Author Note: The next few chapters are gonna focus mostly on one turtle in each and how they're coping - or not - with their new situation. This chapter, Mikey. Then Raph. Probably Donnie after that. The story will be advancing, it's just I wanted to focus more clearly on each turtle. After I have done, it'll be the thick of the action and I'll be unable - I'll stop rambling now, enjoy!

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Mikey lay wrapped in a blanket in the room he had selected as his own. He was aware that his brothers had allowed him first choice just to keep him happy – he had been miserable since they left the Foot and he knew it, but he didn't seem to be able to snap out of it or even pretend to be interested in anything. The new lair was the first thing that had totally driven the drama of the last few weeks from his mind.

It hadn't lasted long enough. As the euphoria had worn off, the memories came back to him and the familiar lethargic depression had crept over him again. Leo and Don had gone to the junk yard to see what they could salvage and Mikey had excused himself from the journey, claiming to be tired and stating his intent to sleep. But sleep hadn't arrived. Instead he stared at the ceiling and thought back to the days before his brothers had arrived to rescue him.

The thoughts in his head were conflicting. Most of him knew that it had been him who had forced their hand, ensuring that they left the Foot without the careful thought that otherwise they might have given the subject with his doomed attempt to free Splinter. He could remember the hatred for his Sensei that had been burning in him for a long time, since the day he had received his scars. He knew that he had always felt like the turtle who could contribute the least to the Foot and fought not to give in to the feeling of worthlessness it had given him. But now...

Had he made a terrible mistake?

There was a voice inside him that he didn't even recognise as his own, the same litany repeating over and over. Master Saki wasn't his enemy, that voice told him. He had been misguided, manipulated by the rat. Master Saki had done only what he had to in order to ensure Michelangelo learned his lessons and was better able to protect himself. His Sensei had always valued him. The Foot were his family, not the brothers he barely knew, not the rat he couldn't trust.

Mikey didn't remember having these thoughts before he left the Foot and wanted to dismiss them as being paranoid fears now that the new life he had always dreamed of had finally been granted. But the voice grew if anything more insistent, making him wonder if it was only now that he could see the truth.

There was no way he could tell his brothers. They had risked everything and abandoned the lives they knew for him and even if they felt the same, they would only resent him for realising too late for them to do anything about it.

Once he heard Raph approach his room and glance in. He closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep and after a moment, Raph took off. Mikey appreciated the solicitousness of his brothers but couldn't bring himself to believe he deserved it and at that moment, he just wanted to be alone.

&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Thanks for loaning us the van April," said Don as he and Leo stacked anything they thought they could use in the back. It hadn't occurred to either of them that it might be difficult to drag what they needed back to the lair, more used to just putting in requests for things and having them delivered to the Foot headquarters. Fortunately, Don had brought April's number and she had agreed to help them.

"No problem," she said, cheerful in spite of the late hour and the darkness in the junkyard. They had been in her apartment only a few days and gone from it only a few hours, but she found herself at a loss after they had left, restless and bored. Don's call had been a surprise so soon but she had been glad they intended to keep in touch. Part of her had been afraid they would just disappear.

Leo and Don manhandled an electric oven with fire damage into the back of the van beside the many TV's and miscellaneous electronics that Don insisted he could use. Leo glanced doubtfully at the cargo. "There's no way we can take anything else."

"I think we've got enough to be going on with," said Don. "Until tomorrow."

"Tomorrow!" Leo gave an exaggerated sigh of exhaustion. "Take Raph with you then. Count me out!"

"Wuss," said Don with a grin.

"How do you intend to get these into the sewers?" asked April.

"Simple," said Don. "There's an access tunnel nearby that's big enough for a van. There's a grille covering it but we should be able to..."

"We can't take a van all the way to the lair," said Leo. "The access tunnels are way too narrow."

"But we can get the stuff closer and not have to lower them down a manhole," said Don. "We can carry the stuff the rest of the way back."

Leo groaned again. "Why do I always end up doing the donkey work?"

"You think you got it bad?" April shook her head ruefully. "I'm the one who's gonna have to clean the van after it's been down there!"

"You'll both be grateful when you see what I've got in mind for these," said Donnie absently, his mind already on the possibilities.

April got behind the wheel, not willing to let either turtle drive her beloved van. "Um – how are things going down there? How's Mikey?"

Leo looked thoughtful. "He seemed almost like his old self when he saw the lair – fell madly in love and started getting excited. But it didn't last very long. He just wants to be alone all the time."

"But if he was acting like himself, that might mean he's getting better," said April hopefully.

"He'll get back to normal," said Don, more confidently than he felt. "It'll just take some time. Things have changed so much – it'd be strange if he did act normally."

"I wish we knew more about what happened before we got to him," said Leo. "We don't know anything aside from what we saw on the computer and Mikey won't talk about it at all."

"The way Mikey can talk most of the time, it's hard to believe he can clam up like he does sometimes," said Don, thinking back to the day Saki had scarred their brothers face and the way Mikey had never mentioned it again. "But if he's determined not to talk about something, he won't and he won't be forced either. We just have to give him time."

"How much time? Anther seven years?" Leo gazed out of the window as the van rolled slowly out of the junkyard. "And don't tell Raph, but he's right about us needing to do something about the Foot. The Shredder might be gone, but they'll still be out to get us."

"Maybe they'll just forget about us?" But the inflection in Donnie's voice proved that he didn't believe that would happen.

"It'll be a matter of honour," said Leo. "You know that as well as I do. They have to retaliate."

Donnie nodded gloomily and something occurred to him that he had previously overlooked. "Hey! But Karai's probably in charge now and we all grew up together, you and her were joined at the hip. Maybe she'll forgive us."

Leo snorted. "If the roles were reversed, would you?"

"I guess not," replied Don with a shrug.

"And if I know Karai, she'll be taking it more personally because it's us," said Leo darkly. "She will find a way to force a confrontation. We just have to be sure we're ready for it."

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"Raphael."

Raph had been tossing a piece of shattered crystal from hand to hand, thinking back to the night they had escaped the Foot, the night they had been forced to flee like cowards. They had been outnumbered too heavily to do anything else but it still rankled. If it had been a fair fight, even with Mikey injured they should have been able to take down the Foot, but fighting fair had never been part of the Foot's code of honour. And the Shredder had been too skilled, too powerful for any of them to take. Their fighting skills consisted of what their former Master had taught them and he knew every move they made.

Splinter's voice jolted him out of his reverie and he glared at the rat. "What is it?"

"You are concerned about Michelangelo."

Raph shrugged. "He'll be fine, don't you worry about him. Go back to ya meditation or somethin."

"Finding inner peace is hard when there is so much turmoil in the exterior world. You keep looking to your brothers room and you are deep in thought. You always found your feelings hard to hide."

"Because ya know so much about me?" Raphael glared at Splinter. "About all of us? Ya haven't seen any of us in more than twelve years and ya think ya know us?"

Splinter raised an eyebrow. "Then help me to understand. What is it that you believe will heal Michelangelo's mental scars?"

"I don't know!" Raphael unconsciously tightened his fist around the crystal fragment. "I thought maybe getting him new chigiriki, but I don't even know where to begin. The Foot always supplied the weapons. We just fought."

"Maybe the chigiriki is not the best solution," replied Splinter thoughtfully. "The weapon is a reminder of his former life and a replacement will be merely that. I witnessed him fight with the chigiriki but the corridor was dark and it was hard to see what occurred. The weapon Saki picked for Michelangelo is intended for distance rather than close combat. I am surprised that he selected it, given Michelangelo's skills."

"Mikey was the only one who could ever get the hang of them properly," said Raphael absently. "We could use them for a couple of seconds but only Mikey could do anything much with them. He can't go without a weapon, not for much longer."

"Maybe you should consider an alternative weapon,"mused Splinter. "One without the associations of the chigiriki. This may focus Michelangelo's mind upon mastering the new weapon and stop him dwelling on the past."

"It's something to think about," said Raphael gruffly. Not that he was about to let his guard down around the rat, but maybe Mikey had been right. Maybe Splinter was on the level. Abruptly, he left Splinter behind, tossing the crystal fragment to the floor and checking the entrance to the lair, seeing if Leo and Donnie were heading back.

Splinter allowed himself a small smile when Raphael was gone. Winning back the trust of his sons was not going to be a simple task, but were further proof needed of their good hearts this was it. Raphael hadn't exactly confided in him, but he had at least listened to the rats suggestion and that was always a good start. And if he acted upon that advice, it would bring Splinter one step closer to reuniting the family.

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"Mikey! I need some help!"

Michelangelo glanced up from the pile of comic books April had found for him and frowned at Donnie. "What with?"

Donatello attempted to imitate Mikey's 'pleading' look that at one time or another had charmed all of his brothers and half the Foot into doing him a favour. "Well, I fixed up a couple of the TVs and I could do with a hand setting them up."

"What about Leo and Raph?"

Don snorted. "Raph might be great with engines, but no way am I trusting him near the TVs. And Leo's meditating. Not that he's especially good with electronics either."

"And I am?"

"Electronics, no. TV, yes. It's just setting them up."

Privately, Don knew either of his other brothers were capable of helping him but he wanted Mikey to be more involved with the setting up of their new home. It might give him something to think about other than the Foot, bring him out of his shell so to speak. It was Don's opinion that if Mikey were to help them set up home, it would increase his feeling of security and belonging and that might help his recovery.

"I'll help," said Mikey, standing up and giving his comic books a wistful look before following Don int the main area of the lair and heading to the space they had decided would be perfect for a TV monolith.

"Do you need a hand with those TVs?" asked Don as Mikey grabbed the largest of the newly repaired sets and prepared to move it.

"I'm not an invalid," snapped Mikey, lifting the set with ease and carrying it to the spot reserved for it. Inwardly berating himself, Don brought Mikey some cables over and went back to reattaching the back onto his latest TV.

A few minutes later, Don became aware of Mikey muttering to himself. "What's up Mikey? Having trouble with the cables?"

"I need more power Captain!" announced Mikey in his notoriously poor Star Trek accent. "The Turtle-cave must be set for maximum entertainment potential!"

Don grinned, happy to see this flash of his brothers previous good humour. "The Turtle-cave?"

"Well, what would you call our new digs? The shell-ter?"

"How about – the Sewer of Solitude?"

"Terrapin Station?"

"The School for Gifted Reptiles?"

"The Hall of Ninjustice!"

Leo emerged from his room and listened for a few seconds to the good-natured bickering. "How about we just call this place – home?"

"Home," said Don thoughtfully. "I like it!"

He turned to Mikey, expecting his brother to have a smart comment ready, but Mikey was staring off into space and paying no attention to either of them.

"Mikey?"

"Hmmm?" Mikey snapped back to attention. "Yeah. Home. Home sounds good." But there was a wistful tone in his voice that suggested he might not be referring to the lair.

Don frowned and returned to his work, mind working overtime. The psychology books he had been reading at April's and intended to continue as soon as he retrieved them had suggested a number of possible solutions to depression following trauma, but strangely none of them had any ideas about what to do when the patient was a five foot mutant turtle who had been kidnapped and beaten by the man who had raised them after stealing them from a mutant rat as babies. Don had tried his best with the limited time and information he had, referring to chapters about old wounds and disfigurement as well as the issues Mikey might face shortly after another attack, but it was hard. He was an engineer, not a doctor, and he wondered if he was doing the right thing.

I wish I knew what happened while Shredder had Mikey, thought Don as he attacked the TV with slightly more force than necessary for the simple task at hand. Something's really wrong with him and I don't know what to do! He couldn't possibly be missing living in the Foot skyscraper...

Could he?

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Mikey was resting on an extremely elderly couch rescued from the dump, engrossed in a programme, when Raph stealthily made his way past. He wanted to run an idea past Leo and Don and he didn't need Mikey overhearing.

The pair were sparring when Raph found them, practising and exchanging the odd joke when they got the upper hand. Raph watched them for a few minutes, noting how Don tended to lean with his shoulders and Leo needed to watch his footwork – easier to criticise when watching than doing though. Then he cleared his throat to announce his presence.

"Hey Raph," said Leo, leaping a low nagitana slice. "Here to spar?"

"Nah," replied Raph, glancing back to where Mikey was still seemingly captivated by the programme. "Actually, I kinda had an idea."

Leo nodded, sheathing his double-edged sword. "What is it?"

"Well, I kinda got the idea from Splinter, actually," said Raph. "I thought that getting Mikey new chigiriki might help him recover. But Splinter thought it might bring back bad memories. So I got to wondering if there's another weapon for him – couldn't hurt, right?"

Leo gave a thoughtful frown. "You might be on to something there. I know I wouldn't feel right without a weapon. Any ideas in mind?"

Raph shook his head. "Most of what I thought of is too hard to get hold of."

"We could always try making something," suggested Donnie.

"With our skills?" Leo grinned at the thought. "I know you can weld, but there's a world of difference between sheet metalwork and making a weapon. Not that we know what weapon."

"Sai," said Raph.

"No, Mikey never liked anything with a blade," Leo reminded him.

"How about the bo?" Donnie thought about the possibilities. "I could go over to April's and go on the net to find the specifications and it shouldn't be too hard to make... Are you OK Raph?"

Raph glared at Leo and tried to ignore the sore spot Leo had elbowed him when he opened his mouth to comment on the excuse to go to April's. "Just fine."

Leo considered Don's idea. "Can either of you see Mikey using a bo all the time?"

The other two thought about it and shook their heads. Raph scowled. "It's no good. I just can't see him with anything but the chigiriki. He could whirl that thing around like a pro..."

The same thought hit them all at the same time and they grinned at each other. There was one weapon that was the obvious choice.

"Nunchaku!"

Raph grinned. "They're not exactly rare. April can go buy us some."

"April's gonna be bankrupt, the way we're spending her money," grumbled Don.

"He's right," said Leo gloomily. "We might have to think about – making them ourselves."

"Who'd have thought being away from the Foot and their resources would be this difficult?" Don spun his nagitana thoughtfully.

"Well, time we got used to it," replied Raph with a growl. "We have to, or the Foot'll just take us apart when we confront 'em."

"And we need to keep training," added Leo. "Everything we know is the same as what the Foot know. They're aware of our strengths and weaknesses and they'll capitalise on them. We need to change our fighting styles, take them by surprise."

Don frowned. "Change our fighting styles? How?"

"I'll think of something." Leo Leo thought for a moment. "OK, Don, you and Raph go to April's before the junkyard..."

"Whoa!" said Raph, holding up a hand. "Junk yard?"

"It's your turn."

"It's your job!"

"Since when?"

"Come on Raph, it won't be that bad," said Donnie. "Anyway, I was thinking about making us all some cellphones. I'll need to get the parts from somewhere."

"Phones? Who we gonna call?"

"Ghostbusters?"

The three turned at the voice in the shadows. Mikey was standing there, a small smile on his scarred face.

"How long have you been stood there?" asked Leo.

"Couple minutes," said Mikey with a shrug. "I'll go to the junkyard instead of you Raph, if you want."

"No," said Donnie decisively. "You're going nowhere until those injuries heal."

"Fine," said Mikey, rolling his eyes.

"We'll bring ya back something nice," said Raphael cheerfully. "Maybe Don can fix us a DVD player and we can borrow something off April to watch."

"Have you seen her DVD collection? Chick flick city." But the promise seemed to cheer Mikey up a little and he followed Raph back into the main area of the lair.

"He seems to be getting better," commented Leo.

"A little anyway," agreed Don.

"Donnie – be careful tonight. Don't let Raph drag you into looking for a fight. Stay hidden. And if you see any of the Foot, come straight back here."

"Don't worry Leo!"

"I am worried though," said Leonardo. "Maybe I should go with you instead of Raph."

"Stop it Leo," said Don, resting a hand on his brothers shell. "It's just a late night trip to the junkyard. What could possibly go wrong?"