"The Chameleon"

Chapter Two

Ellison got through the day on sheer willpower alone. Thankfully, the memory loop remained quiet as he worked through a stack of paperwork. Blair had hung around for a while, but slipped away to have a conversation with Simon.

Jim knew that, because he'd picked up on their discussion without meaning to. There was just something about Blair whispering that always caught his attention. But he didn't do anything to stop the conversation, mostly because the cat was out of the bag and it was too late to stop him. Blair asked Simon to watch over Jim while he went to his office at the university. Moments later, Blair appeared at Jim's desk.

"I've got some papers to grade, so I'm going to head to the campus for a few hours. Will you be okay while I'm gone?" he said, leaning over Jim's desk.

Jim didn't look up from his paperwork. "I should be since Simon will be watching me like a hawk."

Blair recoiled with his comment. "Oh, I guess you heard me talking to him."

"Yeah, I heard you." He glanced up at Blair. "But get this straight, I don't need any babysitters looking over me. I'm-"

"Fine, yeah, I know." Blair's expression turned sad as he backed away a bit. "Jim, I think you do need someone to watch over you right now, but you just can't see it for yourself. Instead, you push people away when you need their help the most. Repressed memories are nothing to fool around with, pal. They are powerful forces that can tear you up inside."

Jim glared at him for a moment before glancing back down to his paperwork again, opting to stonewall his friend and partner, instead of saying something he'd have to apologize for later.

"But that's just my opinion for what it's worth," Blair said softly as he grabbed his jacket and left.

Jim toyed with his pen for a moment, staring into the empty hallway, and regretted his hot temper once again. He would listen to Blair's suggestions when they got back to the apartment that evening, and then he would apologize for the nasty way he'd been behaving.

"How's it going?" Blair asked.

Jim jumped, startled by Blair's sudden appearance. Rubbing the back of his neck, he said, "I guess I'm not paying attention to what's going on around me, chief."

Blair pulled up a chair and scooted closer to him. "Any more of those memories appear?"

Jim sent down his pen and thought for a moment. "No, they haven't. I've been so busy all day I didn't even realize they were gone. Good, I'm ready to move past this."

Sandburg caught his arm above the bandages. "No, Jim, moving past old issues and ignoring them is just the reason why they hit you so hard this week."

Jim locked onto Blair's gaze. "But if I can't remember, isn't it better to let it stay in the past?"

"That's the problem, Jim, it won't stay in the past. Sooner or later, you are going to have to deal with it. Why not do that now, and get it over and done with?"

Ellison pulled away from Blair's hold on his arm. "Because I don't want to, okay?"

Jim's words carried an edge to them that he didn't mean to have, but it was too late. He'd already snapped at Sandburg enough for one day. He sighed and caught Blair before he stood. "Look, why don't I buy us some dinner and you can tell me all about your theories?"

Blair smiled, the hurt feelings gone in an instant. "I've been thinking about using hypnosis as a way to find those lost memories . . . "

Jim stood and grabbed his jacket, but didn't put it on. "Wait a sec, chief. No shop talk until I've had a beer or two," he said with a smirk, "then I'll listen to whatever you want to say."

Blair put up his hands and laughed. "Sorry, sometimes I run away with myself."

They entered the corridor on their way to the elevator when a disheveled old woman crossed their paths. The woman stumbled and Jim caught her before she fell. Jim felt something prick his skin, perhaps a broach or some other piece of jewelry. A moment later, his world turned upside down again.

Blair watched as Jim helped to keep the old woman from falling, ready to help if need be, but then he had to catch Jim as he slumped to the ground. "Whoa, Jim, what's wrong?" he asked in a panicked whisper.

Jim continued to slip from his grasp in a semiconscious state, mumbling words Blair couldn't understand. Turning, Blair shouted to the others in the bullpen, "Hey, I could use a little help here."

He turned back to Jim. The detective was lying on the floor, but he was seeing something in his semiconscious state, instead of the reality of what was happening around him, and he reached up, trying to grab some invisible object at Blair's shoulder, clearly lost in another world as the others rushed to help.

"Is Jim okay?" Captain Taggert asked, reaching them first.

Joel Taggert was an explosives expert, along with serving on the Major Crimes unit that Jim belonged to. He was an older man who had lost a great deal of weight over the past few years, making him look much younger than he had before.

"I don't know. He just keeled over. Better get an ambulance," Blair said as he put a finger to Jim's carotid artery. "Geez, his heart rate is racing faster than I can count!"

Blair glanced down to Jim and saw Jim was still locked in that imaginary world. Whatever he was experiencing, it wasn't pleasant gauging by the agonized expression on Jim's face and his inability to breathe.

Taggert answered him. "Already done. Just sit tight, Jim. Help is on the way."

Blair watched Jim struggle against unknown assailants and slammed a fist to the floor. "Damn, what is going on here?"

Taggert moved aside as Simon rushed out of the bullpen. "What happened, Sandburg?"

"Hell if I know, Captain."

"Well, you're the expert here. If you don't know, Jim's in real trouble," Simon said quietly as he watched the elevator doors open to reveal two paramedics, a man and a woman.

Blair and Simon stepped back to allow the EMTs to work. Neither said a word as they worked to assess Jim's condition. Blair relayed the events leading to Jim's collapse. The information didn't seem to help them much, but soon it didn't matter, they were too involved in stabilizing Ellison's vital signs to care.

Blair bit his lip in helplessness. "Simon, we've got to get to the bottom of Jim's episodes."

Simon only stared at Blair, sharing a moment of worry and concern before his attention returned to Jim. "Let's hope we get a chance to try."

Simon turned around and viewed the crowd that had gathered. "People, let's give the man some privacy. Come on, get back to work. I'll let you know how Jim is when we have more information."

Blair didn't move, mostly because of a growing fear that Jim was in deeper trouble than any of them realized. One of the paramedics began talking to Jim, slapping his face gently as he tried to get his attention. Blair didn't have the heart to tell the man that Jim was beyond any call the paramedic might try.

Jim opened his eyes to see he was back in a darkened hospital room with Blair at his side. "Oh, crap, don't tell me it happened again."

Blair's expression tightened for a moment. "Okay, I won't tell you."

Jim groaned aloud as he tried to sit up.

"Don't, Jim. The doctor said he wanted you flat on your back until they run more tests."

"How long was I out this time?"

Blair's expression wavered before he said, "Two days."

"Two...days? What the hell happened?" Jim wondered aloud as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"We don't know yet. The doctor feels it might be related to your concussion."

There was something in Sandburg's tone that caught Jim's attention. He stared at the younger man, waiting for further explanations. He didn't have to wait long. Blair stood up from his chair, but his focus remained on Jim. "You were fine one moment, and then collapsing to the floor in the next. Was it another flashback?"

Blair was waiting for an explanation now, but Jim didn't have one to give him. "I don't . . . I don't remember."

Blair rushed away from the bed and began to pace. "Man, this is getting way out of hand here! This stuff is threatening your life! We've got to get to the bottom of it and fast!"

Jim nodded in agreement as he forced himself to recall his last few moments before passing out. He had been working all day to relieve some of the backlog of paperwork on his desk and had accomplished a great deal. Blair showed up and they were going to go for dinner. An old woman ran into him . . . and then nothing.

Jim relayed the events to Blair who nodded with each comment from Jim, but he became frustrated when Jim couldn't give him any more information on how he collapsed than he already had.

"Jim, I've mentioned this to you before, but I really think it might help."

"What's that?"

"Hypnosis."

Jim groaned and closed his eyes.

"It's our best chance to unlock those buried memories that are trying to break through. Since they can't, it's starting to affect your health."

Jim shook his head and opened his eyes. "Look, I don't want you rumbling around in my head while I'm off in lala-land," he said finally.

Blair approached him. "No, Jim, it's not like that. You'll still be in control of your actions, but you'll be in a more relaxed mode to accept those buried memories, so that they won't be so intense for you."

Jim stared at Blair in disbelief. "You make it sound like I'm some lunatic who can't control-"

"No, Jim, it's not like that at all. I want to help you help yourself."

Jim took a deep breath and thought about Blair's suggestion. "Okay, chief, I guess I'm in. When do we start?"

"How about right now?"

Jim's blue eyes bulged a bit. "Right now? Don't you have to prepare for it or something like that?"

"No, I'm ready to begin."

Fine, Blair was ready, but he sure wasn't. Ah, what the hell...The worst that could happen would be. He'd pass out again. And the possibility of answers was more compelling than his fears about what might happen.

He nodded his consent to Sandburg who slapped his hands together with relish. "Okay, let's get this show on the road!"

Jim wished he shared his friend's enthusiasm. Blair pulled his chair closer to the bed. "Okay, Jim, I want your try and relax. I'm going to start with a visualization to help you move into a hypnotic state. Close your eyes and focus on my voice. Let everything else fall away and listen to my voice. Now, just imagine you are watching a gentle creek with its water flowing quietly past you. The forest around you is silent except for some birds singing. You decide to get into the creek and let your body float over the water's surface. You are being carried away by the peaceful water, feeling more relaxed than you have felt in a very long time.

"You aren't afraid because you know the creek will take you to a safe place. A place where you can feel one hundred percent at peace. A place where you will find those hidden memories, but they won't scare you this time, because you are so safe and secure where you are.

"Are you there yet, Jim? Are you at that safe place in your mind?"

Jim nodded, aware of Blair but not completely with him. Instead, he was at that safe place that Blair described.

"Okay, Jim, now that you are safe and relaxed, think back to Peru. You mentioned whatever happened to you there occurred eight years ago. Do you remember that time, Jim?"

He nodded again. "Yes, I'm in Lima with my unit."

"Where are you specifically?"

"I'm at a local restaurant with my buddies."

"Who is with you?"

"Kenny, Butch, Joey, Karl, and Jake."

"Do I know these men?"

"Yeah, they're in that picture I have on the entertainment center."

"Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember that photograph. Okay, what are you doing at the restaurant?"

"Waiting for our meal to arrive. I'm reading the newspaper while the guys are talking."

"What are they talking about?"

"Women, what else?"

Sandburg swallowed back his laughter. He blinked a few times, restoring his train of thought. "You're holding a newspaper. Can you see the headlines on the front page?"

"No, not clearly."

"Okay, what happened next?"

"Our meals arrived. I was just putting away the newspaper when-"

"Yes, Jim, what happened?"

Jim struggled. His safe place didn't feel so safe anymore. There was danger there, great danger. People were about to die and he couldn't do anything to save them.

"Grenade!" Jim shouted.

He felt a hand upon his shoulder, but didn't stop. "Run for it! Get out of here now!" he shouted.

He distantly heard Blair's voice. "What is it, Jim? What do you see?"

"Death. It's all around me."

"Can you get far enough away so that you can see without risking your life?"

"No, it's too late for that."

"Why can't you get away?"

"Because something is stopping me there, holding me in place."

"What is that?"

Jim tried to focus on the things happening around him, but that terrible sense of dread and panic descended upon him again, blocking out all he could see, trapping him in a nightmare world of death and destruction around him.

"Run, people! Get the hell out of here!" Jim shouted.

The hand on his shoulder tightened. "It's okay, Jim. You're safe. Pull back to that safe place you had in your mind. The place that the creek delivered you to. You're safe. Everyone is safe again."

"No, they aren't. They're dead! They're all dead!" Instead of calming down, Jim became more agitated.

Blair was shaking him by that point, but Jim was trapped in his past and was unable to return to the present. He was being crushed him under the weight of so many dead, so many killed because of him. The guilt was overwhelming him and he didn't try to fight it any longer.

Simon walked up to Blair as he stood in the doorway to Jim's room, watching a group of doctors and nurses work on Jim. "What the hell . . . " Simon whispered.

Blair turned to him. "We were trying-I was trying some hypnosis on Jim, trying to get to those blocked memories. And-and . . . "

"What happened, Sandburg?"

"Jim didn't want to try it, but I talked him into it. Things were going pretty good until he started shouting. That's when his heart rate doubled and he couldn't breathe. A moment later, he passed out. I called a nurse and it's been downhill ever since then."

Simon stared at the scene and glanced back to Sandburg. "He's going to be okay, isn't he?"

"I wish I knew for sure," Blair whispered, again feeling wave after wave of guilt.

After several tense minutes, the doctor-in-charge, a woman with flaming red hair, turned to Blair and Simon and sighed. "Let's step outside the room to talk."

"How is he, Doctor?" Simon asked as they came to a stop.

"Your friend's situation is precarious. At least until we discover the source for these episodes and are able to keep Jim away from a recurrence. You were there when it happened this time," the doctor looked to Blair, "Did you notice anything unusual?"

Blair licked his lips. "I was trying some hypnosis on him, trying to get to some memories that came to him with his first collapse."

"Hypnosis, huh?" The physician glanced back to Jim's room. "Maybe I should get one of our psychiatrists to stop by-"

"No way, Doc, he won't go for that at all!" Blair said emphatically.

She frowned. "Well, I'll hold off for a bit, but we've got to get to the cause of his physical impairment or he'll be in ICU fighting for his life."

Blair and Simon nodded. The doctor rubbed her forehead. "I've got a few tests to run on him. Maybe they will show something."

"Thanks, Doctor," Blair said, reaching out to shake her hand.

The physician turned and walked down the hallway, leaving Blair and Simon to their inner worries and concern for Jim's situation.

TBC in Ch 3