The sun was setting over the horizon over the grounds. The last of the matches were wrapping up, and Chef Kawasaki had just finished cooking up dinner for everyone, whether they were a fighter, Assist Trophy, or a Pokémon at the Day Care.

The assistants were heading back to the lounge after a long day of being summoned for battles and other, more low-key chores. Currently, they were tucking into a heaping serving of double-layer beef lasagna, making idle chit-chat and swapping stories of adventures in their homeworlds.

"And then, that creep goes and kidnaps our grandpa!" said Callie, an Inkling girl with long black tentacles and one-half of a famous pop duo. She was talking to Baito, who was listening with wide eyes as he soaked in all the details. "So then me, Marie and Agent 3 had to bust our siphons to rescue him and the Great Zapfish! And then…"

Eventually, dinner ended, and the table was cleared. The Assist Trophies went their separate ways to relax. One assistant, Spring Man, was heading back to his room to unwind—quite literally, in his case! It had been a long, match-filled day, and he in particular had been summoned quite often. Kirby vs. Shulk, Marth vs. Zelda… Punching, dodging, rushing… As much as loved the matches, at this point he just wanted to relax and chow down on some quality pizza.

As he turned to go, the voice of Dr. Wright called his attention. "Hold on, Spring Man! Just a moment…"

Spring Man walked up to the green-haired man, confusion visible through his mask. "Huh? Whatcha need, Doc Wright?"

Dr. Wright paid no attention to his new nickname. "You're on inventory duty tonight," he said, not looking up from his clipboard.

Spring Man felt as though his legs would give out. "Aw, come on, Doc, inventory?! At this hour?!"

"Oh, don't worry," dismissed the advisor with a wave of his baton. "It's just a matter going down to our expansive inventory, counting the eighty-plus items we have in rotation for this tournament, and verifying their quantities and condition. Nothing too difficult!" There was an almost annoying cadence to top off that sentence.

The spring-armed man remained unconvinced. "I dunno, Doc, it's late and I'm tired and I—"

"But just in case," interrupted Dr. Wright, "I've placed two other assistants on inventory to help you. Isaac! Phosphora!" he called out. On cue, the lightning-wielding warrior and the Venus Adept came out from the crowd, the former looking much less enthusiastic than the latter.

"I'm not too thrilled about this either, Bouncer. Let's just get this over with," grouched Phosphora as she blew past him. Isaac could only offer an apologetic shrug.

But Spring Man, ever the optimist, simply shrugged it off. "No problemo! We'll be in and out in no time! Come on, team!"

"Yes, yes, make sure you hurry along," called Dr. Wright as the three set off. He turned back to his clipboard, then suddenly remembered something urgent. "Ah, wait! Do be careful not to—"

The trio had already left. No one was there.

"...Get lost…"

"So, how many items do ya think are in there?" asked Spring Man as he walked, hands clasped behind his head.

Isaac shrugged. "Last time I was here, there were, like… a bunch. Do they still have those little Franklin Badges?"

Phosphora nodded. "Ever since you left, they added a buncha new items into circulation. Back Shields, Killer Eyes, Ore Clubs, Fairy Bottles… oh, yeah, and they seemed really excited about adding those Special Flag things."

"I'm sorry, what?" asked the perplexed Adept. "What even are half of those?

Well, we're about to find out!" said Spring Man, for the group had reached the door to the inventory. He pulled out the key that Dr. Wright had given him and unlocked the door. It creaked as he pushed it open. The room was dark, nothing visible but a bit of plaster that had come loose long ago. The spring-armed man fumbled around for the light switch and turned it on.

Now that the lights were on, it became clear that the storeroom was much, much bigger than it appeared. An endless sea of crates, labeled with the names of different items, stretched out as far as all three assistants could see. The walls were pale and unpainted, making the room seem big and cramped at the same time. It was totally silent, save for the buzzing of the lights above.

Isaac, Phosphora, and Spring Man stood there in the entrance, gaping at the sight. Clearly, it was going to be a very long night.

"So what're these? Bumpers?"

The trio had come across another crate, this one filled with the round, colorful objects as found in pinball machines. Indeed, one of them had been placed on the crate, just below the label.

"How many do ya think are in here?" asked Spring Man.

Phosphora crouched down to look. "It says here that these crates have a max capacity of thirty. So there's… twelve crates in total. Adds up to three hundred bumpers in total. You gettin' that?"

Isaac, holding a clipboard, was dutifully scribbling down the information. "Didn't Dr. Wright also say that we need to check the items' condition?"

"Leave it to me!" Spring Man reached into one of the crates to pull out a bumper. He placed it on the ground, setting it in place with a click. He backed up a couple feet, then rushed at it with all his speed. Predictably, it bounced him away with a clanking sound. Not quite as predictably, Spring Man was sent careening into another set of crates, sending them all down onto his head.

Isaac winced. "Spring Man, are you okay?"

But Spring Man stood and dusted himself off as though nothing had happened. "Naw, it's okay! I've taken worse hits. But…" He looked around at his feet. Dozens of soccer balls had fallen out of the crates when they broke. "Uhh… how many are these?"

After cleaning up and counting the soccer balls, the trio continued on their way, taking stock of the Bombchus (mercifully deactivated), drills (Phosphora noted that the word "arm" had been crossed off the label), and boomerangs (no matter how Spring Man threw it, it wouldn't come back to him).

As they were busy inspecting a crate of Beetles, a glint of metal caught Isaac's eye. Carefully shoving aside a crate, he reached forward to get a hold of it.

"So, like, how do these even—" Phosphora noticed Isaac fiddling around the crate. "Isaac, what are you doing?"

"Oh. My. Gosh. Guys, check this out!" In the boy's hands, he proudly held what looked like a large rocket launcher, but with no obvious way to activate it. Its body was old and cracked, worn by the passing of time.

"...What is it?" asked Spring Man.

"It's a Cracker Launcher! From the Brawl tournament!" Seeing the confusion on their faces, Isaac continued, "It's like this launcher thing that shot out huge fireworks, like bwoosh-bweeoo… Aww, man, what's this even doing here?"

"I think they retired that thing right after Brawl," said Phosphora.

"Aww, what?" said the Venus Adept. "This was one of the best ones! Here, lemme show you."

He tried to fire it as a demonstration, but there was only a dull clicking sound as a few sparks fell out of the barrel. Only the blue lights around the barrel glowed faintly. "Doesn't work anymore," Isaac mumbled. He sighed, gazing into the distance. "Man, those were the days…"

"Really?" asked Spring Man with genuine interest.

"Oh, yeah!" nodded Isaac. "Back in those days, us Assist Trophies, we couldn't get hurt in battles, so we were free to attack as much as we wanted! Of course, we only really had one or two attacks…"

"Oh, yeah?" asked Spring Man. At this point even the previously apathetic Phosphora was listening.

"Yeah!" said Isaac, smiling widely. "Actually, that reminds me of this one time…"

And so, Isaac regaled the two with stories of battles past, tales of triumph and defeat, and anecdotes of antics in their downtime. As the trio reached the Home-Run Bats. Isaac had just wrapped up a story involving Samurai Goroh on kitchen duty.

"And we couldn't get rid of the smell, no matter how much we scrubbed!" finished Isaac as Spring Man laughed. "Jill couldn't even look at a mangosteen for weeks after!" He paused for a bit. "I wonder how she's doing…"

"O-oh yeah, Jill." said Phosphora. "She's one of the ones that didn't make it to the next tournament, right?"

Isaac nodded. "I don't think she even got invited to this one. I know Resetti resigned, something about his health." He brought a hand to his chin in thought. "Ummm… that reminds me. I've been meaning to ask you guys something…"

"Uh-huh."

"It's kind of a dumb question, though…"

"It can't be that dumb," said the spring-armed man cheerfully. "Just ask!"

"...Okay. Here goes." Isaac took a deep breath. "How do people in your world stay on the ground?"

"...Come again?" asked Phosphora.

"The people. How do they not fall off?"

There was a long silence. "What," said Spring Man and Phosphora in unison.

"Look, your worlds are round, apparently," said Isaac. "So, like, how do the people on the bottom of the planet not fall off?"

Spring Man and Phosphora stared at the boy. Neither of them knew how to respond. Then Phosphora erupted into raucous laughter. "Y-y-you're serious?!" she gasped.

"Y-yeah, like, Weyard is flat…"

Phosphora continued to laugh. "Ahahahaha! Oh, gods, he's a flat-earther!" It was the first time she'd felt entertained all night. "It's gravity, ya dingus!"

"I mean, I knew that," said Isaac defensively, "but I wasn't sure if it… if it worked on the other side…" He looked to Spring Man for defense, but to his dismay, the spring-armed man was laughing as well. "Spring Man?! Come on!"

"I'm sorry, man," said Spring Man, wiping a tear from his eye, "but that's the funniest thing I've heard all week! How does it work on the other side…" he chuckled.

"All right, all right, I get it," said Isaac. At this point, even he was trying not to laugh. "Let's… let's just get this over with."

So the trio continued their inventory duties, taking stock of everything from Gooey Bombs to Hocotate Bombs, from Healing Fields to Healing Sprouts, from Super Mushrooms to Super Scopes to Superspicy Curry, and everything in between.

"Ugh, finally," said Phosphora, checking off the Rage Blasters on her clipboard. "Are we done? I think we're done." A small wave of relief and celebration swept over the trio, with high-fives and fist bumps going around.

"Alright, it's been a long night," began Spring Man, "and lemme tell ya, it is a furnace in here. So let's make like a banana and split!" He stretched out his arm and pointed at the exit to punctuate his declaration.

"...Uh, Spring Man, where are you pointing?" asked Isaac.

"What? Oh, I'm pointing right there, at the—at the exit…"

But to Spring Man's surprise, and subsequent panic, he was not pointing at the exit. He was simply pointing down a long hallway that seemed to go on forever. His springy arm dropped to the floor. "Oh… oh, no."

"What? What is it?!" asked Phosphora, although she already knew the answer. Spring Man turned to them, his face grave.

"We're totally lost."

Bouncer's Log, Day 16.

How we've survived for this long, I do not know. Perhaps fate has smiled on us. But now our food supply is low. I haven't smelled pizza in months. Does anyone even know we're down here? I can only hope that—

"Spring Man, what are you doing?"

Spring Man looked at Isaac. "Oh, I was just doing one of those apocalyptic logs. You know, to suit the atmosphere!"

"But we've only been down here for… wait, how long have we been down here?!"

"Speaking of atmosphere," cut in Phosphora, "this place is so stuffy! Don't they have a fan down here?"

"You can say that again," replied Isaac, tugging at his scarf. "Man, I wish Ivan was here…"

"Aw, don't worry, guys! We just gotta, um…" He stared at the multitude of crates that lay before him. How big was this place, anyways? "We just gotta… go this way." He started walking to his left.

And so, the three assistants walked, meandering between the walls of crates, trying to find the exit. The pale walls with their chipped paint felt like they were pressing in on the trio, and the buzzing sound of the lights above drilled itself into their heads. And all the while, the musty air hung around in a stale miasma.

The trio was not in the highest of spirits, to say the least.

Suddenly, Phosphora abruptly stopped. She turned to peer at a crate on her right. "What… what does this say, Isaac?"

Isaac looked at the crate. "Uhhh… POW Blocks. Why do you ask?"

"Okay, something's not right here," said Phosphora, panic edging into her voice. "I'm like ninety percent sure we've passed that box three times already. I'm telling you, something's wrong here!"

"Calm down, Phosphora," said Isaac, keeping his own voice as steady as he could. "I'm pretty sure the POW Blocks were next to the Pitfall seeds over here." He tapped the crate he was leaning against.

"Uh, Isaac?" said Spring Man. "Those are Ray Guns."

"Hmmm?" Sure enough, the crate was labeled "Ray Guns" in big red stencil letters. "Huh," said the Venus Adept with a shrug. "Look at that. Ray Guns. Yeah, never mind, we're screwed."

"Okay, guys, don't panic," said Spring Man as Phosphora threw her hands up. "Look, I know things look bad, but we can still find a way out of this! We can—"

"boing?"

All eyes turned to the source of the sudden inquiry. A small creature with a big nose, whiskers, and a single hair with a red bow had waddled onto the scene without warning. It stared up at the trio with beady, inquisitive eyes. "hi ho," it spoke in an odd voice.

Spring Man was the first to react. "What the heck," he said.

"...A Mr. Saturn?" said Isaac, scratching his head. "What's it doing here?"

"i live down here," squeaked the little creature. "big maze to explore."

"You… live down here?" asked Phosphora.

Mr. Saturn nodded. "ran away from purple dragon, ding. came here to put down roots."

"Wait, wait, wait," said Isaac. "You ran away to come here? ...How long ago was this, exactly?"

Mr. Saturn thought for a bit. "today is what day?" it asked.

"It's Tuesday."

"hmmm…" Mr. Saturn drew circles on the ground with a tiny foot. "i came here looooong time ago!" it declared.

Isaac opened his mouth as if to say something but closed it again. Phosphora and Spring Man, meanwhile, were still staring at the creature with bewildered expressions on their faces. "Do you… know a way outta here?" asked Phosphora.

Mr. Saturn nodded, much more vigorously. "this place big, big. but i know everywhere here. follow saturn!" It waddled away, towards the crate of Beastballs.

Spring Man stared at the little creature. "Are you sure we should be following that… thing?"

Phosphora shrugged. "Anything to get us out of this hellhole. Plus, that Jeff guy told me that his species are supposed to be super smart." She glanced at Mr. Saturn, who was lying on its back, staring at the ceiling. "I hope he wasn't pranking me."

It was certainly an odd sight, three assistants, each powerful in their own right, being led by a waddling head. Mr. Saturn led the trio through the labyrinth of crates, turning left and right at seemingly random intervals. They walked past Green Shells, Spiny Shells, and even the retired Red Shells. They marched between crates filled with Smoke Balls, Poké Balls, and Party Balls. The smell of gunpowder coming from the boxes of explosive items wafted through the stale air.

Suddenly, Mr. Saturn stopped, nearly making Isaac trip over it. "we here, ding," it squeaked. Sure enough, there was the door, as plain and wooden as they'd left it some time ago. Spring Man could've sworn it was glowing.

"Oh my gods, we're finally out," gasped Phosphora as she staggered out of the storeroom, Isaac and Spring Man stumbling out behind her. At long last, fresh air and sweet freedom!

Isaac turned around to face Mr. Saturn, "Oh, man, you're a lifesaver, Mr. Saturn! I… I'd shake your hand, but, uh…"

Mr. Saturn took the boy's hand in its foot to shake. "it okay. you aaaaall fixed now. zoom!" It waved goodbye as the assistants left the storeroom. "come back anytime, ding!" it called out after them.

"Man, am I glad that we're finally outta there," said Spring Man, hands clasped behind his head. Isaac and Phosphora nodded in agreement. The three of them walked past the rooms of still-sleeping Smashers.

"You know, I'm… I'm feelin' a real connection with the three of us right now. Like that whole thing we just went through, I felt a real… a real spiritual connection, ya know?"

Isaac and Phosphora glanced at each other, then back to Spring Man. "I mean… kindaaaaa?" said Phosphora tentatively.

"I guess?" shrugged Isaac. Neither of them quite knew how to respond. There was a long silence.

"...So, do you wanna hang out?" asked Spring Man.

Both of them nodded. "Oh, yeah, totally."

"Ah! There you are! I got worried when you didn't show up!"

There was Dr. Wright, running towards them, looking as though he hadn't slept in quite a while. "Oh my stars, don't tell me you got lost in there…!"

"Ehhhh, we got a little lost," said Phosphora, "but we got out okay."

"R-really?" Dr. Wright blinked. "Oh. Well, in that case…" He took the clipboard from Spring Man. "Hmm. Yes. Good job, you three. I may keep you in mind for next time."

"Oh, no, no, Doc," said Spring Man, "you don't have to…"

"Come now, Spring Man," chuckled Dr. Wright, "Don't be so modest—"

"No, seriously, you don't have to."

"At any rate," continued the green-haired man, "you three had better rest up. We've got a full day ahead of us, so…"

Isaac yawned. "Man, you're right. I cannot wait to get a good night's sleep so I—"

Dr. Wright looked up, a puzzled look on his face. "Night?" he asked. "What do you mean? It's almost seven in the morning."

All three assistants turned to stare at the doctor, mouths agape in identical expressions of shock. "I'm sorry, what?" asked Spring Man. "Y-y-you said seven?!"

"Yes." Sure enough, the digital clock on the wall read 6:48, and the sun was peeking its rays through the window.

"Wh—huh—but I—how?!" The three of them were at a loss. Surely, they couldn't have been stuck in the storeroom for that long?!

"Yes, yes, it's an unfortunate enchantment on the storeroom. Blame the organizers for not bothering to fix it," said Wright. He gazed sympathetically at the assistants that stood before him, looking fatigued and worn out as they were. "I… I suppose you can take the day off. But just this once, mind you."

Spring Man looked at Dr. Wright as though he'd just told them Christmas was coming early. "R-really? You mean it?!"

"Yes, I'm positive," replied Dr. Wright. "I'm sure I can get some of the other assistants to fill in for you. Now hurry along, get some rest, you three."

There was a general chorus of "thank you"s and relieved sighs as the assistants went their separate ways to catch up on the precious, precious sleep they'd missed. Dr. Wright watched them go, then turned back to his clipboard with a nod.

"Note: ask Crazy Hand to remove that maze enchantment on item storage. April Fool's was months ago."

Author's Notes: oh my gosh banjo's in smash now.

I know it's been a month but wow.