Total Drama World Tour Deluxe
Chapter 7: Slap Slap Revolution
Cody Fanatic: Perhaps.
LaCuevademisgustos: Cold indeed.
Guest A: I have a little something for Zeke...
Guest B: 1. Ah. Yes, Ezekiel was originally the first boot. 2. I doubt it. 3. You'll find out eventually... 4. Yes, it seemed unfair that Bridgette was mad at him for not immediately accepting her apology. 5. Thank you! 6. Probably... 7. You too! 8. My pleasure. 9. You'll have to be more specific.
MDReborn: Yup, Josh and Blaineley ain't going anywhere! And yes, there was a plot with Geoff and Blaineley having a conflict (of which I was on Blaineley's side) but other than that, not much. We'll see about Team Minotaur.
Rockin' D-99: You could argue that Brady wasn't really watching the season because he was "busy" and only showed up to the finale once he finally got some time. And yes, you're very welcome. Your advice helped me greatly with Harold. My original draft of his interview was significantly lamer without it.
As for Geoff and Bridgette... yes, I didn't expect you to love it. I know they're the only OG couple who didn't break up (apart from Tyler and Lindsay possibly). But frankly, I resent the decision to keep them together out of all six couples. You have to admit, the gag of them constantly making out could have benefited from some moderation. I don't care if it's realistic or not. It was annoying, and it was excessive. I didn't really pay much attention to it in the TDI special, because I was mostly focused on other things. TDA episode 1 was when it started to wear out its welcome. By the end of the second episode, I was like "Enough already!" And speaking of the Daters, that was another couple I hated and wished would break up for good (and not just for the making out alone).
AnonBrowser: Surprised to see Josh, eh? Quite frankly, I'm surprised nobody thought of it before. Yes, it was certainly unfortunate that Beth had to give up her winnings to get out of prison. On the other hand, it's fortunate for her parents she had it so that they didn't have to sell their car. As for Harold, yes, that was the best theory I could get for it, and I'm still not a hundred percent convinced. And I'm glad you like the boxing match. You know me: I love my Edboys!
As for having no reward challenges, I personally prefer a steady stream of eliminations. I'm not sure it would be so monotonous to me. But we'll see. Maybe I'll change my mind later on. You say you don't like Lyler or Duncney, huh? Duncney I understand, but what do you dislike about Lyler?
SilentSinger948: Thank you.
Derick Lindsey: Yes, I wish Josh was with her as well in canon. For your theories, I'm not one to insist that certain endings are canon, but that is definitely a good argument for Beth's ending being canon. For the one about Harold, I've heard it before, and frankly, it always seemed very convoluted. No offense. And as for Bridgette's elimination... I guess that's as good a theory as any, though I still wish it was clarified who Geoff (and Izzy) actually voted for.
Crosshot: Unsettling? Why thank you!
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Yeah, I didn't like that they flanderized Blaineley to make her a villain for the aftermath show. It's not really a segment of the show that needs a villain. Glad you agree with me on Gidgette.
Guest C: I'm guessing you're not a fan of Duncan. And I never said that I liked the gag of Lindsay forgetting about Tyler. I didn't.
Guest D: We'll see about Geoff and Bridgette.
Guest E: Um, not likely. Where did that ship come from?
lordgemini: Yup, didn't see a reason to make Josh and Blaineley as bad as Geoff. Always preferred it when the hosts could at least pretend to be nice. For Beth, I have no idea what kinda car they had, but it isn't something I lose sleep over. The apology to Geoff wasn't fake, she just wasn't in the mood to apologize after discovering that he had betrayed her. And yes, no anticlimactic last-minute reconciliation or continuation of the worst running gag in the series.
amit avrashmi: There are two different versions of Duncney: The one in TDI, and the one in TDA to TDWT. So yes, I agree on post-Island Duncney being bad, but in TDI alone, it was great.
Knifez: Well, here's someone I haven't heard from in a while! I see you were rooting for Geoff this time around, and I'm sorry to disappoint. Glad to see you approve of my portrayals of Josh and Blaineley though. So thanks!
SuperSonicHeroes: I guess so.
romeoaifesili: Yes, I agree. Josh and Blaineley are far better suited to this type of show, as shown in the TDA special.
"Last time on Total Drama World Tour!" Chris narrated. "New York City! The city that eats other cities for breakfast! Here our competitors went to new heights to discover New York's finest! From the bosom of Lady Liberty to the Big Apple's rotten stanky sewer core! In the end, Team Amazon claimed victory, and Team Victory claimed defeat! For the third time in a row! And Ezekiel avoided elimination for the third time in a row, thanks to Geoff being a quitter! Now we have twenty competitors still in the running! Und ve shall zee who vill vin ze million bucks! Zoon! On Total… Drama… World Tour!"
After the theme song, we cut to Economy. Seven of the eight members of Team Minotaur sat on the starboard side, while the five remaining members of Team Victory sat on the port side.
"ACHOO!" Lindsay's cold was still going strong. "Man, I don't think I've ever had a cold this bad!"
"Just keep yourself warm, honey." said Leshawna.
"I feel like there's something clogging my nose holes!"
"Blow." Leshawna ordered, handing her a tissue.
"Thanks, Lasagna." said Lindsay gratefully. The dumb blonde blew her nose.
"You're welcome." said Leshawna, rolling her eyes. The guys on Team Victory looked at the sassy black girl in confusion. "It's pointless to try and correct her." she explained.
"Five episodes and no eliminations!" Owen cheered. "If we were meat, we'd be a thirty-two-ounce porterhouse steak! And you guys would be a tiny slice of bologna!" Team Victory leered at Owen, offended.
"Need I remind you that we almost lost the last challenge?" Alejandro reminded the big guy.
"Yeah, but we didn't!"
"We would have if not for Eva."
"Exactly! And with you as our leader, nothing is impossible! Hell, I'm not even afraid of flying anymore! Check this out!" Owen unbuckled himself and began dancing like a ballerina around the cabin. His reckless jumping around led those in First Class and the cockpit to believe that the plane experiencing some turbulence.
"WILL YOU KNOCK IT OFF?!" Eva screamed. Owen jumped, severely startled. He looked at Eva, who looked absolutely infuriated. Trent's guitar had gone missing the previous night, making the musician unable to soothe the female bully. And combined with the failure to win First Class, Eva had become especially touchy. With a submissive frown on his face, Owen sat back down.
"Sorry, Eva. Excuse me, Al." Owen said sitting down.
"Owen, my name is Alejandro." the Spaniard corrected patiently. "Say it. Correctly."
"Halla-rando."
"Alejandro."
"Ally-drano."
"Alejandro!"
"Jalapeño!"
"Alejandro!"
"Habanero!"
"All-lay-hand-row!"
"Jolly Rancher!"
"Never mind. We'll work on it later."
"Teehee!"
Confessional: Alejandro
"Ugh! How dare he pervert the name of Alejandro Fernando Burromuerto! Seriously! Even Lindsay can get my name right! Lindsay! Why can't this muttonhead?!"
End Confessional
Meanwhile, in First Class, Team Amazon had a guest by the name of Trent. Last night, he, Courtney, and Gwen searched all over the plane for his guitar. They searched for an hour with no luck. Trent had become upset and worried. Out of sympathy, Gwen and Courtney allowed him to stay in First Class. Heather tried to protest, but no one on her team backed her up, as they all liked Trent. She even went so far as to try to get Chris to evict him. The host, however, told the queen bee that as long as there were no more than eight people in First Class, they could invite up anyone they wanted to.
Currently, Gwen, Courtney, and Trent were being served bonbons.
"Winning does have its perks!" said Courtney, plucking one from a silver platter. "How are you doing, Trent?"
"Better." The musician said miserably, but calmly. The previous night, he had been almost inconsolable. "I just don't understand! What could have happened to it?!"
Confessional: Heather
"Okay, I may have put Trent's guitar in Geoff's compartment. Which may have led to Chef and the interns tossing it out of the plane when he was eliminated in New York. Which may have led to Eva getting all pissy and ready to freak out and get herself voted off again!" (Grins wickedly)
End Confessional
"I'm very sorry, Trent." said Courtney, putting her hand on his lap. "I know how you feel. I lost my violin in Season One. And right before the talent contest, no less."
"Yeah, I know. That really must have sucked." said Trent. "Wish I could have heard you play."
After Gwen took the last bon-bon, the stewardess came by and took the platter away. On the way back to the kitchen, she brushed up against a net with bells tied to it. Inside the net was Cody, sleeping with his thumb in his mouth.
Ring!
The gentle chime of a single bell was enough for Cody to wake up in terror.
"NO MORE FOOT RUBS, SIERRA!" he screamed, putting his hands up defensively. He then fell back asleep. Gwen looked back at him with a raised eyebrow. Sierra was currently on the loveseat, having a conversation with Heather.
"And that's how I became the president of my fifteenth Total Drama fan club!" she told Heather.
"Great!" said Heather, trying to hide her boredom. "So! You must have some idea of who's going next!"
"Yup!" said Sierra. She pulled down a chart. "According to my stats, no team avoids elimination four times without getting OCTBIS!"
"What?"
"Over-Confident-Then-Blowing-It-Syndrome!" Sierra clarified, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"So what you're saying is… Team Minotaur is the next team on the chopping block?"
"Duh!" Sierra replied condescendingly. "Aye-em-aych-oh, for a TV reg, you're a mega-noob!"
Heather didn't understand any of that, but she felt like Sierra was insulting her.
"Uh… thanks." she said.
Confessional: Sierra
"I'm already prepping souvenirs for my post-season charity auction! Like every time Heather thinks she's using me, I make a little notch in my belt. See?" (Takes off her belt and holds it up, causing her pants to fall down)
End Confessional
Ring!
"SIERRA! GO AWAY!" Cody screamed. "Oh, it's you, Gwen!"
"Yeah… Is Sierra bothering you?" the goth asked, sitting across from the geek.
"Of course she is! She hardly ever leaves me alone! And she has no respect for my personal space!"
"Wow, that's… bad." said Gwen, a minimal amount of sympathy crossing her. "I suppose it hasn't given you a… new perspective on how… someone else might have felt?"
"Actually, it has." Cody said, matter-of-factly.
"Oh really?" said Gwen, slightly hopeful. "And who would that be?"
"Ed, Edd, n' Eddy." Cody answered.
"…What?" Gwen asked flatly.
"In Ed, Edd, n' Eddy, the Eds are always being sexually harassed by these three girls, and I never understood why they hated it so much until Sierra came along."
Gwen was utterly flabbergasted.
Confessional: Gwen
"Ed, Edd, n' Eddy?!" (Hits herself in the face with her diary five times) "D'argh! I was talking about me!"
End Confessional
"Whoa, are those the alps?" Noah asked, looking out the window.
"Achtung, mien wiener schnitzels!" Chris announced over the intercom. "In preparation for landing, please unbuckle your seatbelts and head to the cargo bay!"
The teams gathered in the cargo bay.
"Where have you been?!" Eva demanded of Trent.
"Amazons let me stay in First Class with them." Trent answered.
"What?!" cried several other members of Team Minotaur.
"We're allowed to do that?" Alejandro asked.
"As long as there's no more than eight people in First Class." said Trent.
"You didn't find your guitar, did ya?" Duncan asked.
"Nope." said Trent sadly.
"Bummer."
Suddenly, the bay doors opened, causing all twenty contestants to fall out of the plane. Screaming, they fell a hundred feet down into the snow. Leshawna had the softest landing, thanks to Alejandro.
"Thanks, Alejandro!" she sighed, sitting on his face.
"No problem!" the Spaniard grunted.
Lindsay and Tyler had landed right next to each other.
"Hi, Darrel!" Lindsay greeted.
"It's me! Tyler!" the jock cried in frustration. "Season One! You and I were together! Remember?!"
"You must have me confused with someone else." said Lindsay. "The only guy I was ever into on this show was Tyler. And he's never coming back!"
The jock was too dumbfounded to have his feelings hurt.
"Oh hi, Troy! Hi, Dalton!"
Tyler turned and looked at Trent and Duncan, who just face-palmed at her.
Confessional: Duncan
"What does that chick use for a brain, a stick of butter?"
Confessional: Trent
"I know Tyler didn't exactly have a memorable performance in Season One, and Lindsay's memory was never the best… but she should at least be able to remember who she hooked up with."
End Confessional
As the contestants picked themselves up out of the snow, Chris descended upon them in a makeshift jetpack made from a parasail and a large electric fan.
"Guten tag und willkommen in Deutschland! Known to English-speakers as Germany!" Chris greeted in a loud whisper. "We're in avalanche territory, so you might wanna keep it down!"
"WHAT?! THERE'S A SALE AT THE KHAKI BARN?! AAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" Lindsay screamed in excitement. The mountain rumbled threateningly. Duncan and Tyler quickly wrapped their hands around Lindsay's mouth, muffling her.
"Your first challenge awaits you at the bottom of the mountain. So try not to make any noise as you climb down, or it'll be a very painful and potentially fatal tumble down!"
The contestants began to walk down the mountain. For a while, there was no trouble. But after about four minutes…
TOOT!
Owen's body chose to let a loud and gassy fart.
"Dude! Hold it in!" Noah scolded quietly. "How am I supposed to become a millionaire if you fart the mountain apart?"
"Sorry!" Owen apologized.
Alejandro walked beside Leshawna.
"How are you doing, Leshawna? Your team has had some rotten luck so far." he asked.
"Yeah, I guess so."
"It's not fair to a woman of such class to be stuck with such luck. Don't hold back, Leshawna! Give it your all! You are one of the best players in the game! You would have won already if not for some bad luck! When you don't hold back, there is nothing stopping you!"
Looking into Alejandro's devilishly charming eyes, Leshawna had butterflies in her stomach. She swooned and fell into Alejandro's arms.
Confessional: Leshawna
"Sorry, Harold. Looks like I got myself a new man! Still love ya, honey!"
Confessional: Heather
"Alejandro flirting with Leshawna?! I would throw up, but he is not worth the barf! I mean, did you hear him? He's practically screaming that he's up to something in Leshawna's face!"
End Confessional
Leshawna gazed lovingly into Alejandro's eyes.
"A-a-a-" Lindsay huffed. She put her hands over her nose. "ACHOO!"
Lindsay sneezed the loudest sneeze yet. Or maybe it just felt that way because everyone was trying to keep quiet. The mountain rumbled again but thankfully, no snow came down.
"Sheesh! Someone call an exorcist!" Heather snarked.
"Oh…" Lindsay pulled her hands away from her face. Suddenly, her eyes went wide. She stared into space as though she were having an epiphany. DJ and Leshawna came over to see if she was okay.
"You okay, girl?" Leshawna asked.
"Guys… my brain is working!" she exclaimed. DJ and Leshawna chuckled.
"Sure it is, sweetheart!"
"No! Leshawna! It really is!" said Lindsay. DJ and Leshawna did a double-take.
"What did you just call me?"
"Leshawna! That's your name, right?"
"That's the first time in forever you got my name right!"
"I know!" Lindsay looked at her hands. There was snot and boogers in them, but also a magenta crayon. Her eyes went even wider.
Confessional: Lindsay
"When I was six, my sister, Paula, dared me to stick a pack of crayons up my nose. I did it, and after I was done, I sneezed them all out. At least, I thought I did. This one must have penetrated my brain, causing a blockage and handicapping my memory, logic, and reasoning."
End Confessional
"Well, you were bound to get it right eventually." Leshawna brushed it off.
"No! I'm serious! I remember everyone's name now! We have Ezekiel and Justin on our team! Team Amazon has Heather, Courtney, Gwen, Cody, Katie, Sadie, and Sierra! And Team Minotaur has Alejandro, Duncan, Eva, Izzy, Trent, Tyler- TYLER?!" Lindsay cried. The jock turned to look at her. The blonde bimbo jogged over to her former flame. "Oh my gosh! You've been here the whole time!"
Tyler looked at Lindsay in disbelief. He pointed to his chest and tilted his head. All doubt was lost when she bear-hugged him.
"You remember me?!" he cried loudly.
"I do now!" Lindsay cried.
"She remembers me!" Tyler yelled, overjoyed. The other cringed, but the jock couldn't contain his excitement. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!" he screamed, jumping for joy.
That did it. An avalanche was triggered. Everyone screamed as a huge wave of snow swept everyone painfully to the bottom of the mountain. Chris laughed.
"Awesome!" the host cried.
The contestants pulled themselves out of the snow. Before Team Minotaur could continue on their way, Eva seized Tyler by his collar.
"What is your problem?!" she hissed in his face.
"Sorry!" Tyler cried, terrified. "Lindsay! She remembers me now!"
"Oh, so you took your brain out and gave it to her?!" Eva growled. "You screw up again, I'm gonna kick your ass! Understand?!"
"Yes, ma'am!" Tyler replied timidly. Eva threw him to the ground and turned to the rest of Team Minotaur.
"That goes for the rest of you! Next person to screw up is getting an ass-kicking!" The other Minotaurs acknowledged her threat fearfully. Heather grinned wickedly.
"Huh?" cried Owen, sniffing the air. "I smell… foooooooooooooood!" Owen ran. He gasped when he came across an enormous pile of raw meat sitting next to a meat grinder the size of a pickup truck. "Food! Aha! It's… beautiful!"
Owen ran to the pile and immediately began stuffing his face. Chris appeared, wearing a brown jacket and a green hat with a red feather.
"Easy, tiger!" the host scolded. Owen paused his munching. The rest of the contestants showed up. There were two additional grinders and meat piles next to the first.
"Don't think of this as raw meat, think of it as building materials!" Chris instructed. "Over fifteen-hundred species of sausage call Germany home! Hence the theme of our most efficient challenge yet!"
"SHADDUP UND STUFF IT!" Chef roared in a German accent.
"Danke, Chef!" Chris thanked. "Each team must make a giant German sausage! You start by shoveling meat into the grinder! Push it down and grind the mixture into an oversized sausage casing! All without losing a finger or toe!"
"What about thumbs? Are they cool?" Owen asked. The girls looked horrified. The guys stared at Owen incredulously.
"I'm sorry? Sausages?!" Heather cried. "This is the most disgusting challenge yet!"
"Count yourselves lucky you're not making hot dogs!" said Chris. "No beaks, hooves, or butts in this meat pile!"
DJ threw up.
"You'll have to shovel fast!" Chris continued. "Because an incomplete sausage will be really difficult to ride down the hill!" he pointed behind him. The contestants walked to the edge of the plain and looked at the hill. It was actually quite nice. It wasn't too steep, and the sun shone nicely upon the unspoiled snow. There was even a rainbow. It was ideal for children who wanted to go sledding.
"Uh, no! Not that hill!" Chris called. He redirected the contestants to the slope opposite the first one. This other hill was much steeper and was littered with boulders and fallen trees. The sky in this section was completely blotted out by gray clouds. A bolt of lightning coincidentally struck the hill while the contestants looked down it.
"That's the spot!" Chris said, satisfied. The contestants looked quite intimidated. Eva, Duncan, Izzy, and Alejandro were the exceptions. The former two had reassuringly neutral expressions on their faces, and the latter two were grinning.
"Of course, if you have a shiny new electric meat grinder, just plug her into our portable generator, and voila! Sausage stuffed in seconds!"
Team Amazon turned towards Sadie, who had the meat grinder in her arms, and a smug expression on her face. Ever since Heather opened the big apple in the Big Apple, Sadie had held onto it like a small child who had gotten an adorable stuffed animal for Christmas, never letting it out of her sight.
"Oh come on, guys!" said Sadie. "You guys didn't think the reward wouldn't eventually come in handy, did ya?"
"I did!" said Courtney.
"Speaking of rewards, can we expect one at the end of this salmonella challenge?" Leshawna asked.
"Mmmmmmm… Salmonella!" Owen moaned.
"There will be prizes for those who make it down the hill alive!" Chris confirmed. "And there will be a punishment for the last place team! Behold! The Penalty Hosen!"
Chef held up a ridiculous-looking set of lederhosen. He then blew into a giant horn.
"Go, go, go!" Chris cried. The teams each ran to their station. Katie and Sadie went to hook up the electric grinder to the generator but had trouble figuring out where to hook it up.
"DJ, Justin, you two shovel!" Leshawna commanded. "Lindsay, you seal it up! Zeke, you stuff! I'll do the grinding! Start believing in the impossible, babies! Because the pig is about to fly!"
DJ and Justin grabbed shovels and began hurling meat to the top level, where Ezekiel shoved it into the grinder. Lindsay stood at the mouth of the grinder, making sure the casing didn't fall off. They were already off to a great start.
"Ew!" Lindsay cringed, as the meat oozed out of the grinder.
Team Minotaur experienced a bit of a delay in getting started because Izzy, for reasons that only made sense to her, had hopped into the grinder.
"Yodel-lay-hee-hoo!" Izzy yodeled. "Ah-ah-ah-ooh!"
Alejandro and Trent pulled her out, and the former started giving orders.
"Eva, we need your strength on the grinder! Tyler, you and I will shovel! Owen, seal that casing like your life depends on it!"
"Aye-aye, cap'n!" Owen saluted.
"Trent, you stuff! Duncan, Noah, you make sure Izzy doesn't get in the grinder again!" the Spaniard tossed Izzy onto Noah. Lacking the strength to catch the wild girl, the bookworm collapsed.
"And there goes my pelvis!" he grunted. Izzy hopped up and ran off.
"Get back here, psycho hose beast!" Duncan called, running after her.
"You'll never take me alive!" Izzy screamed.
"Noah, find me a rope!" the punk commanded.
Eva took the handle and began grinding swiftly. Alejandro and Tyler began throwing shovelfuls of meat up to Trent.
Meanwhile, Duncan pursued Izzy with a shovel in his hands. Izzy had tried to flee by running uphill but Duncan was faster. He tackled the crazy redhead and attempted to restrain her. Izzy bit and kicked him in an attempt to escape but the punk was able to restrain her long enough for Noah to arrive with a rope. The boys hogtied her to the shovel and trudged back to their team, carrying her like a dead wolf.
Confessional: Izzy
"Okay, I think Duncan got castrated. Seriously, I hit him the balls like seven times. No reaction! If I was a guy and I got hit in the balls, I think I'd have a reaction! I'd be like 'Dude, that's my balls.'"
End Confessional
Meanwhile, Team Amazon's sense of advantage had started to wane. It had been five minutes and neither Katie nor Sadie had figured out how to hook up the electric grinder to the generator or how to turn it on.
"Girls! What's taking so long?!" Courtney demanded.
"We don't how to operate a generator!" Katie cried.
"Here, let me help!" said Cody. He went over to the BFFFLs and helped them set up. It took about ten seconds for him.
WHIRRRRRRRRRRR!
"Alright, Cody!" Katie cheered.
"Atta boy!" Sadie complimented.
"Alright! Enough praise! Let's get packing, people!" Heather commanded. The Amazons turned towards their meat pile only to find that at least half of it had gone missing.
"What happened to all our meat?!" Courtney gasped. The Amazons ran to the other side of the manual grinder and found their answer. Sierra had been carving a life-sized sculpture of Cody using the meat.
"Never mind! Let's just start stuffing!" Gwen called. The Amazons quickly stuffed whatever meat they had left into the electric grinder.
WHIRRRRRRRRRRR!
As Chris promised, the electric grinder was exceedingly more efficient than the large manual grinders. The casing filled up to about a third of the way full in just a minute. That, however, was when they ran out of meat.
"This is a disaster! Thanks to Sierra, there's no meat left!" Courtney griped.
"We could use Meat Cody!" Heather suggested, gesturing to Sierra's sculpture.
"Works for me!" said Gwen. The goth walked over to Meat Cody and picked it up.
"HEY! GET YOUR HANDS OFF MEAT CODY!" Sierra screamed. The fangirl sized the back of Gwen's shirt and yanked her around. The flimsy sculpture fell apart in Gwen's arms and was accidentally flung down the hill. "Meat Cody! No!"
"Or not!" said Courtney. Cody was left holding a very empty sausage. Just then, Duncan and Noah returned with Izzy.
"Ha-ha! Cody's got a tiny wiener!" Noah mocked. Duncan and Izzy laughed.
"At least my team has a wiener!" Cody retorted. Not knowing what Cody meant, Team Minotaur went to check on their sausage, only for their jaws to drop. Owen's mouth was hooked onto the mouth of the grinder, resulting in him swallowing every bit of meat that came out. His gut was now twice the usual size. And Team Minotaur had no sausage.
"Oooooh… So spicy!" Owen moaned, taking his mouth away. He then belched.
"Dude!" Chris exclaimed, amused. "That was raw meat! Not good!"
Most of Team Minotaur just stared in exasperated disbelief at Owen. Alejandro was furious, and it took all of his self-control not to blow up at the big guy. Unfortunately, Eva was even more infuriated. And she did not have Alejandro's self-control. In fact, she barely had Owen's.
"YOU IDIOT!" she bellowed. With a deranged scowl, she swiped Tyler's shovel and stomped menacingly over to Owen. She raised the shovel over her head.
"Eva, no!" Noah cried, but it was no use. Eva violently swung the shovel down on Owen, who lay helplessly on his stomach.
SMACK!
"OW!" Owen howled.
"YOU NINCOMPOOP!" Eva screamed.
SMACK!
"ARGH!"
"YOU DUMBASS!"
SMACK!
"AH-HARGH!"
"YOU MORON!"
SMACK!
"ARGH, MY BUTT!"
"YOU BONEHEAD!"
SMACK!
"MOMMY!"
"YOU IMBECILE!"
SMACK!
"WAAAAAAAH!"
"YOU RETARD!"
SMACK!
"STOOOOOOOOP!"
"YOU DUNCE!"
SMACK!
"MERCY!"
"YOU DUMKOMPF!"
SMACK!
Everyone froze and watched in horror as Eva viciously unloaded her wrath and frustration onto Owen. The big guy's stomach had outgrown his arms and legs, leaving him completely helpless. The only one who didn't look terrified was Alejandro. He was smiling, as though he were witnessing something lovely, like a marriage proposal.
Confessional: Alejandro
"Eva is a gift from the gods. Now, I could have prevented her from hurting Owen to earn brownie points with my team, but to say that that beating served that illiterate lump right would be an understatement!"
Confessional: Heather
"Okay, that worked a little too well!"
Confessional: Noah
"I'll be lucky if my alliance survives today!"
Confessional: Eva
"People are always giving me crap about my 'anger management issues.' Why doesn't anyone give Owen any crap for his hunger management issues?!"
End Confessional
Finally, Eva ran out of synonyms for the word "idiot." She threw the shovel to the ground and took a deep breath. Owen was covered in enormous bruises over his back, his sides, his face, and his buttocks.
"Sweet mother of Adolf Hitler! That hu-u-u-u-urt!" the big guy wailed.
"It's an ass-kicking! It's supposed to hurt!" Eva barked.
"All that hard work!" Trent moaned, face-palming.
"What do we do now?" Tyler asked. Team Victory was finishing up their sausage.
"I have an idea!" cried Alejandro. "We can ride Owen down the hill!"
"No way!" cried Courtney. "That's cheating! Forget it!"
"Owen is stuffed with meat!" Chris pointed out. "I say he's fit for sausage duty!"
"Great! Duncan, Eva, help me move him!" said Alejandro. Owen was moved over to the edge of the hill. The rest of the team mounted him, causing Owen let out brief cries of pain. For Eva had left bruises all over his body, except for his belly.
"All aboard der viener express!" Noah called in a German accent.
"Ha-ha! Yeah! Giddy up!" Izzy cried.
Alejandro gave Owen one last shove and hopped on the human sausage. Owen slid down the hill, letting out a brief yell. Right as they did, Team Victory finished their sausage and pushed it down the hill as well.
Team Amazon's sausage was in no condition to be ridden down the mountain.
"Thanks for costing us the challenge, Sierra!" Courtney scolded. Gwen and Cody leered at Sierra, who cringed guiltily. Heather was angry too, but she needed Sierra for her alliance.
"Oh, I know!" Heather cried. "Jump on it! Do it!" She began jumping on the sausage, flattening it.
"Well, we've already lost. I guess there's no harm in making even bigger fools of ourselves!" Gwen reasoned. The Amazons proceeded to jump and stomp on the sausage until it resembled an oversized snowboard.
"Perfect!" Heather exclaimed. "Now come on! Here's where we make our descent!"
The Amazons scooted the sausage snowboard to the hill and zipped down the hill. They went off a ledge, resulting in an epic shot of them eclipsing the sun. However, their landing was not as epic. They fell off the snowboard and hit the mountain on their stomachs and rears, causing them to tumble down.
Meanwhile, Team Minotaur had taken the lead over Team Victory thanks to Alejandro. He picked up a long branch and was using it to steer his team's sausage in the quickest way down.
"Great steering, Al!" Owen cried. The Spaniard, not one to be disrespected by a sausage, steered Owen's face into a rock.
"Argh! Oh careful, Al!"
Alejandro did it again.
"Ow! I'm okay, Al! OW!"
Team Minotaur crossed the finish line at the bottom of the mountain, followed shortly by Team Victory. A while later, Team Amazon literally snowballed across the finish line, resulting in a painful collision for all twenty contestants.
"Congrats on arriving first, Team Minotaur!" Chris greeted, standing on a large wooden dancefloor. "Way to use Owen's face as a brake, Alejandro!"
"Dids we's winned?" Owen asked, dazed.
"Onto part zwei of today's challenge!" Chris announced. "Competitors must learn and perform a traditional German dance on this very platform! The mats are rigged to deliver a painful jolt every time you misstep! While dancing, you can attempt to slap your opponent off of the platform! Last team standing wins!"
"Where are the rewards you promised?" Leshawna demanded.
"Patience, fräulein!" said Chris. "Team Minotaur! As the first to arrive, you get these helmets!"
Chef Hatchet came and delivered eight black pickelhaube helmets to the Minotaurs.
"Ugh! These weigh a ton!" Noah complained, barely able to pick his helmet up.
"Yes, they do! That's the point!" said Chris. "Team Victory, here are your rewards!"
Chef handed out five fur hats to Team Victory.
"Ooh, these are all the rage in Paris!" Lindsay exclaimed.
"And in last place, Team Amazon!" Chris announced as Chef delivered seven silly-looking Swiss feathered hats to them.
"Maybe it's reverse psychology!" Sierra suggested, donning her hat first. "The losing team gets the best reward?"
"Whatever lets you sleep at night." Chris grumbled, displeased at Sierra's lack of humiliation. "Now! We were planning on having six people from each team participate, but since Team Elusive Victory only has five members, we're just gonna have four from each team instead! So, pick four members to participate, ideally your sturdiest members and best dancers! Team Amazon, your four participants will have to wear… the Penalty Hosen!"
Team Victory's decision was made the quickest.
"I'll sit out!" Lindsay volunteered. The rest of the team shrugged.
Team Minotaur's decision was fairly simple.
"Okay, I say me, Duncan, and Eva, are probably the sturdiest members of our team!" said Alejandro.
"I dunno…" said Trent. "Duncans do not sing. Do they dance?"
"Dance? That's what Duncans do best!" said the Duncan.
"Now who will be our fourth dancer?" Alejandro asked. He glanced at Noah.
"Sure, I'll help us lose!" said Noah sarcastically. "I mean, I'm so big and tough I could probably beat up Chef and Eva with one hand tied behind my back!"
"Point taken." said Alejandro, annoyed. "How about… Owen?"
"Hasn't he been through enough already?" Trent asked. Owen had only managed to sit up. His bruises stung him and he had an upset stomach.
"He's our heaviest member! This could be his chance to redeem himself!" Alejandro reasoned.
"BLEGH!" Owen threw up a lump of sausage the size of a watermelon.
"Never mind…" Alejandro conceded.
"I'll do it!" Tyler offered. His entire team ignored him.
"What about you, Elvis? You're a good dancer." Duncan asked, smirking. Before Trent could respond, Izzy piped up.
"Ooh! Ooh! I'll do it!" Izzy cried, looking ecstatic. "I'm like a master at every dance conceived from the nineties onward! The eighteen-nineties, I mean!"
"Very well." said Alejandro.
Team Amazon's discussion was heated and argumentative.
"I could wipe the floor with anyone, but there is no way I am sticking my butt in that stupid thing!" Courtney declared.
"If you're so good, then why don't you do it?!" Heather demanded. "We'll easily win!
"I have my pride!" said Courtney.
"Besides, I think our team is due for another elimination!" said Gwen, leering maliciously at Heather.
"Seconded!" said Courtney.
"If that's how you wanna play! Then fine! I'll do it!" Heather conceded. "That way, if we lose, it's not my fault!"
"We'll see about that…" Gwen whispered to Courtney, grinning evilly. Courtney returned it.
As the girls argued, Cody looked at the Penalty Hosen with great anxiety.
Confessional: Cody
"Look, I'd do anything to keep Gwen from seeing me in a German bikini!"
End Confessional
"Those hosen would look really (Gulp) …hot on you!" Cody told Sierra, almost throwing up. Sierra gasped in excitement.
"Oh! Me-me-me! Me! ME!" Sierra screamed.
"Sounds good to me!" said Heather. "Katie, Sadie, what say you? You wanna help our team win?"
Katie and Sadie were not paying attention. They were having their own argument.
"I'm telling you! We're in Denmark!" Katie argued.
"And I'm telling you that we're in Switzerland!" Sadie argued.
"What about that farm over there? The one with all the Great Danes?"
"Those aren't Great Danes! They're mastiffs!"
The rest of Team Amazon face-palmed.
"Girls!" Heather snapped. The BFFFLs stopped and turned towards the queen bee. "Girls, would you like to dance for us?"
"No way!" Courtney snapped. "Those two are almost as bad as Leshawna!"
"Yeah, but Sadie's fat ass should be hard to knock over." Gwen whispered into Courtney's ear.
"Okay, Sadie will do it!" Courtney relented. "We still need a fourth member!"
"Cody!" Sierra declared.
"What?! No!" Cody protested.
"Yeah, I vote Cody." said Gwen.
"Fine!" said Courtney.
"Works for me!" said Heather.
"Yeah, I vote Cody, too!" said Katie.
"Looks like you're outvoted!" said Sadie.
"NOOOOO!" Cody wailed, but it was futile.
The teams declared their members to Chris. He then gave Heather, Sadie, Cody, and Sierra each a set of Penalty Hosen. They marched over to a nearby bathroom to change. Once they got back, they hopped onto the dance floor with the champions from the other two teams. Duncan and Noah laughed at Cody.
"Nice long johns, Simpson!" the punk taunted.
"I'm not a simp!" Cody snapped.
Chef sounded his horn, drawing attention to him.
"A'ight! I'll be your instructor for the dance! Follow my lead and nobody gets hurt! …Yet!" Chef instructed. The contestants all stepped onto an electric dance mat. Up-tempo German began playing as Chef demonstrated the dance. "Right knee up, left arm swings! Stomp, hop, slap your sides! Kick your butt, jump and clap!"
Confessional: Sierra
"My grandparents are German! Teehee! Schnitzel! So, I'm like a tenth-generation slap-dancer! It's what kept me alive on the school playground! And probably why I don't have any friends… But who needs friends when you have a Cody?!"
End Confessional
For the next ten minutes or so, the contestants practiced the dance. Many eyes went to Leshawna. Those who had seen Total Drama Action knew that Leshawna was the worst dancer in the world. Her hips and gut swung around and sloshed like a bowlful of jelly.
Heather snickered at her.
"You dance like a drunk rhino." Eva commented.
Leshawna stopped dancing. Despite usually being tough as nails and never taking crap from anyone, her dancing skills were something she was rather sensitive about and it did hurt her feelings whenever people would mock her for it.
"Ignore those bullies." said Alejandro sweetly. "They do not know fabulous dancing when they see it! Truly, you are fabulous! You mustn't hold back any longer!
"You're right, Candy Apple!" Leshawna cried, flattered. Her confidence had come back and she resumed her ridiculous dancing. "Clear the way! This dance train is leavin' the station!"
"I'm disappointed, Heather!" Alejandro admonished. "You're above petty teasing!"
"No, I'm not!" Heather snapped. She glared at the Spaniard while Leshawna beamed at him. Noah hopped onto the dancefloor.
"What's with you and Leshawna?" the bookworm demanded quietly. "Giving the enemy a pep talk? Not cool!"
"Very perceptive, my brilliant teammate!" said Alejandro. "I'm working an angle that will benefit our team!"
Meanwhile, Heather spoke to Leshawna.
"Look." she whispered seriously. "From one girl to another, watch out for Alejandro! He is a troublemaker!"
"Takes one to know one!" Leshawna retorted dismissively. Heather struggled not to take offense.
"Yes, that's the point!" the queen bee explained through gritted teeth. "Look, you and I left on good terms last season, so trust me! He is not who he seems!"
Leshawna did not want to hear it. Alejandro was the only person to compliment her dancing, apart from Harold. And the Spaniard was far more desirable than the dweeb.
"Ha! You jealous he's paying attention to all this?" the sassy girl scoffed. The queen bee was caught off guard.
"What?! Ugh! No! I hate that guy! As if! Yeah, right! Puh-lease!" she griped. But Leshawna wasn't fooled.
Confessional: Leshawna
"Oh, sure, Heather! You totally hate him! Ha! Sorry, queenie! But I can see right through people! And you just want that hunk of perfection to yourself!"
End Confessional
ZAP!
Chris had decided that now was a perfect time to test the shock mats. The twelve competitors were electrocuted nastily. They staggered around for a couple of seconds. They moaned in pain, save for Izzy, who laughed in enjoyment.
"It's challenge time!" Chris announced. "Let's see… Cody and Duncan will face off against each other… Alejandro faces Ezekiel… Heather will fight Izzy, Sierra Justin, Eva DJ, and Leshawna will fight Sadie. Last one standing on the platform wins it for their team!"
The contestants all lined up across from their assigned opponents. The members of Team Minotaur shot unfriendly leers at their opponents, and Heather was the only one not intimidated.
The music began playing. It was a very tricky challenge. The contestants had to focus on getting the dance right in addition to trying to slap their opponent off the platform.
Heather and Izzy were the first to attempt to slap each other off. Izzy was aggressive but Heather was stubborn. After the first couple of slaps, it devolved into a catfight and the two girls were electrocuted simultaneously.
ZAP!
"Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Izzy cried. "Again! Again!"
Izzy deliberately mistept, causing another electrocution. Heather shook off the first shocks and slapped Izzy off.
"Totally worth it…" she moaned.
"Izzy, did you just volunteer just so you could get shocked?" Trent asked.
"Maybe…" she mumbled, before passing out.
"Alright, Simpy. I'll give you one free hit!" Duncan offered Cody. He closed his eyes and focused on dancing. "I'm ready!"
Cody hit Duncan in the shoulder.
"I said I'm ready!" Duncan repeated, apparently not feeling the impact.
"Huh?" Cody exclaimed, offended. He slapped Duncan's cheek.
"Alright. I gave you a chance." said Duncan. With one merciless swing, Duncan sent Cody flying.
Confessional: Cody
"Ugh! I hate that guy!"
End Confessional
"Cody!" Sierra screamed. She turned back to Justin and snarled at him. With a boost of strength from her rage, Sierra kicked Justin in the groin and slapped him clean off.
Ezekiel's terrible dancing got him electrocuted. Once the shocks stopped, Alejandro sent him twirling like a top off the platform.
Sadie gave Leshawna a decently-powered slap to the cheek. It didn't do much and it just got her angry at the BFFFL. The black girl had a minor grudge against her and Katie for accidentally causing her ridiculous elimination in Season One. So, Leshawna wound up one hell of a slap and knocked Sadie clean off the platform. She landed on her head.
"Sadie!" Katie cried.
"What's the matter?" Eva taunted DJ. "Afraid to hit a girl?"
DJ was more than afraid to hit Eva, given how she had treated Owen earlier today.
"Because if you are, then you're sexist!"
Offended, DJ gave a mighty heave. To DJ's credit, Eva fumbled, though managed to stay on the platform.
ZAP!
"Atta boy!" Eva complimented. She grabbed the gentle giant and threw him like a javelin off the platform. With his elimination, the platforms lowered back to the floor.
"Alright! Round two!" Chris announced.
"Chris! I wanna fight Duncan!" Sierra demanded. "He needs to pay for beating my Cody!"
"Easy there, fräulein!" Chris scolded. "I decide who's fighting who! And you're fighting Alejandro!"
Sierra grumbled and leered at Duncan, who returned it with a wink and a smirk.
"Leshawna will fight Eva, and Duncan will fight Heather!"
The six remaining contestants squared up and the platforms rose back into the air. The music began playing.
"Come on, Sierra! Don't burn out now!" Courtney called.
"You got this, Duncan!" Trent cried.
"Stay on the platform, Leshawna!" DJ cried.
"I'm not going anywhere!" Leshawna declared.
"That's it! Seize the day!" Alejandro cried encouragingly.
"She's not on your team!" Heather cried, annoyed. This distraction left her open for Duncan and she was knocked off the platform. She landed on her face. Everyone on the ground cheered for the punk, including her own team.
"(BLEEP) all of you!" Heather snapped, flipping everyone off.
"Take that, rhino rump!" Eva taunted, delivering a nasty smack to Leshawna's cheek.
"Ow!" Leshawna yelled. A look of rage burst onto her face. "I'm gonna seize the psycho! AKA you!"
Leshawna tackled Eva off of the platform. Taken off guard, Leshawna was able to punch Eva in the face five times before the latter launched the former off her with her foot. She hit the pole of the platform Eva was standing on, causing it to shake.
All was quiet. Even the music stopped. Eva slowly rolled onto her hands and knees. Her expression was a tranquil but menacing sneer.
PTOO!
The female bully spat out a tooth.
"…I'm sorry." Leshawna eeped.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Eva roared, leaping like a jaguar onto Leshawna, whom she began to pummel ferociously. Everyone cringed in horror. Leshawna was hammered three times in the face and nailed five times in the gut. For the grand finale, Eva lifted Leshawna over her head and slammed her onto her knee.
CRACK!
A nasty crack was heard as Leshawna's back broke. The contestants gasped as she rolled off of Eva's knee.
"Oh, mama…!" Leshawna moaned weakly.
"Yikes!" Gwen cried.
"Holy shit!" Chris cried. "Two Eva freak-outs in one episode! This is gonna be killer for ratings!"
"Chris! Eva just beat Leshawna up!" Heather cried. "You can't keep this raging psychopath around! You have to disqualify her!"
"Uh, unless my eyes aren't working properly, Leshawna was the one who started the fight! She even knocked a tooth-!"
PTOO-PTOO!
"Three teeth out of Eva's mouth! So, she technically acted in self-defense!"
Eva smirked.
Confessional: Eva
"Rule number one about getting into a fistfight: Never throw the first punch. Give your opponent a free shot and everything you do afterwards is considered self-defense."
End Confessional
Sierra slapped Alejandro in the cheek but barely managed to make him flinch. Alejandro gave her a charming smile and returned the favor. Sierra was knocked off.
"Team Minotaur wins again!" Chris cried.
"Hell yeah!" Duncan cried. Alejandro beamed. The other Minotaurs cheered, save for Owen. Chef reappeared wearing his nurse outfit and helped Leshawna into a wheelchair.
"Team Minotaur, your passes!" said Chris holding up eight red boarding passes. "Fresh-baked strudel awaits you in First Class!"
"Thank goodness…" Alejandro muttered, looking at Eva.
"Team Amazon, once again, you're in purgatory!" said Chris, handing out gray boarding passes to the girl team. "And Team Opposite-Of-Victory, you're voting someone off! Again!"
Elimination Ceremony: Team Victory
For the fourth time in a row, Team Victory gathered outside the plane at dusk and waited for Chris to bring them their passports. The atmosphere was tense among the ironically-named team. Justin, DJ, and the wheelchair-bound Leshawna all seemed rather disgruntled. Lindsay looked sad. Ezekiel had a neutral expression on his face.
"I have four boarding passes for four lucky losers! So! Let's get voting! DJ!" Chris said. One by one, the members of Team Victory took their passports into the voting booth and stuck pictures of Germany's flag onto the pictures of the people they wanted to eliminate.
"The votes are in!" Chris announced.
"DJ!"
"Lindsay!"
"Justin!"
The first three Victors grabbed their passports.
"Which leaves Leshawna and Ezekiel!" Chris announced. "Leshawna, the longer you stay here, the more catfights we're gonna have. And I'm sure Josh would love that! Ezekiel, the longer you stay here… Yeah, I got nothin'. The final plane ticket goes to…"
Leshawna crossed her fingers. Ezekiel had a neutral expression.
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"Ezekiel!" Chris announced. Leshawna gasped.
"Yup, just what I figured!" Ezekiel said, matter-of-factly.
"What?! But-! But I'm f-fabulous!" Leshawna protested. "I seized the day!"
"Yeah, by throwing the challenge!" Lindsay scolded.
"And landin' yourself in a wheelchair." DJ pointed out, albeit with less scorn.
"Aaaaaaand we're out of time!" Chris declared. "Goodbye! So long! Auf Wiedersehen!"
Chris and the rest of Team Victory climbed onto the plane. As Chef threw her luggage out, Leshawna caught sight of Alejandro.
"You!" she cried. The Spaniard mockingly blew a kiss to her and waved her goodbye, a smug grin on his face. The door to the plane shut. The plane took off, spraying Leshawna with snow.
In Economy, neither Gwen nor Heather were surprised to see Team Victory board the plane without Leshawna but that didn't stop the former from groaning in disappointment. Heather had a vindicated smirk on her face as if to say "Oh well! Too bad!"
Confessional: Heather
"Well, gosh-diddily-ding-dong-darn it! Leshawna didn't listen to me! And now she's gone! (Gasp!) Isn't it just the darndest thing?!"
Confessional: Gwen
"Damn it, Leshawna! Why did you think attacking Eva was a good idea?!" (Sighs) "I wish Bridgette was still here. Why did I leave her behind in the Yukon? Come on, Gwen! You're better than that!"
End Confessional
Meanwhile, in First Class…
Owen chomped down on a big hunk of sausage.
"Dude, tell me those aren't the same sausages you threw up?" Noah asked. The big guy sat in awkward silence.
"You're disgusting!" Eva cried, seizing the plate and dumping the sausage into the trash.
As she stomped away, Owen beckoned for Noah to come closer.
"Noah… I don't wanna be in an alliance with Eva anymore…" he confided.
Noah was afraid of this. He tried not to panic.
"Dude, I know you're upset, but Eva did give you a fair warning that she was in a bad mood today!"
"You're saying I deserved to get beat up?"
"No, there's just… Eva's an incredibly valuable asset! There's just… rules to follow if we want that asset on our side!"
"Okay… I'll think about it…"
Meanwhile, Chris closed out the episode from the cockpit.
"Can Team Victory keep calling themselves Team Victory after losing four challenges in a row?" he narrated. "How long does Eva have left? Hopefully a lot longer! Find out next time! On Total… Drama… World Tour!"
Votes
DJ: Leshawna
Ezekiel: Leshawna
Justin: Leshawna
Leshawna: Ezekiel
Lindsay: Leshawna
Results
Leshawna: 4 votes (Eliminated)
Ezekiel: 1 vote
Rankings
20. Leshawna
21. Geoff
22. Bridgette
23. Harold
24. Beth
Author's note: Yup, Team Victory loses yet again. Sorry to those who dislike the idea, but I never minded Team Victory's losing streak. It was an interesting deviation from the two-team formula and provided Alejandro a good opportunity to display his villainy. I had many issues with TDWT, but Team Victory was not one of them. Maybe that was because none of my four favorite characters were on the team. Regardless, at the risk of possible spoilers, they will be getting a break. So put down those torches and pitchforks, please.
On the other hand, we have Lindsay finally remembering who Tyler is. And this time, it's not completely random. Here, she remembers him because she's no longer an idiot. I'm not sure if that twist is brilliant or heretical, but I felt it really needed to happen. Lindsay is a character I want to like, but she just makes it so hard. Sure, she's a sweetheart, but she's also vain and, quite frankly, a huge nincompoop. I could forgive her stupidity if it was just used for harmless jokes, but it is largely used as a plot device and plot armor. So from now on, Lindsay's smart!
I gotta admit, I'm having a lot of fun writing Eva. As foreshadowed from Broadway Baby, Heather got rid of Trent's guitar causing Eva to freak out on Owen and Leshawna after they piss her off. Will this ruin the E-Scope alliance?
Other additions include Sadie bringing along the electric meat grinder, a continuation of Duncan and Cody's conflict, and Alejandro not throwing the challenge. Can anyone tell me why he did that in canon? Because that was very confusing. The episode heavily implies he did it to save Heather, but she wasn't really in danger. Sierra was still on the platform when Leshawna threw the challenge to smack her around, which meant Team Amazon wouldn't have lost either way.