Chapter 12: All you need is love… papparapapà
It was a dark, stormy night. Ok, there wasn't a single drop of rain. And it wasn't even dark, as it was not night... the scene is set in the closet of the Dark Hideout.
The Clone was done with the potion, finally. It was candy like red and it smelled like candy too.
"Hey, is it done?" asked Kakashi, who was sitting on a pile of cat food.
"OOOOeeee"
"Which is?" Asked Kakashi. Pointless, as Sasuke was not with him.
The Clone repeated his pointless blabbing for half an hour, trying to make Kakashi understand, then the famous cloud of smoke came out from his head BIFFing. Then he seized a chocolate muffin and wrote on the wall his thoughts:
"The potion has been completed. Now we have to bring it to those poor people and make them absorb 2 liters for every kilo of their weight. Then they'll have to sing the spell, spin on their heels and clap their hands to a rock and roll rhytm."
Kakashi was looking at the words with an absent minded look. The Clone BIFFed and added:
"You can read, can't you?"
The copyninja nodded, then keeping silent picked the cauldron and with the Clone headed for the exit.
Once they arrived to the cave, they found the usual scene (translation, why are you so mean? A wonderful game of word...wasted...). There were Itachi Mind and Itachi Body (yeah! much more extravagant, complicated names!) pasted to the roof and Naruto who lied on the floor holding Sasuke in his mouth.
Kakashi put down the cauldron without wasting a single drop and he put a scale next to it.
"Nice scale. Where did you take it?" asked Itachi Body "Lately I couldn't keep up to date with my weight..."
"The scale? I don't know where I got it, it just appeared in my hand..." --''
Then they measured the wrecked boys. Sasuke-toothbrush weighed 20 grams, and so he would have to swallow...wait...if 2 liters for each kilo...a kilo is 1000 grams, so I divide 2 liters in 1000 parts, I keep only 20 of them...he would have swallowed TOT potion.
Luckily there was the Clone, who did know math.
"How much do the Uchihas weight?" asked Kakashi.
"Sasuke 50 kg, Itachi 68."
"You bitch! You got me fatter! And now how do I make the belly fat disappear?" whined Sasuke-toothbrush.
Then Clone gave the right doses to everyone, and taught them the magical spell they had to sing:
♪OO EE O! AaAaA! OO EE O! AaAaA! OO EE O, o… OO E EE! ♪
"Which is?"
"It says: all you need is love! Papparapapà! All you need is love! Papparapapà! All you need is love, love… love is all you need!"
"Fuck, I hate the Beatles..." muttered Itachi Mind.
Then a terrible chorus was audible in the cave, wild mumbles and frightening sounds filled the environment, so frightening that Orochimaru hid under his bed. Then the boys spinned on their heels and clapped their hands to the rhytm of Jailhouse rock.
Then the silence. The happy company looked at each other for 30 minutes. Then Itachi Body yelled: "Why the heck nothing is friggin happening?"
In that very instant they heard a SWIRL and everyone who was involved in the experiment fell on the floor. The first to get up was Sasuke, who thoughtfully made everyone know he was ok.
"Crap, I gained three kilos and they're all on my belly!"
Naruto reassured him saying that he didn't mind at all: after so many time kissing and hugging a skinny toothbrush he was happy with some meat.
Then Itachi woke up, this time in his real body. He spoke too:
"MWAAHAHAHAHAH! AND NOW LET'S GO BACK TO MY KILLING ORGIES...JUST LIKE OLD TIMES...sigh...how nostalgic!" that said, he went out of the cave and no one saw him ever again.
The one who kept silent was the toothbrush. How could he say anything? He was a toothbrush!
Kakashi was very moved by the sad toothbrush, and so he decided to help him: he destroyed it! He snapped it in half and during the funeral the toothbrush became a pink snake, thanked them politely and went to Orochimaru.
"What? That's the end? That's very disappointing!" complained Naruto.
"Aw, Naruto, there is still the EPILOGUE to go!" answered Kakashi in a frightening voice.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"