looked about, disgusted by the mess the Chief-turned-Sheriff and his lackeys had made. "By the way, boys, we were saving all the trash for taking into town and disposing-of properly. Just in case you thought we were total slobs."

"And if you're curious, those beer bottles have been accumulating since March!" said Robin. "I told you we'd cut back!"

Double-D looked at all the trash and wondered to himself what kind of officer of the law would make a point to tarnish such an encampment for the sake of it. He didn't have to think very long before he realized he knew the answer. He knew the answer personally, or some would even say familially.

Eddy was about to ask what the point of coming here was before he realized that he was about to step in what appeared to be someone's undergarments. Upon closer inspection, it looked like an adult legged onesie. It was either an off-white or an extremely pale blue, and it was splayed out in such a way that he could see parts of both the front and the back. He could see that it buttoned down a bit from the collar but stopped at the chest, and the way it was folded over, he could also see that it had one of those ass-hatches that children's pajamas have for the wearer to get in and out. Eddy had never seen an article of clothing quite like it.

"Eew, whose are these?" he asked, initially thinking they must have belonged to one of the Merry Men by geographic proxy, but then he realized that it was too long and wide to be Robin's, too short and skinny to be Little John's, and the tail-hole in the back was far too narrow for either of them.

"What, those?" answered Little John. "Aw, those are just the mayor's."

"Wh-what? But why!? And what the hell are these things?"

"That is either some old-fashioned piece that he wears under his old-fashioned suits or some old-fashioned night-clothes he wears to his old-fashioned bed," said Robin. "And having seen his bedroom a few times, it is dreadfully old-fashioned."

"Do they button down all the way, or is it the onesie?" asked John.

"Uh… a onesie?" said Eddy.

"Okay, yeah, those are PJ's peejays," said Little John, and almost without looking he shoved his arm into the hole in the Major Oak and pulled out an extremely light pair of button-down long-johns roughly the same eggshell color as the onesie. "Here's his underwear!"

"Y-you just have the guy's underwear lying around?"

"Don't worry, we washed it."

"Multiple times," added Robin. "And if you knew about Prince John what we knew, you'd want us to wash it a few more times!"

"What, does he got IBS or something?" asked Eddy.

"Naw, more embarrassing than that," said John.

"Do you boys know what a 'pox' is?" asked Robin.

"Ooh!" went Ed. "Is that the alien from the movie-?"

"No," said Little John, "a 'pox' as in 'a pox upon the phony king of England.'"

The boys all just cocked their heads in confusion.

"Shit," John grumbled, "all these years, Alan and I thought that was a clever line!"

"It was a clever line, Little John," said Robin, who then turned to the boys. "We'll explain when you boys've passed a secondary-school health class."

"This still doesn't answer the question," asked Double-D. "Why are you in possession of his undergarments and his pajamas?"

"Because it's the ultimate power move," said Little John as if there was absolutely nothing weird about it.

"You keep your enemies' undies as a trophy?" asked Eddy.

"Of course!" said Robin with a wink. "Doesn't everybody?"

Eddy took mental notes. Break into Kevin's house. Steal his jammies. Assert dominance. Eddy would have to write that one down so he didn't forget; he thought it would be more poignant to save it for when Kevin was home from the hospital.

"Well, boys, even though we only had one donor today, he proved to be one of the biggest jackpots we've had in quite a long time." said Robin. "I must say, today was quite fun!"

"Yeah, it's always fun to have new people around," said Little John, who went over to Robin and pulled him in by the shoulders again. "Hey, I love this guy like a brother, but we can't be left alone with each other and no one else twenty-four-seven, or we'd lose our fuckin' minds."

"That we would. You boys might just be our good luck charm."

"If you kids could just stop getting this guy involved with broken glass."

"It seems I have a new weakness, Little John. I hope this doesn't make you think less of me!"

"Oh, I could never!" Like hell I couldn't, Rob!

"But why did we need to come see this… tree?" Eddy asked, catching himself in time before he said this stupid tree.

"A few quick things," said Robin. "One, to familiarize you with this environment, because if you should ever choose to come along with us, it will be imperative that you know where this place is. Secondly, to show you a bit more of our lives, so that we're not just some strangers asking you on a mysterious journey. And thirdly, to make it clear to you why we need to still stay in your van for at least a few more nights. If you'd please."

"This is the biggest run the cops've had on us in a while," explained Little John. "Rob, does this place look any different than it was when we last left it?"

"No, sir."

"Exactly. We don't know if they've been here and just didn't touch nothin', we don't know if they're waiting until we'd've probably come back, we don't know if they're gonna check this place every week for the rest of time-"

"We don't even know whether they've forgotten how to find this place! They may never see this spot again, and we may be worried for no reason!"

"But still: we're worried."

"And that's a very unfamiliar feeling for us. And we don't fancy it. Between giving us a safe place to stay and agreeing to come along with us for a day, we are severely indebted to you. I only hope we've made it worth your while."

Little John cleared his throat. "So we gotta ask…"

"...have you lads made up your minds yet?"

The three of them all just looked at each other a bit awkwardly, each waiting for the other to make the first move.

"I'm afraid we've put them on the spot again, Little Jo-"

"ED HUDDLE!" Ed shouted, hop-skipping over the debris the best he could (and failing miserably) to Double-D and Eddy, picking them up, and carrying them over to the opposite side of the clearing. They got their faces close and made a circle. "What are we going to do, Edd and Eddy?" asked Ed.

Ed looked at Double-D, who was still too afraid to say his mind, so he looked at Eddy, inspiring Ed to look at Eddy, too. The wolf and the bear stared down at the little fox, but he just pensively stated into the space between their faces. He was being tasked with making a leadership decision. And he knew what his decision was.

"I need more time to think about it."

"EDDY NEEDS MORE TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT!" Ed hollered to Robin and John as he stood from the huddle. The trees shook and at least a few birds were startled out of their nests.

"Shh!" Robin and Little John both begged them.

"Oops! Sorry!"

"Dumbass," Eddy grumbled.

"Well, I'll tell you what, boys," said Robin. "When you make your decision - even if it is a no - if you can't find us at the van, try to find us here. We might be out and about for the day, but if you miss us, keep trying. We'd like to see you boys again no matter what." Because we're just that bloody lonely.

"And you know what? Even if you don't wanna rob people with us… hell, just come hang out. All our other friends are either in jail or in the ground. Or in church. Not a lot of people would have the balls to come and spend time with us out here. You kids got guts, and we respect that. We like you guys." Because we're just that goddamn lonely.

"I thought everybody downtown was your friend?" asked Ed. Robin and John looked at one another, knowing that Ed had a very good point.

"Sometimes friends aren't able to make the time to see their friends," said Robin. "It's a sad part of growing up. Savor your youth, boys."

"And I'll just cut the shit," said Little John. "Things just ain't as good as they used to be for us. We used to win every fight we started. Back then, there were parties in this very spot basically every weekend, and anybody from in the city who was on our good side knew where the party was at, and they knew they were invited. But then things changed and… shit, it just killed the mood. There hasn't been a good party here in a while."

"Maybe that's why you've been so grumpy lately, Johnny: you haven't been to a good party in far too long!"

"God knows I could go for one."

"But those parties won't be coming back unless you three can help get us back on track." And then Robin let out a melancholy chuckle. "I'm going to be honest with you lads, you've gotten my hopes up. And I stress that you are free to make your own choice, we will not take that liberty away from you, but please… if you can help it... don't break my heart?"

Little John kneeled down next to Robin and put his arm around him like a professional athlete posing for a photo with a child. "Yeah, don't go breaking the guy's heart! Look at this face! Can you break the heart of a face like this?" Then Little John clamped a paw on the back of Robin's head and another on his lower jaw and turned the fox (who was fine to go along with the ride) into a singing puppet, his head tilting side to side like a slow-motion metronome: "Don't go breaking my heaaart, oh don't go breaking my heaaart, I won't go breaking your heaaart, so don't go breaking my heaaart!" At a certain point, Robin added some leg-kicks to his little puppet-dance.

The boys didn't think it was unfunny, they were just preoccupied, dwelling on the thoughts of the tough decision they had at hand.

Undeterred by the way that their act had gotten such cold reception, Robin snapped out of John's clutches. "OH! Speaking of hearts! There is one more thing I want to show you! This way, lads!" He walked out of the clearing toward a slight embankment to the northwest, and the rest followed.

The boys were surprised by how quickly they got to where Robin was leading them. It was like they had just stepped into Narnia; they magically transported to another world in too short a distance for it to have been real. It couldn't have been even a football field away from the Merry Men's camp, maybe not even fifty yards.

"Boys, if you ever want to take a girl somewhere beautiful, I recommend you take her here," said Robin as he walked up the mount to the top of the twenty-five-foot waterfall. "And we'll be right next door to keep you safe when you do."

"This is where it's been this whole time!?" asked Eddy incredulously.

"Yes, this is the same spot from the part of my story where I spent a wonderful night with the love of my-"

"Nonono, you don't understand," Eddy interjected. "This… this is the waterfall? It's real!? And it's right next to your camp!?"

"Convenient spot, isn't it?" asked Little John.

"I think Eddy's referring to how our this waterfall is something of an urban legend among our student body at school," said Double-D. "There have been rumors of its existence, but nobody seems to have ever been able to find it, at least not among our generation."

"Hm. Is that so?" asked Robin.

"Yeah, we've heard that kids back in my brother's day knew where to find this place, but then the older kids were like, nyeh, we'll never tell you, little kids!, so we don't actually know anybody ourselves who's found it," said Eddy. "My brother says he used to go here all the time to take chicks, but I don't believe him."

"How old's your brother?" asked Little John.

"Shit, what…?" Eddy counted on his fingers. "...Twenty-two? He always said he couldn't tell me where this place was because some dangerous homeless people showed up in the woods and that's why he had to stop going there. He says he was trying to protect me, but I know my brother, he was just holding out on me."

"There's dangerous people in these woods?" asked Little John facetiously. "What? Where!? These are our woods, I'll keep 'em safe!" He started taking swings at the air in front of his face. "Lemme at 'em, lemme at 'em!" Then he stopped abruptly, gave Eddy a knowing look (which Eddy returned with a look of confusion), and took a bow along with Robin. Oh. Now Eddy got it. Heck, maybe his brother wasn't bullshitting him after all.

"I see our legend has extended to the suburbs after all," said Robin. "But let's not forget to show you the best part!" He ambled back down the mound and started heading back in the direction of camp, briefly confusing the boys, before he turned at the edge of the mound and led them to a small hole in the side of it. "Should you boys ever need a place to hide from the bad guys - or if you need a secluded place to take a special someone - don't forget about this entrance. Follow me."

He ducked under a branch and made his way in, Eddy and Double-D following after. The passageway was just long enough for the light at the end to augment the darkness before them. As Double-D focused on not focusing on his fears of what bacteria may be lurking in the dark, Eddy noticed that the bears weren't right behind them, and realized that there was probably a good reason for that.

"I'm guessing your boy LJ can't exactly join us in here," said Eddy.

"Oh, no, he can," said Robin. "He just has to get on his hands and knees and remember-"

"HELP, I AM STUCK!" The three of them turned to see Ed hollering behind them.

"...which nooks to squeeze around."

Indeed, there was plenty of light still peeking out from behind Ed, who wasn't even that heavyset for his species - if anything, he was probably less than typically bear-thick. If he had known all the nooks like Little John did, he probably could have made it through with plenty of room to spare.

"Don't worry, Rob, I got 'im," they heard Little John say.

"My apologies, Ed, I should have told you where to be careful," said Robin. Shit, this won't make me look good to them. Best take their mind off it. "C'mon, boys. We'll see him on the other side."

The three of them walked down to the end of the corridor to find themselves right under the waterfall. They felt the spray on their faces as they walked into the light and onto a little landing that opened up, a jagged ledge going up right to where the falling water met the pond. The sun setting in the west refracted through the water, making the walls around them look almost like a kaleidoscope. It was all very pretty, and Edd and Eddy were both deeply amazed by the fact that this legendary place actually existed, but they didn't see what was so pressing about being here.

"Hey, man, thanks for showing us this place and all, but… why?" Eddy asked.

"As we said, we just want to share our world with you. We've taken you straight through this forest; we can't miss the major landmarks, now can we?"

"I must say, the topography that forms such a natural wonder is quite fascinating," Double-D said, just to say something.

Neither of the foxes knew what to say to that, but Robin did know that recent events meant that sunset was bad news in Sherwood Forest.

"Now I've shown you the back door; might as well show you the front door, eh?" He exited via a narrow path to their left that flanked the water and the mound. Double-D silently wondered why they couldn't have just entered this way.

Meanwhile, Little John and Ed were getting themselves off the ground after John had painstakingly yanked Ed free.

"Hey, listen, kid, while we got a moment alone, let's you and me have a chit-chat," said Little John as he stood up and helped Ed get to his feet. "Bear to bear, man to man."

"Yes, Mr. Johnny?" asked Ed.

"Listen, Ed, I don't know you too well, but I know two things: one, society thinks we're dumb."

Ed looked heartbroken. "Oh, no! I'm sorry, Mr. Johnny. Why do they think you're dumb, too?"

"Nonono, not just you and me. Our species. They think we're a buncha dumb brutes. And it doesn't help that a buncha people like us are a buncha dumb brutes. But here's the other thing I know: I don't think you're stupid."

Ed's look changed to what one might call a delighted confusion. Little John saw it and assumed (correctly) that Ed had never been told such a sentence in his life. Little John continued:

"Now, I'm gonna say: I think you act stupid, but I think that might be because the world hasn't given you any reason to want to be smart. God knows it didn't give me and my brother one. Hey, don't mind me asking: is your dad still in the picture?"

"You wanna see a picture?"

"No, I meant-"

Ed reached into an inside pocket of his jacket and produced a waterfall photo book, which he let unfurl to reveal a bunch of pictures of the Browne family and the Eds.

Ed pointed to the first one, which showed the Browne nuclear family at Christmas, standing in front of the tree. "There's my mommy and daddy and my baby sister Sarah!"

Hm, Sarah, just like that bitch porcupine from yesterday who made Robin want to kill himself, Little John thought. But then he started seriously observing the photo to see if they looked like a happy, loving family. It looked like Ed and his mom were the only ones smiling in earnest; the father and Sarah were clearly faking it. Not the best sign, but at least the family was intact. Hopefully there was nothing going on between the father and daughter specifically that made them both so sour-looking, but Little John thought he was overthinking; the papa bear may have just been a classic grumpy papa bear and the daughter looked old enough to be a typical prickly pre-teen. Then John had a question he couldn't help but ask:

"How old's this picture, Ed?"

"It's from last Christmas. Santa got me a bunch of new comic books, video tapes, an Evil Tim figurine…"

Little John stopped listening as he observed the picture. This photo was about six months old and Ed looked like he was the same height as his parents - who, curiously, were about the same height as one another. Heck, maybe that's why Ed's dad looked so grumpy. It looked like Ed must have gotten some good physical genes from his mom if he wasn't even done growing; John could see that Ed was already the size of an adult, albeit one a bit on the short side. Then Little John made a weird observation that made him think a funny thought. The rest of the Browne family's fur was distinctly shiny, bordering on a dirty blonde, kind of like the golden brown you want your toast to be. Ed's fur looked like the color of the peanut butter you'd slather on that toast. Maybe the Ed was like him where his fur got darker in the winter and spring, but come summer would be markedly lighter from the sun's photo-bleaching. Or maybe John's hunch was right that this kid was adopted and his new parents were regretting it.

"...a yo-yo, a new toaster, a-"

"Alright, bud, I asked because our people have a problem with dads either being dicks when they're around or not sticking around at all," said Little John. "I mean, ethologists or whatever you call them, they'll tell you that for the longest time, our ancestors treated it like a cultural thing for a guy to knock up a chick and amscray. Like they think the ones who came before us were obsessed with independence as a virtue, so that arrangement was forcing the man, the woman, and the kids to all be independent. So they didn't see anything wrong with it. And that went for bears all over the world: the Grizzlies, the Europeans, the Eurasians, the Syrians, the Japanese… a-a-and not just us brownies, either; the black bears, the pandas, the polars... I guess it was something in our DNA. And a lot of us never unlearned that, I guess. Hey, uh, by the way, do you know what your, uh… do you know what your ethnic background is? Just curious."

"...No?"

Little John reached around and felt Ed's shoulder blades to see if he could determine himself whether Ed was more Grizzly or more European or more something else entirely, since the Native American Grizzly peoples were known for their pronounced shoulders. Ed had kind of a hump in the back, but not enough to suggest full Grizzly ancestry, and yet he was still on pace to be much bigger than your average one. "Shit, kid, you might have some Kodiak in you. That would explain a lot."

"My mom says I do."

Does she say that because you're her son or because she knew your real parents? "Well, listen, kid, what I wanted to say was… don't let people underestimate you. I'm gonna tell you right now, there's gonna be a lot of people who think you're dumb just because you're a bear. Just like how there's gonna be people who think you're a crook because you're a predator. You don't have to be a genius, but you gotta show these people you're not dumb. I didn't do good enough of a job at that and now everyone thinks Robin's the brains of the operation. But you know what? I don't think you're stupid. You've let some profound shit fall out of your mouth. I think your issue might not be intelligence, it might just be a matter a' focus. Do you get what I'm saying?"

But Ed was having trouble focusing on Little John's boring speech. "What's your brother's name, Mr. Johnny?"

"And you know what? Maybe I'm an idiot for thinking you're not just plain dumb and that there ain't anything more to it than that. But I've got a feeling that ain't the case."

"Is your brother's name Big John?"

"Shit, kid, it might as well be. You know what? If I'm right about you, you're just like my brother. People thought he was an idiot, too, but he just didn't see the fun in being smart." That's when Little John saw the foxes and the wolf come around the bend from the front of the waterfall. "Hey, kid, we'll work on you the next time we see each other. Because honestly, I see a lot of myself in you."

"Are you sure you're not me from the future, Mr. Johnny?"

"Kid, if you were me from the past, you'd be about three feet shorter. You wouldn't even be Robin's size."

"Really? Can I see pictures of you when you were little, Mr. Johnny?"

"I hope you two lads didn't feel too left out," Robin said as he approached.

"Meh, it's our place in the world," mumbled Little John.

"Well, gentlemen, the sun is setting and those boys in blue may be sniffing these woods soon. We'd best be headed back to our motel room." And they all headed back to civilization, ready to bring this long day to an end.

-IllI-

"I believe this is our stop," Robin said as they turned the corner and saw the van. "Thanks again for coming along with us, boys. Remember, no matter what you decide, please come find us, either here or at the Major Oak."

"If you can find it again," added Little John.

"Remember, it's right next to the waterfall." Robin turned to the younger fox. "Eddy, I like your spunk. I want that on our side. In some ways, you remind me of my brother. In other ways, you remind me of Little John. In still other ways, you remind me of myself."

"Hm," went Eddy. "Th-thanks, uh… yeah." He had no idea what to make of it. He just wanted to get home to investigate how much money he still had in his pockets and to ruminate on whether these guys' offer was too good to pass up.

"Ed," said Little John, "I like ya. I think I see something in you nobody else does. I think our work can bring something outta ya that nobody's bothered looking for before."

"Does that mean I can play with the toys?" Ed asked. Little John's speech earlier hadn't gone over his head for an inability to understand the words he was saying, but rather from an inability to understand why he should want to understand.

"Fuck yeah, you can."

"And Eddward - Double-D, if I may," said Robin, "I want to stress that I'm very impressed by your bravery. You may seem timid and bashful, but I believe I've seen you make great strides today alone. I won't lie, you may be behind the pack at the moment, but at your pace of progress? You may be lapping us all soon. And as we've told Eddy and Ed, I think coming along with us will be an excellent opportunity for growth that you may not have known yourself capable of."

There was no way in hell Edd was going to say yes. Oh, so they thought he was brave? Fine, Double-D was going to be brave. He wasn't going to be brave enough to tell them off to their faces, but he was going to be brave enough to quell a curiosity that he otherwise would have forced himself to live with.

"I have a question," he said.

"Ah, yes, what is it, lad?"

"Um… do you gentlemen know a police officer who's… a wolf? A gray wolf?"

Robin and John shot half-nervous, half-intrigued looks to one another. They didn't want to jump to any conclusions, so they asked some questions of their own.

"Well…" Little John began. "Buddy, gray wolves are one of the most common predator species in this country. You're gonna have to be more specific than that."

"He's big."

"If he's an officer, he's likely to be big, since police departments like hiring big blokes," said Robin. "Do you mean big as in tall, or big as in… er…"

"Yeah," said Little John, "are we talking big like me, or big like…" - Little John looked down at his own stomach - "...also me?"

"Both," said Edd.

"Does he have a Southern drawl that puts Little John to shame?" asked Robin.

"...You know him."

"Chief Woodland," said Little John.

"Oh, remember now, Johnny, he's the County Sheriff now," said Robin with a bittersweet bit of snark.

"...You know him." Double-D would have normally collapsed onto the ground into a ball of anxiety, but because his blood had stopped pumping, his muscles had turned to stone and he couldn't fall apart even if he wanted to.

"The man himself," said Robin.

"That son of a bitch is the one who trashed our house," said Little John. "What, is he your uncle or sumpthin'?"

Ed and Eddy's eyes pursed open as they turned their heads to Double-D. But then Double-D did something very brave of himself: "No," he lied.

"Oh," said Robin, "so you just… know of him?"

Nobody noticed Eddy smirking to himself in amusement, nor Ed's look of incredulity at the fact that Double-D had uttered a mistruth.

"Yes, um… he pulled over my parents once when we were, uh, driving through the city. I-I-I'd rather not go into too fine of details, but, uh… we distinctly remember a point where, uh, my parents told him that he was a poor reflection of our species, and he told us he could say the same thing to us. Then he, uh, threatened to assault my father for his remark."

"Good lord," murmured Robin. "I was going to say though, you seem too educated to be directly related to someone like him."

Phew, Edd thought to himself.

"You want us to go look for him and fuck him up for you?" asked Little John.

"Oh! Nonono, um, please don't do anything that may jeopardize your safety!"

"Ah, you're right, kid. You see, Rob, he's keeping us in check!"

"Indeed," said Robin. "And it may jeopardize your safety as well if he finds out we were acting on your behalf."

"Which he would, because we'd tell him as much while we're beating his ass."

"Oh, please don't cause any trouble over me!" Edd implored.

"Don't worry, bud, we won't. We've already got enough trouble on our hands."

"But we will pay him back extra next time he's in our sights," said Robin.

"Oh, well I appreciate it," said Double-D. "But, uh…"

"I think Double-D's gonna get his ass kicked if he's home late for dinner," said Eddy, looking for any excuse to go home and count his money.

"What!?"

"Your parents beat you, too?" asked Little John. "You said 201 Rethink, right? We take house calls!"

"Nonono, Eddy's exaggerating. They will be very cross with me, however. They won't raise a hand to me, but they may leave me some very strongly-worded sticky notes."

"Sticky notes?" asked Robin.

"Double-D's mommy and daddy talk to him with sticky notes because they don't know how to talk with Double-D," said Ed in another one of his passing moments of brilliance that shocked everybody.

"Y'know, next time we see you, we'd like to know a little more about your stories after we told you basically all of ours," said Little John.

"Yes, some may even say we're the foolish ones for asking people we barely know to join us," added Robin. "But we don't have to be strangers."

"Oh, I do agree! But on that note, I think I'd best be going!" said Double-D.

"Uh, yeah, me, too," said Eddy, who then started walking off. Then he remembered he probably ought to say goodbye. "Oh, uh… we-we'll see you soon. Fersure."

"Likewise, Eddy," said Robin, waving. "You boys have a good night now!"

"And don't let that mean old sheriff hurt you now that he's got reign over your neck of the woods!" added Little John as he waved along.

Robin and John watched Ed, Edd, and Eddy walk out of the junkyard, out into town and into the sunset. They couldn't hear the faint conversation they were having amongst themselves.

"So what are we gonna do, Eddy?" asked Ed quietly. "Are we gonna be friends with them?"

"I need time to think, Monobrow," was all that Eddy replied.

Robin and John watched until they couldn't see the boys anymore. They were about to have a long talk themselves about how they felt that day went and whether they really wanted to hang out with a trio of teenage boys, but their first two lines could have likely summed the whole conversation up:

"We're never gonna see these kids again, are we?" asked Little John.

"Honestly, Johnny, I'm not too sure myself," Robin confessed. "The more I think about it, the more my mind keeps changing."

But Dear Reader, surely you don't think this story would have been worth telling if it were to end right there?

*A.N.* Well hell I'm glad I cut it in two, then. Happy 46th birthday/anniversary to Robin Hood (the character and the movie); I almost didn't make it in time. Of course now I have like the next five chapters all planned out perfectly in my head but no idea when I'll be able to make time to write them. But they'll be coming eventually. Idk, if I'm afk for like a year, call the police. ("Hi, dispatcher, there's a cryptofurry on the internet who hasn't updated his bizarre crossover fanfic in months and I'm worried about him.")