Broken…
Let's just say that I am a HUGE fan of Mer/Der but that does not mean that I don't like Addison…or that I don't love Mark! Mark is hot, Mark is beautiful and he deserves a little bit of my creativity and to have thoughts run through my mind of how I want hi to be happy and mend Addison's broken heart.
So without further ado…here's a short based right after Derek saw him in a towel.
"Well this is awkward." Mark said as he tugged on his towel a bit. He looked at Derek and for a split second was frozen in time but then he felt the first strings of a smirk come to his face. Yes. At one point Derek had been his best friend and at one point the guilt of what he had done with Addison was too much to bare but now…after everything…he knew that their marriage was over and that whatever happened in the past either had to remain there or new dynamics had to come into play. His job at this point was to make Addison happy and if Derek did not see that fitting then they would have to discuss it at another time.
Mark knew that there was nothing left of Derek and Addison so why not fight? From what Addison had told him Derek seemed intent on fighting for Meredith. Why not try to at least fix Addison? Why not give her his love and why not confront his best friend and tell him that he was in love with her and that he could make her happy and not him? He loved Addison and he needed her to know that. Derek had stopped loving Addison a long time ago – even before he left New York. Derek was too obsessed with his job and it wasn't that he didn't know how to prioritize – no. It was that he had stopped loving Addison, they had stopped loving each other but they couldn't admit it to anyone, not even themselves. It was his goal on this trip to make Addison see that the love was gone on both ends and that he was there, like he had promised, waiting in the wings for an opportunity to make her happy and to bring the much needed joy into her life.
He came back to reality as he heard Derek exclaim: "Well I feel better." He then saw Derek take a drink of Addison's champagne, nod his head and head out the door without even a glance back. Mark had given him a gift, even Addison…probably without even realizing it. Mark and Addison had given him the tools to move on, to go and find Meredith and to fight for her without any guilt. That might not have been what Addison wanted but it sure was what he wanted. He wanted the opportunity to show Addison, to prove to her, that he was the one that loved her and if she'd let him he would spend the rest of his life proving it to her.
"You okay?" he asked as he approached the bed and sat where Derek had been. He looked at her face and pain shot right through him. She looked so damn beautiful. Even when she was in pain, with the hurt so evident on her face because her marriage was over she still looked damn beautiful to him. "Addison?" he said her name. "Honey, tell me."
Finally she turned to look at him as tears rolled down her face. "I just did it again. I just slept with you again and he found out and now it's over. Really over and I just don't know what to do with that reality. Mark, why did I do it to him again? Why did I call you, because I was drunk, lonely, desperate? Why!" she demanded. What was wrong with her?
"I don't know why you called me Addie. I don't know." He said, gently. He looked into her eyes and smiled; a half smile. "But I'm glad you did." He said, as he gently caressed her cheek. "I don't want you to go through this alone. Addie you need me. You need me here and I'm here. You wanted me here and I got on the first plane and came to you. Doesn't that count for anything?" he questioned.
Addison looked at him intently. Mark was so beautiful – dangerously beautiful! He had captivated her with his smile and with his beautiful face and with his to-die-for body. She had lusted after him once things started going south with Derek but never did she anticipate that she would be having a torrid love affair with him and much less that Derek would catch them in the act. She knew it was wrong and that it had to stop but she never had the strength to stop him because not only did he fulfill her physical needs but he also started to fill the emotional gap that Derek refused to fulfill.
"I know that I can count on you." Addison said as her hand reached up to cover his on her face. "I just don't know what you want from me and more importantly what I can give you." She said, finally voicing out her fears. "I do love Derek, Mark." She confessed. "I don't know if I will ever stop."
"I know you do." Mark said, trying to not let her words affect him or his feelings for her. "But he doesn't love you anymore. I don't think he has for a while. When I came a couple of months ago I knew he was in love with Meredith and I told you that. I didn't tell you because I wanted you to hate him or because I wanted you to come home with me – well I did want you to come home." He said, as he smiled at her and inched closer. "I told you because you deserved to know that you were fighting a losing battle Addie."
"It's not like me to give up." Addison pointed out. "After all it had been my fault that he left in the first place."
"It was our fault." Mark said. "Do not try to take on all the responsibility. You might have forsaken your vows but what about my accountability in this? I should have known better than to try to comfort you when I knew that not all my feelings for you were friendship. I knew that our affair was bound to happen and yet I didn't stop myself from being that so-called friend you went to."
"It was eleven years of marriage Mark. Eleven years that I loved Derek, that I took care of him, he took care of me and eleven years of history and love and communication. I couldn't just let that go down the drain. I had to fight for my husband and for our marriage but it was all useless wasn't it?" she questioned.
Mark looked at her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders as she put her head on his. "Maybe…point is you tried." He said, soothingly. "It might not have turned out like you wanted it to but the fact remains that you tried to fix things and now you can move on as well. You can finally let go of all the guilt and you can finally heal."
Addison sighed heavily and finally smiled, her first smile since Derek had left the room. "You know what?" she questioned. "You're right. I might have made a huge mistake…well we might have made a huge mistake but the point is that I tried to rectify and it didn't work out. I am genuinely sorry for what I did to Derek but maybe he never actually forgave me and that's why he couldn't love me again." Addison said, as her eyes filled with tears.
"I think it had more to do with Meredith and his feelings for her." Mark answered. "If there is one thing that I know about Derek is that he loves completely. He might have neglected you but it was never intentional. I don't think that Derek has it in him to love two people simultaneously. And what we did to him broke him. He came to Seattle met Meredith and for some reason she made him forget all the heartache we caused. She made him love again and he couldn't shut that feeling off." Mark rationalized.
"He loves her." Addison said, sadly. "He never forgot her. Not while we tried to fix things, not while I thought things were good. Can you believe that I actually went as far as to befriend her? I wanted us all to get along." She said, as she laughed bitterly. "But if I'm honest with myself. I wanted her close. I wanted to try to monitor their moves because I knew…I knew that he still had feelings for her. If I let myself see it – I would have seen the looks that he gave her. The feelings of jealousy when the vet came into our lives, the sheer possessiveness of the punch he gave you when you came the first time. He didn't do it for me." Addison said. "He did it because every single time that he felt her distance herself from him it was daggers to his heart."
"Yes. He punched me because I was talking to Meredith and that's when I knew." Mark stated. "Knew that it was just a matter of time and either you or he would break and I would be standing as I am now – in front of you, comforting you but also telling you that I love you. I have always loved you and that I want to heal you. Let's try again Addie…no Derek, no Meredith just you and me. We can give this a real chance now. We don't have to hide, we don't have to lie. We can just be." Mark said, as he lightly brushed her lips with his. "Please. Let me help you."
Addison looked at Mark. How could she say not to that? How could she say no to the one man who had stood by her no matter how bad things got? He had been her rock in New York. He had been her confidant and he had been her lover. The man that brought her back to life when Derek had shut off from her. The one that apparently still loved her in spite of all her shortcomings. "I don't want to hurt you Mark. I don't because you are the one person that has never let me down."
"I love you." He said simply. "I love you no matter what. You have to let me at least try to prove to you that you are worthy of having someone that will love you unconditionally; that will put your best interest before anyone else's. Addie it's time that you let yourself be loved and that you stop punishing yourself for sleeping with me. It's time that you forgave yourself." He said, as he heard her gasp for breath and then break down in front of him. That's what he was after. He wanted her to accept and recognize that the reason she came back to Derek was to punish herself for what she did to him. She blamed herself for the outcome and she wanted to rectify. What she needed to understand was that there was nothing she could do to rectify. What was done; was done. Derek moved on and now so should she.
"I don't know if I have it in me to love anymore Mark. You are important to me – so important but I don't think I can say I love you back." At least not yet, she thought to herself.
"I know that." Mark said, as he hugged her to him. "I don't delude myself in believing that you love me but you know what? I know this much: I know that you called me in you time of need. I know that you see me as more than a friend and a confidant. I know that you attraction to me goes beyond the physical and I know that your feelings for me run much stronger than your willing to admit to yourself."
Addison looked at him and smiled. "Maybe." She said as she hugged him to her once more. "I just don't want to hurt you." She exclaimed. "I don't know how long I will be in this rut." She confessed.
"I'll take my chances Addie. I want to be with you. I want to be the one to yank those fears away from you and to make you smile again."
"Okay." She said, as she kissed him. "Okay."