He'd always just been Alec, that's it. I'd never noticed the way his cheekbones accented his gorgeous blue eyes. The way his lips quirked unconsciously, warming the expression in his eyes, his whole face transforming from one simple gesture.
He, too, was seeing me for the first time. The first time I'd ever let anyone see me. Truly myself. No more walls.
Somehow, we ended up pressed up against each other, eyes never straying from the other's. Suddenly, seeing the compassion revealed in their depths, I realized how much I'd been holding back. It swept upon me again in a wave.
Everything that I had hidden behind those walls came crashing upon me. The loneliness, oh God, the loneliness. The sudden pain in my eyes forced my gaze from his. Tears sprang to my eyes, the pain hitting me like a slam against a wall.
I gasped, which sounded more like a sob to his ears, and tried to break free. He was causing me to relive all these emotions that I'd so carefully buried.
I needed to get away, hide, patch the holes, contain the storm within me once again. It was too much. Where did all this pain come from? How can one person control all this pain? Everything I'd forced myself to forget, to push to the back of my mind, to deal with some other time, when people weren't dying, when nobody needed my help anymore, then in that distant moment that would never be, then I'd allow myself to deal with…me.
I'd never given thought to the possibility of that time ever coming. But now it had. And I couldn't handle it. It was too much; I was drowning. The crushing pain sucked the breath from my lungs, crumpling my form as I tried to hunch away from the pain. The deep compression in my chest made breathing difficult at best and thinking impossible.
Yet, I still registered the strong arms gathering me up, closer to him. He wanted me to share my pain, he wanted to take it from me, to help bear the load. I had no choice, it just came pouring out.
He took it, every drop he could, he took it from me, relieving my unbearable load. I clung to his strong form, his strength was my anchor to the real world, he helped to pull me out, away from the abyss of my darkened soul.
His great arm supported my back while his other hand held my head tenderly, stroking my hair as he repeated soothing, meaningless words of comfort, trying to penetrate into my tortured world. Finally, they got through, my river had run dry.
Too exhausted to speak, he had understood and simply held me. At last I looked up, again into his soft eyes. I saw there everything I had ever needed. Warmth from the cold, light from the darkness, strength from my fear. In a new light I beheld him.
Tentatively, hesitantly, yet not awkwardly, I drew back, my hands falling to his sides. My fingers cautiously grasped his shirt, and I saw in his eyes understanding, not the repulsion I had always feared.
I slowly slid my hands upward, taking the shirt with them. Finally, over his head, the warm fabric rested in my hands. I brought it up to my face, breathing in his scent. It was as comforting as his presence. I buried my face in it, then in his chest, seeking reassurance for my action.
It was granted, his arms wrapping me in a secure embrace, no hesitation. Whatever I wanted, he offered, freely, with no doubts. It was his gift for my revelation of who I am, what I am, my baring of my soul for him. In return, he presented himself before me, gave me the same opportunity for scrutiny that I had given him.
And, I found, there was nothing there that I could judge, had I even wanted to. His sincerity glowed from him. Slowly, my hands released his shirt, letting it fall unnoticed to the floor. They traveled upward, tenderly exploring his face, learning every curve as if I'd never before seen him.
The sculpted brows, his thick hair, the most pleasant to run my fingers through. His high cheekbones, the defining feature of his face. His chiseled jaw line, the curve ending in his perfect, strong chin. And, his lips. My fingers tenderly probed their fullness.
His eyes found mine once again, and I saw there understanding as before. His head tilted down towards mine, and I found myself leaning back in return to meet him. Our lips met in a perfect, hesitant gesture. We parted, looking deeper into each other's eyes, then came together again.
The kiss deepened, becoming a thing unto itself. I had never experienced this before. At last, we parted, slightly breathless, yet understanding each other on a level deeper than even before. But my exhaustion had truly caught up with me. I released a gentle sigh, and my tired eyes yet again glanced his way.
I don't want to break the momentum of this story, so on to the next chapter! Please review if you're not too caught up in the moment.