Okay…so the last two chapters are for all you Darco fans…you waited patiently. (I'm a Darco fan too…but above all I'm a Marco fan). This is chapter 9…Please keep reviewing...especially those who haven't reviewed in a while. I miss you!
Chapter 9: So Close Yet So Far Away
Marco turned over again in his bed, looking again at his clock, aware of the lack of anyone beside him. 11 am. 'I should really get up and study…but I don't really want to…This sucks.'
Knock knock. "Marco?" Ellie's voice. "Marco…it's 11 already. Don't you think you should come down to the library with us to study?"
"Whatever," Marco mumbled under his breath.
"Marco…open the door. I'm not going to let you mope around your room all day."
Click. Marco opened the door and crawled back on to his bed. Ellie sat down beside him.
"Drew left last night."
"I know….it sucks."
"Yeah…it really sucks…I mean I know we weren't in love or anything…but I don't know…I liked him. A lot. And I got used to having someone around. I could barely sleep last night, I got so used to squishing into a single bed with him. The bed was too big."
Ellie looked skeptically at the half size single dorm room bed she was sitting on, "Okay, Marco…let's not revert to melodrama…Anyways, who knows how long you'll be sleeping alone…I believe our favourite hockey star is now in Montreal."
"Stop it, Ellie…I can't even think about that. Dylan and I are friends. End of story."
"Woh…hold on….serious déjà vu…Degrassi…grade 10 locker room…you telling me it's not like that between you and Dylan…Dylan and I are friends. End of story…and you were the expert then too."
"Ellie – enough. okay?"
"You win…but you now need to get out of bed and study. Come to the library with us."
"Okay – I'm up. But I'm going to study here today…I promise, okay?...I just need some time."
Later that day…
Between long pauses of staring out his residence window at the icicle covered trees, Marco had managed to finish the third point of his essay. He was particularly enraptured with one icicle, about to fall off its branch when he was startled by a knock at his door.
"Uh yeah?...who is it?"
"Marco? Can I come in?" A familiar voice asked tentatively.
"Dylan?...is that you?" Marco got up to open the door, "what are you doing here?"
"A little bird told me you might want some company tonight."
Marco rolled his eyes, "is that a little bird named Ellie by any chance?"
"I told her I wouldn't tell."
"Yeah…well that was pretty subtle…seriously Dylan, I'm fine. I'm just having normal boyfriend withdrawal symptoms. See, I even finished the third point of my essay."
"Great. Then you're ready to come over to my place."
"No, really Dylan…you don't need to entertain me. I-"
"I'm not taking no for an answer. Besides I already cooked us dinner."
Marco noticed his heart flutter despite himself, "You cooked us dinner?...Well, I guess I can't let your cooking go to waste...but next time you might want to check with me first…" Marco got up, grabbing his jacket.
"Nah…it's chicken teriyaki…I knew you'd like it."
"Chicken teriyaki, eh?" Marco gave him a knowing look as they walked out the door.
"So then…he just turned around and said to the dicks that I had been converting him all semester, that he was a fag, that it was amazing, but that they better watch out because he was leaving and that they were next on my list," Marco and Dylan sat on Dylan's couch laughing hysterically.
"Eww," they both said at the same time.
"Beer belly is not exactly my type."
"Definitely not," Dylan agreed, "It appears you like athletic blondes."
"Well…I like certain athletic blondes," Marco flirted, "Look Dylan…thanks. I mean, thanks for all this – making me dinner, trying to make me feel better."
"Well, is it working?"
Marco smiled, "Yeah…it's working." The two former boyfriends stared at each other for a moment until Marco broke the silence, "Hey – Queer McGill is having its end of exams wine and cheese on Friday, wanna come?"
"Sure. That sounds great. I'm glad you told me."
Marco contemplated his next sentence, hesitant to acknowledge the just-friendship reality of their relationship. But Dylan had just gone to Sky with him and witnessed him kissing his boyfriend…well, former boyfriend. What the hell. "Yeah…it will be a great opportunity for you to meet people."
"Queer McGill people? Yeah…that'd be great. Kendra will be there too, right?"
"Yeah. But I mean…a good opportunity for you to meet McGill gay guys," Marco sighed. Dylan frowned.
"Marco,…what if I didn't come here to meet McGill gay guys?" Dylan stared at him.
Marco couldn't handle the tension right on the heels of his circumstance-forced breakup. "Oh…okay…you like the single life. I get it….Like what's his name on your hockey team?" Marco's heart was racing and he looked down quickly, trying to get away from the blue eyes and the topic of conversation.
"No Marco…I don't like the single life…you know that," Dylan gently placed his hand under Marco's chin, forcing his eyes back to his own. "Marco, I thought that maybe….can I just-"
Marco felt Dylan leaning in, space between their faces decreasing, body responding, butterflies, Dylan's soft face, stubble, lips brushing his, "No," Marco stood up, pushing Dylan back, "Not now, Dylan…I'm not ready..."
A look of guilt and regret spread across Dylan's face, "I'm sorry…I made a mistake…I'm sorry, really…I don't know what came over me. Don't think this was just an attempt to seduce you…it wasn't. I know you just broke up with Drew…I don't know…old habits die hard."
Marco paced Dylan's living room, "I know, Dylan…I know. And look, I'm not worried about it, okay?" Dylan didn't look convinced, "Really….Look, this was great…I love hanging out with you. I actually got out of my room, had an awesome dinner and laughed my head off…but I can't do this…that…whatever….not this way. Not yet. Okay?"
"Yeah…you're right. As usual…Come get me before the wine and cheese on Friday, okay?"
"Deal." Marco hugged Dylan, quickly kissing him on the cheek before leaving, "And thanks…for everything."
"Can you believe we finally only have one exam left?" Marco enthused to Ellie and Lisa who sat studying sociology with him Thursday evening.
"I can't wait until tomorrow this time…finally," Ellie agreed.
"That doesn't have anything to do with the arrival of one Craig Manning, now does it?" Marco teased.
"Shut up…no. It's strictly an end of exams thing."
Marco laughed as his phone rang. "Be back in a sec," as he bolted to catch the phone in his room.
"Hello?...Drew! Hey…so great to hear from you…how's it going?" Marco quietly shut the door to his room, lying down on his bed, "No, it's okay. I'm done studying anyways…I've been wanting to talk to you…so I'm all yours."
Marco lay down on his bed, phone in his hand, happy to hear about Drew's return home, brief introduction to Tennessee gay life – yes, it actually exists, Katie's support, his decision to tell his other close friends about being gay, and about his first boyfriend.
"And what about you, Marco?...how's your week been?...I imagine you've seen Dylan," Drew asked, hoping Marco would soon be able to see what he had seen between them.
"What's that supposed to mean?...Yeah, I've seen him…but why are you asking? It seems like everyone is wondering about us but I don't know why…I did just break up with someone, ya know? Someone I really care about who just happens to be too far away to be with," Marco reminded him.
Drew laughed, "Yeah, I think I remember that….But Marco…you really don't know why everyone is asking? Why I'm asking?"
"Enlighten me."
"Because Marco, much as I know how much we care about each other…and loved being together…there was always someone in a picture on your dresser, someone you broke up with who just happened to be too far away to be with. He's not so far away anymore… And, well… he's inlove with you."
"Drew? Hello…what are you talking about?…is this the same not-talk-about-feelings Drew that I dated all semester?" Marco was stunned to hear Drew say what he was saying so matter of factly.
"Yeah, Marco" Drew laughed, "it's that obvious."
Friday afternoon...
"Time's up." The moderator boomed over the loudspeaker in the McGill gym. Marco put down his pen with a sigh of relief, smiling up at Ellie and Lisa sitting a few rows back. Holiday freedom. The three students left to grab an afternoon drink at the campus pub.
"To the holidays." Ellie raised her pint of beer.
"To Mistletoe!" Lisa enthused.
"Mistletoe, eh?" Marco kept playing his conversation with Drew over and over in his head.
"Yeah, isn't there that Queer McGill wine and cheese tonight that you're going to?...who knows what the mistletoe has in store for you…" Ellie mused, "who are you going with?"
Marco looked up at her in desperation, "Well…I'm not going with anyone…but I am going with Dylan."
Ellie just nodded, "Nuff said."
After his third glass of red wine, punctuated by bites of brie and grapes, Marco was thoroughly enjoying his end of semester wine and cheese. He looked around at all the friends he had made, all the people, even upper years, who knew him, knew he was on the exec, liked him. "Lovely job on the wine and cheese," Steve toasted him as they surveyed the room.
"Yeah…it's a great turnout…nice people, full room," Marco smiled.
"Yeah, now I just have to find me a hot new boy in the room for next semester," Steve laughed, "And you, my darling first year, are a role model…You've had more action in your first semester than I've had all year…converting the straight boy living right on your floor…and now, hot hot hot ex-boyfriend back in town to win your heart…"
"Come on, Steve…it was just one guy, Drew…and what is up with everyone telling me about me and Dylan and our future?…we're just friends," Marco looked up at Dylan, sipping a beer and talking to Luisa, "but I must agree," Marco smiled sheepishly, "He is hot hot hot."
Marco was spinning, bopping to the music, as he made the rounds around the room. He moved gracefully into the conversation with Luisa and Dylan, wrapping his arm around Dylan's waist.
"Hey Marco…we were just reminiscing about our first year at the youth group," Luisa smiled, loving the chemistry between her friends, "I totally remember the day Dylan's news of the week was that he had kissed the new guy at school."
"Don't remind me," Marco blushed, "I still get embarrassed thinking about that," Marco buried his head in Dylan's shoulder.
"Aww come on…it was cute...the new gay kid got himself a boyfriend. Everyone was happy for you, Marco," Dylan smiled.
"Umm…everyone wasn't just happy for Marco, Dylan," Luisa feigned frustration, "everyone was happy that the two guys who obviously had eyes only for each other finally hooked up…you were just meant to be," Luisa stared directly at both of them. Marco looked down. Dylan looked amused.
"Don't you sometimes get the feeling that everyone's trying to set us up?" Marco flirted with Dylan, pulling his body in to dance with him in a corner of the room.
Dylan let himself be pulled in, wrapping his arms around Marco, "Yeah…I get that feeling," Dylan looked around the room and then back at the shorter Italian man in his arms, "and I don't think us standing here like this is going to do anything to change that."
"Oh well," Marco flirted, uncharacteristically non-chalantly, as he leaned in and began kissing Dylan's neck.
"Woh, Marco…Feels good… but what are you doing?" Marco just smiled up at him suggestively. Dylan looked questioningly at him, "Are you drunk?"
"Well, I wouldn't drive a car right now," Marco kept sweetly smiling up at him, puppy dog eyes open, making a request, as he leaned back down to continue kissing his neck.
"Ahh Marco…are you sure you want to do this…I'm not going to be able to resist you," Dylan pleaded with the at least somewhat tipsy man in front of him.
"Good."
"Let's get out of here."
When they entered Dylan's apartment, Marco pushed Dylan down on the couch, climbing on top of him. Hot, frenzied energy, as jackets flew off, lips biting lips, tongues in teeth, bodies moving together on top of each other. Marco quickly reached for Dylan's shirt, pulling it up.
"Wait-" Dylan stopped him.
"What?...I thought this is what you wanted."
Dylan reluctantly sat up. "I do…but you're drunk, Marco…and it's too much, too quickly."
"What?...," Marco looked hurt, "It's not like we haven't done it before," Marco answered defensively, feeling rejected.
"I don't think that really matters, Marco," Dylan shook his head, "I didn't transfer to McGill so I could have a drunk quickie with you when we're drunk or lonely enough to lose our inhibitions…Marco, if we're going to make this happen, and trust me, there is at least one of us who wants it to happen, it's not going to happen like this."
Marco looked down, knowing Dylan was right, "Yeah, you're right….sorry."
Dylan smiled sweetly, "don't be sorry, sexy…let's just go to bed, okay?"
After drinking enough water to alleviate a hangover, the two men cuddled into the centre of Dylan's queen size bed, almost touching, but not quite.